Friday, March 31, 2006

She's a lady...whoa, whoa, whoa...she's a lady...

Well she's all you'd ever want, she's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner...
Well she always knows her place, she's got style, she's got grace, she's a winner...

That's right folks, Greg's favorite crooning Welshman has "collected a knighthood" from Queen Elizabeth II for his services to music (and the leisure suit industry) meaning he will now be known as Sir Tom Jones, joining music legends Elton John, Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney in picking up the completely unnecessary but ego-inflating title of "Sir".

The Knight speaks: "It was lovely to see the Queen again. I love seeing the Queen and I have always been a royalist. She is lovely and she still is lovely. She has got a great smile and her whole face lights up when she smiles." If I didn't know any better I'd think Sir Tom was smitten with the old bird.

What's next Pussycat? Same old same old...the 65-year-old Jones will continue to sweat profusely through late 70's fabrics and belt out hits while women of all ages throw their panties at him.
Kudos to the author(s) of this page, be it Slater, GB or the gang at Wizznutz. It easily beat back the competition to win the GTB Link of the Week. Best...Wikipedia page...Ever. "Dagger!"
Are we supposed to be impressed by South Carolina Coach Dave Odom and his back-t0-back NIT titles (3 in 6 years...he won the title at Wake in 2000) or do we pummel him for having underachieving teams that somehow gel after they get left out of the Big Dance year after year?
Sad news coming out of Baltimore today. Media whore and all-around class act Anna Benson apparently wants a divorce from her mediocre pitcher/husband Kris. Benson, leader of her local MENSA chapter, claims the seven year marriage is "irretrievably broken." Anyone wanna place bets on what Oriole she beds first?
With the Final Four fast approaching, and his subsequent return to The Springfield Retirement Castle, we must move quickly to bash Billy Packer. Today we present Reason #7,285 to hate that SOB:

"I have no reason to apologize any more than the committee should say, 'We're really sorry, we really screwed up on our No. 1 picks. None of them made it to the Final Four,''' Packer said. "My opinion is based on whatever knowledge I have acquired over the years. I have a right to my opinion, and if it doesn't agree with people, that just has to be what it is.''

What a dick.
If anyone is looking for me the next few days, I'll be in Reno chasing down tranny prostitutes with Deputy Garcia and riding shotgun with Lieutenant Dangle. Should be tons 'o fun.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Congratulations, Gheorghe Mason

Gheorghe: The Blog would like to salute a group of Gheorghes in green and gold who have capitvated a nation of hoops fans with their exciting, high-profile display of pure Gheorgheness. In weathering Jim Nantz's sound and Billy Packer's fury, surviving GMU & Jim Larranaga's integrity-soaked suspension of Tony Skinn in the opening round, and marching through basketball powerhouses like they were light beers on a July afternoon, Gheorghe Mason has enabled countless serious sports enthusiasts to revel in glee like five-year-olds at recess. Coach Larranaga seems to be leading his squad by drawing from this site's mission statement on a daily basis. How the experts here missed the obvious correlation between "George Mason" and its Romanian counterpart, "Gheorghe Muresan," is beyond me. But it doesn't really matter. This is the fun stuff.

During Dick Vitale's spazzy frolic amid spot-on superlative and silly hyperbole (and why not -- he foolishly continues to pick favorites in every round, so he surely must be the most stunned), he proclaimed that Lamar Butler -- and his four starting teammates -- will be a household name now. Not sure if that's true, but it sparked a trivia question in me.

Are there any other Final Four players in NCAA history (or even any college hoopsters) besides Lamar Butler whose first and last names are schools that made it to the Sweet 16 at least once?

Friday, March 24, 2006

Jayson Stark es muy divertido

When it comes to baseball, I like Jayson Stark. He's a good interview. He knows his stuff. He writes pretty good columns for ESPN, especially given his .com peers on that same site (are they still letting Joe Morgan use his Crayons and scribble pad?). However, Jayson might've wanted to take this one back...

In an column about Cuba's loss to Japan in the World Baseball Championship game Monday, Stark wrote that Cuban manager Higinio Velez "spent the first inning managing like his raft was on fire, and it didn't work out too caliente.'' Hmmm, that might be a problem - where were his editors on this one? Stark has since apologized, and in defense of Jayson, Velez did use three pitchers in the first inning, but that's more Tony LaRussa than "Cuban refugee on a raft".

Thursday, March 23, 2006

You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?

Maybe it's just me, but the state of Florida always seems to have stupid shit happening...

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. -- The state Corrections Department put a former minor league baseball player on the payroll in a no-show job so that he could help prison guards win a softball tournament, investigators say.

The ringer, Mark Guerra, 34, agreed to repay $1,400 and complete 50 hours of community service, state Attorney General Charlie Crist said Wednesday.

Guerra was charged with accepting paychecks for work never done at a prison library. Investigators said he accepted the money to play on the winning team in a tournament held last May by Corrections Secretary Jim Crosby.

Crosby was fired by Gov. Jeb Bush last month.

"It is disturbing that a state agency would place so much importance on a team sport that it would stoop to committing crimes," Crist said.

Apparently, Corrections Secretary Jim Crosby "hired" Guerra to "work" in the prison library after Brooks Hatlen was paroled. Guess it didn't really work out for either guy.

I did a little digging on Mr. Guerra. He was drafted by the Mets in the 40th Round in 1994, making him the 1,100th pick overall (1 spot ahead of David not that David Robinson). He played in the minor league for 10 years and NEVER HAD A HIT. The guy was a pitcher, 59-67 W-L record with a career ERA of 3.69. If you were going to bring in a softball ringer, don't you think a hitter might've been a better option? This seems to be piss poor recruitment by Commissioner Crosby if you ask me.

Well, Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while.
Mike Scoscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile.
We're talking softball,
From Maine to San Diego.
We're talking softball,
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw,
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law,
We're talking Ho-mer,Ozzie, and the Straw!

What is your favorite colour?


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Alfonso Ribeiro Is Cooler

A few thoughts on the Soriano story, a matter worthy of a separate post.

1. In a perfect world, Bowden could fall back on the "he's a professional being paid $10M, he should act like it," but just ask Steve Spurrier how that stance worked out for him. Everyone saw this trade pretty much working out exactly like it has so far.

2. That Brad Wilkerson went in the deal is doubly damning. A clubhouse guy, team player, and versatile fielder goes away and a selfish, me-first, guy who can't field at any position comes in. This team ran completely on heart and the fans' exuberance last year -- without Frank Robinson, the inaugural year vibe, and a lot of no-name overachievers playing as a TEAM, this club wins fewer than 70 games. Well, at least they still have Frank. For now.

3. Tim Kurkjian was hilarious talking about this. He basically called out both Bowden and Soriano. A few that stuck with me: "we knew it was a stuuupid trade"; "a terrrrible second baseman, by the way"; "incredulous at the chilidsh behavior". He went on to other topics, calling the Reds' rotation "indescriiiibably bad" and the current Red Sox' outfield defense as "interesting".

4. It will please me greatly if Soriano refuses to play again today and goes on the DQ list (where he won't get that overpriced salary), but that would require his ignorance to supersede his selfishness. They're neck-and-neck, but greed usually prevails.

5. What do you think Soriano is most afraid of in his contract year: playing left-field where his lack of fielding skills will be on display; playing in RFK, where his inflated stats from The ballpark will shrink, perhaps substantially; hitting in a lineup that has little to no protection for a free-swinging, low OBP guy that was extremely well-fortified in Texas; playing on a team that needs a leader with character when his recent actions have indicated a complete void of the stuff? He doesn't just want out of LF, he wants out of DC. But though stride after stride has been made since the days of Curt Flood and Marvin Miller, there is still a minor stipulation that indicates that a player must play for the team that owns his contract. Tough times for players, indeed.

6. Jose Vidro should say, "You know what, Nats? I'll be the bigger man and step aside and let Soriano play 2B. Just trade me to the Mets for Jorge Julio and I will defuse this situation that way."

7. Somewhere, Billy Packer sighs in relief at not being the Dick of the Week any more.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Happy St. Patrick's Day

"You've done grand, laddie! Now ya know what ya have ta do! Burn the house down! Burn 'em all!"

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Don't cha wish your bracketologists were hot like us?

It's the big day kids, and in case you need any last minute bracket advice, I managed to pull the GTB contributors away from their everyday grind long enough to provide you the loyal reader with some "expert" picks (and since I'm lazy and running out of time today, these are the actual emails I was sent)...

4: Duke, UConn, Kansas, BC

  • I'd love to pick Carolina just to get rob fired up on a rant, but their path is too tough. If they can get by George Mason, UConn will get them.
  • I actually think UConn over Duke will happen, but it's much more fun to say Kansas over BC, 75-69
  • WVU to the round of 16, maybe 8
  • Aztecs over Hoosiers - Mike Davis's lame duck status provided a few wins after they relaxed a little. Now it will turn to a poisonous malaise in that locker room
  • Best part about the 2006 tourney - working from home (Editor's Note: What an ass)
My sheet of integrity via has the following: Texas, Pittsburgh, Connecticut, Boston College, with Texas beating UConn, 86-81, in the final.

  • I'll have you note that I generally go a bit unorthodox in that bracket, because with so many entries, the only real chance to win is to make a reach and hope it pays off. In other words, I really don't think Pittsburgh is a great bet to get to Indy, even though they are certainly capable, and that's a weak-ass bracket.
  • From the upset perspective, I think Marquette will bounce both UCLA and Gonzaga, and I think Georgetown gets to the Elite 8. And if you sense a Big East bias, well, you're not as dumb as you look.
Duke Gonzaga UConn Villanova

  • Duke over Villanova in Championship
  • Can't miss upset(s): 1st round - Utah State over Washington
  • Later Round - West Virginia over Texas and Witchita State over Tennessee in Round 2
I'll have my picks up by noon I promise, but in the meantime, you should check out the tourney preview work done over at Deadspin...I especially like the guy who contributed these University of Albany nuggets...

Final Four: Texas, UCLA, UConn, Villanova
  • Texas over UCLA
  • Villanova over UConn
  • Villanova is your National Champ, 71-69 over the Longhorns
  • Look out for San Diego State, Utah State and UW-Milwaukee (I've got all 3 in the Sweet 16 in fact)

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Billy Packer...

Giant Douche


Turd Sandwich?

Friday, March 10, 2006

Donuts...Is there anything they can't do?

God bless the Gateway Grizzlies of the Frontier League. Apparently, each year the Grizzlies introduce a new novelty concession item prior to the start of the season, and really, they've outdone themselves this time. Their 2006 creation:

The Donut Burger

That's right kids, it's a hamburger topped with cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon...all between "buns" of Krispy Kreme donuts. Like manna from heaven. How quickly can I get to Sauget, IL?

Thursday, March 09, 2006

A little break from the norm

And in a way, a little blast from the past. The next time you see a parent going nuts at a youth baseball or basketball game, riding the officials, riding other 10 year olds (no, not in the Gary Glitter way), just think, it could be worse. Much worse. That parent could've been this donkey:

BORDEAUX, France - A man accused of drugging his children's tennis opponents, leading to one player's accidental death, described being gripped by panic and anguish as his desire to see his son and daughter succeed spun out of control.

This guy makes Richard Williams look good. At what point in time does drugging your kids tennis opponents sound like a good idea? Who's giving this guy advice, Jim Jones? And not to harp too much on this, but the guy's fucking French, what the hell does he care about winning?

The best line in the article has to be the wife's response to all this. She said she had no idea her husband had gone off the deep end, but if she did, " would have been suitcases or the psychiatrist."

I'm pretty sure those exact two options have been bouncing around Larry Brown's head for 4 months now.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Kirby Puckett, Rest in Peace

Kirby Puckett died today. Here's to a guy who simply made the people around him happier, leading by example with what we like to call gheorghe de vivre.

Kirby Puckett, a Gheorghe Hall of Famer.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Ba na na na... Hey! Ba na na...

VUNG TAU, Vietnam, March 3 -- A court convicted former British rocker Gary Glitter of obscene acts with two Vietnamese girls and sentenced him to three years in prison. A melee erupted Friday when Glitter shouted, "I'm innocent."

Ba na na na... Hey! Ba na na...

Reporters and onlookers, allowed into the courthouse in southern Ba Ria-Vung province to hear the verdict after the closed, two-day trial, pressed toward Glitter as police fended them off and escorted him out of the building.

Ba na na na... Hey! Ba na na...

"I haven't done anything. I'm innocent. It's a conspiracy," Glitter shouted.

Chakachaka chakachaka chaka...
(fans scream here: "Go local sports franchise" for their team)

Repeat forever (that is what the lyrics actually say..."Repeat forever"...and you thought they were playing Yanni in hell)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Greatest Night Ever?

I submit YES (I know Rob will agree)...Never before have sports entertainment and C-rate pro hoops mixed in such a spectacular fashion (this is going to be even better than that night Swint and I saw the GLOW girls pummel the Mystics). What the hell is this over-caffeinated fool talking about? Check it out...

On March 5, 2006, the Maryland Nighthawks will be hosting a game against the Harlem Strong Dogs at their home arena at Montgomery College in Rockville, MD. John Rambo and other wrestlers from the NWL/HOUSE of PAIN will serve as "ceremonial security guards" at the March 5th game, and the Nighthawks will distribute NWL/HOUSE of PAIN information.

Hmm, not very interesting, unless you're a huge NWL fan (Jerry?). Hold on, here's the super scintillating sensational part...

BREAKING NEWS: The Nighthawks have announced today that former Washington Wizards 7”7 Center Gheorghe Muresan will be suiting up for the Nighthawks for this Sunday’s March 5 6PM home game.
That's right folks, "FINALLY......THE GHEORGHE.....HAS RETURNED.....TO ROCKVILLE!!!"

[All credit is due to lammie informant "fish" whose true identity will remain a secret because he's alot older than me and I'm not sure I've ever even met him]