Thursday, July 31, 2014

Wishing You a Blissful Teej

It's all going down in Rajasthan and Chandigarh today as this year's celebration of Teej comes to an end. The Hindu festival honors the goddess Parvati, commemorating her return after 100 years of separation to her husband, Lord Shiva. Invoking Parvati's blessing during the festival is thought to promote marital bliss. Invoking Parvati Shallow's blessing has a different set of benefits altogether.

The three-day celebration features both fasting and feasting, though it's unclear whether ketchup is involved. Women are encouraged to rest on the first day while men do all of the cooking and serving as part of a day-long party. In the Nepalese version of the festival, the first day (Dar Khane Din) is also one of the few days of the year women are allowed to openly complain. Or, as we know it at my house, every day.

The second day of the festival is one of fasting, at least in Nepal. (Other versions of Teej in India skip the fasting in favor of gift-giving. So we'll probably skip the Nepalese party.) The final day of the festival features ritual cleansing and prayers to various Hindu deities for successful marriage (or in the case of the unmarried, for decent husbands who won't give them much reason to bitch on Dar Khane Din).

The purpose of Teej is two-fold: to celebrate the power of a wife's love and devotion to her husband and to usher in the monsoon season. Our Teej also has a special purpose.

There are other similarities between the festival and the Gheorghian Teej, as I think about it. In India, Teej is marked by colorful costumery. Here, Teej often wears lime green basketball shorts and bright red running shoes. The festival celebrates indulgence, which has happened from time to time in our Teej's world. And those of us that recall the marriage of the Doofus Overlord to his bride will no doubt remember the joy of that celebration.

Blissful Teej, indeed.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Late to the Party

We may not be trendsetters when it comes to cat videos on the internet, but when the final reckoning comes, we don't want to be counted in that joyless minority that didn't embrace their inner i can haz cheezburger.

So, in the interest of going along with everyone else, and in throwing whatever filler bullshit we can find against the blogwall, here's some cat parkour.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Generation Cap

We've reached the most barren stretch of the sports landscape. A time when Sportscenter might as well be Baseball Tonight because, aside from the occasional WNBA highlight, baseball highlights are the only actual sports being showcased. July and August, simply put, are dreadful from my perspective as a sports fan.

I often talk about how much I hate baseball but that's not actually the case. I find the season to be impossibly long and the sport is awful on television but there are actually things about baseball that I enjoy. It allows me to further connect with my Dad through the Cardinals, who he watches religiously. It's among my favorite sports to attend in person as its slow pace and (generally) outdoor venues make it an ideal place to have a few beers in the summer. And finally, there's the hats. Major League Baseball and New Era have combined to give the public the best hats available on the market today. They are made of high quality material, they're fitted (Old guy rant: Fuck snapbacks. They are bullshit and I refuse to purchase them.) and they are available with a wide array of colors and logos. As a long time hat connoisseur, I own many MLB fitters.

And here's the point of this post. For some reason, the generation(s) older than mine have some belief that wearing the hat of a Major League Baseball team means that you are a fan of that team. Nearly every time I wear one of my MLB hats some old guy sees me and makes a comment about whatever team whose hat I'm wearing on that particular day. Many times it's a throwaway comment and we both move on with our lives without more than an acknowledging head nod from myself. But nearly as often it's a comment that requires me to respond by telling the guy that I'm not actually a fan of the team whose hat I'm wearing. When this happens the look I receive in return is a mix of surprise and befuddlement. Even my own Dad (a few years back) has asked me why I'm wearing a Giants hat when they beat the Cardinals in the Playoffs the previous season. My answer: Because its a cool hat and I don't really care enough to hold a grudge against a business that beat out the business I choose to support.

What's the point of me telling you this? Well, post count, but also a reminder that age has a strange way of defining things to us that don't apply to others outside our generation and something as simple as a hat choice can bring that to light. Now can we just get to football season already?

Monday, July 28, 2014

OBFT: A Brief Recap

In one photo, the 21st Annual Outer Banks Fishing Trip unfolds in all its weird, draining glory.

In the background, you see the postcard-perfect weather afforded us by the gods responsible for such things.

If you look and listen closely enough, you can just make out the sound of the surf rolling ashore (not crashing, for the ocean was gentle to glassy during our time in Nags Head).

Finally, at the fore, a representative pair of tripgoers taking a much-needed opportunity for a constitutional in the midst of three-plus days of overindulging and undersleeping.

Check out Sentence of Dave for more details; this correspondent can barely remember his name at this point.

Can't wait to go back next year and run it back.

Friday, July 25, 2014

For Those About to Govern

Randy Blythe is giddy.

The vocalist for Richmond-based groove metal band Lamb of God, Blythe took to the blogosphere yesterday to celebrate the election of Jakarta Governor Joko Widodo as Indonesia's next President. Widodo is, well, let's let Blythe tell it:
Incredibly, ladies & gentlemen, the new President of Indonesia is a metal head AND a lamb of god fan. No, this is not a joke, yes the photos are real, yes he digs Napalm Death, Metallica, Megadeth, & lamb of god amongst others- holy crap! THE WORLD’S FIRST HEAVY METAL PRESIDENT! Joko “Jokowi” Widodo, the governor of Jakarta & former furniture salesman who was born into poverty, has won the election. I do not know much at all about Indonesian politics, so I can’t comment of their political situation one way or the other, but from what I can tell, Jokowi seems to be a man of the people. Wow. A metal head president- who would have thought? AMAZING. I mean, can you IMAGINE it? This is THE ONLY PRESIDENT IN THE WORLD with whom you can sit down and argue about which Slayer record is the best. Holy crap, it’s too much! I want the Prez to take me on a diplomatic surf summit to Bali. Maybe I can get ambassadorial status. #jokowipleasetakemetoyourislandparadise
The 53 year-old Widodo won a hotly contested election against Indonesian general Probowo Subianto, who plans to appeal the result. Should Widodo prevail, and most observers expect that he will, he'll preside over the world's third-largest democracy. He'll also have to deal with a host of pressing concerns, including rising unemployment, high deficits, a slowing economy, a trade imbalance, and widespread government corruption.

He'll have to ride the lightning, sad but true, unless he chooses to just kill 'em all. The people of the vast Indonesian archipelago hope he turns out to be more master of puppets than harvester of sorrows. But for now, for both Indonesians and the metal community, nothing else matters.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Vagina Kayak

Megumi Igarashi, a 42-year-old Japanese artist, was arrested for distributing indecent material. The material in question was 3D printer data of her scanned vagina. Here she is acquiring the data.

Prior to her arrest, she 3D printed a giant version of her vagina and turned it into a kayak. Seriously, look:

So a penis sheath is museum-worthy art, but a vagina kayak is worthy of arrest? Sexism, I say. Save the little man from inside the boat, indeed!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014


If you like music that sounds like a sneer then you should check out Eagulls. Despite their goofy name.

H/T Danny Elegance.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

This Day in Gheorghe

Five years ago, in this very space, something awesome:

No idea who wrote that post, but it's a dandy. 

And, yes, we're down to repeating content that happens to have fallen on the same day of the year as the day in which we need filler.

It's also OBFT Week, so there's a little bit of an excuse. A very little bit.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Public Service Announcement

Confused by the dizzying variety of weed at your local dispensary? Tired of wondering whether you scored a mellowing indica or a mood-raising sativa? Frustrated that you don't really know what Maui Waui actually means? Thanks to the good people of, your worries are over.

Leafly's infographic allows users to search by name to determine where on the buzz continuum a particular strain falls. Corleone Kush, for example, is an indica, and "a potent strain of cannabis known for its strong pain relief properties and citrus and incense aroma". On the other end of the scale, OCD "is a strain native to Seattle that, as its name suggests, is great for high energy pursuits." I will assume that the pun is unintended.

You can check out the interactive tool here. Obviously, this is purely for entertainment purposes.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Xmas Idea

Never to early to think about Xmas gifts, so I present you with something that is retro-chic that will be a real conversation topic at the next summer BBQ you attend.

Behold the New Guinea Penis Sheath. This one appears to be the Pedro Guerrero size.

Just Schwingin'

When in Switzerland...

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Watch your back, rob

Perhaps rob headed off to Switzerland to avoid this gentleman. Seriously, that appears to be an honest to goodness website.

Monday, July 14, 2014

This might be a first...

Here is G:TB favorite Action Bronson not letting the need to use the bathroom disrupt his performance:


Sunday, July 13, 2014

Let's Run It Back

I don't think there's much argument that this year's World Cup has been great fun from a fan's perspective. From the great stories and moments of the Group Stage, like Costa Rica's terrific run, or Tim Cahill's bolt of lightning that served as Australia's highlight, or John Brooks' life-defining chance to the sublime play of the Germans, Tim Howard's magnificence, the gut-wrenching penalty kick shootouts, and the grinding tension of the knockout rounds, it's been a brilliant display on the world's largest stage.

The only thing that would've been better is actually being there.

So next summer, I'm doing something about that. Canada hosts the 2015 Women's World Cup, and I'm packing up the family truckster and headed north. It may lack Brazil's samba sensibility, only 24 teams will participate, and the stage won't be as large as the one Germany and Argentina take this afternoon, for one 10 year-old girl and her Dad, it might as well be.

A few months ago, my daughter got to meet her idol, Washington Spirit and Canadian National Team midfielder Diana Matheson. My shy kid, who'd be perfectly happy not saying another word if she didn't have to, lit up like a Christmas tree, and told the diminutive Matheson that she was attending the Women's World Cup. So I guess we're pot committed.

My wife has accused me in times past of being a poor planner. As in, I don't plan. So let this post serve as a marker. I've gone public with the fact that we're going to Canada, so if it doesn't happen, I've opened myself to mockery. Of an entirely new sort.

The draw for the 2015 Women's World Cup doesn't take place until December, so we're going to have to wait at least a little while to firm up our arrangements. Matches will be played in Edmonton, Vancouver, Winnipeg, Ottawa, Montreal, and Moncton. (One of these is not like the others.) Our only hard and fast guideline is that we need to see at least one match played by Canada and one by the United States. Oh, and apparently I need to buy my daughter a Canada jersey, since Diana Matheson told her she needed one.

I spent eight days in Atlanta attending the 1996 Olympics. It ranks among the top sporting memories of my life. And I saw two matches in RFK when the U.S. hosted the men's World Cup in 1994. Both of those were all about me. This time I get to experience something on the grand sporting stage with my family, and I'm entirely too excited about that. Messi and Mueller and Robben and Rodriguez and Neymar get replaced by Morgan and Wambach and Marta and Sinclair and Sawa. And Matheson.

I think I'm gonna need a travel agent.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

I Wanna Be Sedated

The final surviving member of the Ramones passed away yesterday. Hope heaven is a lot like Rockaway Beach.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Video Week: Squeaky Submission

Sent to me via Twitter direct message, from Senor Squeaks:

For video week and the world cup. Vengaboys remake of '2 Brazil' for the world cup. NSFW (he's not kidding. do not play this at work if anyone can see you're computer and/or would like to get you fired. seriously. I'm even putting it after the jump to prevent it accidentally just sitting on your monitor.)

Thursday, July 10, 2014

rob-related filler

Video Week has been is some sort of setup British rob has going on in his backyard. It's the Sciuridae Laff-A-Lympics:

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Title Not Found

As Video Week continues at G:TB, we return to an reliable theme with a twist. Courtesy of KQ, enjoy a little bit of potty mouth Bert and Ernie.

Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Swiss Missed

In preparation for my trip to Switzerland next week, I've been boning up on Swiss rock music, so I can fit in with the locals. The problem, as I've discovered, is that Swiss rock music is essentially the equivalent of Italian baseball. As in, it kinda sucks.

Enjoy some Krokus, though.

Sunday, July 06, 2014


Last week on the Bob Edwards Show, frequent contributor Paul Schomer (who runs the really cool Radio Crowdfund blog, which features bands and musicians seeking funding to make records, go on tour, and otherwise advance their careers) touted Invisible Homes. The Burlington, VT-based band (really, a one-man effort with a bunch of collaborators) just finished a successful Kickstarter campaign to finish mastering on their new record.

Since this will apparently be video week here at GTB, thought you might enjoy the band's work.

Friday, July 04, 2014

Hey Baby

John Doe wishes you a Happy Independence Day.

Thursday, July 03, 2014

Evolution of a Mascot [Subtitle: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET THE THING SOME PANTS]

I found this infographic in the latest issue of the William and Mary Alumni Magazine. Thought folks might be interested to see the mascot progression from bad ass ballboy to pantsless eunuch mythical creature...

- I would have no problem with a return to the Oliver Twist-esque ballboy, though I could do without the drab Cleveland Browns color scheme.
- We seriously had a dog mascot named "Dammit"? Like, this was a thing?
- Wampo was Gumby's horse buddy, no?
- Cal the alligator/bottle opener makes almost as little sense for W&M as a pantsless griffin, so good to know the school has backed asinine mascot choices for over a century.
- Wampo II: Electric Horsealoo
- We know make it to the Dan Snyder-sponsored portion of our program. I would think the headdress might slow down a running back, but what do I know. Also, the school should demand royalties from cult classic The Warriors as they obviously stole the name and baseball bat concept from our mascot. Come out to play, indeed.
- Oh, hey, Wami. [No one share this infographic with Mike Wise, please.]
- Amazingly, Col. Ebirt is not the worst mascot in this picture.
- And of course, the coup de grĂ¢ce, our current mascot, a legendary Greek creature with the body, tail, and back legs of a lion; the head and wings of an eagle; and an eagle's talons as its front feet. AND NO PANTS. Makes total sense.

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Shlara live blogs the NBA Draft. For school credit.

It's one of my favorite nights of the year: The NBA Draft!

I love everything about this event: the anticipation, the hope, the wingspan discussion, the awkward tension in the green room...and THE CLOTHES! Lots of upside potential in the building tonight.

For the first time in 30 years, first-round draftees will be strolling across the stage to shake Commissioner Adam Silver's hand. (The draft was first televised in 1980, David Stern was named NBA Commissioner in 1984.) Will the Barclays Center fans boo him like they did to Stern?

Prospective #1 pick Joel Embiid (Center, Kansas) threw GMs a curve ball this week, by heading into surgery to repair a broken right foot.  So we're all waiting to see what the Cleveland Cavs do with the top pick. Roll the dice with Embiid? Switch to Embiid's college teammate Andrew Wiggins (Guard, Kansas)?  Or maybe take Jabari Parker (Forward, Duke) even though he allegedly tanked his tryout and doesn't seem to want to play in Cleveland?  Owner Dan Gilbert tried to squash the rumors on Wednesday that they are arguing internally about which player to pick, but no one really knows what they will do.

It is T-minus 30 minutes before the show starts--are you ready??
(For those of you who enjoy the "wingspan" drinking game...Bilas is ready!)

Jay Bilas @JayBilas
Get your favorite adult beverage ready! #wingspan #NBADraft

Let's kick this Draft Night LiveBlog off with some sage advice from a draft day veteran, Jalen Rose:
YouTube: Jalen Rose's Draftee Draft Night Kit

DA is the truth, people--don't mess with him. Especially on Draft Night
Just making my annual pre-Draft announcement: when I know the picks, I'm Tweeting them. Period. Don't bother arguing w/me.

In the spirit of upside potential--let's just admire Wiggins's draft day suit. Hat tip to SB Nation for securing a Vine to capture the shoes and glasses (See Jalen's tip in the YouTube clip above)

Wizards beat writer Michael Lee agrees:
Andrew Wiggins should go No. 1 overall based on his suit selection. Any kid with the confidence to pull that off will be a star in the NBA

The stage is set--the board is ready--LET'S DO THIS!
We're just minutes away from names starting to appear next to team logos on this board.

Mostly cheers and a smattering of boos for Silver as he kicks off the draft. (They like him! Or at least they like him better than Stern, who relished the role of the villain on draft night.) Definitely boos as Silver acknowledges the Championship Spurs.

Adam Silver gets a standing ovation as he opens the 2014 #NBADraft
Silver's brief speech at the open is a nice touch. He's helping to craft the narrative for the evening by naming "hidden gems" from past drafts. Like Kawhi Leonard: a bargain at #15 (drafted in 2011 by the Spurs...they do an amazing job with player development: Robinson, Duncan, Ginobili Leonard). MVP, MVP!

Cavs on the clock--this is the third time they've had the #1 pick in the last 4 years

Jalen calls back to his infamous 1994 red draft day suit with the bright red tie and lapel rose tonight in the ESPN analyst chair.

Already running late on the first pick---is there a trade brewing, or did Adam Silver's watch stop working?

Cavs take Wiggins--another #1 Canadian! (Anthony Bennett, also picked #1 by the Cavs in 2013 hails from Toronto).
Plus, more prime airtime for THAT SUIT!!!

Wiggins should feel at home--they have Canadian-like weather in Cleveland
Dr. Naismith is smiling in heaven (He's a Canadian too...)

I love that we've progressed to "Who are you wearing?" at the NBA Draft

UPDATE: Fun fact from Elias Sports Bureau:
Before this year, only three players who were taken first or second overall in the NBA Draft had fathers who played in the league: Danny Manning (1st in 1988), Danny Ferry (2nd in 1989) and Mike Bibby (2nd in 1998).

Sidebar on the fun fact: The Dannys were both drafted by the LA Clippers.

Danny Manning was drafted after winning the 1988 NCAA Championship with Kansas (defeating Ferry's Duke Blue Devils in the Final Four.) He played six seasons with the Clippers and 16 total in the NBA. Manning is now the head coach of Wake Forest, the college of current Clips All-Star PG Chris Paul.

Danny Ferry spurned the Clippers after they drafted him at #2 and spent his first pro season playing for Il Messaggero in Rome, Italy. He never suited up for the Clips, but there's still a photo in the NBA archives with him in the Clips hat, and a very disappointed look on his face. Ferry is now GM of the Atlanta Hawks, and is making decisions about the #15 and #43 picks tonight.

New Milwaukee Bucks owners Marc Lasry and Wesley Edens got the guy they wanted at #2: Jabari Parker. This is Duke's 8th top three draft pick since 1985.

Remember the buzz about Edens's daughter Mallory on lottery day?

Now the Draft begins for real.

The post-surgery pain-killers seem to be working on Embiid...he could not be more nonplussed about being selected #3 by the Philadelphia 76ers as he sits in his recovery room (H/T to SB Nation for the excellent Vine).
 Joel, you’re a Philadelphia 76er! Joel! Joel? JOEL?!?!?!?!?!

OK, so it was a DELAYED REACTION, not the drugs...(gotta love the SB Nation GIFs to capture EVERYTHING!)
SB Nation GIF @SBNationGIF
Wait nevermind, Joel is happy.