Monday, November 30, 2009

"Open" confirms that "image is everything" - Agassi really is as meatheaded as he appears

I've been watching tennis for over 30 years. It's the only sport about which I can speak with any valid authority. So don't try to argue with me when I say that Andre Agassi should have been the greatest tennis player of his generation, and that if he performed to his maximum potential, if he worked his ass off and exploited all the genetic gifts his parents gave him, he would have been mentioned in the handful of greatest players of all time. Up there with Budge and Borg and Tilden and Kramer, supplanting Sampras, not better than Laver or Federer but mentioned in the same breath. David Foster Wallace wrote the single best piece of sports writing ever in which he described Federer's transcendent game, better than Updike's piece about a lyric little bandbox. You should read it, and the footnotes. While you're at it, read Brief Interviews With Hideous Men; forgo the movie.

You've heard that Agassi was the best counter-puncher of all time. But you likely don't know why. Not really. I'll tell you. He had great power off both sides, and he had amazing foot speed. But what made Agassi special is that he could do two things better than anyone I've ever seen:

1. His ability to hit the ball on the rise was super-human. His ability to see the ball is probably Ted Williamsesque. Hitting the ball on the rise, or "taking the ball early," means getting your racquet on the ball immediately after it bounces, and before it reaches its vertical apex after the bounce. I was surprisingly decent at this at the high school level because I worked on my timing to compensate for my miserable depth perception, lack of power, and plodding foot speed. But Agassi could take the ball on the rise when it was served by Sampras. You can't time a pro serve, not against the best in the world who know how to mix up their pace like Pedro Martinez. Agassi simply had better vision, hand-eye coordination, and reflexes than anyone I've ever seen. This allowed him to crowd the baseline, or stand closer to the court than normal humans, and thus gave him angles that weren't available to mortals, and added extra pace to his shots. Agassi feasted on second serves, which sacrifice pace for accuracy by adding topspin, which in turn makes the ball kick higher. Standing closer to the service box made the ball kick into Agassi's wheelhouse and allowed him to hit outright winners off of second serves. Except for Sampras, whose second serve deserves its own 1,000 word analysis.

2. He held the ball on the racquet longer than anyone I've ever seen. I have no empirical data to support this assertion. But if you watched him enough, you could see that he could change his mind mid-stroke and take the ball cross-court instead of down the line, or hit a lob instead of a sizzling line drive, without changing his swing or even his grip. Opponents simply never knew what was going to come back at them after they hit the ball to Agassi's side of the net. But they knew that anything could happen, and that scared them.

These two skills in combination made his return game insanely dangerous, neutralizing all but the best service games. And this allowed him to completely disguise his shots during a point. He didn't have to drop the head of his racquet to lob or open his hips for a cross-court shot like normal players. You simply could not predict where the ball was going based on his pre-shot set-up, or even his mid-shot stroke. And he had several lobs in his arsenal, some of which made his lob as good as a passing shot. No one should have been able to come to the net against him.

I watched tennis religiously from 1988 to 1992, trying to pick things up to make my game better. I briefly adopted a foot-crossing tic on my serve a la Edberg (the most graceful player ever) but it didn't work for me (the least graceful player ever). Becker's deep knee-bend and back arch actually made my serve better (until I screwed up my back). As did Lendl's looping forehand and Graf's slice backhand. But I was physically incapable of doing the things Agassi did on the court.

Throw in Agassi's speed and power, and he should have been unbeatable. And he's American. With a gigantic chip on his shoulder. Swagger like Mick Jagger. Right up my alley, right?

I never liked Agassi though. The hair. The earring. Image is everything. Barbra Streisand. The Prince painted to look like a Donnay. Refusing to play Wimbledon. The periodic lack of dedication to his craft. And most importantly, the colossal choke-inducing mental weakness.

Even things about Agassi that I should like weren't quite right. Nike made cool kicks for him, but he wore the pink-and-black ones instead of the orange-and-navy ones. He liked to party but he drank margaritas. He collects cars, but they're all white and cheesy (e.g., mid-80's Vette, Hummer, '76 Eldorado convertible, Vector W8, Jeep Wrangler).

Simply put, he's a meathead. A preposterously gifted meathead, but a meathead nonetheless. And lazy too. I recently thought my opinion was too harsh. We actually have a lot in common. Like wasted talent. If I ever gave a shit in high school I might have gone to a real college with national street cred. If I ever gave a shit in college I might have gone to top-notch graduate schools. We both had failed marriages. We smoked pot (somehow Agassi's potheadedness gets much less press than his methheadedness, but he apparently smoked his fair shair at the Bolletieri Academy). We suffer from hair loss. Eventually we got our acts together and became successful at our chosen professions.

So I looked forward to his autobiography, Open. I thought it would illuminate the source of his failures in Grand Slam finals. Like his inexcusable loss to Andres Gomes in the 1990 French Open Final, which I watched with the same awe-struck gape-mouthed stupor as the final seconds of the Super Bowl following the 1990 NFL season. Or his loss in the 1990 U.S. Open Final in which Sampras won his first slam and all but played tinkle with Agassi. Or his collapse in the 1991 French Open to Jim Courier where he was up 2 sets to 1. I thought it would explain why he would work his way to a top 10 ranking, then plummet, then get back into the top 10, then plummet again, then surge again.

And I guess it did. But the answer is completely unsatisfying: as I suspected, the guy's a lazy meathead. He's like Nuke LaLoosh come to life, complte with the million dollar arm and 5 cent head.

It turns out that Agassi was, like most people, a scared and insecure kid who was overwhelmed by life. His dad forced him into tennis, a sport that he hates to this day, actually hates, and was incapable of showing him love or affection or approval. He was lousy at school and dropped out after 9th grade, so he's also insecure about his brain power. All that he had was this amazing, borderline supernatural, ability to do something that he hates, with no desire to excel at it and nothing to fall back on. So he didn't work hard at tennis or conditioning and he melted down in big games.

Agassi's book doesn't paint a sympathetic figure though. He continued to melt down throughout his career, even into his 30's when he should have mastered the mental part of the game. He finally decided to get into shape towards the end of his career but only after surrounding himself with an entourage that supported his childish psyche (it's amazing to learn how many people, both on and off his payroll, it took to keep his mental and physical act together; it's also amazing that he doesn't seem to appreciate what a pampered schmuck he was, or how lucky he was to find so many people willing to make large personal sacrifices for his success). He wore a toupe, and blames his loss in the 1990 French Final on a toupe malfunction. He listens to Barry Manilow and Michael Bolton. Seriously. He said that shit like it's a legitimate musical preference.

What I found most frustrating was some time in his 30's, Agassi realized that Sampras treats tennis like a job, and that Sampras "does it with brio and dedication." Incredible! The guy was a pro athlete for just about half his life at this point, and he just realized that hard work and dedication pay off?! He never understood that giving a shit yields better results?! And that tennis was his job!? I shook my head for a good 15 seconds after I read that sentence.

The only thing I can personally relate to is his relationship with Brooke Shields. She told him the words she wanted to hear for her proposal, and that if he ever expected to propose he better damn well use those words. He had one closet for his stuff in their entire house. Their wedding was supposed to look like a fairy tale. Upon learning that they were going to South Africa to meet Nelson Mandela, she went out and bought matching safari outfits. It sounds like he wasn't really sure that he wanted to propose but was bullied and confused and the next thing he knew he was talking to caterers and wedding planners. Sound familiar? Like a guy you know who should have a radio show with The Teej? TR and Marlin are slowly nodding yes.

Agassi confirmed a number of my suspicions: Chang is a Bible-beating dork; Sampras is a tool and he's cheap; Jimmy Connors is a world-class asshole; Courier is a prick; Nadal is the fastest tennis player ever; Brooke Shields is lousy in bed (I made that up ... but if you read between the lines you can see it). The only person that received kind words from Agassi, outside of his family and circle of sycophants/employees, was Pat Rafter, confirming my suspicion that Rafter was the classiest tennis player of his era.

Some other worthwhile stuff came out of Agassi's book. It explains a series of insanely intense matches with Boris Becker, including the 1995 U.S. Open Semifinal match in which their hatred for each other was palpable, even on TV. It's also clear that Agassi found happiness in his second marriage, and I have to applaud him in that regard. Divorce puts you through an emotional wringer no matter how amicable it may be. So for some reason I have to root for other divorced guys (unless they're philanderers or wifebeaters) and I'm glad things are working out for him on the homefront. Agassi also found a sense of purpose, namely his school for poor kids in his home town of Las Vegas, which propelled him through the final two or three years of his career.

There's no reason to read Open unless you're really into tennis. You know he wore a rug. You know he used meth regularly for a while. You know he failed a drug test and lied his way out of a suspension. That's all the salacious stuff, nothing else really.

You probably read the book already if you're an Agassi fan. If you're like me, if you followed Agassi's entire career as a neutral observer and can't figure out for the life of you why he didn't win at least four more Slams, Open isn't completely satisfying. It confirms that Agassi suffers from deep psychological insecurity and mental fragility, and that he's not too bright. Amazingly, his preposterous reflexes are discussed once, in passing, in one paragraph on page 28, in which he describes hitting balls from a Lobster as a kid. His natural abilities deserve more full treatment, at least their own chapter. Wallace's article (supra) does a better job describing them than Agassi does.

What I took away is that Agassi was a tremendously gifted athlete who didn't want his gifts but was forced to use them, who was exploited to a degree, who purposely self-destructed several times in response but eventually made peace with his lot in life, and, despite his meatheadedness, despite all his efforts to the contrary, managed to find happiness and purpose within and outside of his talents. We should all be so lucky.

104 comments:

Dan said...

thank you zoltan.
we had a friend and neighbor (lived right next door to buck - whit & rob), who went to bolleteri - became friends w/agassi...our friend, mark, was booted for....smoking dope. he always used to tell us that agassi got high all the time but we never believed it. he too was a big ball of wasted talent. terrible. he never really played tennis again, never went to college, became a 'roider, and sadly died about 2 months ago in a motorcycle accident

TJ said...

This post needs some pics...hold please...

Marlin said...

Zoltan = Chris Russo

Is Mike and the Mad Dog the format style that Z-Man and the Teej are going for?

zoltan said...

Our style is more like Crockett and Tubbs.

TJ said...

Which makes sense, as Don Henley is the leader of our house band (he needed the money...bad)

Whitney said...

Z-Man, that was exceptional -- both your post and the link to the Wallace article, which is a treat.

The article reads much more fascinatingly now than it could have in 2006. To absorb David Foster Wallace's proficiency on the subject, to watch him turn a phrase with the same degree of dexterity for which he extols Federer's tennis game, to feel his palpable appreciation for the athletic beauty and grace of the sport -- and to know just two years later he hanged himself in surrender to lifelong depression . . . it's quite a read, and it intrigues beyond its subject matter.

Jerry said...

Well done.

Whitney said...

Wallace conjures up recent philosophical/scientific hypotheses passed along by Dave and his 10,000 hours to proficiency.

Your post brings me to a different philosophical question: I believe you when you say that Andre Agassi could/should have been among the all-time tennis greats. But I look at what he's accomplished in his 39 years (he's like six weeks older than Rob, as a point of reference): career Grand Slam and Olympic Gold, which nobody else did; a bunch of titles; a bunch of money; Brooke Shields and Steffi Graf and I'm sure a million others, which the book might not delve into because he's married with a kid; and consideration among the top tennis players of his generation. Fame, fortune, and fagina. Is that not enough?

Of course he could have done more, but who knows what that would have cost him? Maybe he would have been the best all-time. Or maybe pushing himself to become the best would have burned him out entirely, so that he'd quit the game. Maybe the results would have been the same, anyway. (Sour grapes loser talk, of course.)

It's one thing to note it, but to express frustration and disappointment (as many have) that he didn't do more -- rather than commend the fact that a lazy, lunk-headed Las Vegas kid didn't become an oafish burnout footnote but instead beat the odds and rose to the top (twice) is totally glass half-emptying it. With a head like his, it's almost a miracle that he didn't fade away. And tennis fans were all the better for it.

You nailed it when you said, "We should all be so lucky," but most don't give Agassi's legacy that much credit. Similarly, too many people look at Sandy Koufax's career, lament the arthritis, and ask, "What if?" Ridiculous.

Just because there was more meat left on that bone doesn't mean the heartiest of meals wasn't savored.

Spoken like a total underachiever, natch.

Mark said...

That was wordy, but very good. Well done, sir.

On a totally unrelated subject, I'd like to confirm Rob's rumor from last night. I am now engaged.

zoltan said...

I could replace this entire post, and respond to Whit, with two sentences:

Put Sampras' heart and brain in Agassi's chest and skull, respectively, and you have one of the greatest tennis players of all time. And you can substitute the word "Sampras" with hundreds of other last names and still construct an accurate sentence.

TR said...

I hate to deviate from intelligent discussion on a well-written post, but the newest twist on the Tiger Woods rumor is pretty interesting:

That his injuries were from domestic violence, not a car accident. Is it possible that she picked up an iron and whacked him in the face after the affair news came out? Was the accident all a ruse?

When you take away the money and the possessions, Tiger appears to be just another husband who F'd up badly and is catching shit from a pissed-off wife. That's something we can all relate to.

On that note, congrats on the impending nuptials, Mark!

Dennis said...

Dyn-o-mite, Z.

All stories from victims of tennis youthanasia are heartbreaking. The burn-out effect is shocking and real - even if the talent outlaststs it. I'm fearful of putting a tennis raquet in my 2-year old's hands...

Whitney said...

TR, the first I heard of it -- and it was fishy from the get-go -- I told someone that it sounded like she went at him with a club. She broke a back window with a club to get to him?? Nope, that doesn't sound right. She beat the tar out of him and is covering up.

Oh, and speaking of good times in FLA marriages -- congrats, Mark!

Whitney said...

...and if this incident derails Tiger's career, there will be someone bemoaning "what could have been."

zoltan said...

Congrats Mark. Ignore all the Tiger Woods jokes. Marriage is great.

zoltan said...

And it's great that she selected an iron. Of all the potential weapons sitting around one's home, a golf club is the perfect bludgeon for a straying duffer.

Whitney said...

There are a whole lot of womanizing MLBers hoping that their wives don't appreciate that touch and come at them with their own vocation's weapon.

TR said...

I said iron to make my point. No idea if that was the club used.

I think everybody assumes by now that she whacked his car window out of rage. But the report that police are investigating to see if it was domestic violence, not an accident, that caused the injuries, is sadly fascinating to me. Did she beat him to a pulp in the house? Did a third party (ie, his agent or a PR person) stage the accident?

Whitney said...

And where was Kato Kaelin when this happened? Inquiring minds want to know.

rob said...

i was half-serious when i said 'florida is beating fsu like elin beat tiger' on saturday. shoulda put it in a post - we would've been way ahead of the media. again.

zoltan said...

Even a lob wedge is a symbolic way to beat up a golf pro. Any club will do.

Jerry said...

The whole thing always seemed like an opening scene in Lie to Me.

After some grilling, Tim Roth would go on to discover that "Star Athlete" was lying about the events of that morning. Then one of the supporting characters discover that the reasons for the lie aren't malicious, but that "Star Athlete" is trying to remain anonymous while doing some good deed.

Marlin said...

As somebondy who has been in one of those marriage things and gone through one those "divorces" that the Z-Man mentioned, I feel bad for Tiger. It is bad enough dealing with the disagreements/fights/emotional BS when nobody but your friends and family care, but to have the whole f'ing world putting it undo a microscope really sucks. Some may call that the cost of fame, but I call BS. Some things should be off limits. While he likely did something stupid like screwing a woman with a reputation for having affairs with somewhat famous people, and Elin likely used the ol' Billy Baroo to detail the car and Tigers face, unless criminal charges are filed (ie. faking an accident, Tiger alleging domestic violence, DWI) I think this should be a private matter.

The real lesson is that if you are a professional athlete, don't get married.

Shlara said...

It was a 7-iron.

TR said...

To back up Marls' point, look at Derek Jeter. No wedding ring, an unparalleled list of celebrity conquests and a Sportsman of the Year award.

Marlin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marlin said...

Chick Finley should do a Tony Robbins like speech at every professional sport's rookie camp. He could bring out Jeter as a special guest.

Larry Johnson would teach a special class on the perils of not using birth control.

Dan said...

if he did have the affair, which i have a hard time believing, i can't say that i'll feel for him. now, if elin beating the piss out of 'im with a niblick is a frequent occurrence, and that this madness drove him into the arms of another, then i will offer my shoulder. looking back, i think his so called knee injury was caused by nothing other than an elin induced tirade. she is swedish after all.

zoltan said...

Agassi went 27-1 in Grand Slam play right after Brooke left. Shades of Jeter...

Dan said...

ya know, elin does have a twin sister. i wonder if in fact the woman at the scene wasn't her, posing as elin. this could be some sick twisted love triangle. elin might be tied up and gagged in the basement while the the twin & tiger are upstairs living it up and rolling around naked in c-notes. surely the FHP will read this post and follow that up.

Dan said...

i think jeter's involved in this now that you mention it. federer too. they're all close and pal around with each other and their respective significant others. i can't believe this. this is going to be big, big news. i wonder if jeter will accept his sportsman award?

TJ said...

So Gillette, Victor Kiam and Zeke Mowatt's junk are behind this?

rob said...

setting aside the obvious comedic brilliance of your last two posts, dan - why would you have a hard time believing tiger had an affair? he's rich (willing women are available in abundance) and he's a guy (other than team g:tb, most guys are predictable on this issue). also, he's a rich guy.

zoltan said...

I believe that's called "a Patriot missile," Teej.

rob said...

that wallace piece is mesmerizingly good. thanks for linking to it, z-man.

Mark said...

We don't often give ESPN a ton of credit in this space, but kudos to them for running the 30 for 30 documentary of The U (directed by the guys who did Cocaine Cowboys) right after the Heisman ceremony two weeks from now. Sure beats "Season on the Brink" or "3".

zoltan said...

I expected more push-back that "Hub Fans Bid Kid Adieu" was better. It's pretty damn good too, click the link and bring the printout to the crapper.

Dan said...

i may be giving him more credit than is due, but i believe him to be smarter than the majority of males, and virtually every superstar athlete out there. he's amassed nearly a billion dollars, the great majority of which have come through product endorsements. tiger more than anyone thinks stuff like this through long before it happens, and the potential consequences. that's "A". "B" is that he's just way too visible. no matter how cautious and the level of discretion that is used, someone will find out if you're of TW fame. hell, if prior to being married, i had the opportunity to sleep with say cindy crawford, while she was married, i'd have a hard time saying no, and i'd have a harder time not telling at least one of my blokes. "wanting" and actually "doing" i see as two very different things for eldridge. and lastly, "c" he does have a beautiful wife. for argument's sake, let's assume she's a hubby beater and psycho...he's got two kids, under the age of 4 - i just have a hard time believing it.

Dan said...

i can't believe i admitted here, for all of the world to see that i slept with cindy crawford.

Marlin said...

Dan, now it all makes sense. The Gillette Pentavate are behind everything - Woods, Federer, Jeter, Thierry, & Col. Sanders (before he went teets up). No doubt that Henry Thierry was the mastermind, that handballing bastard. Thierry as a French Catholic, was enraged by Sweden's recent adoption same sex marriage laws. Henry and Federer (who's family has hated protestants since the Huguenot migration to Switzerland after the repeal of the Edict of Nantes) arranged for Tiger to stage the entire accident to discredit one of Sweden's most famous daughters. The Pope gave his blessing to the entire operation after Jeter told him that it was OK.

zoltan said...

All of that went over my head.

TJ said...

No love for the Zeke Mowatt barb?

Dan said...

tj - i have some love for the zeke mowatt post, but in truth i only "got" the first 2 out of 3...i need a memory refresher on zeke.
and marlin's post, like many in gtb, was simply not simple enough for this simpleton. i went to jmu - please remember for all future posts.

zoltan said...

You know you want to touch it.

Marlin said...

I thought that Z-Man covered Zeke with the Lisa Olsen/Patriot Missle comment.

TJ said...

Marlin, it's called "Z-man and the Teej" for a reason...I'm allowed to miss all his references/talk over them at all times.

zoltan said...

Today on Z-Man and the Teej: how to get a sunburn in 15 minutes or less followed by a special guest appearance by Swint and his collection of terrible t-shirts.

Marlin said...

Sorry Teej, I am still learing the format.

Geoff said...

A little late to the game here, but that was a fantastic post. Both informative and hilarious. I spit a little coke zero on the keyboard at this line:
"Upon learning that they were going to South Africa to meet Nelson Mandela, she went out and bought matching safari outfits."

Geoff said...

And the original Pentaverate--the Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds and Colonel Sanders (before he went tits up)--is too powerful. Do not trifle with them.

rob said...

groh, dead. weis, dead. metaphorically, of course.

Jerry said...

Black Monday for gray sweatshirt retailers.

Michael said...

I like wearing t-shirts

TR said...

Also could be Black Monday (or a Black December) for these fatties: Mangino, Weis and Friedgen.

I bet those three guys could do some damage at a Shoney's buffet.

Geoff said...

"In other news, the collegiate football ranks said goodbye to four coaches and 17 chins this week."

Jerry said...

I was probably going to make that point in tomorrows post. Bad week for obesity.

zoltan said...

When was the last good week for obesity? Taft's inauguration?

TJ said...

When Reynolds and Deluise did the Cannonball Run?

Jerry said...

The Rosanne Barr era?

rob said...

strike one terrifically named player: villanova's mouphtaou yarou out for the season

rob said...

mgl's talking tribe over at caa:lamm this afternoon

TJ said...

Dan,areyouwatchingthenotredamefiringpressconference?/fatherjenkins

TJ said...

I really felt jerry and I were willing to contribute to a comedy rhombus and rob f'd us...

TJ said...

Does it pain Tom Rinaldi to reference "tmz.com" as a lefitimate source? And shouldn't Lester Munson get involved if we're talking legal shenanigoats?

Wait...what...driving with no shoes is "an infraction" in Florida? Mark, what is wrong with your people?

rob said...

teej - my sincere apologies. blogger's been doing weird shit all day. your rhombus showed up for the first time for me right now.

Michael said...

Speaking of Weis, I heard a great story this weekend from my brother's roommate who went to ND and has a friend that works on the staff there (low level). Since it is not from the source, you can believe it or not, but I found it amusing.

Apparently, this guy is low on the totem pole so he is in charge of picking up Weis' meals and bringing them to him. His favorite place is some Italian joint in South Bend. He apparently orders the "Family Meal", which features one of those large buffet trays full of pasta, 2 loaves of garlic bread, salad and dessert. He finishes this in one sitting. What really tops it off: Weis eats the meal in his office with his shirt off. Apparently, he makes such a mess while eating that he likes to eat sans shirt.

Not a picture that I want in my head.

TJ said...

Replace "weis" with "guy who wrote this comment" and we have a match, sir.

zoltan said...

awl. Extended awl at that.

TJ said...

This is why the show works so well...

Michael said...

I don't do anything with my shirt off.

zoltan said...

And that's why you and your miserable t-shirts are our guest today on Z-Man and the Teej!! Ay-oh!

Mark said...

AHL...AHL.

Mark said...

And yes, TJ, driving barefoot is against the law in Florida. Everybody, no really everybody, wears flip-flops. Year round. It's easier to drive barefoot than in flip-flops. Thus the law. I've known about it since my Dad caught me driving barefoot when I was 16.

I still do. Frequently.

rob said...

i commend to everyone's attention the sports illy article on the muck bowl - the annual pahokee/glades central (fla) football game. mark's probably familiar with it, but i wasn't.

Mark said...

The Saints have an obscene amount of offensive weapons. They don't have the marquee names at the skill positions (other than QB) but the depth they possess is fucking unbelievable.

Mark said...

Right on cue. Ridiculous.

zoltan said...

Robert Meacham is quietly turning into Cris Carter. All he does is catch TD.

zoltan said...

Sharper is rude.

TR said...

Good call on the Muck Bowl, Robbie. I read that on my train ride home. It made me wonder if it's harder to prepare a rabbit if it's heart has exploded. I'll have to start a fire in the woods and see what happens.

zoltan said...

Did ESPN rip off BBD's beat from "Poison"?

Mark said...

The SI piece was indeed good. I'm very familiar with the Muck and the Muck Bowl and still found it intriguing.

The first time I ever heard of that area of Florida was when the AAU team Greg and I played on faced Pahokee in an tournament in Ft. Lauderdale.

Mark said...

I'm so glad Arena football is back.

TJ said...

Look, it's the ND defensive backs in NO

zoltan said...

Not a good week for me to go against the guy who has Brees in my fantasy league. Maroney isn't going to save me.

Geoff said...

Thoughts on the Saints/Skins line next week? Its @WSH. I'll guess NO -14.5.

TJ said...

He's the Dickerson of Alien v. Predator films.

TJ said...

Hey Jonathan, he's out of bounds...even Eric told you that years ago you douche.

TJ said...

Ultimate trap game. Michael, let me know the line...I'm in.

TJ said...

Let's praise Gregg (all extra g's courtesy of geoff) Williams tonight...but also recognize he's a coordinator guy. It's so obviois to us as observers and fans...why don't GMs and ADs recognize this? Dick Jauron, Mike Nolan! Chuckie Weis, Gregggggg...they are not leaders of men. They are leaders of units.

TJ said...

well, no hooded. Fail.

zoltan said...

Mike Mularkey. Wade Phillips. The next Bills coach. And so it goes.

TJ said...

Listen, Perry Fewell and his boys gave me some of the best "alternative rock" of their time. And I won't even mention Lollapalooza.

TJ said...

Do not go preview a flat with the Patriots' punter...it won't go well...

TJ said...

Come on, even Helen Keller knows Avatar is gonna suck, right?

TJ said...

As much as Gruden wears on me, it sure seems like he knows what he's talking 'bout...

TR said...

G:TB is now the number one result when you google "andre agassi meathead."

Congrats all.

Mark said...

Carlos Dunlap got a DUI last night? Well, isn't that just fucking awesome.

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