Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

The Cliff's Notes version of our favorite Christmas movie. Enjoy, but not if your kids, parents, or colleagues are nearby.

66 comments:

Mark said...

I forgot to ask for a semi-decent performance by the Magic today for Christmas. Think it's too late for somebody to make that happen for me?

rob said...

mike wise continues to be the best columnist in the washington post. his confessional this morning in response to the tiger woods story is must-read.

TJ said...

No rob, the best WaPo columnist is Dr. Gridlock.

Marlin said...

While I can offer a golf clap to Wise for his confessional, I find The whole "sickness" thing disengenous. He says the line of thinking that "tiger got married too young" is a cop-out. How is it less of a cop-out than "Tiger and I are sick, it's a disease"?

This just seems like people not wanting to take any personal responsibility for things. While Wise tells the world to stop casting stones at Tiger(and by extention himself) because he is sick, he is also saying that it is not his fault. The whole "diseaseification" of every foible is lame and unfair to people who are really sick. I was married, and lord knows I did things to fuck up my marriage, but none of them were because I had a disease. When I post comments here during work hours, it is because I am lazy, not because I have an Internet addiction.

Maybe Tiger and Wise are mentally ill, and they have an actual disease that makes them unable to not screw Waffle House waitresses while their wife is away. However, I tend to think that they are both just normal guys who gave into their libido given the opportunities presented to them. They could have said no, but did not want to. It is not a crime, but I don't think it is a disease either.

Jerry said...

The Celtics might be a good team and a popular team, but I'd be happy if they didn't have another nationally televised game for the rest of the year. And next year too. They're one of the worst teams to watch in the entire league. Maybe I'd take Boston over Detroit and Philly and that's about it.

rob said...

points taken, tim, but i didn't read it as wise looking for any kind of absolution. he seemed to be saying, 'i fucked up, i know i fucked up, and i needed to grow up. and so does tiger.'

zoltan said...

George Will, David Broder, and Charles Krauthammer write better columns than Mike Wise, imho. I hope Krauthammer doesn't read G:TB, otherwise he'll hunt rob down and crush his rodent balls in a vice for asserting that Mike Wise is the best columnist at WashPo.

rob said...

i don't read the wapo editorial page, that haven for spluttering neocon rage. and if i did, i'd still stand by my assertion.

TR said...

Waffle House!

rob said...

internal rhyme entirely unintentional. knee-jerk rant almost entirely tongue-in-cheek.

zoltan said...

If you ever see Charles Oakley in a Waffle House, don't mess with him until he's done eating his waffles.

zoltan said...

I like the WashPo neocon rage. I think it's more interesting to read stuff I don't agree with than to read stuff I do agree with. I know why I think what I think, but I enjoy seeing why other people think the opposite. Sometimes they change my opinion, other times they help me reformulate my current opinion in a better and more coherent way.

zoltan said...

Other times I sit around in my bathrobe and laugh at my farts.

Mark said...

It appears my iPhone has died. This has ruined what was a very pleasant Xmas. Fuck. Me.

Marlin said...

There are three inherently funny things...

Chimps
Midgets
Farting

All are low brow comedy gold.

TR said...

Marls: maybe you should enlighten the masses with your "happy fat guy" vs. "angry fat guy" hypothesis.

TR said...

There should be NFL football on tonight.

Marlin said...

It's not a hypothesis. It is proven scientific fact. Everybody loves the happy fat guy. Life of the party, sweaty goofy mess, great guy. Angry fat guy...worst person on the planet. Nobody likes the angry fat guy.

Dave said...

queen elizabeth supposedly comissioned "the merry wives of windsor" because she needed more falstaff-- the world's original funny fat guy.

is anyone else totally more impressed by tiger's game now that they know he wasn't a dour diligent workaholic, and was actually up late banging super hot and sleazy chicks?

i say score on for the big nerd-- he needs to stop feeling guilty and get on his with his list. his kids will be just fine. sometimes i wish my dad was a philandering billionaire.

TJ said...

Everytime I try to make a White Russian I end up with a Derek Jeter Russian. So frustrating. Guess I'll just have to finish this one and try again.

mayhugh said...

Marls - I can appreciate your opinion; my own is that 1) there probably is something to the "sickness" angle, but 2) it is over-used.

I analogize this situation, at least to some extent, with the people who watch porn at work. It's almost universally a fireable offense in any industry at this point (except talk radio personalities and, well, pornographers), and I would think nearly everyone is aware of that. And we're not talking "friendly dismissal letter and X weeks of severance" fired; we're talking "Hand over your keys, you're being walked out of the building mid-day in full view of your co-workers" fired. It is public humiliation.

Yet people continue to take chances. Three schools of thought as to why: a) They are absolute idiots, b) they don't think they'll ever get caught, or c) they can't help themselves.

Surely there are many people who fall into a and b. But I have to think there is a contingent of offenders who know the consequences and can appreciate that, no matter how long the odds of getting caught, it's not worth the exposure in the rare event they do get caught.

I'm not saying Tiger or anyone else in particular necessarily falls into the "can't help themselves" group, but I think it is a possibility.

And on a lighter note, Pitt's QB is pretty much the worst passer I've ever seen starting for a college program.

Marlin said...

Urban Meyer is stepping down for undisclosed reasons.

Mark, any inside info?

rob said...

just saw that. whoa.

rob said...

espn says health-related

mayhugh said...

Sounds like something pretty serious health wise. Get well, buddy.

rob said...

alternative theory - he was sleeping with tiger woods

Marlin said...

ESPN says that an source close to the Gator program says that there are no immediate health issues.

rob said...

i wonder if this has anything to do with the headaches featured prominently in the recent sports illy article about meyer.

TJ said...

To be safe, Brian Kelly should hold off on the nameplate for his office door. I'm just sayin'...

TJ said...

First, Mark's iPod break. Then he is forced to buy a bag of stemmy swag. Now the Meyer news...thank god Greg is there to help.

Mark said...

I believe it is related to those headaches, Rob. I don't know this with for sure but I can't think of anything else it could be. Needless to say, I'm floored.

Mark said...

Worst. Xmas. Ever.

Jerry said...

They should to the Coach K thing. Even hire Pete Gaudet if he's available.

rob said...

charlie strong is kicking himself. and reading the fine print on his new contract.

TJ said...

It could be a short stay at the Ville for Strong:

Louisville media relations director Rocco Gasparro said Saturday night that Strong had signed a term sheet with the school, but not a formal contract. It is unclear whether the term sheet would be a sticking point should the Gators turn to Strong to replace Meyer.

mayhugh said...

Anybody see the shot of Roethlisberger walking into the stadium? He looked like Ron Burgundy.

Jerry said...

Yeah I saw that at the gym. I was impressed that he maintained such a serious expression with that stach.

TR said...

Giants showing negative heart against the Panthers. Pathetic show so far.

mayhugh said...

Jerry - I need some advice. Just picked up a 46 inch TV. I was assuming I was going to replace the monstrosity of a TV in my family room (the old school projection - think it's 40 inch). As I'm staring at it, I'm wondering if I should mount the other one on the wall above it. What do you think?

TJ said...

If I thought the Jets could remotely make this a game, I might actually make an effort to get downtown and get tix right now.

TJ said...

What the hell is happening at the Meadowlands?

rob said...

just got back to the house - what, indeed, is happening in the meadowlands?

rob said...

meyer's taking a 'leave of absence'? he really is fucking tiger woods.

rob said...

also, what the hell is happening in new orleans? saints smell like a one and done playoff squad.

mayhugh said...

If the Saints lose this game, I also think they'll lose playoff game #1. Their psyche is too fragile for a 2 game skid this late after that start.

Also - Not taking a timeout before a FG attempt is the new "Icing the Kicker" play. Everyone's expecting a timeout; maybe it actually rushes the kicker's thought process and gut check.

TR said...

Baltimore, Miami, Tenn, Jax losses playing right into Jets' hands. Look for them to win today and break their fans' hearts next week in a game where they control their own destiny.

rob said...

kyle orton just made as bad a play as i've ever seen - threw a ball away under pressure, backwards. easy touchdown, eagles.

rob said...

orton saved by replay. barely.

Jerry said...

As bad as the Giants have been since October, I would never have thought that was going to happen. Games like that are usually an indication that there is something wrong internally.

I'd like to see Pittsburgh and Baltimore in the playoffs in the AFC. Feels like they're the teams that could make things interesting.

rob said...

broncos might want to cover brent celek. he seems to be able to run and catch.

Jerry said...

Why are the Colts even calling timeouts? It's not like they're trying to win the game. Their primary objective is to avoid injuries. So let the clock run and let the game end.

TJ said...

Please tell me the Bengals have nothing to play for next week...though, as TR mentioned, the Jets will manage to lose to their backups anyway.

rob said...

i believe the bengals have the 3 seed to play for

TJ said...

Thank you rob.

And some Colts fans just booed the team as the game ended? Really?? Morons.

mayhugh said...

That's the kind of move one would expect from Pats fans.

And Meyer apparently was talked out of quitting and is just going to take a sabbatical. No word on how long that would be.

mayhugh said...

Let them score, josh.

rob said...

awesome start

mayhugh said...

I'm going to go see if I have any laundry to do. You know, just in the Skins want to lay out another fantastic turd for their fans.

rob said...

this game has 'fucking disaster' written all over it. that, and 'who gives a fuck'.

rob said...

argggh, counting crows! my ears are bleeding.

rob said...

sigh

TR said...

Jets-Bengals got "flexed" to an 8 PM start. The whole country will be able to see the team abort.

Not a fun change for a schmuck like me who gets up at 515 am.

Jerry said...

Are you f'ing kidding me? The Redskins are punting down 17-0 with 6:00 to go?

Jerry said...

I'm barely watching this game and I barely care about it, but I'm still on tilt from that punt. Why the hell would you punt there?

mayhugh said...

There are several things, including the swinging gate, the punt, and his post-game presser, which would seem to indicate Zorn no longer cares. Get him out of here, like now.

mayhugh said...

And am I the first or last guy to notice the similarities between Ellis's fake laugh and Greg's real one?