Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Minor League Baseball, Provider of Content

Following closely on the heels of rob's Lugnuts post, and his profession of love for Cowboy Cafe's hamburgers, comes this gem courtesy of the Grand Rapids Press. It appears the Class A West Michigan Whitecaps will be selling a burger specifically for their health conscious fans this year:
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (AP) - Well, at least the salsa is low-cal. The West Michigan Whitecaps, a minor league baseball team, will be offering up major league cholesterol, carbohydrates and calories in an enormous hamburger being added to the menu this year at the Fifth Third Ballpark.

The 4-pound, $20 burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips, all on an 8-inch sesame-seed bun. That's a lot of dough!

The Grand Rapids Press reports that anyone who eats the entire 4,800-calorie behemoth in one sitting will receive a special T-shirt. Saner fans can divide it up with a pizza cutter and share.
Now, the burger in question. Drum roll please....

32 comments:

zoltan said...

Fifth Third Ballpark? If you have five thirds, shouldn't it be One and Two-Thirds Ballpark? Either name is lousy.

TJ said...

The first time I saw that bank name I was sure it was a joke. But no, it really exists.

rob said...

trhymo, shall we book a flight? i'll chronicle, you eat, everyone has a good time.

TJ said...

You're gonna go with that name 'til it sticks or fails miserably, aren't you?

rob said...

which reminds me - teejay and i will be efforting attendance at a game in every division 1 hoops arena in the d.c. area next season. we're trying to keep it manageable, so we're looking at:

american
howard
maryland
mason
gw
gheorghetown
navy (maybe)

we missing anyone?

rob said...

fuck yeah, teejay. as the president said last night, persistence is the new black.

TJ said...

If we go to a Galludet game I can say anything I want.

rob said...

sadly, the fighting ______ are d-3.

TJ said...

OK, that got me.

Touche.

TJ said...

Kentucky might really fire Billy Gillispie if he loses tonight to Notre Dame? He's been there all of two years, right?

TJ said...

No noo nooo noooo noooooooooo:

MGM and the Farrelly brothers are closing in on their cast for "The Three Stooges."

Studio has set Sean Penn to play Larry, and negotiations are underway with Jim Carrey to play Curly, with the actor already making plans to gain 40 pounds to approximate the physical dimensions of Jerome "Curly" Howard.

The studio is zeroing in on Benicio Del Toro to play Moe.

The film is not a biopic, but rather a comedy built around the antics of the three characters that Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Howard played in the Columbia Pictures shorts.

rob said...

christ jesus, no.

Whitney said...

That's gotta be a hoax, right? Jim Carrey + 40 lbs ≠ Curly Howard.

zoltan said...

Is nothing sacred anymore? Couldn't they just make a Dumb and Dumber sequel with three idiots instead of two? Dumb and Dumber and Dumberer?

TR said...

Well, they did do a prequel: Dumb & Dumberer.

zoltan said...

I knew that sounded familiar. Regardless, you can't remake the fucking Stooges. Unless Iggy Pop is involved.

rob said...

this passes for top news on cnn.com right now:

It's 'True': Spandau Ballet to reunite

at least whitney's psyched.

Whitney said...

I saw a little-known Stooges biopic on cable a few years back that had Michael Chiklis as Curly. He wasn't bad, in large part because of his large body. Jim Carrey is one of the actors I enjoy, but I'm not seeing it.

Whitney said...

Anybody ever see the movie The Krays about the British gangsters? Starred the Spandau Ballet guy(s). Pretty sick film.

Whitney said...

He's what's new in the NFL next year, according to John Clayton:

• If a fumble or backward pass goes out of bounds, the game clock will start when the official places the ball in play.

• The NFL eliminated a second onside kick chance if the first onside kick goes out of bounds. The competition committee believed that bad onside kicks should not be rewarded with a second opportunity.

• Draft order will be altered for playoff teams to be based on postseason results. Under the new draft order, which will take effect in 2010, the order of teams not in the playoffs is still based on record -- i.e., the team with the worst record will receive the No. 1 draft pick.

For the rest, there will be a reseeding based on how far the teams go in the playoffs. For example, the losers of the wild-card games will be seeded 21st through 24th based on their records.

The losers in the divisional rounds will be seeded 25th through 28th. Teams eliminated in the conference championship games will be seeded 29th and 30th. The Super Bowl loser will be seeded 31st. The Super Bowl winner will receive the final pick in the draft.

• Fans of the Washington Redskins franchise will be given the option of NOT following the team next season and instead punching themselves in the middle groin area once every autumn Sunday.

Mark said...

I know the Galludet discussion was 5+ hours ago, but fuck it. My original college was also D-3 and we played Galludet in football. Good thing too, since our only win my freshman year was @ Galludet. I believe the score was 10-6. We were...how you say...fucking terrible.

TJ said...

Mark is still posting on the earlier nonsense. Much like the Galludet student body, his comments are falling on deaf ears.

TJ said...

Anddddd that's what I get for drinking. Again.

Carry on.

Greg said...

Shhhhhhhh! I am trying to watch "the A-team".

Greg said...

jim carrey is just a ripoff of the a-team's murdock

TR said...

We need to do a rip-off of Real Housewives of New York, based on my status as an unemployed man. We can call it: The Real Househusband of New Jersey. We can film it in Patterson, Newark and the Oranges. I'll day-drink, walk around in a track suit, go to the unemployment office, talk about how I'm gonna start job-searching real soon and yell at my wife on camera. I could even get my wife to do an interview with that shadowing effect that hides her identity.

It would be like Yacht Rock, except probably a lot less funny.

rob said...

if you're looking for a green light for that project, look no further. at least for the bloggy version.

Whitney said...

Episode 1: TR decides to do competitive eating for a living, but gets full and passes out

Episode 2: TR decides to form a garage band call "Patterson and the Oranges"

Episode 3: TR decides to form a start-up, only to discover via Google that his every idea has been done (and failed)

Episode 4: TR decides to write a book

Epsiode 5: TR decides to be an improv comic

etc

rob said...

san diego state putting it on st mary's.

yeah, i'm watching the nit. it's a little bit of a cry for help.

TR said...

So Jermaine Dupri is on the cover of my SI. He appears to be yelling in the direction of the camera. Probably ordering a chili dog from a vendor.

TR said...

We really have a tremendous weekend of basketball ahead of us. Lots of compelling match-ups.

The big one, of course, is the "beer bet" showdown between Nova and Duke. Dennis is behind the Dukies, whilst dunce TJ and dunce TR stand on the other side.

zoltan said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAk77Kr_OwQ