Friday, July 30, 2004

Highway to the Danger Zone

Kudos to Whitney for making my writing look even worse. On a positive note, Kenny Loggins is starting my weekend just right. Let's hope my PC speakers don't blow when they hit red line overload.

While I'm At It

Might as well squeeze another thought in as long as I'm here.

I was reading another bad Page 2 article, this time about the Kris Benson deal, and the writer asked if perhaps the Twins were dealing for the wrong Benson. The link went to his wife's site, a la T.J., but of course I was thinking it'd be Benson. You know, Benson DuBois, from Benson the TV show! No such luck, though Anna is nicer to look at.

What was it about Benson, a show that was on for seven seasons, that killed off any future careers for its participants? Oh, sure, Clayton got a gig as a Star Trek weirdo, but that doesn't really count. The governor was never seen again. The little girl vanished from TV, though at least she didn't go the eating disorder route like her Growing Pains sister. The German lady disappeared, though I guess you can see why. Even the guy Pete and his wife, who played Frenchy in Grease -- gone. (Although I think her role in Grease 2 precluded her from A-list appearances ever again.) And what of Benson himself? He's had nothing roles here and there, but you'd think after being BENSON he'd roll into roles. Ah, perhaps he was typecast as the typical black butler-turned-gubernatorial-staffer-turned-Lieutenant-Governor. Same old story.

Oh, there was one guy who walked away from Benson early on and made a little name for himself some time later. That Jerry Seinfeld guy. Did all right, so I hear.

And really, other than recalling its characters and a vague memory of wasting too much time as a youth watching this show, the only thing that comes back to me when I think of Benson isn't even from the show. It's a line from that Richard Lewis / Jamie Lee Curtis show in the late 80's. Jamie Lee has just exaggerated that something was a "miracle":

Richard Lewis: "A miracle? Really? A miracle? It was a miracle when Moses parted the Red Sea. It was a miracle when Jonah survived the whale. It was a miracle that Benson was on the air for seven seasons!"

And lo, it was a mighty miracle. Here endeth the lesson.

A Quick Guestie

Prompted by T.J.'s last post:
What do these films have in common?  I'll give it away: they're on Anna Benson's list of favorite films.  See if you detect the trend.

A Clockwork Orange
A stunning, striking, nihilistic vision of ultra-violence and the equally malevolent forces which attempt to curb it, starring Malcolm McDowell.  A masterpiece by Stanley Kubrick.

An action-filled, brilliantly acted epic re-interpreting the dark 1930's Chicago mob scene into the seedy 1980's Miami cocaine underworld, featuring a vintage Al Pacino performance as the flawed but enthralling title character.  A brutal classic from Brian De Palma.

The Godfather
THE film about the Mafia, expertly written, directed, cast, and acted.  Regarded as one of the greatest films of all time, an inside look at mob life -- portrayed both as one of loyal, dignified, familial virtue, and corrupt, violent, stoic doom.  Francis Ford Coppola's timeless masterpiece.

The Goonies
Some kids run around trying to find buried treasure and save their town.  The fat kid Chunk is funny.  Rudy is in it, and one of the Coreys.  And John Matuszak is a deformed idiot.  And all that talk about "One-Eyed Willie" makes me laugh like Beavis & Butt-Head.

I liked Dazed and Confused too (alot)

Ricky Williams, what the hell are you thinking? I can only assume that sometime down the road the wacky tabaccky is going to lose some of it's entertainment value (or customs agents are going to make it less fun on your travels). Somehow I don't think Cheech Marin is too psyched these days to be wake and baking with Don Johnson in the IHOP parking lot.

Kris Benson is a pitcher for the Pirates. Kris Benson is about to be traded, perhaps to the NY Mets. Kris Benson is not important right now. His wife Anna is. She is hot, she has a website, and the hacks at Page 6 are getting Xmas early if this happens. Don't believe me - click here.

The Phillies are 3-22 against the Marlins in their last 25 matchups. I haven't seen a relationship that ugly since last season's Oz.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

Loverboy just happens to be our house band. My weekend starts now, four days of sand and suds, and if the brain still works when I get back, I'm sure there will be lots to talk about. For pure comedy, if you have not seen last night's Manny Ramirez dive to intercept a relay throw in center field, make sure you do. It will make your weekend. And it sure seemed to make John Kruk happy.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Hey, don't you like sports?

Not to completely rip off the guys I am already ripping off, but I too enjoy some good baseball, and last night offered up some comedic gems. Given my previous posts look like an awful Larry King column, I will instead subject you to a huge paragraph with no continuity (like much of my work product). Carlos Zambrano is highly entertaining, though at some point, I think his head might explode like that escapee in the beginning of The Running Man (Killian, here's your Subzero, now plain zero). I'll let the Mets fan chime in on this later, but what the hell are the Baltimore Orioles doing? My only guess is "Who is Karim" Garcia was brought in as extra muscle in case the relocation meetings are moved to the bullpen (OK, so they all can't be funny). Has it occurred to anyone else that Rich Aurilia could be Exhibit A in any steroid case? The Mariners could've gotten more production out of Christopher Reeve this season. And let me end with this thought - As a Yankee fan (you were bound to find out sooner or later), I think it is really nice that they have given Ahmad Abdul Rahim a second chance in CF (Yes, Hi, joke for one please. Maybe in the back corner, away from the kitchen. Thanks). Perhaps, however, he and 800 year old Hideki Matsui could try a little harder to catch flyballs against the Devil Rays. If not, at least throw the Agilar brothers out there and see what they can do.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Moons Over My Hammy

How to cure a hangover? Be lucky enough to tune into the greatest 90210 episode ever. No, not the "Squash It" episode, the even more epic "Donna Martin Graduates" episode. 4 advil and a distraught Tori Spelling will do it all the time.

So who OK's a project like Patrick Swayze's "She's Like The Wind"? I think it went like this - Hey, he's in the movie, he seems to be able to dance, why not let him churn out a Top 40 pop hit? Who are the ad wizards that came up with that one?

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise - Billy Ocean's greatest work was "When The Going Gets Tough".

Can the Sports Media Resist This Temptation? Part Deux

How soon until we see this headline, or some variant: "Win a Date with Todd Hamilton"?

Friday, July 16, 2004

Taking this blog for a spin

I have myriad thoughts running through my head, and as mentioned below, I'm not terribly creative, so it will be in a SG ramblings format.
Who knew Liz Phair was someone I would like to bed?
Why is Michael Ian Black on every ADD-inspired VH1 highlight show?  And should he and Joel Stein simply fight to the death?
Kobe and Shaq.  I'm gonna need another post for these two clowns.  Needless to say, Gheorge wouldn't be proud.
Yes is back on tour.  Terrific. 
If anyone out there ever stumbles across a medical report linking coffee to an early death, don't forward it to me.
Wheat Thins or Triscuits?

Keeping Up With The Jones'

Yeah, I didn't create this blog (good work Rob Russell), but damn it I'm gonna use it. If Mark Cuban can jump on the blog bandwagon (the blogagon?), then why the hell can't I. Three posts below actually belong to me. I'm simply spinning those sweep week cameos into the stealing of this blog. Some day the creator might look over here, but I don't sense that will be until late October. Until then, I'm squatting. I will aim to stay true to Rob's vision of Gheorghe-ness in the world, and I will make no excuses for blatantly stealing the styles of every other writer I read (mostly SG and the MLC crew). Shakespeare I ain't.