Monday, February 09, 2009

It's All About the Barrys

A new week brings a new list here at G:TB. In honor of our new President (as well as our old disco hero, a soul singer, a mullet-sporting ex-coach, a couple athletes and some other schmucks), we present G:TB's Official Top 10 Barrys of All-Time.

This list was compiled in accordance with the modified Stableford scoring system, so many accomplished folks who flirted with the name Barry (or a close proxy thereof) are ineligible to compete. Honorable mentions go out to Dave Barry, Berry Gordy, Marion Barry, Halle Berry, Raymond Berry, Joe Barry Carroll and the entire NBA playing Barry clan. Except Brent. That guy sucks.

10. Barry Sanders
Mr. Sanders electrified millions with his moves as an Okie State Cowboy and a Detroit Lion. But this video game hero was a real-life enigma, seeming to be controlled by his father. He made LaDainian Tomlinson seem glib on the sideline, coming across like an overly sensitive pansy. He cracks the Top 10 because of his moves, but he stays low because he never came across as a remotely cool or fun guy.

9. Barry Goldwater
Though he was a loser on the largest of stages, Mr. Goldwater is a winner on this list. His conservative message fueled the political drive of Ronald Reagan, his idealogies embody the political passion of as many as one editors of this blog, and his glasses inspired the modern day fashion look of Martin Scorcese. For these reasons, Mr. Goldwater, you are on this list.


8. Barry Beck
Though there is nary a New York Ranger fan among the editors of this blog, there is a strong contingent that loved old-time hockey and Eddie Shore. Barry Beck was a staunch defenseman who wore the C on his Rangers sweater for over half of the 1980's. He was smart, durable and tough as a box of nails. He would fight you in a a second, and usually came out the victor. As the announcer in the clip below says, "Beck is supposed to be a destroyer of men."



7. Barry Williams

Sure, the guy is now a creepy man in his 50's who will shill any rumor from the Brady Bunch for a free lunch. But back in the day, he was the man. He hooked up with Marcia, he dated the real-life Mrs. Brady and he had an alter-ego called Johnny Bravo. Unfortunately, he loses points because his alter ego wasn't named Barry.


6. Barry Melrose
The suits, the hair, the gel, the bizarre coaching gigs, Mr. Melrose has a tremendous resume for this list. Not necessary to say a lot more about the man who is singlehandedly keeping this company in business.


5. Barry Obama
Yes, I have the President at#5. I could not be more excited that we have a President named Barry. Not only is he named Barry, he had an Afro, he smokes cigarettes and dabbled in drugs at a younger days. Tremendous all the way around. He doesn't make it higher because he has yet to establish himself as a leader. And because I don't like the way he pronounces the first "a" in Pakistan.

4. Barry White
The Godfather of Soul's sultry voice has spawned the conception of countless babies. On shag carpets, on a car's fine corinthian leather backseats or on a velvet sofa, Mr. White has laid down the sounds that let the magic happen. And as if his dulcet tones weren't smooth enough, he had the pimping hair and beard which oozed soul. If you want to know how to sweet-talk a lady, may I suggest studying the lyrics to Love Serenade.

3. Barry Manilow
Write the songs indeed. Your amazing brand of cheese is so accessible to all of white America that you have become an icon. And while many folks will claim that Clay Aiken is the Barry Manilow of this generation, I claim that Barry Manilow is still the Barry Manilow of this generation. To the dozen of our readers wandering by this nook of the woods on their daily jaunt through cyberspace, if the clip below doesn't get you fired up to process the shit out of some TPS reports at your cubicle, you are no friend of mine.



2. Barry Gibb
The clothes. The brothers. The era. The beard. The beats. And the falsetto. Mr. Gibb was the leader of the biggest band in the disco era, when the collars were big and the chest hairs were long. Many like to frown upon the disco era. I hate those people.

1. Barry (and Levon) from The State
If you missed The State in the early 1990's on MTV, you, um, missed a very funny show. This clip needs no introduction. And I wish I could embed it, but, apparently, I am unable to do so.

36 comments:

TJ said...

Note to self: when climbing 463 steps to the top of the Hideo Duomo, do not stop to read Rhymos entertaining Barrys list.

rob said...

between the barry list and hideo duomo, this week is off to a tremendous start. a clemens indictment would just be icing on the cake.

zoltan said...

A Barry Bonds indictment would bring everything full circle.

Greg said...

What?! Not even an honorable mention for Barry Lutz? He hosted the show that introduced us to monkey mental torture and Chef Paul Prudhomme's little edible luggage.

I'm so outraged, I just might cancel my subscription to Gheorghe.

Rhymenocerous said...

Barry Lutz was a deep call. Too deep for my shallow head.

All content complaints can be sent to TJ, care of Italy's prison system.

Nick said...

Anyone here ever hear of a blog called Miserly Loves Company?

Was it on purpose that no one told me baseball was soooo yesterday?

Nick said...

Oh, and with all due respect - sorry to hijack your thread. I'm feeling lonely.

rob said...

nick - on the contrary, baseball is sooooo next week. limbering up now.

TJ said...

The carbinieri (sp?) Love me.

Rhymenocerous said...

On the topic of Italy, any fans of the Godfather movie who haven't read the book are missing out on epic fiction.

And The Sicilian, the tangential follow-up to that, is just as good (if not better) a read. Too bad the movie for that book was so terrible.

rob said...

teej, can we have a culinary update? i'm fairly sure they don't have ketchup in italy, so i'm wondering how you're surviving.

TJ said...

Ah, robertini, you apparently were unaware of my love of Italian food. Thus, I am doing quite fine...lasagna, ravioli, gnocchi, pizza, meat and poultry dishes - I am devouring them all. And it's all fucking delicioso.

But, I will still of course find my way to McDonalds, because European McDonalds are the fucking bomb. It's true.

Mark said...

Gnocchi is one of the top 5 things introduced into my life when I started dating my girlfriend. Amazing.

And, as someone who watched Barry Sanders single handedly destroy the Bucs twice a year during my youth, I'm saddened that he barely cracked the top 10. I guess he should've been a media whore/pain in the ass and hogged the spotlight more. Humility is sooo overrated.

Speaking of overrated, do we really have to start talking about baseball next week?

rob said...

i'm worried that mark might be a communist. not that there's anything wrong with that.

rob said...

and barry sanders is still my favorite nfl player ever.

also, everyone should see 'in bruges'. terrifically funny. midgets, cocaine, mob shootings, and lots of f-bombs. two paws up.

KQ said...

"in bruges" sounds an awful lot like g:tb, minus the mob shootings of course.

rob said...

i'm glad someone took advantage of that setup.

KQ said...

happy to help.

rob said...

a-rod admitted it. wow - did not see that coming. i'll go counterintuitive and predict that this will be a net positive for him in terms of public perception.

zoltan said...

I think it's just one more reason to dislike the guy. I also think he looked at how Giambi, Pettitte, and Clemens handled their PED busts, and how fans and the media have responded to each of those three. Pettitte looked like a jerk when it came out that he used steroids more than once, and Clemens obviously looks like a giant douche. Giambi apologized, albeit without admitting what the apology was for, and everyone seems to tolerate him now.

rob said...

to clarify, it doesn't change my opinion of him. i think it's a very calculated approach. i also think it'll work - we'll see a wave of 'a-rod came clean, owned up to his mistake, learned from it' stories from a complicit media over the next several months.

zoltan said...

I can't wait for the complicit media to spill the steroid beans on a Red Sox player other than Paxton Crawford.

rob said...

i'm frankly very surprised that such a story has not surfaced. it's further proof of the overwhelming superiority of the boston american league baseball club and the fans thereof.

Rhymenocerous said...

At least the Yanks aren't on the hook for a big salary for a number of years to that guy.

Marlin said...

No love for Barry Sobel? Red hot man love that is. . .

TJ said...

OK, someone needs to fill me in a bit more on this A-Rod thing.

Sports Illustrated says they know he failed a supposedly anonymous test in 2003? Hmmmm, doesn't Tom Verducci, author of the Torre book, work for SI? Geez Joe, did you tell him that too?

And now you're saying Rodriguez actually came out and admitted to taking PEDs?

I can only assume the media vortex around this story is asinine?

TJ said...

"Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?"

Seriously, Cousin Eddie's stellar gift to Clark of audacious white shoes wouldve been perfect for over here. Italian men looooove their white shoes/sneakers.

TJ said...

I can't wait til the David Ortiz PED story breaks...

rob said...

i'll never watch another baseball game if that happens. papi's fueled by red beans and rice. and marijuana.

Whitney said...

Excellent post, Rhymo. Very glad not to see such Barrys as Zito, Wilburn, Switzer, Scranton-Wilkes, or the aforementioned Bonds on the list. Nicely constructed.

Whitney said...

And in case you didn't know, "In Bruges" was based on a day trip Sentence dude Dave and I took to Bruges in 2003 when he and I visited the oldest bar in Belgium and played the Flemish version of Trivial Pursuit (not as hard as you might imagine) while drinking Duvels and Krieks. Almost a scene-for-scene recounting of our day.

Mark said...

I think my favorite thing about the A-Rod situation is the whole "what name could possibly surprise you now" angle.

Seriously? Who the fuck didn't think that Rodriguez had juiced at one point or another? Besides the fact that baseball fans should assume that everybody juiced in the late 90s-early 2000s (yet somehow they don't), did nobody else notice how much bigger A-Rod became? I mean, could you even imagine him playing shortstop right now?

Mark said...

Another thing...doesn't everybody assume that most pro athletes are using/have used HGH at this point? Its undetectable, the sides effects are limited and its extremely effective. Everybody's using it folks...baseball, football, basketball, swimmers, gymnasts, track stars, etc, etc.

rob said...

stern, serious barry to close out the day.

TJ said...

Someone really screwed the pooch on this tower in Pisa. Give me two days and four of the fellas who hang out at Weenie Beenie and we'll have this thing straightened out.

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