Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?

I mentioned this to Mark a few weeks back, but is anyone else getting a Jonathon Moxon-vibe from Gators freshman QB sensation Tim Tebow. Well, I am...and if Chris Leak goes down in the first half (or if Urban Meyer pulls a Parcells and goes for the more mobile QB), I'm pretty sure this is what the Gators locker room will look like at halftime...

Countdown to Cocktails

More accurately, it's the countdown to "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" in Jacksonville, FL this weekend (shame on the networks for giving into the schools' demands to not mention the game's title during the telecast) . For the unitiated, the WLOCP is the annual Florida/Georgia football game/booze-addled revelry fest, currently 46-36-2 in the Dawgs favor. This blogosphere will be sending a crack unit comprised of Drunk and Stupid's author Mark, Jeppy from the Wheelhouse, Greg, Salts and yours truly. A good time will most certainly be had by all. I leave here on the 4:20 train to BWI (yep, not a joke at all...just me and the entire papal electoral college) and will be in Jacksonville by 8:45. Somebody pick me up...

Monday, October 23, 2006

"IF I did kill her, it was because I loved her too much..."

That bastion of journalistic integrity, the National Enquirer, is reporting my good friend Orenthal James Simpson is planning to pen a "hypothetical" book about the grisly murders of his ex-wife Nicole and her helpful waiter friend Ron, in which the Juice "speculates" on what might've happened the night he caught Nicole and Ron smooching, and got so upset he fucking beheaded them. The tentative book title: "If I Did It". I honestly don't even have a joke here.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

"Not so fast, my friend..."

I will once again be working the short week down here at the Duff Plant. Tomorrow I am off to
Tallahassee for a work conference, and in checking the conference schedule, I was quite excited (and frankly surprised) to see who the keynote dinner speaker is tomorrow night...I hope to god he throws on a mascot head...

Monday, October 09, 2006

Hide the women and children (and A-Rod)...

"You tell 'em I'm coming...and Hell's coming with me, you hear?...Hell's coming with me!"

Friday, October 06, 2006

Frankly, it just ain't the same without Reggie Sanders

Why the love for Reggie Sanders you ask? Well, prior to the 2006 postseason, Reginald Laverne Sanders had been a staple of the new millenium's playoffs (only missing out in 2003 when he grabbed a million dollar paycheck and produced this line for the Pirates - .285/31 HR/87 RBI/15 SB). Reggie is by no means Derek Jeter in the playoffs (come on Rob...you know you want at it), but he has had his moments for the Braves, Diamondbacks, Giants, and Cardinals over the last 5 postseasons, even grabbing a ring in 2001 with Arizona (Cards fans might also remember his 10 RBI NLDS against the Padres last year). All right, enough Reggie love (not the Dukie), some playoff quick hits while I try to figure out how to get Reggie on a League Championship roster...

A's/Twins - Yes, it's never a good idea to drop the first two games of a best-of-five at home, especially when the best pitcher in the game starts Game 1. But, BUT, realize this folks, the Oakland A's are the biggest bunch of choking dogs we've seen since, well, the 2004 Yankees (god damn it pains me to write that). Aside from the rejuvenated Frank Thomas, that A's lineup is still punchless (unless Uncle Milty throws a real punch at Ken Macha) and it's not like being at home in Oakland is a huge advantage. The Twins certainly aren't helping themselves throwing a guy with a torn labrum and a stress fracture in Game 3, but Brad Radke just might have one left in him. This must be pointed out - Oakland has lost the last 9 games in which it had an opportunity to clinch a postseason series, which just happens to be a major league record (thanks Elias Sports Bureau). And the real kicker: only one team in history has won the first two games on the road in a best-of-five series (just like these A's) and lost. You wanna take a guess who? That's right, the 2001 A's blew a 2-0 series lead against the Yankees (if I remember correctly, that might be the year of the Jeter play). I'm taking Minnesota in 5.

Yankees/Tigers - God damn frisky Tigers and their god damn old school, doesn't-give-a-shit manager. I thought Justin Verlander might cry yesterday when Leyland yanked him. Now we have a tie series, and Detroit thinks they're going to win this thing. Battle of the creaky (and cranky) lefties in Game 3 tonight - Randy Johnson for the Yanks and Kenny Rogers for the Tigers. You know the Yankees bullpen will be needed tonight, perhaps very early, and that is a major problem. Hey Mike Myers, if you can't even get a left-hander out, especially one who hit .238 after the All Star break, why don't you just miss the flight? We don't need you. It's not even worth my time to join the thousands behind the woodshed pummeling Alex Rodriguez, but it sure as hell would be nice if he got a meaningful hit sometime in this post-season, perhaps before it's too late (he's hitless in his past 14 postseason ABs with runners in scoring position). I still think Yankees in 4 (and Yanks in 6 in ALCS against Twins), but I'm alot more worried now than I was yesterday at lunchtime.

Mets/Dodgers - Seriously, can you have ANY faith in a Grady Little team winning a series, let alone coming from 0-2 down. Unlike with the A's and Twins, I don't think it's happening here, even with the Mets throwing [insert very unfunny mention of some Mets pitcher from the 70s as done by all other writers in past two days]. The "two guys tagged out at home" play was the death knell for the Dodgers. The Mets are sweeping this thing, and Tommy Lasorda is running over Little in the parking lot of Dodger Stadium after Game 3 (by accident of course, because he's old as hell). By the way, star of this post Reggie Sanders has absolutely NOTHING on the ancient Kenny Lofton, who is so old it looks like he can barely hold up the bat. Lofton has played in 81 playoff games in his career, but has nothing to show for it, and that ain't changing this year.

Cardinals/Padres - Hmmm, stumble into the postseason like Akroyd dressed as Santa Claus and all of a sudden you're up 2-0 against a team relying on the likes of Russell Branyan and Geoff Blum...this thing is O-V-E-R. San Diego is hitting .164 in the series. The Padres have 10 total hits (Albert Pujols has 5 all by himself). Simply put, the Pads are the Cards' prison bitch in the playoffs: 0-5 against them the last 2 years, soon to be 0-6. Unfortunately, this resurgence by St. Louis might make more douchebags like Bill Plaschke gush over Tony LaRussa. A final cautionary note - I know Jeff Weaver looked like Cy Young out there yesterday. Try to remember, this is Jeff Weaver. The moment Jeff Weaver has to pitch a significant game in a pressure situation, oh I don't know, like in Shea against the Mets, he will come apart quicker than Michal Douglas in Falling Down. So enjoy the calm and composed Weaver for now, the meltdown is most definitely coming. Cards sweep, lose to Mets in 5 in NLCS.
Updates from last week: Notre Dame stayed on track and should win this week 77-0, the Jets did indeed put up a heck of a fight and are at least the second-best team in the AFC East, and "Vanished" produced a fantastic episode before their playoff-induced hiatus.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

"I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?"

New York Yankees skipper Joe Torre discusses tonight's ALDS match-up against the Detroit Tigers with Game 1 starter Chien-Ming Wang. (GTB/File/Wang)