Friday, April 23, 2010

More Draft PRETTY Please!

I don't know about you guys, but I was kind of sick at looking at that dude's breasts. If I wanted to spend this evening looking at dudes' breasts, I'd walk into the bathroom, tear off this Indiana State Fair Corndog t-shirt (casual Friday), and stare at my tig ole bitties in the mirror. Therefore, you are getting yet another post in which to comment on Rounds 2 and 3 of the NFL Draft tonight. But wait, I'd be remiss if I didn't leave you with some nuggets from the draft section (re: bowels) of G:TB...a concept column once called "Gheorghe-pourri"...

**Whitney also didn't want to miss out on Filler Week, but unfortunately for him I was too lazy to load this clip up anytime in the last three days. Please, enjoy now. Actually, wait, now I remember what this clip was about. Um, good luck:


**TR left a college hoops post in drafts for a long time entitled"Here's to THE Loser! (and Several Other Losers)". Everytime I saw it I thought it deserved this as a soundtrack, which means I'm posting it, whether it was 21% done or 90% done:
The winner of the 2009-10 0-fer-the-conference award goes to the tri-state area's favorite Jesuit school, the Fordham Rams. The feeble Rams got pasted in all 16 of their conference games this year and finished a meager 2-26 overall. And while the A-10 has gotten some of its strongest press since the Lamar Odom and Yinka Dare days, let's face facts that it's not a brutal conference by any measure. No offense to the alma maters of Lionel Simmons, Jameer and Delonte or the late, great Dare, there are some soft teams in the lower rung of this conference. The average margin of loss was over 17 points in conference play, with only one legitimate squeaker, a 78-76 loss to UMass to start conference play.

After firing head coach Dereck Whittenburg (yes, THAT Whittenburg) in early December, things turned sour up in the Boogie Down Bronx. We salute you, Rams of Fordham. May your fans be allowed to drink away their sorrows in the venerable Dagger John's, the bar that is ingenuously located beneath your home court.

Honorable mention losers:

DePaul: 1-17 in Big East play, 8-23 overall.

Rice: 1-15 in Conference USA play, 8-23 overall. They don't care because they're smarter than you.

Dartmouth: 1-13 in Ivy League play, 5-23 overall. See Rice explanation.
Marist: 1-17 in MAAC play, 1-29 overall.

Toledo: 1-15 in Mid-American play, 4-28 overall.
Air Force: 1-15 in Mountain West play, 10-21 overall. Hard to crush a bunch of pilots that went 9-6 in OOC play.
Bryant: 1-17 in Northeast play , 1-29 overall. Arguably the worst showing in the nation. The Northeast is a putrid conference and the school could barely remain competitive. If you're wondering if your author had heard of the school before March 2010, the answer is a resounding no. The school appears to be located in Rhode Island. Their motto is "The Character for Success." Good for them.

UT-Martin: 1-17 in Ohio Valley play, 4-25 overall. The school is in Martin, TN. It has a friggin'rodeo program. I had no idea it was a rodeo sport. Awesome.


**I wanted to be cute the other day and say "Look, I found John Smoltz, looks like he doesn't want to pitch anymore..."then I got high...
**Finally, I searched the interwebs for the best second round picks of all time, and found a link which I now stupidly deleted, but had these names on it:

QB Brett Favre ’91
DE Fred Dean ’75
RB Thurman Thomas ’88
DE Mike Strahan ’93
RB Roger Craig ’83
DT Howie Long ’81
WR Chad Ochocinco ’01
DT Fred Smerlas ’79
WR Wesley Walker ’77
LB Jack Ham ’71
TE Dave Casper ’74
LB Jack Lambert ’74
OT Dan Dierdorf ’71
LB Rickey Jackson ’81
OT John Elliott ’88
CB Eric Allen ’88
G Steve Wisniewski ’89
CB Lem Barney ’67
G Larry Allen ’94
S Brian Dawkins ’96
C Dwight Stephenson ’80
S Tim McDonald ’87

Wither Darren Sharper?

54 comments:

TR said...

I guess my "Thoughts on the Notion of Whimsy" will have to wait for another day. You could reconfigure any of the three nouns in that sentence and I think it would make as much sense as what I wanted to write.

People on ludes should not start blog entries.

Mark said...

I feel like I should have plans to enjoy some cocktails and watch the draft tonight. Then I feel kind of stupid for being excited about rounds 2 & 3.

zman said...

Isaac Bruce doesn't make the cut?

Mark said...

How about Derrick Brooks? He was decent.

Mark said...

I'm reading some second and third round mocks and ESPN's has the Bucs taking Everson Griffen and then following that up with Arrelious Benn. I'm alright with Griffin (lots of talent, somewhat questionable motor but a great value if he gets it and plays to his potential) but not nearly as sold on Benn. Back to the big WRs thing. He never struck me as particularly dynamic, fast or elusive and he's also coming from Illinois and (name redacted). I'd much prefer Damian Williams (who i think can be a very good #2 WR and brings value in the return game) or Golden Tate (who I think can be a very, very good slot WR). I'm sure that means the Bucs won't take Griffen but will select Benn.

Again, I feel kind of stupid for wasting so much time and thought on this.

Mark said...

If any of you don't frequent EDSBS, I highly recommend you check out this link where they documented Ole Miss DE Kentrell Lockett's tweet binge from last night, the tweets of the Pounceys, Rolando McClain and Joe Haden in particular had me dying of laughter:

http://tinyurl.com/25ale2a

TJ said...

Swint has voted for Chad Henne 12 times already.

TJ said...

Dan and I strongly endorse Golden Tate as a 2nd or 3d round pick. He will be the Lance Moore or Eddie Royal of this season.

TJ said...

Well, according to that graphic, this NFL Draft resumes in ERROR.

TJ said...

Did the ESPN coverage implode BEFORE they even made one pick in Rd 2?

Jerry said...

Round 2 is where it's at. Good players, small contracts. It's also usually very good for the Giants -- Strahan, Tiki, Snee, Webster, Terrell Thomas, Steve Smith, Osi, Toomer.

Jerry said...

Didn't McCluster run like a 4.6? I love the guy, but this seems a little early.

TJ said...

Fatty Weis...draft him. Do it. Do it.

rob said...

i love dexter mccluster without particular reason

Jerry said...

They really have to do something about revealing these picks prior to the announcement. It reduces my viewing enjoyment by at least 40%.

rob said...

which broadcast are you watching, jerry?

rob said...

tonight is a sportsgasm, friends. possible series clinchers in hockey, nba, draft, baseball - hell, i bet i can find some soccer, too.

Jerry said...

NFLN. Mayock is a difference-maker.

Looks like Mays showed terribly in coverage on film -- he might be an LB in the NFL.

Jerry said...

You have re-runs of your Cottagers Europa League semi-final 1st leg and the Inter-Barca game.

TJ said...

Ne go to Nats/Dodgers now. Me utilize modern technology a lot tonite.

rob said...

mayock is terrific. i didn't see anything last night, but i'm willing to bet he's told us more useful stuff in the last ten minutes than we'll get in an hour's worth of espn coverage.

rob said...

that's gonna bring mark into the comments

zman said...

I don't know if I want to see what happens here.

zman said...

Bills pick is pre-empted by this Wilford Brimley interview.

zman said...

Torell Troup. I'm not excited but not despondent.

rob said...

at this point, i expect ashton kutcher to show up at jimmy clausen's house

Jerry said...

I've heard of almost none of these guys getting drafted. Makes me feel like Tony Kornheiser.

TJ said...

I'm in a cab...Eddie Money is the Classic Rock Shoot Out winner...and the Nats are on the horizon.

I've got...two tickets...to paradise...

TJ said...

Jimmy Clausen, TJ, and my cab driver...

Who are three guys not getting paid right now.

TJ said...

Racist jokes 3, TJ 3. We going to a shoot out.

Jerry said...

The Teejay "Tiny URL" drinking process:

1) Talk to others
2) Talk to himself
3) Talk to nobody

This might be the least organized draft of all time. And I'm including fantasy drafts.

rob said...

that's not the start the caps wanted

TJ said...

Welcome to Nats Town underpants gnomes...

TJ said...

Hey Greg. Charlie "Chuck" Haeger is starting for the Dodgers...you should like him.

TJ said...

God damn these tix are good...I can even see how small Ivan Rodriguez has gotten.

Greg said...

Now why would I like Chuck Haeger? You he blames me for the time some yahoo spilled a barrel of runway oil all over his Acura.

TJ said...

Greg, you've got the right stuff, baby.

Mark said...

Brian Price to the Bucs...I like it. Getting stout up the middle we are. Regis Benn...not so much. Though I just got off the phone with Greg and I think we may have talked each other into him.

Mark said...

It's ridiculous how many marquee, talented guys are left in this draft. It's so effing deep.

Ben Tate...already making Steve Slaton sweat.

Mark said...

I wish I had seen the footage they showed of Mays on the NFLN, Jerry.

Dude is a fraud. He should move to LB. That is, if he wants to be in the league for more than 2 years.

TJ said...

I want to punch the woman behind me in the face.

I am not joking.

At. All.

TJ said...

Adam Dunn hit ball far.

rob said...

lumbergh has me working tomorrow and sunday. not plussed at all.

Mark said...

Well, at least Colt McCoy's girlfriend is still really hot.

TR said...

I wish I could've bet that Kiper would have compared Shipley to Welker.

And we finally get Colt. And a shot of his lady.

Steve Young just called Mike Holmgren NFL royalty. Pipe down, Mr. Mormon.

TR said...

There really should be more mockery of Gruden's butt part. He needs to wear a visor at all times.

TJ said...

Welcome to Nats Town. Population Teej...

TR said...

Paul Pierce just stuck it up Miami's ass.

TR said...

Andy Reid looks unbelievable in his ESPN interview right now. Crew-cut, dyed mustache and an XXXXXL Hawaiian shirt. Cabana wear indeed.

TR said...

"Hi Andy. This is John Gruden. Is your son still smuggling drugs in his anus?"

rob said...

corey chavous just talked about watching tape of armanti edwards against wofford. in 2008. he's gonna take jaworski's job when jaws retires to become a casino greeter.

zman said...

NFL.com's draft site has Torell Troup rated at 5.3. Everyone else taken before and after him had a 7 or above. Even if he can improve the league's worst run defense, the Bills still don't have a QB or 5 NFL caliber offensive linemen. I drowned my sorrows in weiner schnitzel and spaetzel so it's ok for now.

Mark said...

Hot NBA Playoff action going down right now. Not that any of you assholes care.

Mark said...

By the way, I couldn't be more excited by Brandon Spikes and Jermaine cunningham being selected by the Pats. Spikes will make an early impact in New England.