Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas: Day Seven, an Honor Du-ell

On the seventh day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me...

Seven Balls A-Bouncin' (ngs)
Five Golden RingsFour-gone

Think back to a few weeks ago. Do you remember a tale about TJ drunkenly challenging my College Basketball knowledge? (Yes, continue...) Challenging me to an honor du-ell, if you will? (Yes, we heard you, and know what you're referring to. Can we move on please?)

You might. I do. (Good for you. Must be hard to do with a brain clogged with malted hops and bong resin) And we're all sure TJ doesn't and never did. (Hey pal, I'm here writing in italics, ain't I?) However, he agreed to go through with this convoluted game of Pick Em. And then some time passed. And some more. Then I bet you forgot about it. Or maybe you just thought TJ and I would never get to this. I bet you thought it would end with the two of us drunk off our asses at a bar with TJ feeding dollars to Rock Cartwright (and Chest Rockwell) at the video poker machine. Well, sir, you were wrong. We're going through with it. Winner gets to beat Rob over the head with the bottle of Jameson he never gave me. By the way, I'm sick as fuck and high as hell on cough syrup and Thera-Flu. And meth, of course. Don't ever forget the meth (Happy Gheorghe-mas he means).

PoY: While thinking about this category I realized that I didn't know shit about the ACC this year. Who was the favorite for this award? Greivis Vasquez? Have we even decided if he's good yet? I absolutely love Ed Davis but I don't think he's getting enough touches on a young but pretty damn deep UNC team. Alright then. Kyle Singler it is. I hate this pick but you and I both know it's happening.
I refuse to pick a Dukie, or a dude named Grievis. So I will take Ed Davis, a surefire lottery pick who gets better and better every game. And you love reading something like this about a kid who is so gifted: "Does not have a superstar attitude, he has a workman's approach to the game that is refreshing to see from such a talented player".

Champ: North Carolina. I've said this before but it's more true now than when I first said it...Roy Williams is the new Bobby Bowden. An average coach. A great CEO. And the best recruiting head coach in college basketball. People eat that folksy bullshit he serves up all day long. I, if you can't tell, cannot stand him.
I hate agreeing with Mark. Sadly, it's going to occur more than once in this post. Here's the first instance. UNC has the deepest and most talented frontcourt in the country: the aforementioned Ed Davis, Neon Deon Thompson, former Talk Soup host John Henson and slightly smaller Serge Szwikker clone Tyler Zeller. Duke, Clemson, GA Tech (watch frosh Derrick Favors) and Maryland are all tourney teams, but Carolina's the cream of the crop.

Big East
PoY: Greg Monroe. Perfect fit for Georgetown's offense. I don't think he'll be anything other than an average pro, but his size and agility in that offense are pretty formidable at the college level.
I really want to pick Iowa St transfer Wesley Johnson, who is tearing it up for the Cuse, but I'll try not to be a homer and instead go with Hellboy look-alike Luke Harangody. The guy averaged 23 and 12 last year and I fully expect him to best those numbers this year (he currently is at 25 and 10). The one thing that might hurt 'Gody is ND's not very good...they're NIT-bound, but I still think he puts up numbers so huge the coaches will have no choice but to name him POY.

Champ: Syracuse. Dick Vitale tells me that Wesley Johnson is a star. This team also does seem to genuinely like each other. Not that I'm saying that Eric Devendorf and Paul Harris were locker room cancers. No, no. Not at all.
Why is Mark kissing up to me? You don't have to pick my team Mark, it's OK, I'll still kinda like you. Besides, it's the wrong pick. Villanova, led by 12th year senior Scottie Reynolds, will be winning the Big East. It will be a very tight race - Cuse, UConn and West Virginia are all superbly talented, but ultimately Jay Wright's club gets it done (cue Shlara swooning in the

Big 10
PoY: Kalin Lucas. He's the best PG in the country. Also, I know TJ's picking Hummel.
I am indeed. Watch him play. You too will fall in love (sgs) with Mr. Hummel. And as much as I would like to go all Skip Bayless on Mark, Lucas is the best PG in the country (the most underrated PG in the country? Devan Downey of South Carolina).

Champ: Purdue. One of the deeper teams in the country. Sneaky athletic. I like them. A LOT.
To quote soon-to-be Redskins Coach Jon Gruden, Tom Izzo and Sparty "just flat out get it done". Year after year. This year will be no different. I do have concerns about their spotty post play (Delvon Roe, I'm looking directly at you), but I figure Izzo will somehow make it work yet again. Plus, I enjoy disagreeing with Tattoo Boy.

Big 12
PoY: Sherron Collins. Kansas is going to win the conference and he's the senior leader. Career Achievement Award. Enjoy playing basketball in Europe.
I'll take his honky teammate Cole Aldrich. I still can't tell what kind of pro Aldrich will be (Paris Basket Racing for Cole?), but I think he has a dominant All-American campaign this year for the Jayhawks.

Champ: Kansas. Kansas. Kansas. Texas is pretty damn good but Kansas is fucking loaded.
Let me put my limited edition Bayless Contrarian Shades on...available at Big Lots everywhere...and pick Texas. Kansas and Texas are both obviously fucking loaded, but I don't like Bill Self much, and thus will take the bunch of uber athletes Rick Barnes has stockpiled in Austin.

Conference USA
PoY: Jerome Jordan. He'll probably go in the top 15 of next year's draft. He'll probably have a career reminiscent of Patrick O'Bryant.
What's Conference USA? I thought they folded when Calipari left for Kentucky. Oh, the games must go on you say? Well then, in that case, I'll take Jordan's Tulsa teammate Ben Uzoh because, well, because he has the cooler name.

Champ: Memphis. Still the best team in this shitty conference. They're going to be a good for a long time too. Josh Pastner's the best recruiter in the country and will soon be one of the best coaches.
Tulsa. Inside-out combo of Jordan and Uzoh can carry them to the conference title as Pastner figures everything out in Memphis, before the Tigers once again grab hold of the conference next year.

PoY: John Wall. Ridic. Ulous. Best of crop of good young guards in the SEC, which includes Kenny Boynton, Scotty Hopson and Terico White, and pretty clearly the #1 pick in the 2010 NBA Draft.
John Wall. All you need to do is see him play for five minutes. There's really not much more to say then if he's on TV, stop what you're doing and watch him. I always am hesitant to buy into these super-hyped guys, but he is the real f'ing deal.

Champ: Kentucky. I'd love to say Florida or even Ole Miss in this space (I would never be happy to say Tennessee in said space) but it's just not happening. Kentucky will lose a few headscratchers this year but their collective talent is just greater than the rest of the conference.
Agreeing with Mark is growing tiresome, but as he notes above, there really is no other option to pick as SEC champ. The highly paid Wildcats live up to their salaries. And Coach Cal makes it to yet another Final Four only to have it wiped from the record books cause he made partner at Dewey Cheatem and Howe.

PoY: Klay Thompson. He's Mychal Thompson's kid and he can shoot the shit out of it. He led the US U-19 team in scoring on the way to a gold medal over the summer and is lighting it up in the early season. On a semi-related note, I'll always remember how shocked I was when I first heard Mychal Thompson had once been the #1 pick in the NBA Draft. That guy? Really? The goofy one who comes off the bench for the Lakers and misses tons of layups? Okay. If you say so. I was probably 10 and I doubt I knew what the term "bust" meant. By I officially knew what one looked like.
I hear the Pac-10 blows this year (or as Tony Dungy calls it, the Pac-12). The one thing I do know about the Pac-10? Cal has one of the best backcourts in the country, though I'm pretty sure 99% of you have never heard of Jerome Randle or Patrick Christopher and their gunner pal Theo Robertson. Well, I think come March you will all know about Randle...and he's my choice for POY. And Mark, here is a real bust.

Champ: Washington. The Huskies have three really capable guards, led by Isaiah Thomas (you can spell that name however you wish, by the way) and another all PAC-10 player in Quincy Pondexter. Both Cal and Washington have Sweet 16/Elite level talent.
Definitely not UCLA. Ben Howland's boys have been getting bitch-slapped by the Big West this year. As you might imagine from my POY talk above, I think the Cal Golden Bears win the Pac-10 for the first time in...well, I don't know actually. This is why we need an intern. Or a Johnny Five-type robot to do this research and also make us breakfast.


Sun Belt
PoY: AJ Slaughter. Last year Mendez-Valdez was the guy everyone remembered (and why not? Mendez-Valdez is just fun to say. MENDEZ-VALDEZ!) but Slaughter was the best player. A quick, creative lead guard.

Champ: Western Kentucky. This is one of the top 5 mid-major programs in the country and nobody really talks much about them. Probably because the league they play in sucks.

West Coast Conference
PoY: Matt Bouldin. I actually think Steven Gray is the better, more impactful player on Gonzaga but Bouldin's a senior and this is his award.

Champ: Gonzaga. Same pick every year. Portland is pretty good this year though and St. Mary's hasn't dropped off that much due to the import of another good Australian PG.

PoY: Edwin Ubiles. I mean, this gyy goes to Siena, and he might have a chance to get drafted. Plus, Billl Raftery loves his game, and that's good enough for me.

Champ: Siena. I mean, come on, this is me we're talking about. How could I pick anyone else? SI's college hoops preview issue even had them 20th in the country (which, in hindsight, was stoopid).

Missouri Valley
PoY: Osiris Eldridge of Illinois State. Besides being damn good, that's a kick ass name if you ask me.

Champ: Northern Iowa. They return all five starters from last year's tournament team. Works for me. And really, I can't be the only one wondering when this f'ing post is going to end.


rob said...

um. you missed a conference, teej. for fuck's sake.

TJ said...

rob, I specifically left the CAA alone, because as I told Mark, that's rob's thing, don't want to step on his tiny little toes. Can't win with you.

Dave said...

i like to marinate my meat in well gin while i watch free porn.

TJ said...

I enjoy Dave's longstanding tradition of commenting one post late on everything.

TJ said...

The Yanks are close to bringing Nick Johnson back...over/under on his inevitable season-ending injury? I say May 7th.

TJ said...

And wait a second...why the fuck are the Yankees bringing Nick Johnson back? Where the hell is he going to play?

rob said...

since you asked, if david schneider keeps playing like this, he'll win the caa poy. but i don't think he will, so i like matt janning. and i think vcu wins the league again.

Mark said...

LaPhonso Ellis needs a haircut. Or a contract with the Mercury.

Mark said...

TJ, to answer at lest one of your questions...Cole Aldrich is Joel Pryzbilla without the funny nicknames.

Shlara said...

schwetty balls skit on SNL.
still funny, 10 years later.

Shlara said...

and I nice lead in to Jersey Shore..

Shlara said...

or "A" nice lead in..
I still can't type

rob said...

'dick in a box' and 'schwetty balls' in the same half-hour. quality.

Dan said...

the jersey shore parents must be oh so proud
jags lookin good

Dan said...

pauly d has great hair

Shlara said...

How about Sammy taking out some of her hairpieces when she was fighting with Ronnie? Classy.

And, where do they buy those ripped up shirts?

Shlara said...

The Situation has a twitter feed.

Dan said...

they're all very classy.!

zoltan said...

The Situation, Snooki, and Pauli D were all on Leno last night. They are not particularly bright.

Whitney said...

I have to agree with Rob. I was eagerly awaiting Teejay's input on the CAA, and then . . . nothing. It's like the New York Times doing an NFL season preview of every team except the Giants and Jets. Weird.

Mark said...

I'll defend TJ here. He didn't touch the CAA because that's been Rob's bag at G:TB for at least two years now. It was done out of respect. And all you two old assholes can do is bitch. Please Whitney...shut up.

Geoff said...

I used to bitch about the posts here being too short (place holder for rob height joke). Now I'm back to post about them being too long.