Friday, April 23, 2010

More Draft Please!

I'll be damned if this extended draft format isn't a big hit. I officially deem it a big hit based on the reaction of the twenty of you who will read this and the four dudes I talk to on my floor. The prolonged suspense of big names falling to Friday is much more significant than I anticipated. Mays, McCoy, Dunlap, Clausen, Spikes, Cody's tits, etc. are all still jiggling out there. My personal sleeper is Cincinnati's Mardy Gilyard. The guy is a beast. He'll be a good value in Round 3 or 4. I wonder how the future Mrs. Colt McCoy feels about possibly ending up in Buffalo. I'm going to mail her my VHS copy of Buffalo 66 and then invite her to my place.

I don't have much to say about Round 1, other than every single mock draft I read had Jermaine Gresham going to the Bengals at 21. I started noticing that trend earlier this week, and then was happy the Bengals took him there, although I have no idea why. Let's hope he turns out better than old Big 12 (nee Big 8) TEs Keith Jackson and Johnny Mitchell. Ugh.

Here is a mock Round 2 draft. I love to critique mock drafts, but I can't get enough of them. The web-site must be legit because it is called nflmocks.com. But who cares anyway? It distracts me from a 15 page white-paper I'm writing on a prodigious oil field in North Dakota. (E-mail me here if you want a copy of that report!)

Good job manufacturing some extra sizzle from the draft, Mr. Goodell. Too bad you looked brutally nervous every time you made a pick.

And somebody needs to find the YouTube of Berman's arm-waving histrionics coming back from commercial at some point last night. What a dildo. I would have posted more on this in last night's comments, but my two year-old took that moment to inform me he had ripped off his diaper and wet the bed. Awesomeness.

40 comments:

zman said...

This format is indeed better. I don't have the attention span for 6.9 hours of draft so I never used to watch more than the first 1.5 rounds or so. And the suspense for round 2 is fun.

Tribe fans have to be excited to see a Griffen going at the top of round 2.

Who is Brandon Ghee? I like to order jeera ghee rice when I get Indian food. They are probably different though. I used to play Golden Tate a lot at bars but now I prefer Buck Hunter. We got my dad a Kindle for Christmas but he didn't like it so we returned it. True story. Maybe we should have gotten him one of these designer Sergio Valente Kindles.

If Minnesota doesn't take a QB their GM should be fired for football malpractice.

zman said...

And there's a guy named Charles Brown in this year's draft? Everyone knows that he never kicks the football, he always loses. Why would anyone draft him?

TR said...

Z-Man is usurping the thread to test out his new stand-up material. Shouldn't he be doing this on his AM radio talk show?

zman said...

I'm waiting for the Teej to chime in. TaTaTootie, tell the Teej to finish his McMuffin and get to work here.

TJ said...

The FCC kicked us off the air for two weeks after I let that new Anal Bibs company sponsor last Thursday's "bong and blintz" special.

Jerry said...

I don't like the format. Having only one round leaves me empty. They went from Christmas to Hanukkah. Plus, I'd imagine that the group of people who are able to watch all of the first three rounds has decreased substantially.

rob said...

rabid anti-semite

TJ said...

Does that make Rounds 4-7 on Saturday Kwanza?

rob said...

and does it make tebow the baby jesus? even more.

KQ said...

Funny little snippet on NPR this morning mocking the folks who attend the draft. Good for a chuckle, and will probably make you feel superior in the knowledge that at least you're not THOSE guys. Look, I even included a link:

http://tinyurl.com/2fmmwx3

zman said...

He was drafted on the 25th.

TJ said...

Do not fuck with the (baby) Jesus....man.
http://bit.ly/98DAoz

TR said...

I commute through Penn Station in NYC and I saw the draft attendees in droves last night. 90% were doing the double team representation, where you wear the team hat AND jersey. I wonder if they sell booze for the function. Knowing how money-hungry Cablevision is (the parent company of Radio City Music Hall),they probably did, which would add a whole new element to the loserdom.

Mark said...

Jermaine Gresham's a beast. Florida had absolutely no answer for him in the BCS Championship game. He'd have gone higher if he hadn't missed all of last yeR, IMO.

I really like Gilyard too. Versatile and tough.

I liked the way last night felt like an event but didn't like the feeling I had when Round 1 ended. I wanted more. Tonight should be fun though, I just wish Round 2 didn't start at 6 though.

TJ said...

This one is in Z-Man's wheelhouse based on his effeminate viewing choices last evening:
http://n.pr/8Xy2lX

zman said...

My wheelhouse has pink shutters and purple wainscoting.

TR said...

Deadspin, as usual, grabs the grumpy Berman gesticulations:

http://deadspin.com/5522899/coming-to-a-gif-near-you-chris-berman-gesticulating-madly

TJ said...

Well, everyone within 6 cubes of me is gonna be pretty bummed I found this site:
http://instantsfun.es/

TJ said...

Just wanted to let everyone know Skip Bayless is currently crushing Mike Shanahan for taking Williams over Okung.

Dave said...

rick bayless is crushing me with his spicy green chorizo recipe.

Dave said...

and i would not pay money to see zman's draft based stand-up comedy performance. perhaps if he drew it as a cartoon?

TR said...

And Rick Steves crushed me with his globetrotting pansiness last week. Like I care that much about Northern Ireland.

Jerry said...

Rick Steves gave me fantastic advice about Switzerland.

TJ said...

Rick Dees gives me fantastic advice about novelty hit singles.

TJ said...

That son of a...http://bit.ly/dkJW2E

TR said...

The Teej must be way behind on his TPS reports, with all this instant fun and college humor. Unless, of course, he is gutting a dead fish at his cubicle.

TJ said...

I am allowed to listen to my radio from 9-11.

Shlara said...

No wonder Wall Street is a mess.
SEC staffers are too busy watching porn to pay attention...

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/federal-eye/2010/04/eye_opener_porn_and_federal_wo.html?hpid=topnews

TJ said...

Shlara!
http://bit.ly/cMnxsg

Shlara said...

Teejay--I can't handle doing tiny URLs from my bberry...thank you for correcting the post

Jerry said...

I'd like to start calling Teejay "Tiny URL" but it's a little unwieldy.

Mark said...

TR's conspicuous by his silence on Shlara's comment.

TJ said...

And inaccurate. It's Mr. BitLy to you pal.

Dave said...

this is breaking news? that a government official looked at porn on his lap-top while on official government travel? what else is he supposed to do in his hotel room at night? would it be better if he frequented the local brothel?

and i love the spin: porn caused the financial crisis.

and goldman is in the right because government officials were looking at naked ladies (or i assume it was ladies . . .)

Mark said...

Can't we all just agree that porn's not bringing upon the end of society as we know, and that most us us enjoy it?

TJ said...

Between this and my obvious endorsement of Mark's marijuana policy, it's neck and neck Mark/Ron Paul in 2012...

Jerry said...

I'm pretty sure that watching porn at the office is unacceptable for adults.

Dave said...

jerry would have been the first one to light the blaze at salem.

Mark said...

Yes Jerry. You're quite correct, though I knew of a few baseball execs who were known to enjoy the practice of porn watching on company time.

Porn on one's time is fine by me though. Victimless crime? Not quite, but I've never met a "victim" of porn so I can't say I care much.

Jerry said...

The draft negatives are always more interesting than the positives...

"He's a big, fat blob," an NFC personnel man said. "He's a big media creation. If you want a guy to play 10 plays a game and make maybe one play in those 10, then that's your guy. He can't move. He just stands there. He cannot move at all."

Just how slow is Cody's 5.66-second clocking in the 40-yard dash? You can't find a slower drafted defensive tackle in the last 20 years. The closest were Corey Swinson (seventh round, 1995) at 5.62, and Tim Roberts (fifth round, 1992) and Ron Brace (second round, 2009) at 5.51.

"This guy doesn't have any first-step quickness," one scout said.