Thursday, April 01, 2010


Ignore the fact that this is an obvious April Fool's Day joke. That's EXACTLY what the Large Hadron Collider wants you to believe.
A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."


Dan said...

carolina now getting to my spa appointment.

TJ said...

Dan, be sure to say hi to Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia while you're there.

rob said...

it looks like the 96-team tourney will feature rounds one and two on the current thurs-sun schedule, which would get down to 32 teams on sunday night. then, the round of 32 would be played on tues/weds, sweet 16 on thurs/fri, and elite 8 on sat/sun. that's a fuckton of basketball. and a megafuckton of missed classes for most players. ahem, student athletes.

rob said...

thought for a fleeting second that i might root for carolina so the tribe could say they played the eventual champ close. no chance - can't do it. go to hell, carolina.

Dan said...

dayton good.