Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Our Work Has Just Begun

The finalists in William & Mary's exhaustive mascot search have been announced. Our dedication and effort has enabled us to clear yet one more hurdle. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the William & Mary Wren:


While we have much to be proud of - let's be frank, without our ceaseless and vocal backing, the humble (yet noble) wren would have long ago found its way to Terry Driscoll's outbox - the battle is not yet won. The U.S. Senate's legislative process has nothing on William & Mary's mascot politics. Just ask Gene Nichol, who was drummed from his post as W&M's President because he dared suggest the mascot that dare not speak its name. And hosted a porn convention in Wren Chapel.

We're called to a higher purpose, Friends of G:TB. Call your representative. Flood the school with supportive emails. Mock ceaselessly the Pug, Phoenix, King and Queen, and Griffin - pretenders to the throne all. (In all seriousness, that's the best we could do? Nice work, committee. I quite guarantee my daughter's kindergarten class could have matched that list.)

We must not fail. We will not fail. Hark upon the gale, friends, with a Wren's mighty coo.

57 comments:

zoltan said...

I could live with any of them except the pug. Which will win.

TR said...

The comments I sent when completing the survey are below:

Griffins - Not terrible, but not remotely related to W&M. If this made its way into the final ballot, why not pick unicorns? Or the flying dog from Neverending Story?

King/Queen - Horrendous idea. Most likely popular with the crowd that spent Saturdays at Swem Library instead of supporting the football team. DO NOT CHOOSE THIS MASCOT!

Phoenix - Phoenix? You all can do much better. it has nothing to do with W&M or Virginia. The phoenix was popular with another group with a well-know history - The Nazis.

Pug - You can do better. Pugs are dogs that 10% of people love and 90% think are ugly and annoying. However, the 10%/90% split is indicative of the percentage of the student body with social skills, so you might be on to something.

Wren - Have you seen a Wren? They are one of the least intimidating birds around. But the Wren name does have some connection to the school. Not awful, but not terribly awe-inspiring

rob said...

ahem, tr? we'd like you to try that again, only with more about the wren's complete awesomeness.

TR said...

Not sure when/if I missed the wren joke, but I don't like it. Sorry dude.

Now that I think about it, based on the gender opacity of our recent Homecoming Queen, maybe Kings and Queens is the best bet.

zoltan said...

As I understand it, G:TB set forth the first published recommendation for The Wrens. Or The Fighting Wrens. Or The Fighting Wrenflock. It was something like that. It's a solid mascot for a crap school like W&M because:

1. It has a link to one of the school's buildings, which happens to be the oldest academic building in the country, and W&M has nothing going for it besides old age and cheap tuition.

2. It's a little goofy, so the generally toolish student body will like it.

3. W&M is not an athletic powerhouse. No one goes there to watch their fellow students compete athletically. A non-threatening mascot is a wink and a nod acknowledging that the students aren't here for sports.

rob said...

it originated here, timbo:

http://gheorghe77.blogspot.com/2007/11/gheorghe-pondersthe-caa.html

then greg ran with it in the comments, and we've been advocating it ever since. i'm now to the point where i sincerely think the quirkiness of the wren mascot would be fun. especially if they made it a fighting wren.

Greg said...

Headlines could be things like "Gut-WRENching loss for William and Mary"

rob said...

courtesy of mgl, ken pom is talking tribe today:

http://www.basketballprospectus.com/unfiltered/?p=381

TR said...

Alright, alright, I take it back.

(name the movie)

TR said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TR said...

Here's all you need to know about Jersey Shore:

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=33yke1i&s=6

The saddest part about the show is that once you get to know that girl in the video a bit more, you will start to sympathize with the guy.

zoltan said...

I agree with rob - Fighting Wrens is kitschy/quirky but in a cool way. Swarthmore used to be the Fighting Quakers, which was funny, but now they're the Phoenix, which makes no sense to me. Only schools that have been burned to the ground should be the Phoenix. My sister's alma matter, Haverford, used to be the Fords but they changed it to the Black Squirrels. I got a "Fear the Squirrel" shirt.

Whitney said...

Just to be clear, they're not getting rid of the "Tribe" moniker, correct? They're just bringing about a new costume for the guy who paces the sidelines?

I was discussing this with W&M alumnus Bruce Weaver on Saturday as we watching Tribe-apalooza...

Now that we have been forbidden from using any logo, mascot, or symbol of any kind that has anything to do with Native Americans, thereby emasculating (not the right word, but you get it) the "Tribe" entirely, why on earth would we want to keep Tribe around? It's boring, pointless, and takes all the fun out of having a team name.

Not to mention it's a marketing budget nightmare. How much more gear can you sell when it's not just a dull hat or sweatshirt that simply says "COLLEGE OF WILLIAM & MARY" or "TRIBE"?

Bring on the (Fighting) Wrens. There will be mockery, but let's face it, aren't we fairly hardened to that by now?

zoltan said...

I thought this was supposed to replace the Tribe entirely. No?

Greg said...

If we become the Wrens, then we should be able to add the two feathers back to our logo. The same two feathers the NCAA found "hurtful and offensive". Wrens have feathers and it would be a good nod to yesteryear.

mayhugh said...

Anybody thinking of going up the the Friday night NOVA showdown? Tickets are $25. Although the TV experience will probably be a bit of an upgrade from the gritty, one-camera, very-few-replay experience of last week's game.

zoltan said...

They should make the Fighting Wren look tougher than the current drawing. Definitely ditch the short sleeved Oxford shirt. It's bad on Homer Simpson, it's bad on Lt. Sipowitz, and it's atrocious on a bird.

rob said...

i commend to your attention the must-read piece on deadspin regarding the seamy, seamy underworld of superstar 'concierge' services, specifically those that support tiger. i think we all know that such things exist in a world we'll never enter, but to see it spelled out is jaw-dropping. i have no doubt whatsoever that nearly everything in the piece is true or close to it. gracious.

mayhugh said...

Shawn Suisham released from your Washington Redskins. What's the point?

TR said...

Thanks Rob. An unbelievable read.

rob said...

yes, let's release the franchise's all-time leader in field goal accuracy because he screwed up once (albeit badly) in the midst of a dismal ratfuck of a season. i'm no suisham fan, but he's well down the list of problems for this team. perfectly redskinesque move.

rob said...

i had to read it again, tr. my mind remains blown. i can't even fathom that lifestyle.

zoltan said...

That Deadspin article reminds me of the scene in 30-frat circa 1995-96.

Greg said...

I've heard first hand accounts of how Jordan and Jeter (not at the same time) would basically walk into clubs, point out who they wanted and have their acolytes approach them and ask them "if they wanted to meet DJ in the VIP room".

Dave said...

how about the william and mary accountants? back when we were there the accounting department was top rate . . .

either that or the william and mary delis.

mayhugh said...

That was a fascinating and disturbing read. Flying in women fitting a particular superstar's "tastes" doesn't sit well with me. Deadspin used the right word - sleazy. It's akin to ordering off a menu or from some sort of informal sexual deviant shopping list. If you're going to get massive amounts of strange as a married famous guy, at least do your own work. That's where I come down.

mayhugh said...

And how much work would it be, really? Approach a girl, say "I'm Famous Superstar X" and take it to Poundtown within 20 minutes. I'm convinced there are plenty of women that are down for this in most venues - just a cheaper and less contrived way to do it in my book.

rob said...

it really seems kinda sad and empty, doesn't it?

rob said...

although from a business perspective, i guess you need some assurances that it'll be kept quiet. which in today's culture is less and less likely. i think greg's onto something - jeter will be the model for megastars going forward.

TR said...

I have to disagree with Mayhugh. That's why you have entourages - They cull down the massive potential of female companions into a few finalists for Eldrick. If you're Derek Jeter, you can't mingle at a crowded bar to talk to a chick. You will be crushed by every drunk dude in the place and all kinds of riff-raff. Tiger picks from the finalists, his version of Turtle gets the runner-up and everybody wins. Except Elin.

I have no idea how Tiger is going to be able to play in a tourney anytime soon. This story may fade, but it will flare up like his (likely case of) herpes by the time the first 2010 event comes up.

TR said...

Take it to Poundtown. Best. Phrase. Ever.

zoltan said...

I don't think it's a deviant menu, it's the venue catering to a client. So if a hotel/casino knows that Tiger and his crew are coming to town, they make sure they have what Tiger likes - Buicks, Nike shoes, and skanky brunettes. This assures repeat business. Imagine if they had only hot Scandanavain looking blondes? Tiger would say "Screw this place, I can get this at home. Let's go to Bamboo."

Shlara said...

Interesting read. Not at all surprising, considering some of the things I've seen.

mayhugh said...

Z-man - I'm not saying it's not an effective business model for the proprietor. I'm just in the "sad and empty" camp with Rob with respect to the superstar de jure. There is too much of an arranged feel to it, and the way I read that story, the superstars know it and, on some level, perpetuate it.

Rez - entourages are one thing, paid Strangeplanners are another. Again, I have to fall back on my "arranged" thing. There's too much of a blatant "what am I paying for" question. From where I sit, it's a little to close to being a John. I'd rather have that question be a little murkier - you know, pay for a meal at Arby's and drive her around in your car, then whatever happens happens. Much more morally clean in my opinion.

And while I take your point about the famous dudes getting side-tracked by drunk dudes or the less talented females when they strike out to do their own work, I just can't picture this being that much of an obstacle. It just seems to me that these are the most in-control guys in the room, or they have paid people accompanying them to ensure that they are the most in-control guys in the room. If something isn't going their way or they want to be talking to someone else or they want to point to 5 chicks at a bar in Dewey and tell them to get on their bus (you know, hypothetically), I have to believe it's going to happen.

Whitney said...

Rob, I know you tendered your resignation in Redskins Fandom, but the Skins played a game against the Dallas Cowboys two weeks ago in which he missed an easy kick that pretty much would have won the game.

Your point's not lost that the Redskins have much, much larger woes than Suisham, but he sucks more than his FG pct would indicate. He's missed a number of makeable kicks over the years, and there have been many more instances when they didn't kick because they knew he didn't have the leg for it. His kickoffs are weak, to-the-10 kicks.

His career numbers are 26-32 from 30-39yds, 27-36 from 40-49yds, and 3-9 from 50+ with a career high of 52. We didn't just cut Mark Moseley and his perm.

I know you liked Suisham because he's short and Canadian like Michael J. Fox and because he used to be a Cowboy, which you love, but he's not a great kicker.

I'm fine with it because it shows that there must be some accountability on this team. If that movement begins and ends with Suisham's jettisoning, then it's another Redskinesque move. I hope it's not.

Whitney said...

And I agree with Mayhugh in principle . . . and think he's in la-la land in reality. Many of these superstars we mention are injecting foreign substances into each other's asses to cheat at their profession. Many of them go out to bars intent on committing adultery. Some, like Nate Newton, truck pot on the highway for extra cash. Some, like Rae Carruth, have their pregnant girlfriends murdered. Even the best of them are abundantly human, not perfect people.

You really think they're morally conscious enough to not only see the inherent soul erosion in this glorified, Americanized version of Bangkok whore menus -- but to also say, "No thanks, I'd rather spend time and money chatting up the masses and earning my action instead of playing 3-man and Movie Game II in the corner all night with my friends and then having my buddy line up a super-hot, tailor-made, ready-and-waiting girl to take home at night's end?"

Ha, I say. Ha.

zoltan said...

"No thanks, I'd rather spend time and money chatting up the masses and earning my action instead of playing 3-man and Movie Game II in the corner all night with my friends and then having my buddy line up a super-hot, tailor-made, ready-and-waiting girl to take home at night's end?"

This doesn't sound soulless to me. It's like life in Unit M, only replace Movie Game II with beer pong.

TR said...

Are there really Bangkok whore menus? Are they translated into English? That would be a hilarious read.

Or are you just making this up b/c you listened to "One Night in Bangkok" a lot when you were younger?

TR said...

Yanks are about to give up their best minor league prospect, along with Phil Coke and Ian Kennedy, to get Curtis Granderson. I felt better about the deal before I looked at Granderson's deteriorating stat-line. His HR total rose last year, but his doubles, triples, average, runs and hits have all plunged since 2007. And he strikes out a ton. But his left-handed swing will be good in that stadium. But he is still only 28, so I'll take it.

Nice knowing you, Johnny Damon!

Whitney said...

Interesting a moral question for G:TB. Nice work, boys.

Z-man, it's awesome, especially Movie Game II, right up until the part where the girl has been targeted and acquired for one night's (maybe hour's / minute's) worth of sex with a famous guy. Then . . . hard to say.

Some would say that this is capitalism. Let's focus on the cases of single men who aren't committing adultery with this. Nobody is forcing these girls to do anything, and that for their time they get at least a good story and maybe even free drinks, attention and praise, sex (once in a while decent), and for a lucky few, a job or cash. And yes, that's where it starts to be much more like prostitution.

It is the world's oldest profession and at these high-dollar levels there is arguably much more conscious choice and much less sexist brutality. It ain't exactly Ozzie & Harriet, of course.

But what's not being written about is the underbelly, the aftermath, the pressure, the shame, the inevitable incidents where it goes bad. Pregnancies, girlfriends, wives, reputations, STD's, threeways where you show up and realize, "Wait . . . two dudes and a girl??? Nope, I'm out."

And the threats and/or violence that will come to these girls in those cases. Bad times. Soul erosion.

And all of THAT is exactly what I will highlight in my conversations with my daughters when they are older. Yikes.

Whitney said...

And more importantly, Greg what do you think of this -- we'll all start calling it it "throwing a WREN in the works." A generation from now, that will be the norm and it will take Wikipedia to figure out how that expression made its way into our lexicon!

Greg said...

I like it. And no more "red zone", it's the "wren zone". And William and Mary Hall could be called "The Nest": where the dozens of fans could coo mercilessly at their opponents. And if we ever win March Madness, the headline could read "Wren Shining Moment".

And the swim team's home pool could be called "Wrentanamo Bay"....okay, maybe I'm grasping here.

Oh, and the new chancellor could be Supreme Court Justice William Wrehnquist (if he didn't die 4 years ago).

rob said...

'wren shining moment'

greg wins the internet for today.

Whitney said...

William & Mary sports will under go a Wren-aissance.

We'll all hail Glenn "The Wren" Close, who was the Wrenee Zellweger of her generation.

Mark said...

Busy afternoon fellas. I haven't read the deadspin article yet but I think I've gotten a good feel for it based on the discussion here. Can't say shocked by this, it's a natural extension of the types of concierge services that have gone for high rollers in Vegas for years. And while I agree that it's sleazy, soul eroding and more than a little bit weird, it's also a smart move for the famous as it's more convenient, provides a higher level of privacy and is readily available.

Not sure if he's mentioned in the article but there was a pretty big E:60 piece on a young black guy who had become the head celebrity concierge at The Palms. They focused on him setting up tickets, parties, private rooms, etc., etc. but it's not hard to imagine that setting up custom ass is a large part of what he does/did as well.

Mark said...

Rob could change his recurring feature to "Bite me Wrendy Newman". Also, whenever a W&M tailback has a big day the headline could read "Grimes wrens Wild".

TJ said...

Coming in January to Fox, "Wren Comedy Rhombii* Attack"

*one "i"?

Mark said...

After a shutout or late season W&M swoon:

Wrenning on Empty.

Whitney said...

When Rob stands next to the mascot for a school newspaper photo:

"Wren & Shrimpy."

mayhugh said...

Whitney just came in second.

rob said...

yeah, that's a keeper

real wrenaissance man, our whit

rob said...

it was touched on briefly in the deadspin story, but scores of high rollers are holding their breath right now hoping that the strangeplanning industry stays in the shadows.

Mark said...

If you're in college. Why not major in recreation and tourism and then work your way into the celebrity concierge biz? Lots of money to be made there and tons of fringe benefits (in terms of access, parties and such...pervs) to be had.

Shlara said...

They are talking about this on NPR...

Daily Beast columnist and former call girl Tracy Quan writes that Woods would have been wiser to enter into affairs with professional prostitutes than women who would grow emotionally attached to him.

"Her view is that Tiger's biggest mistake was dallying with amateurs who didn't subscribe to the call-girl code of protecting above all her client's secrecy," Brown says.
"Unless a client has behaved badly or violently, his privacy is usually respected," Quan writes in her column. "This is a line that separates professionals from amateurs."

NPR!!!!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121159455

mayhugh said...

Mark - I know it's nearly a month away, but any initial thoughts regarding Florida - Cinci? Any serious concerns that Florida will go in the tank like Alabama last year after their loss in the championship? Or do you think the coaching and leadership, and the fact it is Tebow's last game, mitigates that risk?

And prostitution - it's a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.

Mark said...

Mayhugh...AHL.

And yeah, I'm extremely concerned about the let down factor. When you've built an entire season around the hop of not just a national title but also an undefeated season and then have it all taken from you in one fell swoop, its natural to be forlorn and less than motivated to what essentially amounts to an exhibition.

With that being said, I think/hope that the Senior class would want to go out with not just a win but also a great performance on a big stage to give the Gator fans, and the nation at large, something to remember them by.

One more thing: Meyer played DB at Cincy and was a grad asst. there. So he has a little extra motivation to win this game.

TJ said...

Strong was the Anthony Grant to Meyer's Billy D?