Saturday, August 29, 2015

Gheorghe Goes to the Fair

Our in-house expert on culinary excess has been scouring state fairs across America in search of the newest, biggest, greasiest, mostest gut busting extravagances. This week, he traveled to Syracuse to visit the New York State Fair, and check out The Defibrillator.

We know what you're thinking, and you're right: man, health food branding really has taken a turn towards irony.

The Indigestometer is a nice touch, but this pic needs more thumb
The Defibrillator is an angus beef burger served between two grilled cheese sandwiches. It includes cheese curds, deep fried bacon, deep fried pickles, and - because no burger is complete without (more) cheese - cheddar cheese. According to Syracuse University dietitian Jane Burrell Uzcategui,

"The Defibrillator (is) clearly a calorie powerhouse, topping the scale about 1,605 calories or three quarters of the recommended daily intake. Not only are the calories outrageous, the fat hits 74 grams (9 grams more than what is recommended per day) and the artery clogging, saturated fat, is a whopping 44 grams per day (double the recommended). ... Don't fool yourself -- you aren't burning that many calories walking around at the Fair. To use the calories consumed in this meal you would have to walk the Midway end-to-end 32 times."

To which we say, get to walking.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Entrance Song to a Lovemaking Session

I used to watch a lot of the MMA pay-per-views with friends a few years ago. We would compare entrance songs of different fighters and talk about what we would use in the unlikely (though slightly more likely after several drinks) event we become professional fighters. Of course, this was all done while acknowledging there was no topping old school Mike Tyson's entrance with Welcome to the Terrordome cranking in the background.

Anyhoo, I stumbled on the song below a few months back (thanks to our good friends on the Deep Tracks station at SiriusXM) and fell in love with it immediately. Earlier this week, as I navigated the subway to get to my train home, I tried to contextualize (in my own head, of course, where most of my conversations occur) why I loved this song. It took me a while, but I think I finally came up with the context in which this song was perfect.

What if men and women walked into bedrooms for lovemaking sessions like fighters walked into boxing rings for fights? What if there were 10,000 folks there to cheer you on? What if I was in a robe, walking slowly, while an entourage massaged my traps, carried gels, lubes, toys and sexual accoutrements, held my heavyweight champ lovemaking belt high in the air and whispered encouraging words into my ear to ensure the fires raged underneath my lustrous groin beard? What song would fit that scenario and get me fired up for a funkadelic romp under the sheets? Well, this song would.

So, um, yeah. That's what I have to say about this tune. Give it a whirl and try to forget the awfulness in the world for five minutes. 1970 side project by Jerry Garcia and keyboardist Howard Wales? Count me in.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

This Test Goes to Eleven

A short episode of The Test this week, on current events. Cunningham does fairly well, but current events are definitely not my forte-- probably because I don't watch TV or read the newspaper . . . I tend to get my breaking news from the comment thread on Gheorghe.  My performance is not particularly impressive. Perhaps you will fare better.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Clarence Explains It All . . . Again

Clarence is not a role model. He’s not even human. He’s a cartoon. Some of the things he does could cause a person to get hurt, expelled, arrested, possibly deported. To put it another way: Don't try this at home. 

So the locals were aghast with an incident at ODU over the weekend.  Thanks to the pervasive nature of social media, now the world is aghast.

Some frat guy knuckleheads spray-painted some remarks on bed sheets and dangled them from balconies, remarks that are characterized anywhere from mildly obnoxious to criminally offensive, depending upon your mindset.  Here is Deadspin's take on it, with pictures.

I have a question not just for Zman Esq and the handful of other attorneys in our GTB midst, but all of you higher-minded cohorts of mine.  Here are the words that were printed on the sheets:
“Rowdy and fun [highlighting the O, D, and U]"
"Hope your baby girl is ready for a good time”
“Freshman daughter drop off [with an arrow pointing to the house's front door]”
“Go ahead and drop off mom too...”
Universally accepted as stupid, immature, and largely inappropriate, without question.

But, either taken literally or even infusing some suggestion in there, are they, as accused by many, words that espouse rape or sexual assault? 

It seems to me that as we elevate community awareness and the severity of the punishment that fits rape in America, we must also elevate our caution when labeling or accusing our citizens of this crime.  It's a complex issue that affected my alma mater in a case whose public opinion verdict rang louder than the actual facts or result of the case.  And whether or not the UVA story was debunked last year (as predicted), the problem still exists and remains a justifiably incendiary topic.  It's one not likely to fade away any time soon, simply because men have sexually assaulted women for the 100,000 or more years we have been on the planet, and we have yet to come up with the appropriate tools to fix ourselves.

As ODU seeks to mete out the proper punishment for this behavior, it's important to keep the furor within the confines of the act committed.  The university has responded publicly, using the likely words "outraged," "sickened," and "will not be tolerated,"  But they also reference "sexual assault" and "violence against women." Maybe it's a logical leap, but as a former fraternity knucklehead, the divide our guys kept between lascivious/crude and assault/violence against women was a huge one.

Anyway, as usual, at Gheorghe we like our grammar on point and our law and order to be argued and measured appropriately -- even when the idiots committing the acts are offensive enough not to warrant much defense.  I get to hear and read about this event plenty for the next week or two around town.  Just lucky that way,

Sunday, August 23, 2015

The Test Turns Ten

The tenth episode of The Test is rather special to me for several reasons:

1) I read Cunningham's mind;

2) I predict Stacey's demise;

3) Cunningham administers a fairly logical test;

4) I edited the entire thing on my ancient MacBook Pro while I was on vacation.

Number four is the thing that makes me the happiest. I took all the little bits and pieces of audio-- the intro and the outro, the heavenly music and the intermission riffs-- and I made them into WAV files and imported them into the cruddy version of Garage Band on my Mac. Then I created the Voice of God with some Garage Band effects. Then I recorded the Voice of God in our beach house, directly into my laptop (and, in the process, surely convinced the three other families in our beach househ that I was a lunatic). My own family already knows this.

But I got the job done and it sounds fine. As William Gibson said, we are living in the future, it's just not evenly distributed yet.

Hope you give it a listen and play along. Also, we are always looking for guests and/or new tests. I am going to try to figure out how to Skype people into an episode and capture a decent audio recording, which should open up some new possibilities and also feel very future-tech. I have never Skyped with anyone . . . you could be the first.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Gheorghe Explains the Election

(This is the second in an occasional series of posts that will continue until we forget to do the next one, or get bored, or see a shiny object that dis...oooh, squirrel!)

It's a measure of how low our societal expectations have sunk that the Deez Nuts phenomenon has enough oxygen to become more than just an ember, drifting at the far fringes of our national electoral bonfire. But as first Donald Trump and now Deez Nuts' rise show in stark terms, people just want to watch the motherfucker burn.

As most of you know by know, Deez Nuts is the brainchild of 15 year-old Iowa native Brady Olson, who registered Nuts as an Independent candidate for President of the United States of America. Pretty good prank for a high school sophomore to begin with, but as of this writing Deez Nuts is polling in the high single digits in Presidential polls in North Carolina, Minnesota, and Iowa.

Tom Jensen, the director of Public Policy Polling initially began including Deez Nuts in his surveys as a lark, but changed his mind when he saw the results, Says Jensen, "I would say Mr. Nuts is the most ludicrous and unqualified third-party candidate you could have, but he’s still polling at 7, 8, 9 percent. Right now the voters don’t like either of the people leading in the two main parties, and that creates an appetite for a third-party candidate."

Deez Nuts has a campaign website, and a platform best described as "decently aware high school libertarian". But where Mr. Nuts truly has struck a chord is in his motivation. As he tells Rolling Stone in answer to the questions, "Is [this] some kind of statement on our two party political system? and Why did you decide to run for President?", "Half trying to break the two-party system, half frustration with the front-runners", and "Because I really didn't want to see Clinton, Bush, or Trump in the White House, so I guess I'm just trying to put up a fight."

Burn motherfucker, burn.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp - Official Trailer - Netflix ...

Good, funny stuff here folks with an all-star cast of goof balls. Represented: SNL x's a few, Parks & Rec, Madmen x's a couple, Children's Hospital x's a couple, Bradley Cooper!, the funny geeky guy from Brooklyn 911, the Cera kid/young man, Paul Rudd!, Janeane Garafolo, and on and on and on. I've been meaning to check this out for a while now and finally did last night when the wife was out socializing. It's goofy funny. Got nothing on the DVR with no hopes of anything on the current telly shows?...this is for you.