Friday, August 07, 2009

John Hughes R.I.P.

Somewhere in southwestern US, John Hughes' body has been tied to a chair and is riding down the highway on the roof of a station wagon . . .

The writers at Gheorghe: The Blog have assembled to pay tribute to dearly departed director/producer/writer John Hughes with a post about . . . the writers at Gheorghe: The Blog. (That's what we do.) In an doubled-edged effort to salute one of the finest moviemakers of our formative years, we're going to grant you readers a touch of insight into who we are. We present to you, straight from our home office in Shermer, Illinois:

The List of Gheorghe Contributors as John Hughes Movie Characters

Enjoy.

As an hors d'oeuvre, we're going to throw out there a nice pair: our steady female commentors, KQ and Shlara. There was much debate over whether they were Weird Science's Deb & Hilly or Samantha Baker and her fairly hot friend she rode the school bus with; the last minute winner, however, was depicting our two lady-friends as The Princess and The Basket Case. And it was pretty obvious to us which was which.

Perfect Quotes:
"Do you know how popular I am? I am so popular. Everybody loves me so much at this school"
and
"I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac."

Rob
When conducting this exercise, we first asked folks which character they saw for themselves, and just like 15 years ago when Rob picked Michael J. Fox to portray him in the movie version of our lives when we all knew Gary Burghoff would get the nod, he aimed high. After inducing a chuckle with a pretty good wisecrack ("I kinda have to be Jake Ryan, right?"), he amused us with more serious suggestions as well: the guy everybody wanted to be -- Ferris Bueller -- and Eric Stoltz's Keith Nelson character in Some Kind of Wonderful, attributable to Rob's unhealthy sexual obsession with Lea Thompson that has lasted beyond all statutes of limitations. He did provide more self-deprecating offerings in the form of AMH roles -- Gary Wallace and Brian Johnson, but the rest of us already had someone else in mind. It came down to his diminutive stature, his likable qualities (also diminutive, said one entrant), his quick-witted sarcasm, and his "pining for the wrong girl in high school," as one person put it...
He's Duckie.

Perfect Quote:
"His name is Blane? Oh! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!"(making fun of less-than-masculine names to take the attention off the real issues, of course)

Mark
Just because most of us have never been in the same barroom (or any room, for that matter) as Mark doesn't preclude us from labeling him with a Hughes character. Far from it. We had lots of suggestions, from "BOTH robbers from Home Alone" (presumably Pesci's height and Stern's intellect) to Chet Donnelly (Mark's not dickish enough... not quite) to John Bender (same, and Bender has good hair) to the bald biker from Weird Science. All good stabs, but they're all in some way superficial characterizations. The Mark we've gotten to know is more complex than that. He's highly clever. He's definitely not to be trifled with, though he's just a kid. Pretty much a pain in the ass. He's a little set apart from the rest of us because of his geographic location (and the fact that he never did time at W&M). And here at G:TB, he's found a sort of home. Alone. Yep, this punk is Kevin McAllister, and he's currently changing his Facebook picture to the shot of him screaming after he puts on the aftershave.

Nah, on second thought he's Charlie Sheen's character in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Perfect Quote:
Boy in Police Station: Drugs?
Jeannie: Thank you, no. I'm straight.
Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Jeannie: Why are you here?
Boy in Police Station: Drugs.

Dennis
Dennis doesn't come around these parts as often as, say Teejay, so this should be highly informational for you readers. We had suggestions such as Rusty Griswold, Dick Vernon, the loogie-hocking pickup driver in Planes, Trains, & Automobiles, and Blaine McDonough. Hard to get a bead there, eh? This should help: Dennis is someone of upstanding moral character in his community, but when he breaks bad, look out. He's not just a tough guy but the kid with brooding intensity, intelligence, and emotion; he's the one who comes off bad-assed and strong but who's suffering deep down and just wants to go crazy, to wail on Larry Lester's buns or dance like crazy in a tank top. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Dennis, or as he's known in celluloid, Andrew Clark.

Perfect Quote: "If I lose my temper you're totaled, man."

TR
Ah, the ever elusive TR. Once known as Rhymenocerous, also The Iron Sheikh, also Tim the Enchanter. (TR is actually his initials: Thad Rigby is his real name.) And when it came to picking characters, there were just as many entries of equally diverse origin. The gayest pick was Kevin Bacon's Jake Briggs character from She's Having a Baby. I won't divulge which G:TBer confessed to come up with that one all too quickly, but let's just say Duckie and move on. We also got another Chet, another John Bender, a Beethoven, a Grandpa Fred, an Abe Froman the Sausage King of Chicago, and my favorite pick, Long Duk Dong. In the end, however, TR is quite clearly Cousin Eddie. His audacious demeanor matches his attire (he'd be the first to don the dickey in this group), he's quick with a joke and he makes us all chuckle at the very image of him. Is that real tomato ketchup, TR?

Perfect Quote: "Mornin' Clark. Shitter's full."


Whitney
Got just a few picks here, a Jack Butler (Mr. Mom), a Cameron Frye, and a Jake Ryan (self-pick). And some commentary about leading men, strong and handsome, the guy who always lands the hot babe, etc. Yeah. The consensus soon enough indicated that I am indeed . . . Clark W. Griswold. Equal parts lovable family man and inept clown, there seem to be enough parallels that there was no protesting Sparky. Time to pack up the Truckster and head to WalleyWorld, I guess.

Perfect Quote: "My credo is . . . if you have to have a credo, you know . . . 'Go for it' . . . pretty much."


TJ
And finally we get to Teejay. It's here that we have our first tie. Fortunately, both characters are played by the same actor, a late, great funny man with more than a few years of comedy experience under his belt. There were thoughts of little brother Mike Baker, Ed Rooney (TJ's mustache was spitting image), Dutch, and the girl in the Ferrari, but they quickly fell by the wayside at first mention of these two perfect picks: Uncle Buck and Del Griffith. Who doesn't love these guys? Yeah, they might seem abrasive at first, but after just a few years of spending time with them, you realize their greatness. TJ, you're welcome.

Perfect Quotes: "Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say the God damnedest things."
and
"Six bucks and my left nut says we're not going to be landing in Chicago."

(but I also love this exchange...)
Del: You play with your balls a lot.
Neal: I do NOT play with my balls.
Del: Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!
Neal: Are you trying to start a fight?
Del: No. I'm simply stating a fact. That's all. You fidget with your nuts a lot.
Neal: You know what'd make me happy?
Del: Another couple of balls, and an extra set of fingers?

********************************

Friday, August 7, 2009.
Gheorghe: The Blog.
Dear Mr. Vernon, We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Friday morning coming up with this post for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write a blogpost telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as Duckie, Kevin, or the stoned guy, Andrew, Eddie, Clark, Buck, and Del. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed.

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Ooohhh...


Won't you come see about me?
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts

Giving me everything inside and out and

Love's strange so real in the dark

Think of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apart

When the light gets into your heart, baby


Don't You Forget About Me

Don't Don't Don't Don't

Don't You Forget About Me


Will you call my name?
As you walk on by

Will you call my name?

Or will you walk away?
Will you walk on by?

Come on - call my name

Will you call my name?

I say:
La
La la la la

La la la la la la la la la la...

75 comments:

TJ said...

Lando Griffin approves of this post.

TR said...

"Do you swim"

"Pfff. Sure I swim. I'm proficient in many strokes. In fact, I could've been in the Olympics."

zoltan said...

Shouldn't TR be Cousin Eddie's son who has "a stack of noodie books this high"?

TJ said...

Whit, expect an angry note from Sentence Dave for excluding him from this prestigious list.

Whitney said...

When he didn't show up this morning at Gheorghe HQ for our all-hands mandatory meeting, I took that as a sign he'd be okay with it. We can add him, but we need to reconvene and nominate/vote on who he is.

TJ said...

I'd like to add two more: Zoltan is Brian Johnson and Mayhugh is Lasky.

zoltan said...

Baldwin has been Cameron Frye for the past 15 years or so...

rob said...

i do love me some lea thompson. even after she fucked a duck.

TJ said...

When Baldwin was in Egypt's land, let my Baldwin go...

Mark said...

Tyson Jackson just got $31 million guaranteed. That is absurd.

rob said...

should i know who that is?

TJ said...

I think that's the fat, lazy LSU DE that Mark loathes...

Mark said...

He was the 3rd pick in the draft (Chiefs) and yes, he played at LSU. I don't really think he's fat or lazy, just not a real game changer. Technically sound, plays the run well, etc. I just think/hope an organization would want more than that if you're going to commit $31 million in guaranteed money to a guy.

Shlara said...

Love the post. Love John Hughes movies. I can still probably recite most of Sixteen Candles by memory.

I always saw myself as a "Samantha Baker" but I think you guys might be more correct pegging me as Ally Sheedy. Scary.

TJ said...

And we're off...courtesy of an eleventh hour ticket offer from Work Jerry (a diehard Bills fan), we are in the car on our way to the Pro Football Hall of Fame induction ceremony in Canton...now if only I had something to wear to blend in with all the Bills fans...hmmm...

TJ said...

Breezewood, PA. No matter how many times I come through here the place still amazes me. And not in a good way.

TJ said...

I think I'd much rather live in New Beaver, PA than Big Beaver, PA.

TJ said...

Ohio sucks.

TR said...

Does one tailgate for the HoF ceremony?

Mark said...

Ohio does suck...terribly. And, I think you'll be surprised by how small the Pro Football HOF is TJ. It's still nice, just feels like there should be more there though.

Even if you really take your time it can't take more than an hour to see everything.

TJ said...

WWOJD?

rob said...

if he were with me right now stuck in traffic on i-64, he might murder two people in cold blood.

Whitney said...

If you're trying to snag a ride back to the hotel after the ceremony, do NOT ride with Bruce Smith.

TJ said...

Not to give Whit an even bigger head than he has, but the Bills contigent I am with quite enjoyed the Bruce Smith barb. Let's put it this way...they are a lot happier for Ralph's induction than his. Plus, we have bets on how many times Berman drops "circling the wagons" in Ralph Wilson's intro.

Mark said...

I bet TJ is a fucking hit with the Bills fans in Canton. In other news, I now have an answer to one of life's nagging questions..."who the fuck goes to HOF induction ceremonies?"

TJ said...

"Dudes that are offered free tickets, and morons in Rod Woodson jerseys for 500 Alex"

jerome said...

Don't eat the parm fries at Muonsons. At least the Yanks are up and red bull TJ is back!

Mark said...

Say what you want about Florida but I've spent the day at a bar on the beach doing some surfing and drinking in some of the most beautiful weather you could ever want. I'm willing to make that trade for the ocassional meth lab in the neighborhood.

TJ said...

Tj 1

Marshawn Lynch 0

TJ said...

Correction....TJ 1, LenDale White 0

TJ said...

Well then...the Mayor of Canton just decalred this "Buffalo Bills Day""...and followed it by playing Don't Stop Believin'

jerome said...

Bad things man

TJ said...

Nice Airwolf heli entrance for this...are either Ernie Borgnine or Jan Michale Vincent still with us?

TJ said...

Oh boy, Berman time...

TJ said...

This place is 80 percent Bills fans.

TJ said...

Ralph Wilson...old as dirt, but jesus was he talkative (with loooong pauses).

TJ said...

Better #8 jersey: Kitna (Lions) or Moorman (Bills)?

jerome said...

Ralph looks better at 90 than I do at 34.

Mark said...

We should've started a new post for Married Jerry and TJ to post jokes to themselves. Or...they could just talk to one another...

Mark said...

If you want to have an idea of how much the NFL game has changed over the years, consider this:

Roger Staubach is inducting Bob Hayes into the Hall of Fame tonight. He and Hayes combined for 11 total TD passes.

Mark said...

Evidently Bob Hayes is from Florida (good God this state produces football players)...and I'll be damned if he doesn't have one hell of an interesting history.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Hayes

TJ said...

He sure does ass...now can you get Staubach off the stage?

jerome said...

Starbauch should write a speech beforehand next time.

Mark said...

Man...Rich Eisen should probably just shave his head, no?

And, am I the only guy who got a little sick when Josh Hamilton immediately referenced Jesus in his defense/disclaimer about his drunken/cheating incident? I mean, come the fuck on man...Jesus doesn't have shit to do with you getting drunk and hitting on 20 year olds.

Mark said...

Honestly...Rod Woodson has kind of slipped through history's cracks. Dude was legitimately great at two positions...

rob said...

is staubach's company public? 'cause i'd like to short the shit out of it after listening to the ceo speak.

TJ said...

Why is Swint not a huge Rod Woodson fan? Or is he?

rob said...

double front pockets on woodson's buddy's suit. fancy.

rob said...

and curse you teejay and married jerry for making us watch this.

TJ said...

The Lord Jesus Christ got Rod Woodson into the Hall of Fame?

Josh Hamilton might be on to something...

rob said...

i'd like to thank God for giving carl pickens that coke problem, so he forgot his route that one time and allowed me to take that pick to the house.

TJ said...

Julia Child's is Rod Woodson's mom?

TJ said...

Does Derek Jeter have to choose?

Mark said...

In case you don't know, Rod Woodson comes from a small town.

Mark said...

Why do HOF recipients wear a boutonniere? This isn't the fucking prom.

Mark said...

Woodson's bust has an impressive stache...

TJ said...

Woodson and Oates made some sweet, sweet music together...

TJ said...

Why did Rod Woodson kidnap those three white kids?

TJ said...

Hey Whit, Nats just won their seventh in a row...

Mark said...

TJ is multitasking like a motherfucker right now. I, on the other hand, am drunk and rocking out to Camp Lo...

Michael said...

I am a big Rod Woodson fan. huge fan. played at snider high school, which is not a high school that I would want to attend. I somehow remember the press conference when he decided to go to purdue for college. it was big news in fort wayne.

rob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rob said...

anyone want four little girls who don't have the common decency to sleep in? anyone other than mark?

TJ said...

I'd like to thank Rod Woodson and the Lord Jesus Christ for this IHOP breakfast I'm having...

Mark said...

Leave me out of this, Rob. And I'd like to thank Jeebus for my lack of hangover today. Nothing quite like 12 hours worth of drinking with little to no after effects.

I'm 21 again! Outta my way!

TJ said...

Goodbye Canton...Teejay and Work Jerry have left the building.

Mark said...

I couldn't figure out why some lady crossed the street and looked a bit frightened just now while I was walking my dogs. Then I remembered that I am bearded, bald and heavily tattooed and I'm walking to full grown pit bulls. I guess it makes sense when now...

TJ said...

We just left Ohio, and I shit you not, the minute we crossed the state line the sun finally came out for the first time.

mayhugh said...

I didn't watch the HoF induction, but Mark's description of the Woodson bust has me picturing the sculpture made by the blind chick in the Hello video.

Mark said...

Seems my brain took a little break right around 11:27 am.

And, you're pretty close Mayhugh...

TR said...

Rob: I see your sleep deprivation and raise it with two infant crying spells in the middle of the night and one half-empty bottle of red that was needlessly consumed with pizza after I ran out of Carib beers.

At least I don't have to get up at 5:10 AM every day next week for work. Oh wait...

TR said...

Eldrick is pretty much making Padraig Harrington shit in his pants today.

From the rough, 176 yards to the pin, he pulls out the 9 iron and leaves it within a few feet.

Harrington will be lucky to be within 4 strokes by the time this thing is over.

zoltan said...

Jay Cutler is a tool.

http://espn.go.com/chicago/story?id=4386691

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