Have You Heard About the Lonesome Losers?

Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser
He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'
Oooooooh-hooooooo-hoooooooOooooooh-ooooooh-hoooooooo

As we celebrate Cinco de Marzo, the staff of G:TB feels compelled to point out that there are still two Division I NCAA men's basketball teams without conference wins. Allow us to enlighten you with tales of their putridity.

1) Southeast Missouri State University
3-27 overall, 0-18 in Ohio Valley Conference play

The school's motto is "Experience Southeast...Experience success." The basketball team never got that memo. Their weak "Play the best you can" motto is visible in their team photo above. The Redhawks have officially gone quietly into that good night, showing no ability to rage against the dying of the light.

There are very few interesting things to say about this squad, but we'll try. Their roster features a tremendous array of first names (I'm looking at you Kenard, Jaycen, Bijon, LaMont, Israel and Jajuan). They lost their last 19 games in a row, by an average of 14 points. And they are located in bucolic Cape Girardeau, Missouri. And yes, the school's motto is partially italicized.

2) DePaul
8-22 overall, 0-17 in Big East play

Dallas Comegys is rolling over in his grave at the play of the Blue Demons this season. Or grimacing while working at a Chicago Arby's. Same goes for Wilson Chandler, so upset by his alma mater's play that he cancelled today's appointment for neck tattoo number seven. Last night's loss to West Virginia leaves DePaul with one last conference game to close out this season - a visit to Georgetown this Saturday. While the Hoyas' play of late has been fitful enough to cause paranoia among the fan base, we feel that G-Town will come up big in this game.

So both these schools should sing the Little River Band's seminal hit, Lonesome Loser, to themselves as they cry themselves to sleep in the months ahead. Judging by the band's photo below, these guys are intimately familiar with what it means to be a loser.

Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser
He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'
Oooooooh-hooooooo-hoooooooOooooooh-ooooooh-hoooooooo

Sit down, take a look at yourself
Don't you want to be somebody
Someday somebody's gonna see inside
You have to face up, you can't run and hide

Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser
He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'

Unlucky in love
Least that's what they say
He lost his head
And he gambled his heart away
He still keeps searching
Though there's nothing left
Staked his heart and lost
Now he has to pay the cost

Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser
He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'

"It's okay", he smiles and says
Though this loneliness is driving him crazy
He don't show what goes on in his head
But if you watch very close you'll see it all
Sit down, take a look at yourself
Don't you want to be somebody
Someday somebody's gonna see inside
You have to face up, you can't run and hide

Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Beaten by the queen of hearts every time
Have you heard about the lonesome loser
He's a loser, but he still keeps on tryin'
Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Have you heard about the lonesome loser
Now tell me have you heard about the lonesome loser