Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Man, I'm not even allowed to be hungover for 72 hours around here. Yes, AC was fantastic, and yes, it did quite a number on my internal organs, and yes, my wedding is less than two weeks away. Props to all those that made it to AC and made the Showboat our personal playground for the weekend (round of applause to Social Chair Dennis for a job well done). I lack both wit and intelligence today (how is that different than any other day you say?) but let me just say that the new Wendy's Ranch Tooth commercial is the greatest commercial of all time (and I'm 99% sure that is Adam Corolla doing the voice). If you have not had the pleasure of seeing the Ranch Tooth ad, I strongly suggest you board yourself up in your house until you do. I'd add something about baseball and the wild card races, or even college football starting up, but seriously, do you know how long it just took me to type this????

Eddie! I would like to talk to yououuuuuuuuuuu! HALF! I want HALF Eddie!...All right, forget Katie and Tom, it's Mariah and Eddie time. Carey and Murphy were seen canoodling in Miami over the weekend, according to my inside sources (otherwise known as the New York Daily News). Here's hoping these two crazy kids can make it in the topsy-turvy world of celebrity dating. Don't worry, GTB is here to keep you informed...by scouring Page Six daily for updates.

Have You Seen Me?

LOST: One twentysomething blogger of some notoriety, best known for publishing Gheorghe, a blog about nothing. Last seen in the company of a group of males in Atlantic City, NJ, spouting movie quotes and calling people "donkey." If spotted, please lure him in with light beer, News of the Weird headlines, and OJ jokes, and direct him to resume his job at Gheorghe before his sea of readers go elsewhere for their witty commentary and puerile wisdom. Please encourage him to abandon delivering posts on his other blog, Confessions of a Manchild in Betrothal-Town: The Deepest Fears and Intimate Secrets of a Fiancé, where he's been chronicling his passage either into the land of matrimony or massive nervous breakdown. Sure, it's more compelling reading over there, but come on, we need our J.R.-Rider-smoked-pot-out-of-his-nephew's-baby-booties updates, man.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Let's have a bachelor party with chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze!

1984, or as I like to call it, The Year of Hanks. Tom was swimming with the fishes, tagging the sweet mermaid ass of Daryl Hannah, but better yet, he was tearing up the screen (along with 80s heart throb Adrian Zmed) as lovable bachelor Rick Gassko in the aptly titled hit Bachelor Party. What does this useless, rambling intro have to do with anything? Well, in a few hours, some other solid citizens and I will be hitting that gem of a city Atlantic City for my own bachelor party, and I am looking forward to some O'Doul's, the newest issue of Atlantic Monthly, and a few games of bridge. One other question - anyone know where I can rent a barbituate-taking donkey?

Gentlemen...start your boners...MLB made this one easy. On Wednesday they announced Viagra will now sponsor the Comeback Player of the Year Award. A match made in heaven.

Hi, come on in! Drugs to the right, hookers to the left...This is the greeting I imagine Tom Sizemore giving everytime he opens his door. Over/Under on how long before that guy kicks the can?

By the way, my name is Tim and I'm always available. I also do engine work on BMW's...To multi-talented media mouthpiece Curt Schilling, who has never met a media appearance he didn't like. Curt is apparently shocked and appalled that Raffy Palmeiro sat next to him and lied before Congress. Pitcher, doctor, social conscience...douchebag. Can someone please mute Curt before he lectures us on the war in Iraq or the AIDS crisis in Africa? He's MLB's Bono, minus the cool sunglasses.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Goatate, batboy!!

A batboy who took a dare to chug a gallon of milk has been suspended six games by the Marlins.The batboy drank the milk in the alotted time frame (an hour), but couldn't hold it down. Brad Penny, the instigator in this dare is not happy with the suspension, and has a good point. ''It's kind of ridiculous that you get a 10-game suspension for steroids and a six-game suspension for milk,'' Penny said.

In a related story, Jeff Weaver vomited on himself after failing the Saltine Challenge. He is also an admitted psychopath. But, we love him. Wouldn't it be fun to spend some quality time in the Dodger clubhouse - not a very boring place to be. Between, Milton Bradley's general insanity, Jeff Kent's racial slurs, Jeff Weaver's imaginary friends, and the batboy performing circus tricks I can't imagine a more stimulating environment.

GTwiB Notes

I can't call them Poopy anymore eh? The Kansas City Royals showed me...and though the A's should be downright embarrassed losing to the Royals, props to those guys for coming out and fighting like it was the playoffs. The streak ended at 19 straight losses, and was promptly followed by 2 wins over a supposed playoff contender. Right now, the A's look like the hoops team that just came from 30 down to tie the score in the final minutes, only to be exhausted and end up losing by 8. They're outta gas (something the FMD probably wishes I was out of...OH). All flatulence aside, GTB apparently has the ability to mock the Royals into wins, and jinx the Nats into more terrible losses (and in case you haven't noticed, Frank Robinson is getting VERY grumpy). Whitney is looking for the ultimate double dip: a Mets playoff appearance and a case of PBR.

Man, I never saw this coming - Jeff Kent and Milton Bradley are going to kill each other. Kent criticized Bradley over the weekend, Bradley now says Kent doesn't deal well with blacks. From everything I've ever read or heard about Kent, he is a humongous asshole and a redneck to boot. But here's the thing...Milton Bradley is FUCKING CRAZY. Seriously, crazy. Given the Dodgers season has been over for quite awhile, I cannot wait to see how this plays out, because there is no way this is a dead issue. I mean, I am fully expecting a complete meltdown in the dugout in the next week or so. Perhaps a baseball bat to the head even. Good times.

I've been watching "Wanted" on TNT the last few weeks, and I highly recommend it. Fast paced, good action sequences, serviceable dialogue. The one catch - you need to get over the fact Lumbergh (Hello Peter, what's happening...) is the boss of this elite task force.

Bye bye jackass Bob Huggins. Never thought much of him as a coach, and won't be sad to see him go. But I do wonder what kind of dog and pony show the Cincy administration is running. Why the hell didn't they just get rid of him in May when they decided not to renew his deal? If the answer is they enjoyed hanging him out to dry, I like it.

Our one link today comes from GTB non-reader James of NYC. I'll let him set it up..."Most shocking thing about this article is that Gooden can still be driving a 2004 beamer."

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Hot Mutton Action and a Million Lettuce & Tomatoes

In case you haven't visited Michael Jack over at Hot Action (linked at right), he's got some big news -- a veritable watershed moment coming up for this corner of the blogosphere. There was some debate as to exactly how many cases of wine it took to convince Selene to make a pitstop in Swintville, but the consensus was somewhere between "truckload" and "vineyard." This should be an exciting summit, and Hot Action lives up to its name once more. I look forward to the chance for The Johnson Group to "Convene with Selene."

As for what to do, there's always the extremely uplifting combo of Holocaust Museum & Vietnam Wall. Good times.

I know TJ's disappointed -- he's more of a Gracie fan, but it's still big news.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Ditka vs. God in a golf match...

Dit-ka! I am off to Chicago for work, my first time in the home of Da Bears, so why not pay homage to Bob Swerski and his band of Super Fans. Still one of the greatest SNL bits of all time...

* Well, Poopy dropped Number 17 in a row last night. By the time I return from Chicago, these clowns could be knocking on the '88 Orioles' door. Last night, Poopy threw 21 year old Zack Greinke at the Mariners. The kid's made 25 starts this year. He's 3-14 (leads the AL in losses, and yep, he was once a member of my fantasy team). Thank god (for him) he's old enough to drink.

* There hasn't been a whole lot of Nationals chatter lately, so I thought I'd throw the boys a bone. Apparently, the start of another sure-to-be wretched Redskins season means ignoring a team that is only 1/2 game out of the NL wild card. Their demise was vastly exaggerated. All Houston's recent tear did was give them a 1/2 game lead in the wild card race? Big fucking deal. That wouldn't concern me a bit, and here's why - 25 of the Nats final 38 games will be in the friendly confines of RFK, where they are 34-22 on the year. I see no reason why we won't be watching Nats playoff baseball while the Skins start 0-4 (well, other than the fact Frank Robinson continues to run Cristian Guzman** out on the field night after night). Brad Lidge has recently decided to join K-Rod and Mo Rivera in blowing very winnable games. The Phillies play in an atrocious ballpark, with a far more questionable staff than the Nats. The Marlins have yet to figure out the season began, and the poor Mets have guys kicking each others ass in the OF. I am looking forward to a few playoff posts about the Chocolate City Nine (especially if my Yankees continue to struggle to beat the D-Rays).

**Cristian Guzman Update: He was 0-4 Monday night (rain out yesterday), and he's now batting .188. However, he would be a star on Poopy.

"If I may shift gears for a moment gentleman, Coach Ditka vs. The Hurricane, who would win?"
"Ditka, Ditka!!"
"Hold on, Hold on, Hold on. The name of the Hurricane is Hurricane Ditka..."

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

"One word. Five letters. Period."

Well, it's been a few years, so you knew it was coming - the artist formerly known as Sean Combs, Puff Daddy, Puffy and P. Diddy has a new name - Diddy. Just Diddy. Apparently, Sean is looking out for all of us, not wanting to create the confusion his last name change caused (in 2003):
"I needed to simplify things"

In a related story, the Kansas City Royals have changed their name to Poopy. Just Poopy.

Monday, August 15, 2005

My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team...

In case folks haven't noticed (and really, why would they), the Kansas City Royals have lost 15 games in a row. How bad is it for Mike Sweeney and the boys? They're now 38-78 (wooooooooooow). In the 15 losses, they've been outscored 118 to 53 (that's 65 fucking runs folks!). Only 3 other teams have lost 15 games in a row (or more) in the last 25 years. Those infamous losers:
The 2002 Tampa Bay Devil Rays - 15
The 1982 New York Mets - 15
...and of course, the historically woeful 1988 Baltimore Orioles, who started the season by losing 21 in a row (check out their season - my god did they suck).

The Royals play tonight at Seattle, and I for one will be rooting for them to lose #16 in a row. Why not try to be the best at something fellas. I think KC has the right idea, sending Runelvys Hernandez to the mound tonight - he gave up 7 ER in 1 IP last time out. Go Royals!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Movie and TV News

The Internet Movie Database News made me chuckle a few times today…

Farrell Sex Tape Restraining Order Extended
I swear on all that is holy that at first glance -- and the reason I clicked on the headline link in the first place -- I was thinking this was Mike Farrell instead of Colin Farrell, and I was stumped as to what demographic was clamoring for that tape.

Matt LeBlanc also asks fans not to compare early episodes of Joey to the final Friends shows. He adds, "You just can't compare the last season of Friends with the first season of Joey. You have to compare like with like, and so compare the first season of Friends with the first season of Joey. You then have two shows where the cast and crew gel and evolve and the show gets better and better."
Is Matt LeBlanc as dumb as Joey? The first season of Friends was roughly 50 million times better than the last season, and holding "Joey" up to that season would make his new show just wilt. Duh. In a related incident, Brian Cashman wants this year's Yankees to be compared to the 1927 team instead of the 2004 club.

Troubled actor Tom Sizemore is battling a rare medical condition that leaves him sexually insatiable.
It turns out . . . he's a man. Deal with it, Tom.

Hollywood couple (and my lunchmates) Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas have invested a staggering sum on a rural site in Quebec, Canada - which they plan to turn into a luxurious ski retreat. The actors-turned-property moguls already have luxury homes in New York City, Los Angeles, Wales, Bermuda and the Spanish island of Majorca . . .
Have you guys been to Wales? A luxury home there is easily worth thousands, I'm telling you. Mud Hut Manor overlooking the coal pits . . . what a palace. I know, she's Welsh, but squeezing that one between L.A. and Bermuda was just funny.

Teen queen Lindsay Lohan is reportedly set to blast her estranged father Michael Lohan in song on her sophomore album.
Among other things, she's criticizing him for passing down a complete absence of musical talent.

Is this what Jay Leno does every day? It's kind of fun.

The Best of GTB???

Is that an oxymoron? Anyway, Chandy had the audacity to challenge this guy to find a few decent posts in the long and storied history of Gheorghe (this will be post #303), and I think I've done just that. Perhaps I'll be back later today doing what GTB does best, cutting and pasting shit from the web, but for now, try to enjoy these dozen GTB posts, in no particular order (so this is what a highlight show is like)...

* Barry Manilow
* Neil Diamond
* Commando
* Irony Defined
* Worst Sports Night Ever
* Whit Hates ESPN
* The Office Move
* Welcome to 2004
* GTB Meets GTM
* GTB's Mission Statement
* Chocolate City Baseball
* Instant Classic

Thursday, August 11, 2005

"I'll smack you in the mouth, I'm Neil Diamond!"

That's right folks, for the second time in less than a year, the FMD and I hit the MCI Center to see a musical icon, this time the one, the only, Neil Diamond, on his Neil Diamond World Tour 2005. Let me just say that Neil Diamond can still pack 'em in - the MCI Center looked to be at 99% capacity (the amount of geriatrics was quite surprising to me, until I realized Neil is a spry 64 years old - the man's looking real good for 64, minus the outfit - time to dump the black jumper Neil). Seats were in the upper deck, facing The Man himself, though since I'm blind there was no chance I was seeing a thing (thank god for the two large video screens off to the left and right of the stage). Beers were purchased in preparation of Neil taking us on one helluva ride...
(Quick fashion question - Is the small pink cowboy hat really stylish? Because I saw quite a few last night, and all it does is make chicks look like lesbian Neddy Nederlanders)

"Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah, well, we were driving down this dark road, and I hit a kid. So, we got out, and sure enough he was dead. So, we just took off. Pretty fast. And two hours later, I wrote "Sweet Caroline". Sweet Caroline. Good times never seemed so good. Thank you."

At about 7:59pm (show starts at 8), we get two announcements:
* "There will be no intermission" (Awesome, two straight hours of Neil, exactly what I paid for)
* "NO ONE WILL BE SEATED DURING THE FIRST SONG. THE LIGHTS WILL BE DIMMED INSTANTLY" (basically, the PA guy scolded the crowd, not once, but twice - what a douche)
I do have to say, when the show finally started (well after 8 mind you), it got real dark real fast, and I'm betting one of the members of the over-65 crowd might've fallen down a few flights of stairs in Section 421.

Like a pitcher trying to find his rhythym, Neil struggled a bit in the early innings. Some songs I've never even heard, a few minor hits, but here it comes...the American flags on the video screens...there's Kilgore on stage (OK, joke for 3, but for those 3, that joke is VERY funny)...Neil begins "America" and the place absolutely erupts. I keep laughing out loud about the Kilgore thing, all the while enjoying the over the top rendition of "America". This seems like a good time to mention that Neil's band was huge - we're talking 15 or 16 folks, among them:
* More horns than Chicago - In fact, that might've been Chicago. Lord knows they need the money
* A 70 year old keyboardist, and a 400 pound piano player
* The guitarist who loves his job just a tad too much
* 4 back-up singers who would win karoake at the beach bar, but who are getting cut in Round 2 on American Idol

"It gets crazy on the road, and awful lonely. That's why I love pornography. This next song is all about my love of hardcore, barely legal pornography. Gary knows what I'm talking about. Well, my bizarre, insatiable, and downright dangerous sexual habits led me to write this song. Oh, Cracklin' Rose, get on board. We're gonna ride 'til there ain't no more to go. We're takin' it slow. Let's all do the best we can. And I can turn invincible if I really try-y hard!"

After getting the crowd going with "America", and throwing gas in innings 5, 6 and 7, with huge hits like "Forever in Blue Jeans" and "Cracklin' Rosie", I knew what was coming (and if it wasn't, I was gonna burn down the MCI Center). The crowd wanted it, Neil knew it, and then it happened - 18,000 people going nuts, singing along, pointing at their neighbor, in a state of bliss belting out the lyrics to "Sweet Caroline". I haven't been that into a live performance since Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" at MCI years ago. It was fucking great. Strong finish from Neil with "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show". I've gotta deduct a point or two for not playing "Kentucky Woman", but overall, a very solid show from Neil (B or B+ I would say). I guess now Tom Jones completes the holy trinity? Or is it Wayne Newton??

"Wait! This next song, I wrote after I killed a drifter to get an erection..."

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

The Wright Stuff

Last night, Mets/Pads, David Wright made the second best barehanded catch I have ever seen in my life (behind THE Bo Jackson barehand). Wright, on a full sprint into left field, made a barehanded, over-the-shoulder catch of a Brian Giles flare. It...was...awesome. That kid is going to carry the NYE Mets for a loooooong time.

Speaking of catching balls with flair (ngs), Eric Byrnes does it nightly. I love watching that guy play (Added Bonus: He looks like a guy who would sit on his ass drinking Natty Lights watching Anchorman with you). I believe Squirrel once mocked Mr. Byrnes (exxxxxxcellent) over at MLC, and I simply don't get that. If he was on the Red Sox, Rob would be fellating him daily. I mean, come on, Red Sox fans love Kevin Millar, and he's a huge donkey (recently compared himself to Tom Brady? yeah, that seems accurate). Eric Byrnes is fun to watch whatever team he's on. Hell, he could patrol CF a helluva lot better than Corpsie Williams.

And finally this morning, hopefully you caught the highlights of the idiot kid who fell out of the upper deck at Yankee Stadium last night. That moron is lucky he fell over the net. He could've died, or worse, landed on Reggie Jackson.

GTB's Wednesday Website. Vote early, vote often.

Monday, August 08, 2005


Braindead on yet another Monday, I submit this uplifting tale of cheerleaders using their powers for the good of mankind:

ANN ARBOR, Mich. -- A man who left an accident scene was tracked down with the help of some cheerleaders who witnessed the crash and turned his license plate number into a cheer, police said. Members of the Lincoln High School varsity cheerleading squad from neighboring Ypsilanti were in Ann Arbor for a Universal Cheerleaders Association's camp when they saw the wreck near the University of Michigan campus. "I knew I was going to not remember it because there was too much going on," coach Patricia Clark said Monday on NBC's Today. "So, when I ran down the street and got the plate number, I yelled to the girls: Remember this!" The cheerleaders put their skills to work, chanting the license number. "The coach just said it and we were saying it over and over, and then it just turned into a big chant since we kept repeating it," said Kimmie Ostrowski, a senior captain for the team who also appeared on Today.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

And you wonder why the O's are on a losing streak from hell.

-Orioles reliever Steve Kline on the nebulous nature of dietary supplements in light of teammate, Rafael Palmeiro's steroid debacle.

"If they test me, all they're going to get is Krispy Kreme donuts and McDonald's," Orioles reliever Steve Kline said and, judging from that body, at least somebody is being honest. "I can see how people who are popping pills, shakes and vitamins are afraid. I'm afraid to take anything because you don't know.
"They put stuff in food, steroid beef, feed steroids to cattle. Plus, players don't know what to look for. I'm from West Virginia (University) and I'm not the brightest guy in the world, but I look at the ingredients of some of these things and I don't know. You figure it's over the counter, it must be OK."

Oh yeah, I hate him.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Where's the love?

Poor OJ can't catch a break (well, other than that minor break he caught a few years back). Last week he gets convicted of stealing cable (he should live in Chocolate City, they don't have a clue) and now the organizers of the National Sports Collectors Convention basically tossed him out when he showed up to sign autographs. It seems Juice was indeed invited by an exhibitor to the convention, but the convention used the old "scared of a double murderer" clause to boot his ass. Hang tough OJ, we're all pulling for you.

I love Canadian rocker Bryan Adams as much as the next guy (well not as much as Joe Corcoran, but that's a whole other story), but I have officially had it with his song "Open Road", which serves as the theme to SportsCenter's "50 States in 50 Days " series. I mean, they've only made it through 15 states or so, and Linda Cohn is already starting to fall apart (well, at least more than usual). How about airing some sports highlights ESPN.

The Larry Brown saga was pretty much ignored here at GTB (and with good reason - who gives a shit), but I couldn't let this nugget pass. Apparently the Sopranos cast halted a scene with James Gandolfini in pajamas to shoot a video urging Brown to take the Knicks job. Well done fellas. Which reminds me, Sunday night I caught the episode where Tony pummels Ralphie to death, which got me pumped for next season, until I realized these guys take 3 years off between seasons, and I probably won't see a new episode until 2006. Fuck.

The latest from Dick Wolf - Law and Order: Fallujah? Yesterday, Iraq's national security advisor said the trial of Saddam Hussein will be shown on live television. Nancy Grace has already booked her Motel 8 and camel. Geraldo is fast on her heels.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Well well well...

SI.com's Tom Verducci is reporting Rafael Palmeiro has tested positive for steroids. Finally, a juicy positive test (with apologies to Jorge Piedra). Does this mean Jose Canseco might actually be right about more guys? In light of this, how soon before the "rejuvenated" Jason Giambi tests positive?

By the way, I just dug this up:
Palmeiro told members of the House committee that Canseco is lying.
"I have never used steroids. Period," Palmeiro said. "I do not know how to say it any more clearly than that."

This bit of information has certainly made up for that lame ass trade deadline we just experienced. Eric Byrnes and Jody Gerut probably leave a packed suitcase by the door everytime they leave for the park.