Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Someone has to ask

I mean, it’s on everyone’s minds right – Who is gonna die first, the Pope or Terri Schiavo? The correct answer is apparently Choice C, Johnnie “If it doesn't fit, you must acquit” Cochran. A more cynical man than I would say Johnnie is getting his comeuppance for getting the guiltiest man in the history of the American Justice System off the hook. You know what, let’s instead give Johnnie his due – he’s probably the greatest criminal defense attorney in the world for manipulating the traveshamockery that was the OJ Trial so perfectly. I mean, when someone is guilty as sin (yes Virginia, he really was guilty) of basically beheading his ex-wife and her boyfriend and you can get him acquitted, well, Johnnie C, we applaud you. Oh yeah, F. Lee Bailey says hello.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Coffee, Tacos and Jellybeans…oh my

A Breakfast of Champions Vonnegut would be proud of (and yes, I have read Vonnegut). I fill this space this morning not with a lame headline, or a lame joke about the Inferno II, but rather with pure hatred for one Peter G. Angelos. I like to watch sports on TV, and I like the fact DC now has a baseball team. It would follow then that I would like to watch DC’s new baseball team on TV. Oh no, that would be waaaaay too easy. It’s less than a week ‘til the Nats open against the Phils, and there is no TV deal in place. The Asbestos King 40 miles North of Chocolate City has decided he is holding all the cards and pulling all the strings when it comes to the Washington Nationals TV deal. To this I say: WHAT???? Yes, MLB, I realize the steroids issue is a big deal, but could we take a brief moment to lay the smackdown on Angelos please. He already threw a tantrum and got his way when DC was given a team (he will get $365 million minimum from the deal); I think it’s time you pulled the plug on this egomaniac (and terrible owner). The Washington Post and the Washington Times (always the better choice) have two articles today detailing the Angelos/TV fiasco. The Times article says these “negotiations” have been going on for 6 months, to no avail. I hate that man so very very much (and I know I am not alone).

Monday, March 28, 2005

Conference, schmomference.

So, one question: Why do people make such a big deal out of how "good" a certain team's conference is?? Specifically when heading into the postseason. I hear so many people beating their chests about how deep the Big East is, or how strong the ACC is at the top. Who the f- cares about the conference? Call me weird, but if I were a Duke fan, I would pretty much hate all the other teams in the ACC (except maybe Virginia) with a passion. I would never want them to win a game, because that would mean they were happy and feeling good about themselves. Fans should have nothing but disdain for conference opponents. Why would I want an enemy to feel even the slightest bit of joy? Hmm, don't know. Maybe somewhere in The Art of War, there's a passage about respecting thy foe or preventing humiliation for fear of retribution, or some other nonsense. Wouldn't know, never read it. But, I do know that none of that crap has any place in the spirit of the college sports fan.
Now, there are some theories out there - like, the "stronger" the conference, the better prepared a team will be for the postseason - or something like that. Or, the infantile, "My team plays in the Big East, so My team has it tougher than your team". Or, "if we didn't play in the ACC, we'd be in the tourney . . ." PLLLLLLBBBBTTT!! All this BS is like the "woe is me" state of a scorned 50-year old woman, sroking one of her 25 cats while belting out lines to the song playing when she walked in on her husband in a rock hard 69 position with the 23 year old au pair. It's all pathetic really. People that subscribe to these philosophies are really just displacing their insecurities - you know, reaching for any possible way to make their team appear better than the actually are. How sad. Or even worse, complete denial - this loss doesn't feel bad because my team plays in the Big 12. Ho hum.
Can't we all just see a team's conference for what it is - a strange combo of luck and circumstance. Some committee of geeks put a group of teams together to try and make money for themselves, their schoools, and the business community. The teams beat each other up all year and do just that. People get rich. Then the mystical powers of athletics play tricks on them (and us) during the NCAA tourney. And we all find out which teams, not conferences, are the best. Who is the best team on that particular day is all that matters. I mean, can't we all pretty safely observe that "strength" of conference means absolute jack based on this year's tourney? Hello, 2 Big Ten teams (nearly 3) in the Final Four. Yeah, they were a great conference. Sure, and that lady's husband will come begging her back any day now . . .

Simply Awesome

What a tremendous weekend of college basketball...Dennis can thank the Dukies for costing him 20 bucks...I am amazed Dickie V survived the weekend...I hope to find some scathing rip jobs of Lute Olson and Tubby Smith this morning in their local papers...The song from that Adidas commercial is starting to freak me out...Fran Fraschilla just said that Sean May has "better hands than All State"...Paul Davis made himself a TON of money this weekend...If you haven't seen Tonya's meltdown on Inferno 2 yet, you're really missing out...Apparently, Ving Rhames is now the new Kojak. Telly Savalas is rolling over in his lollipop filled grave...Did you know Regis Philbin is 73 years old? He's the new Dick Clark...The baseball season starts in 6 days, and the Boston Red Sox are the defending World Series Champs. That one still stings...

Friday, March 25, 2005

The old college try

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. (AP) -- West Virginia University officials will study videotape and photographs to identify rowdy football fans who ignored pre-game pleas and set fires in the streets to celebrate the Mountaineers' 28-7 upset of No. 3 Virginia Tech.

Fire and police officials had spent two days before the game removing garbage and couches from residents' front porches. And this week, football coach Rich Rodriguez left recorded messages on students' answering machines, taped a video message shown on Mountaineer Field's scoreboard and made other requests through the media, imploring fans to act responsibly at Wednesday night's nationally televised game.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

So you can eat great - even late!

Oh my.

Trouble on F(un) Street

Whitney, I think I liked it better when you didn't talk about the Wiz. Are you paying Larry Hughes to be such a pain in the ass?

"We're not playing our type of basketball, that got us this far. We need to get back to that. That's something that us as the players, that's something that we know," Hughes said. "We're not getting the ball to the basket. We're not shooting a high percentage. We're not getting easy looks."

Hughes blamed the team's struggles on Coach Eddie Jordan's emphasis on initiating the offense from the inside out, with center Brendan Haywood, forward Kwame Brown and reserve Etan Thomas. Haywood was part of the Wizards' up-tempo style in the first half of the season -- when Hughes, Jamison and Gilbert Arenas handled the scoring load -- but the focus has changed some with injuries to the team's top perimeter players and with Brown and Thomas back from injuries.

"We weren't a low post team a while ago. Now we've somehow become a low post team. It's not working," Hughes said, his voice raising. "We won on drives and dishes, that's how we get assists. We get teams moving. Once you throw it down there [in the post], it's not working. Our bigs have come back and we've tried to do things different, [but] I think we can get scores in the paint by driving and dishing."

Least surprising headline of the day..."Singer Whitney Houston Enters Rehab Again"

Anyone know who the backup catcher is for the Brewers? I've got a fantasy draft in 10 hours and I need to know.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Wiz Watch

I've been holding off on talking about Les Wizards, but it's time. It's time to proclaim that what I have been fearing would happen is well on its way to happening: the Wizards will make the playoffs, I'll buy TJ 24 crap beers, and then Washington will be bounced out of the playoffs in the first round, probably in straight sets.

Don't get me wrong -- I am still rooting for my Bullets here, but my faith in them has been worn down to a nub, so that the only faith left is the faith in their ultimate failure.

Don't get me wrong -- they could still miss the playoffs. They're currently in the 4-spot, just 5 games out of the outside-looking-in. I don't see Orlando (the current #9) surging to knock the Wiz out any time soon, as they seem to be somewhere between distracted and free-falling. The Nets (#10), however, have ripped off five in a row and could be a threat.

Here's what it comes down to: 17 games left, so there is still time to blow it, but they shouldn't. They are simply a better team than the chumps on the Eastern Conference bubble. Better coached, more talented, and better disciplined. (Not having a true superstar helps that last part.) The single greatest obstacle is that they are The Washington Bullets/Wizards and are forever doomed. Injuries have started to crop up, bad losses have infiltrated the pattern of losing to good teams and beating the bad, and there's a definitely puzzled look on the faces of Wizards Central where there used to be a quizzical smile.

The next week of games is huge -- five of six games against non-playoff teams. Of course, five of those games are on the road, too, but they are clearly winnable -- and what the Wizards do with them will be a very telltale sign of things to come. I'm saying now that if they win four of the six, it's a lock (though anyone who followed Terps basketball knows better than to prematurely use that term), if they lose four they're headed out of postseason contention, and any where in between -- which is likely what'll happen -- leaves them still in no man's land. Should be interesting.

Oh, and if they're going to plummet to the 8-seed, they might as well just drop out. They aren't what I'd call a good match for the Heat. (0-for-4 this season against Miami.)

Spaceballs the Flame Thrower...The kids love this one

Did Pat Summit just pass Lenny Wilkens, or Sadaharu Oh?

Forget about American Idol people (I did seasons ago). Nashville Star is where it's at. Tune in next week when LeAnn Rimes and Bret Michaels join forces for "a historic rendition" of "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." My idea of "a historic rendition" of that tune would be CC DeVille storming the stage and hitting Rimes in the face with a chair.

Was George Karl coaching his squad while wearing a jersey last night? I guess you can do whatever you want when you've gone 19-5 since taking over.

Are we supposed to feel sorry for Barry Bonds?

I haven't been to any country music concerts in my life, but if I were Kenny Chesney's merchandising people, I would certainly hope they have created "Kenny Chestey" half shirts for all his redneck, big breasted female fans. (I'm thinking this is my best idea since Anal Bibs)

Speaking of anal bibs, Kobe and the Lakers are finished. Kobe dropped 43 last night, and the Lakers still lost to the dreadful Jazz by 8.

Phil Jackson...LeBron James. LeBron James...Phil Jackson. Why don't you guys get to know each other.

A personal favorite of myself and Dennis, St. Lous Cardinal Rick Ankiel, apparently is coming back to the major leagues, this time as an outfielder. Wild Thing Jr., we wish you well. Rob Neyer called him "the new Von McDaniel". I have no idea what that means.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Hmm . . these colors are so very Vermont.

A most constructive method of casting aside demons that haunt you. Confront them head-on. I say, "well done, Thomas." The fine people at GTB applaud your efforts.

And hey, who says good coaching can't beat a team with more talent? My boy Beilein (who should be coach of the year in the Big East), made that rag-tag bunch of rednecks look like they were supposed to win that game, while Skip-to-my-Lou looked like he was doggy paddling into the teeth of a tsunami. I mean Skipper, at least pretend like you're in control of your team. It reminded me of George Bush in front of those first graders. Hello, your players can see you!

Oh and GTB nominee for biggest impact player of the tourney so far - Andrew Bogut. That guy can do it all. I want his baby. Ooh, was that out loud.

Welcome to Gheorghe the Blog...

...we hope you'll stay awhile. Finally, I cleaned up the formatting disaster that was GTB. Wheelhouse had already freshened up, and I noticed that Whit and Rob cleaned up MLC today, so I figured what the hell, it's not like I want to do real work, let's fix this big ugly blog. It's so fancy now...

Please welcome Petey, the Sexual Harassment Panda

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa -- Council Bluffs, Iowa, police say the Easter Bunny has hopped his way to jail. Authorities say they got a call Saturday afternoon about a man dressed as the Easter Bunny who was causing a disturbance at a local mall. Police say the 36-year-old man told officers he was working at the mall's picture taking area when someone threw water at him. Police say the man left the area, changed clothes and came back to tell a fellow employee he was leaving. The employee says she became frightened when he started yelling at her. Police say the suspect also threatened another person to get out of his way. He's charged with two counts of harassment.


(I mean, come on, who didn’t see that coming?) Fantastic weekend of hoops viewing (guest analyst Coach D was a huge bonus on Friday), once I got over the debacle that was Cuse/Vermont...Gerry McNamara, your very clutch 4-18 performance makes you the Bama of the Week…Week…Week (Earls, Heath, you can vote for any Wake player you choose)...Kudos to Matt Essman’s Bucknell Bison, pulling an absolute stunner over Kansas (Bill Self will be getting some serious hate mail in the coming months)... Julius Hodge, I still hate you (and not just because you’re stealing my Social Security), but I must give you credit for carrying your team on 40-year-old legs to the Sweet 16... Texas Tech and Bobby Knight in the Sweet 16? Nothing surprises me anymore, though I think if anyone other then Ronald Ross attempts a 3-pointer for TX Tech father or son Knight punches them in the face in the huddle (Oh yeah, Bobby, classy move bashing Mike Davis after the W)... Special thanks to UW-Milw. for being the only prediction I can hang my hat on...Mike Gansey, you just outdueled Chris Paul. Not too shabby. I am suffering serious withdrawal already - need more hoops…

Ohio State Sophomore LeBron James dropped 56 yesterday against Georgia Tech Senior Chris Bosh, and the Cavs still managed to lose. James outscored his team 56-42. Not good at all.
**Cavs Update - Management canned Paul Silas today. They apparently noticed that Silas is a terrible coach. Took 'em long enough.

Wow, ‘tis the season for shitty sequels:
The Ring Two - Anyone that knows me knows I hated The Ring probably more than any other movie I’ve ever see…simply the dumbest movie ever…and now they are running the same crap back at us? Give me a fucking break.

XXX: State of the Union - So, Ice Cube is replacing Vin Diesel in this action flick. What, no Barbershop 3 to film? Wasn’t Cube at one time one of the top five scariest men in America?

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous - Steaming pile of poop, though it is good to see William Shatner still getting work.

Friday, March 18, 2005

"Nick Lachey or Ashley Judd?"

Nick Lachey or Ashley Judd?...Nick Lachey or Ashley Judd?...A look behind the curtain of the thought process that has the Future Mrs. Simspon 12-4 after Day One, whereas yours truly went a pedestrian 9-7. Thank god UW-Milwaukee gave me something to hang my hat on. By the way, I think she chose Ashley Judd.

That's about as funny as Sinbad. Not the comedian, he's hilarious. The sailor. But then again he was never meant to be funny...I forgot to give my Final Four picks yesterday - Okie St, Ga Tech, UNC, and Syracuse. I would hope if that did happen I could win some money.

You know those Germans; if you don't join the party, they come get you...No one can tell me they watched Adam Morrison last night and didn't immediately think Dirk Nowitzki.

I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal and no pickles. God help you if I find pickles...You know what, I don't want the lime in the coconut OR the lime in my Coke - I don't want the damn lime period.

Forecast for tomorrow; A few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom...I think CSI's next case should be examining the corpse of LSU.

I'm glad I'm not taking your stupid tour! I'm a Coors man anyway. Silver bullet!...You put me, Dennis, the Wheelhouse guys, and even Swint, on the floor at the same time and I guarantee we run a better offense than UCLA.

Wow, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?...Whitney, let us know your alive.

Now let's go to Greg The Weather Mime...Jerry, you excited for the Plaxico Era in NY?

Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that...How the hell is Robert Blake innocent?

Hey, Lois, the lost my job smells great. Hey, Meg, could you pass me the fired my ass for negligence?...Coming to work at 6:30am sucks donkey balls, but I must admit it was made much easier by my co-workers' blasting of Britney's Greatest Hits on the way in.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

I want my two dollars!

Tourney Time in 19 hours, let's see if I can shed some light on these brackets, with a little help from old pals Lane Myer and Charles De Mar (Dennis, Whitney, Rob, Bueller, feel free to jump in):

Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky...To poor saps Alabama, Texas Tech, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Utah and Cincy, my choices to choke in Round 1.
Suicide is never the answer little trouper...To Roy Williams, who according to all media outlets is set to hang himself if his UNC squad has to match up against his former kids from Kansas in the Elite 8. Frankly, this might be the most overblown subplot short of the Illinois travel schedule (as mentioned by Jerry yesterday).
How are we going to get real drugs in this town? We can't even get cable!...To Salim Stoudamire and the rest of the Arizona Wildcats, trapped in Boise, ID with no weed to smoke, I presume. Or maybe Boise has lots of drugs for the Stoudamire kid. Who knows.
What's a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?...To Duke's J.J. Redick. Shame on you J.J., back to the Joyce Kilmer and Robert Frost.
She only speaks French, Roy. She doesn't speak imbecile...To Gonzaga's Ronny Turiaf, who I believe is French. Maybe he knows Tony Parker.
Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that...To three very underrated white guys you might not know about - Nevada's Nick Fazekas (overshadowed last year by Kirk Snyder), ODU's Alex Loughton (CAA Player of the Year), and Iowa's Adam Haluska (Iowa State transfer who has been huge since Pierre Pierce went Lawrence Phillips on his girlfriend).
Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn...To the Fightin' Illini's Dee Brown, who I have leading his team to the Final against...well, you'll just have to wait for Final 4 picks until tomorrow...

Gotta run, my little brother got his arm stuck in the microwave, my mom had to take him to the hospital, my grandma dropped acid this morning, she freaked out, hijacked a busload of penguins, so it's sort of a family crisis...bye...

Were Vince Neil and Axl Rose unavailable?

Stumbled upon the country music version of American Idol last night, something called Nashville Star, and believe it or not, Bret Michaels of Poison fame was one of the judges. Say what? Bret Michaels is to country music what I am to drinking in moderation.

Heard Joe Gibbs on Big 100.3 this morning, attempting to sign Murphy and Cash to cap-destroying 5 year deals. I would've at least thought he could step down the hall and see if Teapot Tim was available.

Thanks Britney, that should help...Pop superstar Britney Spears has offered some unusual advice to the beleaguered Michael Jackson – he should get drunk and fight someone in a bar. "He needs someone to be like, 'OK, let's buck you up, let's give you a moustache, let's rough you up, let's go to a bar, let's get drunk and be a man.'"
By the way, I've been laughing for 5 straight minutes at the thought of MJ with a molestache.

Kudos to Chris Paul for punching Julius Hodge in the nuts. I have hated Hodge and his game since Jerry and I saw him at the MCI Center his senior year. Why do I hate him? I have absolutely no idea. It's kinda like Corey Simspon hating Dee Brown (no, not the Dream Job contestant, the Illinois kid) for no reason.

No truth to the rumor that Tom Brennan buys Ben and Jerry's for his whole team after every victory. It is true, however, that the Vermont Catamounts have some very stoned fans.

Dennis and I hope to contribute a few bracket tips later, so that means all you readers (Hi Jerry) check back closer to quitting time.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Let the Madness begin

So, when the Washington Huskies went bananas after seeing they were a #1 seed, did anyone else catch the crazy asian guy jumping around with the rest of the team? I can only assume he was a team manager, most likely the stats guy (WHAT - they're good at math), but he was the most out of place guy in the whole selection process (that is, if you don't count the now officially senile Dickie V). Please tell Digger Phelps we don't care if his highlighter matches his tie.

I've been staring at brackets for two days now, and I don't have a clue. Seriously. I've watched a ton of college hoops this year, and I haven't completed a bracket yet. All my entry fees are definitely going straight to the chick who makes the Diane Chambers-esque picks.

Speaking of hoops overload, my non-stop TV viewing this weekend forced the lady of the house to the bedroom TV, and she informed me the Lifetime Channel had a lot to offer. Sunday's lineup (I can't make these up, this channel writes it's own material):
Silencing Mary - Sabrina the Teenage Witch AND Parker Lewis Can't Lose were in this gem
Murder at 75 Birch - Melissa Gilbert is making a run at Meredith Baxter Birney
Fatal Reunion - Erika Eleniak (the voiceover: "Will she survive with her marriage and her life intact?")

Hey Tribe alums, William and Mary has a new President. And he looks like the love child of MeatLoaf and SuperChunk from Goonies.

Whitney might have faded away to MLC, and it could be a good thing, because the Washington Wizards are fading big time (yes, Wilbon, I know they swept the Lakers last night for the first time in franchise history). The Wiz, at 34-27, are just 3 games up on the highly coveted "8th and final playoff spot". Meanwhile, in the time it has taken for Lez Boulez to almost cost me a case of beer, Employee #8 has the Celtics 8-1 since his arrival. Boston has a serious chance of making the Eastern Conference Finals because of Walker. Wow.

Spring Training nugget for Mets fans out there: Manager Willie Randolph has a strict no facial hair policy in effect, with one major exception - trimmed mustaches. Apparently Randolph was moved to allow mustaches after receiving a powerful letter from one J.F. of Alexandria, VA.

Dennis, if all holds up, we will be placing a wager on Duke/Cuse.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Greatest Day Ever?

Before we get to that day, please remember to vote early and often for the Gheorghe awards, or whatever the hell we're calling them...
6 days from now, March 17, 2005, looks like it's in the running for GDE (Greatest Day Ever). Obviously, it's March 17, so we've got the all-out wastedness of St. Patty's Day to set the tone. It also happens to be the first day of the NCAA Tourney, so that's drinking and gambling, check. To top it off, all of these roided up MLB donkeys are being called before Congress to talk about ass injections with Jose Canseco...can we get a camera in those proceedings? All I know is that I feel a really bad cold coming on, and it should hit me in, oh, about 6 days.

Culinary note: I've been at work for about 2 hours, and I've already downed a sleeve of Trefoils.

I stole this quote from SG's page, but in case you haven't seen it, it gave me a good chuckle. I don't hate Jalen Rose as much as I did 12 years ago...
"He probably was a little tired from All-Star weekend. While he was running up and down the court throwing it off the backboard, I was laying on the beach drinking a fruity drink with an umbrella. So I probably gave myself an unfair advantage on that one."
-- Jalen Rose explaining why he outplayed Vince Carter two days after the All-Star Game

Donald Trump, Super Guy...Donald Trump is negotiating to buy the Miss America pageant now that he's crushed the venerable beauty contest with his rival Miss USA spectacle. Trump has steered the ratings of Miss USA up to 16 million viewers, while Miss America has shrunk to 9.8 million. None of the networks has made a deal to televise Miss America next fall, and there is speculation the pageant will end up as a reality show on cable. But not if Trump buys it. Unburdened by any feminist folderol, he'll eliminate the talent portion and focus solely on contestants' looks. "Nobody wants to see some girl tap-dance or play the violin," said one insider. "Trump will increase the height of their heels and decrease the size of their swimsuits."

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The Gheorghe Awards

To: Fans of Gheorghe: The Blog, Friends of the Gheorghe community, and Folks Who Aspire To Dig On Gheorghe (FWATDOG)

From: GTB

It's time for what we expect will be an annual tradition, the Gheorghe Awards. This batch of prestigious honors and notorious dishonors, known by many as simply The Gheorghies, is based on who most or least reflected the values of the namesake of this site.

Who's a Gheorghe?
Who's an anti-Gheorghe?
Who displayed the true tenets of Gheorgheness over the last year?
Who displayed behaviors Gheorghe would mightily swat away like a Matt Geiger lay-up attempt?
In short, who deserves a Gheorghie?

Nominations are being accepted in the Comments field and e-mails. There will be awards for persons both in the public eye and in the GTB blogosphere. The categories aren't mapped out yet, and the criteria won't be rigid -- to take it too seriously would go against our mission statement. So please, if you will, take a moment and come up with some examples of substantial Gheorghitude -- or lack thereof -- worth recognizing. Thanks.

My fighting is poetry! You don't edit Russell Crowe's poetry, you testicle!

Makin' movies, makin' songs and fightin' 'round the world...Hollywood superstar Russell Crowe was stunned to discover he was a kidnap target for Muslim terrorist group Al-qaeda. The Federal Bureau Of Investigation warned Crowe and a number of other big screen stars prior to the 2001 Academy Awards that Osama Bin Laden wanted to kidnap them - nine months before Bin Laden spearheaded the September 11 attacks on New York and Washington DC.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Down with the zebras.

There is too much anger - comedy will bring balance. This has been on the web for a while, but it makes Dennis laugh very hard. Anyone see a resemblance to . . .

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Is it because she has a lazy eye?

Or maybe because she chose Pacey over Dawson?...Hollywood couple Katie Holmes and Chris Klein have split, 14 months after announcing their engagement. No details of the split have been announced, but publicists for the actress insist the couple will remain the best of friends. A spokeswoman for Holmes tells America's Us Weekly magazine, "They want to stay friends and will continue that part of their relationship." The couple have been together since 2001. They were engaged in December 2003.

And here I thought nobody even read the crappy Post sports section...Little Danny Snyder has apparently yanked a block of season tickets that went to Washington Post management and employees. The Skins claim too many of the tickets were ending up in the hands of scalpers. This article seems to indicate otherwise. Looks like Sally Jenkins has Danny's undies in a bunch.

Pete, take the betting slips out of your ears...Angels minor league outfielder Rich Giannotti, signed last June out of the University of Miami, spotted Pete Rose in an airport and decided to try to talk to him about switch-hitting. "He jumped up out of his seat and started demonstrating his swing and talking hitting," Giannotti said. "He was incredible. Forty minutes later, I almost missed my flight. The funniest thing is that he thought my name was 'Giamatti' and kept telling me what a great guy Bart was and that he bears no grudges against him."

That's Hot..."SATURDAY Night Live" insiders are still snarking about Paris Hilton's recent hosting gig. "Paris was one of the most self-absorbed hosts ever," a show source tattles to TV Guide. "She was an energy vacuum on stage, and her performance was minimally acceptable." Some cast members were so bewildered by her extreme narcissism, the source says, they created a betting pool to see if anyone could get Hilton to ask them a friendly personal question. No one managed to collect. But Hilton insists she got along great with the cast: "Everyone was like, 'Wow, you could be on the show every week. You're so chill.'"

Friday, March 04, 2005

Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong

West Virginia, mountain momma...
ALDERSON, W.Va. (AP) - Wasting no time, Martha Stewart left prison in the middle of the night Friday and quickly set her sights on rebuilding her homemaking empire after serving a five-month sentence for lying about a stock sale.
Stewart was allowed to leave prison at 12:30 a.m Friday in a two-vehicle motorcade and headed to a nearby airport where she was to board a private jet for a flight to New York. She will spend the next five months on home confinement at her 153-acre estate in Katonah, N.Y.

* Worst segue ever...This is not usually the location for any substantive discourse, just nonsense, but if you do pop over here Jerry (or anyway with an opinion on this) can I get some sort of discussion/explanation of this whole "buying the NHL" thing? I mean, isn't that the MLS they're talking about? Why would any of the power teams in big cities (Rangers, Bruins, Flyers) have any desire to do this? And is E.J. Hradek frozen caveman NHL reporter or what?

* Where's the enthusiasm people...Championship Week starts tomorrow. Get fired up. I know I am. It's gonna be Super, Scintillating, AND Sensational.

* Paging Senores Padilla y Travieso...Did anyone see Marcus Camby's line from last night? It was pretty damn impressive - 17 points, 22 boards, 7 assists, 7 blocks. Marcus hasn't played this well since since the good old days when John Chaney publicly threatened to kill his coach. Don't look now, but Denver is 12-4 under George Karl, and the Nugs are now tied for the 8th spot in the West.

* Please tell me this was a school for the blind...A Braxton County (WV) middle school teacher is in police custody after allegedly confessing to sexual misconduct with five of her students. Look at her picture.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Reason #3,769 why Vegas is the Greatest Place on Earth

Parents who have children in one elementary school may be surprised to find out what the Mayor of Las Vegas said to the group of kids. To some, it sounded like he endorsed drinking alcohol.
Mayor Oscar Goodman has never made it a secret that he loves drinking gin. Bombay Sapphire even hired Goodman as their pitchman. But the outspoken mayor shocked a roomful of adults when he shared his love of gin with children.
After reading to the class, one student asked Mayor Goodman if he could take one thing with him on a deserted island, what would it be. The Mayor replied that it would be a bottle of gin.
And when a student later asked Mayor Goodman what one of his hobbies was, the Mayor said "drinking."

*If Mike and Mike aren't lying, Golic ran the same time in the 40 at his combine as Maurice Clarett. And Golic weighed 275. Maurice, I'd like fries with that.

*The current residents of the MCI Center are in some trouble, especially the Georgetown Hoyas. Georgetown better win two games in the Big East Tourney or they are NIT-bound. Even Chip's boy Jeff Green can't save them. Now, on to those Wiz. Good to see Larry Hughes back last night, and very good to see a Wiz victory, because they were falling apart. And after 50 games of openly mocking Whitney for betting against the Wiz, I was beginning to get worried.

*Excuse me, but isn't the newest Washington Redskin, Casey Rabach, the cook from Under Siege? That guy kicked major ass. And he had to defeat a surely coked up Gary Busey to do it.

*The Atlanta Hawks lost their 21st straight road game last night. I haven't seen that sort of road futility since Alex Joyner took to the streets of Williamsburg in 1997. (Yes, hi, waiter, I have a reservation, Joke, Party of 3. Thanks.)

*Is it OK to end a cover letter for a job at the NRA with this sentence: "I'll be honest with you, I love his work, I do, I'm a Charlton Heston fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he screams SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!"

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I'd like to first thank the Academy

My boy Napoleon Dynamite, even though overlooked at this year's Oscars, maintains his status as a pioneer in the realm of biological advancement.

"It's a Liger. It's like my favorite animal on the planet."

We all laughed (well, some of us laughed). But then . . .

That kid is back on the escalator again

You want insane ramblings, I've got a few before I blow my brains out at my desk:
*The dog is back at work again. Not in my office luckily, but around, and I just want to pooch punt it off the roof.
*What are the odds Jason Klotz and Brad Buckman spend their free time hunting for the Continuum Transfunctioner?
*Wow, Drew Lavender is one very short basketball player. Speaking of the height disadvantaged, Gary Coleman was apparently at Day 1 of the Michael Jackson trial. One word, WHY?
*Sorry to see the Sports Grinder go out of business. He should've linked to Gheorghe.