Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Eleventh Day of Gheorghe-mas: 11 drinks and rambling...

On the eleventh day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me:

Eleven Drinks and Rambling
(Way More Than) Ten Highlights
Nine Clips You Tubing
Eight Men A Milking
Seven Balls A-Bouncin' (ngs)
Six Rules Worth Knowing
Five Golden Rings
Four-gone Conclusions
Three Saluki Tallies
Two Recurring Features
And a Doofus Dancing (hee, hee)

The approach of a New Year always leaves me in the mood to want to take stock of my life. To really sit down and take a look at the things I've said and done over the past year. Actually, that's not true. That's just an intro I made up for this post because I didn't have enough time to finish the post I had originally planned. Fear not, I'll get that post done at some point in the near future. However, I didn't want my busy schedule (read: alcoholism) to keep the rest of G:TB from being able to put a nice tidy bow on 2009 by finishing the 12 Days of Gheorghemas. So, with that in mind, I have decided to go ahead with a post that I was slowly working on over the holidays. It's the long awaited return of my multi-sport ramblings. These are, as always, in no particular order and are, likely, interesting to nobody but me.

- I may have mentioned this before, but I've rarely been as wrong about the NBA prospects of somebody as I was about Carl Landry. The guy's really, really good. We're talking possibly better than Paul Millsap here (which makes him the class of the suddenly effective and popular crop of scrappy, undersized PFs who currently litter the NBA landscape). Not sure how I missed so badly on him. I'm thinking its the combination of my bias against undersized power forwards and my bias against Big 10 basketball.

- While I'm talking about guys I missed on, I really really missed on Tyreke Evans. I first saw Evans play in high school and immediately hated him. He dribbled too much, he didn't involve his teammates and his jump shot was so ugly even Bill Cartwright had to look away. Even after a stellar finish to his freshman year at Memphis I remained unsold. Well, now he's putting up huge numbers for an overachieving Sacramento team and is killing it for my fantasy team to the tune of 25/5/5. Ridiculous. I was right about one thing though. He's not a PG, not even close. He's a less athletic Jerry Stackhouse with a better handle. Which,
ultimately, makes him more effective than Stack because he can create a shot for himself (or a teammate) at any time. If he can straighten out his jumpshot he could be a perennial All-Star.

- Oh, TJ wanted me to remind everyone that Joakim Noah is currently 3rd in the NBA in rebounding. TJ loves that guy.

- You who had a bold prediction that turned out great? The Wheelhome's own Jerry Flantastico. Earlier this year he tabbed Robert Meachem as a "super sleeper" in fantasy football. How right you were Jerry. If you had Meachem during the second half of this season, I'm betting he won you at least 2 games with his proclivity for multiple TD games.

- Not many people are talking about it because the Raptors are terrible (and in Canada) but Chris Bosh is having a monster season. At least Torontonians will have something to remember him by when he's averaging a double-double in Miami next season.

- I was watching those Raptors a few nights ago when I realized I had no idea who one of their players were. Now, this is extremely rare for me. I can not only pick out every player on the floor but (usually) tell you where they went to college/high school/etc. However, I couldn't figure this guy out at all. Then, he got fouled and went to the line. It was none other than Summer League legend Marco Bellinelli. Good God has that guy gotten swarthy over the last couple of years. I'd bet good money that guy has a scarf collection to rival the hat/shoe collection of any other NBA player (A roster full of guys like this is one of the many reasons the Raptors are awful).

- Fun fact: Okay, it's not really fun but it will probably blow your mind. Jerry Sloan has been coaching the Utah Jazz a year longer than the Orlando Magic franchise has been in existence. Jerry Sloan also thinks you're a no good slacker who needs a haircut, a good solid shave with a straight razor, and a second job.

- If you caught Rob's 'Year in Review' you know that he thinks I know an awful lot about professional basketball. That's good, because I think I do too. I am, after all the guy who (before the draft) told anyone who would listen that Michael Beasley was a SF in the NBA. You know, because he's 6'8" and all. Well, guess what? Yep, he's starting at SF and doing quite well these days. So, with that said, I'd like to take this time to give the Portland Trailblazers some advice:

Brandon Roy is your PG. Stop fighting it. He handles the ball exclusively in crunch time and is generally much more effective when operating with the ball in his hands. His handle, size, creativity and unselfish nature have conspired to make this the case since virtually his first day in the league (Even going back to Washington, he was often the PG especially late in games). So, stop trying to make him play with average PGs who should be coming off the bench (Steve Blake) or PGs who have to have the ball in their hands to be effective because of style of play and/or a limited offensive game (Andre Miller) and just make him your full time PG. Take Jerryd Bayless (who's been killing it since he started to garner major minutes in mid-December) and insert him at the 2. He can guard PGs and Roy can guard 2s. Now you have two young, athletic guards who can play together and you can build around them. You should've never signed Andre Miller in the first place so stop trying to justify it. He and Roy don't play well together and don't like playing with each other. This is not going to change. Accept it and move on.

- Did you know that Jonathan Bender (he of the McDonald's All-American game scoring record) was back in the NBA? I sure as hell didn't. Shit, I doubt anyone other than TR did. But there he was, suited up for the Knicks just a few days ago. This begs one question: Does Donnie Walsh have a room full of dead horses that he goes into periodically and hits with baseball bats?

- I, like many males in my generation, grew up collecting baseball cards. For a while there, I was pretty into it too. Collecting rookie cards from guys like Rickey Henderson, Mike Schmidt, Ozzie Smith, Ken Griffey and plenty of others. I also managed to acquire some very valuable cards featuring guys like Stan Musial, Bob Gibson, Harmon Killebrew and others. I also happened to hear many men in my father's generation bemoan the fact that their mother's had given their cards away and how much money they'd have in those cards if they still had them. Naturally, I decided that this wouldn't be me and I would hold on to my cards as I grew older. I even stored them in a fireproof cabinet for a number of years. Well, wouldn't you know it...the bottom fell out of the sports card business a few years back and even the cards I own that are still worth money are nearly fucking impossible to sell.

Yet another in a long line of reasons why baseball fucking suck goat balls. Thanks a lot Doubleday. You syphilitic prick.

- That little rant reminded me of something I thought of earlier. Baseball is eerily similar to Whitney. Old, full of itself, prone to long, annoying stories about itself that nobody cares to hear, and completely fucking useless.

- Not to get all Bill Mahrer here but I have a new rule: Nobody is the Mariano Rivera of anything, except for Mariano Rivera. No football player, no basketball player, nothing. Unless you can show me somebody who ONLY plays the last 20-23% of a game and is brought in cold to close out said game, kindly shut the fuck up.

- One last thing: I hate hearing people bitch about their cable providers as much as anyone I know but I'd like to issue a heartfelt "Fuck you, eat my shit" to Brighthouse Networks for not renewing their contract with Fox. Yes, Fox. Not the MLB network or the NFL network or even MSNBC. No, Fox. The company who'll be broadcasting approximately 30 football games over the next two months. Am I supposed to just live in fucking bar from now on you assholes? DirecTV just got a new customer, you fucking soulless cum guzzlers.

78 comments:

TR said...

Bender has been surprisingly spry and useful off the bench for the Knicks. Eddy Curry, on the other hand, continues to be an enormous bag of feces.

Dan said...

i think mark needs a hug. i'm worried about you and i don't even know ya.

TR said...

Mark - my now worthless baseball card collection may rival or surpass yours. My only solace is that my next house will have a den with a couple locked glass cabinets where I can display my cards and babble to my sons non-stop about the evil infiltration of Upper Deck cards and why I thought Hensley Muelens, Mike Greenwell, Todd Zeile and Ramon Martinez rookie cards were wise investments.

TR said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rob said...

bam bam!

TJ said...

The newspaper in Lubbock, TX is called the "Avalanche Journal"?

TJ said...

Update - First celeb sighting was Dana White, president of UFC.

Mark said...

Dan, I hate hugs. And I'm fine, I just happen to come from a long line of angry assholes. Now get the fuck away from me, freak.

That's a solid idea TR. I'll probably have to do the same. I was recently going through some of my cards and had to laugh at myself for having taken extra effort to preserve rookies cards from luminaries like Ruben Sierra, Todd Zeile, Jay Buhner and Dave Justice.

Oh yeah, I also have an autographed Dennis Scott rookie card, if anyone's interested...

Mark said...

Thanks for telling us who Dana White was Teej. We'd be lost without you.

TJ said...

Your welcome Mark.

Anyone want my Derrick Coleman rookie card? And I'm so glad all those dudes in the '86 Topps Traded set ending up with stellar, scandal-free careers.

TJ said...

Stepping into Sports Book for first legit bets...how we feeling on the two non-Humanitarian bowls today?

Whitney said...

Merry Christmas and happy new year, Mark.

Mark said...

TJ...not sure how I feel about the Holiday Bowl but I'll side with history here and say take the over.

Also, I'll take your Derrick Coleman rookie card if it comes with a pair of British Knights Dymacels.

Mark said...

Hey Whit! :)

rob said...

i think it'd be more fun if you bet the humanitarian bowl

rob said...

preparing to head off to the tribe/terps game. commencing face painting.

Dan said...

gut says idaho -1 and nebraska -3
are those the lines there?
don't know nothin about arizona, idaho, or bowling green - full disclosure.

zoltan said...

Bowling Green is where they build (leaky) Corvettes.

Mark said...

Bowling Green still runs the spread. They have a WR who leads the nation in catches, receiving TDs and YPC.

Idaho hasn't been to a bowl in...ever. And Mark Schlereth went there. So, you know, fuck Idaho. Though, Vandals is an awesome nickname.

Dan said...

i hear ya on BG...i chose idaho b/c a) it's essentially a home game and b) schlereth was talking them up (naturally) today on the radio...not terribly terrific justification to make a bet.
and nebraska just cuz.

Mark said...

I'd go with BG for similarly convoluted reasons: (A) Meyer started his head coaching career there and (B) one of my good friends (and a co-worker from my days in baseball) went there.

I also want those smug Idahoans to get their comeuppance.

Whitney said...

The most dramatic license plate of all has to be New Hampshire's, which says: "Live free or die!"

Well, I'm certainly not going to move there! I get just a little nervous in any state where they mention death right on the license plate.

On the other hand, Idaho says: "Famous potatoes!"

I guess those are the two extremes in thought. It would seem to me that somewhere in between "Live free or die!" and "Famous potatoes!" the truth lies. Probably it's a little closer to "Famous potatoes!" but that's just one fellow's opinion.


--George Carlin

TJ said...

Fucking three hour time difference caught me off guard...missed the BG/Idaho start.

The Teej is betting Tribe +650 to win.

Dan said...

well, just like that, i'm now at least mildly interested in idaho vs bowling green.
tiger & sex addiction rehab...and possible plastic surgery. elin must've f'c him up.

Marlin said...

Way to jinx it Teej. Can you lay 100 clams on the Terps on the money line for me to counter act your foolish choice.

mayhugh said...

Note to all sports commentators - please remove "There's no question about it" from your lexicon.

TJ said...

Nice Tribe Pride, Marls...ass.

TJ said...

And I can't believe I'm trusting the Nebraska offense, but I'm taking them too.

TJ said...

Mrs the Teej wanted the money line on Arizona, so here's hoping Zak Lee has a Delhomme-esque game.

rob said...

strategic driving issues abound. odds of making tip posted at 3:1. shlara at the wheel.

TJ said...

There are five bowl games tomorrow...begin group think now.

Mark said...

TJ...there's a WR for BG named Jeter (last name).

This game is quite good, by the way.

TJ said...

This game has the sports book very excited...

TJ said...

Nice coverage.

Mark said...

Holeee Shit.

TJ said...

This game is fucking absurd.

mayhugh said...

And going for 2 - love it

mayhugh said...

Don't throw the fade.

mayhugh said...

Everybody knows it's coming.

mayhugh said...

On going for 2 - "You have nothing to lose if you're Idaho"

Well, just the game.

mayhugh said...

Awesome

Mark said...

Ball. Sy.

mayhugh said...

Rod Akey seems like a fun coach. And he sounds like the cookie monster.

Geoff said...

Tribe up 9 at the half over the Terps...

rob said...

39-30 wrens at the half. wrens look entirely unintimidated, terps look completely disinterested. i expect the latter to change after the break.

Dan said...

of course after bowling green went up w/32 seconds left, i started surfing and missed the end.
tribe up 11'ish now did i just see?

Geoff said...

Tribe up 12 and benefiting from some road-cooking...couple block/charge calls going their way on back to back possessions.

TR said...

Wrens up 11 with 13 to go. Unbelievable.

Dan said...

huskers lookin real, real good too...up 17-0 in the 2nd qtr

Mark said...

Dan...you shouldn't surf at night, too many sharks.

rob said...

i may not breathe for the next 8 minutes of clock time

TR said...

Rob - I will pay some of your fine if you storm the court. But be careful not to run anywhere near Gary Williams. That sweaty bitch leaves a slippery puddle wherever he goes.

TR said...

Up 16 with 6:30 to go....

zoltan said...

I feel like I'm in bizzaro world. First Wrens hoops looks good, next thing you know TR will have good hygeine, Whit will be sober, TJ will be better in person than through the ether, women will like me and rob will be able to dunk.

zoltan said...

The Wrens have a guy named Kendrix?

TR said...

Up 15 with 3 minutes left.

My hygeiene is fantastic, Z-Man. You should trim your armpit fros before mocking others' hygienes, dude!

zoltan said...

I trimmed them last week, actually. I'm keeping it high and tight in my pits these days. True story.

TR said...

Everybody wins when that happens. I am doing the same with my groin beard these days.

TR said...

Rob will have more details for us, but it looks like the Terps going 3 of 22 from behind the arc is not helping them much.

TR said...

83-77 Final.

William + Mary > Mary.

rob said...

maryland is a soft fucking team, but this tribe squad is for real. disciplined, solid with the ball, poised, and with a bunch of shooters. they'll lose a few ugly ones when the 3 doesn't fall, but these guys have a real chance in the league.

Mark said...

Rob stormed the floor and got trampled. I hope you guys are happy.

In other news, is this the greatest year in W&M history? An NCAA bid would surely seal it, no?

Mark said...

At least we have that last dispatch from Rob to remember him by.

rob said...

made it out of the mosh pit - now shlara's trying to get us lost in college park. far more dangerous.

Whitney said...

To answer Mark's question, it's certainly the best year for W&M sports in our memories. (Marquee sports, that is; the Tribe has dominated lesser-followed sports like fencing and chess for some time.)

Back in the 50's and 60's the Indians were a force in hoops, but it's been magna cum sucka since we started following the school's athletic pursuits. A trip to the big dance would be our first ever, and on the heels of the semifinals in football, would probably be more than we W&Mbeciles could even comprehend.

Of course, at our geebly alma mater, the "greatest year in W&M history" probably is associated with something more academic / scientific.

TJ said...

And the Teej wins his Tribe bet...sweet.

Off to see Fergie, will.i.am and two other weird named dudes shortly, in some VIP suite...

Whitney said...

And I'll take a moment to give credit to Mark for his "baseball is like Whitney" comments. While it's easy for folks to fall back on "Whitney is old," "Whitney is a loser," "Whitney writes too many words," etc, that was good stuff.

Mark said...

TJ--they're called the Black Eyed Peas (formerly the atban Klan) and they were once good.

Whit-- thanks. I meant that as as compliment. I just chose to express it thru anger, per usual.

TJ said...

OK, who is this Pitbull fella/band opening for them? I can't tell if I hate him yet...

Whitney said...

Not many of the folks who first heard the Black Eyed Peas through the NBA's use of "Let's Get It Started" for its postseason theme a few years back know that the real title and chorus of that tune was "Let's Get Retarded" before the Peas cleaned it up for the mainstream media. Symbolic of a sell-out?


That sounds very much like something I would make up.

TJ said...

This is the first time in school history the Tribe have defeated two ACC teams on the road in the same season.

zoltan said...

To clarify, Teej, Fergie is not a guy.

Whitney said...

. . . any more.

TJ said...

Z-Man, um, thanks for bringing that up...this live performance by her has made me do a 180. I was dead wrong about her.

Dead. Wrong.

TJ said...

Will.i.am just did a 25 minute DJ set-within-a-set...Mark, I imagine that was what made these guys awesome when you said they were unknown and had that other goofy name.

mayhugh said...

Manny suing Mayweather's camp for defamation. A potential barnburner of a fight looks less and less possible. Just the latest example of boxing getting in its own way.

And if memory serves, Mark, didn't the Black Eyed Peas go through a bunch of female backup singers before Fergie came along?

Mark said...

That's about right TJ. Will.I.Am is very musically talented. The beginning of the end for them was when they added Fergie to the group (anytime you add somebody who once starred on Kids Inc., its a bad sign). Even there first BEP album (circa 98) was pretty solid. After that though, pure shit.

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