Monday, December 28, 2009

The Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas, Day Ten

On the tenth day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me...

(Way More Than) Ten Highlights

Nine Clips You Tubing
Eight Men A Milking
Seven Balls A-Bouncin' (ngs)
Six Rules Worth Knowing
Five Golden Rings
Four-gone Conclusions
Three Saluki Tallies
Two Recurring Features
And a Doofus Dancing (hee, hee)

For a great many of our fellow Americans, 2009 was a series of groin punches punctuated by the occasional wedgie. I think we’re in general agreement that the sooner we can flush this thoroughly dismal annum down the commode of time, the better. In spite of this general societal gloom, however, Team Gheorghe: The Blog managed to churn out some of the internet’s highest quantity (a record number of posts for this august group) filler, muppet films, and dipshittery. In our own small way, we more than did our part in helping a depressed people smile, if only in pity at our stunted maturity.

Of note, these were some of the stories Gheorghe: The Blog brought you in 2009.

We’ve been on a Wrenpage since 2007, cajoling, pleading, and whining in a futile (or so we thought) effort to convince William & Mary to adopt the Fighting Wren as its mascot. A great many words were spilled this year on behalf of our quixotic quest, and just weeks ago we found out that the Wren had survived to the final round of W&M’s mascot search. This is among the proudest moments of our 6+ years.

Remember, hate makes people stupid.

TR dropped science way back in February, revealing the Top 10 Barrys of all-time.

The first annual Cauc Hop caught the attention of the masses, then lost it. Unlike most of our efforts, this one actually concluded.

Whitney recounted our staff trip to JazzFest 2009. The glow has still not really worn off. Nor have the brain cells regenerated.

In April, a group of W&M students set the world record for largest performance of Thriller. Whitest, least coordinated, most grimace-inducing, as well. Whitney was there to report on it.

Shlara had a banner year, penning a handful of guest posts and brokering one of the most unexpected and ridiculously sublime events in GTB history. She didn’t have such great insight into the NCAA Basketball title game, however.

Dave grew a much better mustache than any of the rest of us.

TR wasn’t the most prolific posters, but when inspiration struck him in 2009, it usually struck him hard. His rant against the creeping threat of the apostrophe was one of the year’s most memorable efforts.

Consecutive posts in August highlighted the breadth of the G:TB oeuvre in letter-perfect fashion. In the first, we interviewed LeBron James and his high school friends. And in the second, Teejay went to the Indiana State Fair, ate over 11 pounds of fried food and lived to tell about it.

John Hughes died, and in his honor, Whitney cast each member of the editorial staff in a Hughes film.

Speaking of Whitney, he really, really hates Mike Love. Just don’t ask him to explain why in a concise fashion.

Dave expanded our horizons, expanded our parameters, expanded the rhymes of sucker MC amateurs. He also gave us what was unquestionably the internet's most bizarrely literary post of the year.

Tribe 26, UVA 14.

Whitney did nothing to dispel his reputation for annoying intellectual elitism.

New staff member (and half of the fabled Z-man and the Teej morning radio show) Zoltan wrote the most words on the Bills in the history of the franchise. Twice.

Mark proved once again that he knows more about college basketball, college football, and the NBA than the rest of the staff combined. (Also, pitbulls and white trash narcotics). He loves these sports, perhaps too much.

Z-man also turned in a phenomenal takedown of Andre Agassi in the wake of the release of the latter’s autobiography.

Dennis came out of the closet.

Rob interrupted our regularly scheduled dipshittery for what might have been the year’s only serious post. It doesn’t happen often.

Whitney found our yearbook photos.

Teejay had to get on an airplane to find us gifts.

Two words: Flying Squirrels!

74 comments:

TR said...

That is some bad-ass hyperlinking.

rob said...

tribe's up to #35 in the espn/usa today poll with 13 points. team g:tb sending reporters to their game at maryland on wednesday.

Whitney said...

More tasty links than you'll find at Shoney's Breakfast Bar. Nicely recapped, Rob.

And I am one of those ready to shut the door on 2009. 4 more days...

Mark said...

If you haven't heard the theme song for the Shreveport-Bossier, Louisiana area...well, you're pretty fucking lucky.

TJ said...

Yeah...2010 has got to be better than what I've delivered in '09...

TJ said...

Where are the shots of the 25 guys in the locker room telling Favre to fuck off?

rob said...

matt forte just made the best 4-yard run i've seen this season.

TJ said...

The Vikings might want to show some sack this half...

TJ said...

Hey mr berrian, god gave you hands for a reason...

TJ said...

Why are Canadians paying airfare? Just sneak across the border hosers.

TJ said...

Gruden is hopeful Johnny Knox(ville) is OK...of course, who doesn't love "midget crashes into port-a-john" as a bit"?

TJ said...

Jay Cutler is more predictable than a Lifetime movie.

TJ said...

Meredith Baxter just told the teej to fuck off.

TJ said...

Well then...happy I didn't go to bed yet...

TJ said...

I say the simple Michael Irvin slant to Sidney Rice. Let's see if the co-star of Evening Shade can get this right.

TJ said...

OK, that. Was. Awesome.

TJ said...

Anti-climatic...make the kick douche....

TJ said...

Unreal.

TJ said...

That, folks, is a fumble.

TJ said...

Allrightyteh.

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mayhugh said...

Januskie just broke a Ripkenian streak for straight posts.

And what on earth is up with The Rock? Now he's playing the tooth fairy? Can we please get back to more Walking Talls and Hard Ways?

TJ said...

Vegas...here I come...

And who was that drunk a-hole commenting all by himself last night?

Whitney said...

If you read TJ's last 5 or 6 comments from last night like he was commentating his own lovemaking session with the wife, they're a lot funnier.

zoltan said...

Today on Z-Man and the Teej: how to be enthusiastic but ineffective at lovemaking, featuring special guests Mike Ditka and the guy who throws the football through the tire swing in the Levitra ads.

TJ said...

Cleveland's airport is a dump.

rob said...

ucla/temple in the eaglebank bowl in 3 hours. who's fired up? how pumped is ucla to get to play in sub-freezing temps and high winds?

Dan said...

that's gotta be a tough ticket. and it's in rfk to boot? i'll say the over/under on attendance will be 20,000, kind of like a jags game.

Whitney said...

Tej, can't we start the Mad Libs there?

NOUN


Cleveland's _______ is a dump.


And whatever you put would pretty much be accurate.

Dan said...

blue horseshoe likes the bruins giving 4 & a hook.

zoltan said...

What if the noun is "necktie" and "Cleveland" refers to Reggie Cleveland? It makes no sense then, does it?

Mark said...

Sports Guy kidanpped Zoltan and is commenting under his name. Somebody get to Boston...quick.

Cleveland's fucking terrible. In every possible way. And I've only been in the summer.

rob said...

oddly, cleveland's dump is quite nice, as those things go. not reggie cleveland's.

zoltan said...

We can substitute Grover Cleveland for Reggie Cleveland.

Shlara said...

Can I tell you how much I
I hate the DMV? I haven't been here in 10 years and am only here now b/c the state of VA is making me retake my photo as I start a new decade of life. I waited 30 mins for a parking space and I've been waiting for 45 mins inside and there are still 40 people ahead of me. This place is maddening. I didn't bring enough to read and I didn't bring any food...worst day of Xmas break, by far.

rob said...

but happy birthday!

zoltan said...

You should go to the DMV on Four Mile Run Drive, it's the most efficient DMV I've ever seen. If you really want to go insane, try changing your license and plates at an "RMV" in MA.

So I assume that you need to get a new picture because you're 21 now and you don't want the sideways-facing photo?

Shlara said...

Z--I am at the DMV on Four Mile Run. Apparently it is the "perfect storm" with the end of the month and the end of the year. That's what I get for having an early January bday. And yes, I'm turning 21.

mayhugh said...

I have to say I do enjoy the Full Cleveland, made popular by Mr. Furley:

http://nachodonut.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/the-full-cleveland.jpg

TR said...

U should always find out when your DMV opens and get there 15 minutes prior.

Lotsa rookie mistakes by a 21 year-old.

Whitney said...

The District of Columbia, whose civil service operations usually make the Redskins seem like a well-oiled machine, actually has a smooth-running DMV. I was stunned when I went there and was in and out in less than 15 minutes.

zoltan said...

Today on Z-Man and the Teej: rivetting tales about our favorite DMV's, featuring special guests Aunt Selma and Aunt Patty.

Mark said...

The DMV in Florida is a very special place. Full of all types of window-licking, jort wearing special people. I find it's a good idea to go by once every 6 months or so. If only to boost your self esteem a bit.

Dan said...

mark - my dmv experiences here in beautiful ponte vedra have been nothing less than stellar. not only quick & efficient, but the people behind the desk are NICE. they're like....real people. it's like....wicked awesome.

TJ said...

Landing in Vegas is always fantastic...and maybe I'll stop by a Nevada DMV and let you folks know what it's like.

TJ said...

First upset of the week - not a single degenerate passed out on the floor of McCarron.

TJ said...

Um, the Teej and Mrs Teej just got picked up in a limo. Quite a start...

Mark said...

Dan...as I'm sure you know, Ponte Vedra isn't "real Florida". It features few natives, too many golf courses and waaaay too high a median income. Plus, any place that has "beach" in it's name in Florida is approximately 500% classier than any of the inland parts. Ask Greg about the differences between the kids he went to junior high with and the rest of the kids who attended his high school...despite only being separated by an intracoastal waterway, the two sets of people might as well have been from different eras, much less areas. I'm sure you've encountered many people from East Jacksonville who you are stunned to learn live but a mere 30 minutes from you. I doubt I'm telling you anything new here, but there are about 5-6 different Floridas. Beach Florida, South Florida, Country Florida, Panhandle (aka Lower Alabama) and some others I cna't currently recall.

All of this helps explain one of my many rules for Florida. Never, ever buy a home anything more than 5 miles inland.

Marlin said...

I think that should be Mrs. The Teej, not just Mrs. Teej.

TJ said...

Duly noted, Marls.

So, which show would make you drink bleach first, Carrot Top at the Luxor or...wait for it...Andrew Dicw Clay at the Riviera?

mayhugh said...

Is Wayne Brady still there?

zoltan said...

I would go see Dice just to say I saw Dice. I can't think of a reason to see Carrot Top.

mayhugh said...

Miami was 9-3 this year? Why does it feel like they lost 5 games to me?

zoltan said...

Did you play Miami 5 times?

Shlara said...

TJ--Your buddy Kevin Durant says hi. And cute Same Presti, the Sonics GM, is in the building tonight.

mayhugh said...

I thought Whitney was the sentence structure police.

mayhugh said...

Sam Shields - not slow

Marlin said...

Tomorrow night you have a choice betwwen Wayne Newton, Frank Calliendo, and Barry Manilow.

Somewhere, Swint is loading up the family truckster and driving to Vegas.

Shlara said...

Kevin Durant is really good.

TR said...

TJ now referring to himself in the third person as "The Teej" is a tremendous turn of events here in Gheorgheland.

TJ said...

It's disturbing how much I enjoy playing slots.

And Mrs. the Teej has an unhealthy love of video poker.

In a fun twist, the Teej is satying at THEhotel at Mandalay Bay.

Marlin said...

Knicks and Islanders win. Big night at the TR homestead.

rob said...

jacory harris looks like an extra from 'beetlejuice'.

TJ said...

I've been here 5 hours now and have yet to see a celebrity. Very dissappointing.

TR said...

Maryland favored by a mere 11 pts at home tonight. Huge tension in the TR household b/w the wife, a Terp alumnus, and this guy.

Are there on-line options to watch the game for free?

TR said...

Looks like there's a chance the Vikes may host the Packers on wild-card weekend. I predict epic vengeance by Green Bay in that scenario. The Vikes are a sinking ship that won't win a playoff game.

How psyched is Minnesota ownership that they top-ticked Childress' value by extending his contract mid-season?

Dan said...

i'm still kind of a newby to FL mark, but am learning these things you share in your post. my first trip west, to gainesville no less last year, was educational to say the least.

TR said...

Vegas advice for The Teej: do you and the Mrs. The Teej a yuuge favor and make your way to a Purple Reign show. They are an awesome Prince cover band that is entertaining in an intentional and unintentional way. My wife (gf at the time) and I stumbled into it one night and saw the show open with a guy proposing to his wife on stage. The band then got going and were awesome. Here's their schedule. The casino where they're playing is reason enough to go:

See Purple Reign every Fri, Sat and Sun inside the Night Owl Showroom at Hooters Casino Hotel. Show starts at 11pm.

mayhugh said...

As if TR didn't give you reason enough, I believe there is also 3 dollar blackjack at hooters, if you're in a non-high-roller sort of mood.

rob said...

the teej rolls high or he doesn't roll at all, mayhugh

Dan said...

teej - another "must" stop for ya, The Spearmint Rhino - it's a petting zoo on the north side of town. It can get expensive though - bring lots of cash. the ideal time to visit is between midnight and 6 a.m. lastly, i recommend you reserve a private, roped off section, otherwise the animals will be all over you and the mrs.

TR said...

Dan's advice is good, but it may be a little off-base for a guy traveling in Vegas with his wife.

The difference between the "Vegas with a lady-friend" trip and the "Vegas for a BP" trip can't be overstated enough.

Dan said...

i concur - didn't want to assume that the mrs teej would defintely be against such an adventure

Marlin said...

But The Teej don't roll on Shabbos.

By the way, are we getting The Z-Man alone or "The Best of Z-Man and The Teej" while The Teej is on vacation?