Thursday, January 01, 2015

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day 11

On the eleventh day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me...


Eleven Months of Awesome
Ten Reasons Being
Late Gifts Still Worth Giving
Eight Chapters on Music in a Post That's Got Way Too Many Words in It, For Which I Apologize Seven Books For Reading (Seriously) 
Six Beers Worth Drinking 
A fiiiiifth Golden Ring..... (please?) 
Four Years of Marcus
Three Scummers Picking
Two albums to look forward to; and 
A fat guy in a jersey

This image can be found by ghooghling 'gheorghemas'
As we noted yesterday, 2014 sucked in the real world. We didn't exactly light it up here, either. Our 289 posts represented the lowest G:TB post count (post count!) since 2007. I’d like to think we made up for it in quality. I’d also think that women find me irresistible. 

Despite the diminished output, we did manage to drop some entertaining bloggery. Other than sports and music, by far the most popular topic of G:TB interest in 2014 was weed. The world at large could've used a lot more of that.

As always, enjoy this trip through the year in Gheorghe. Apologies if I didn't include one of your personal favorites. This is hard goddamn work.


Because of a chronological quirk*, 2013’s Gheorghemas didn’t technically end until March 25, so things got off to a bit of a slow start this year. 

* - that's an excuse for someone's laziness.

We said we were going to do a Drug Week, and dammit, we did a Drug Week:
Which actually turned into Drug Month, or as several of our contributors call it, a month.


We spent essentially no time on the Super Bowl, but we loved the Winter Olympics (so much so that we used the phrase, ‘We’re all Ice Dancers today. Especially Dave.), proving yet again that we’re citizens of the world.
Zman took us all on a Kafkaesque journey through the American healthcare system. This was likely the greatest public service we did in 2014. If you don’t count all the Drug Week stuff.

Because of Jonah Keri, we got to celebrate Curtis Pride.

We inadvertently stumbled upon the Baconbaking recipe guestie recurring feature. For which we are all grateful.

Virginia is for (quick) lovers, a post that kicked off G:TB Sex Week. Seldom in the course of recorded human history was more written about a subject by lesser-qualified authors. Though the eldest G:TBer (non-Mr. KQ category) did opine about old people making love.


The Teej gave the world this gif, and joy was spread across the land.

For the third time since 2008, we chronicled a Tribe run to the CAA tournament championship game. This one ended even more cruelly than did the others. And zman’s ‘How are they going to blow this?” in the comment thread for the final is probably responsible. Not sure how he lives with himself.

To add insult to injury, TR called us all losers. And that’s okay.

Zman bouillabaissed, though there's been more baisse in the Drafts since March.

Clarence posted something again! (Sure, it was Day 12 of Gheorghemas 2013, but nobody here keeps track of shit like that.)

In a very cool guest post, Ms. Green Went to Washington. How is it that Teej and Baconbaking are the best parents in this group?

Mark lauded a Florida hoops team that might’ve been my favorite non-Tribe squad in a decade.


Man, the first part of April was lame as shit. It was mostly filler. And filler about filler. But we picked it up as the weather grew warmer.

Marls ‘previewed’ the Final Four. It was…something.

TR gave us an OKC travelogue. In case we ever get there.

Once again, we lost the Washington Post Peeps Diorama Contest. Start thinking now about our 2015 entry.

A new Old 97s record dropped this month. And, boy, was it a long overdue tour de force.

As always, zman on the law is entertaining. Won’t be long now before he starts his own spinoff blog. The Mork & Mindy to our Happy Days.

We sandwiched a post about Ta-Nehisi Coates between two about colonoscopy and a squirrel-inspired DJ. You might get better writing on other blogs, but you have to look hard to find more eclecticism.


The fifth month posted the year’s worst posts/days ratio, clocking in at a meager 0.677 ppd. (September, if you care, logged a robust .90 ppd. And September 2008, with a prolific 1.33 ppd, is the most productive posting month in this blog’s illustrious history. Says something about Septembers. Hell if I know what that is.)

James Nielsen ran the first-ever, and still-only sub-5:00 Beer Mile

Baconbaking smoked hog for 7 hours. Holy shit did it look good.

Mark and I had a generational divide.

Nuck Few York.

Rugby > Football.

Yet more content on booze and pot. Seems there was an unintended theme this year. And every year.

Y'all hated Muppet gore.


Not even half-way through the year and I'm growing weary of typing. This shit is hard, man. Anyone else want to do this next year?

I tried my hand at zman-style legal analysis. Zazzle was involved.

And then zman did a me-style weed and The Wire post. Worlds collided all over this thing.

We entered the phrase 'lollipop parenting' into the lexicon.

As is our custom, we allowed Dave to pen a World Cup preview. As is his custom, he did with atrocious formatting. We had several other World Cup posts, some of which were more than just pictures. We like the soccer, it seems. Teej's 'Kings of the Dive-berian Peninsula, amirite?' headline might've been the year's best.

Danimal met Tiger. In 2006. Sort of.

Z was all about that baisse. Again.

Daniel Bard as a metaphor for mortality. We're deep as an ocean.

Mark's annual NBA draft post was overshadowed by Shlara's competing NBA draft post. Controversy!

My kid is a ninja.


The first full month of summer certainly encouraged some lazy-ass blogging. Filler on top of filler was the theme, apparently. And if you're like me, when you go back to look at the month, all of the video clips are associated with the wrong posts. Which makes for some really fucked up juxtapositions.

The Teej did some mascot research. His primary finding: the Griffin still has no pants.

We're going to Canada!

Amidst more weed posts and some filler of pictures from foreign cultures, zman entitled a post, 'Vagina Kayak'.

Indonesia's new President is a metalhead. Rock on, archipelago.

Mark busted out a 'hatters gonna hat' post tag. Might be the year's best.

We all had a blissful Teej.


Mark's got some grey creeping into his beard. Which is still phenomenal.

Pop hired Becky Hammon, and KQ used the occasion to protest our commingling of processed meats and vaginas. Or something.

Jesus, we posted about weed again.

And we posted about NBA coaches again.

Sean Carter is a data scientist.

Shlara committed actual journalism

Jesus once more, zman posted about surgery again. Though 'Pour One Out for My Vas Deferens' is a pretty catchy headline.

Sad news about Jack Urbont's legal proceedings.

College football returned, and with it some top-notch prognostication**.

** - well, one of the notches, in any case.


The pearlfish swims up a sea cucumber's ass and eats its gonads.

Our resident adventure eater found testicles.

Squeaky gave us a concert guestie.

Clarence penned a moving 9/11 anniversary tribute to our lost friends.

Action Bronson's 'Fuck That's Delicious' may have been G:TB's favorite new show of the year.


Danimal doesn't mind looking like an idiot when he runs. Or does much of anything, really.

Mark's Dad is a hall of famer. Easily a top five post of the year for me. The other four are obviously things I wrote.

I said nice things about Derek Jeter.

Ryder Cup guestie from Triumph the Insult Comic Republican.


To be honest, I'm not really excited about the work we did in October. Do better, folks.

Nice Rock and Roll Hall of Fame/Gheorghies tribute by Clarence, though.

Marls explained our love/hate relationship with football. Or with Teri Hatcher and Dice Clay. Hard to tell, really.

St. Paul & The Broken Bones, maybe our best new music find of the year. We're not counting Run the Jewels, 'cause they're not new.

Hope sprung eternal in our Tribe hoops preview. Hope is a little less springy after a flawed 6-5 OOC start.

All Blacks > USA Eagles > Philadelphia Eagles.

My adidas.


We gave you the recipe for the secret sauce, then we proceeded to break out some excellent Top 10 music lists.

Mayhugh dropped sweet science.

Short Attention Span Book Reviews.

Excellent Meatloaf retrospective. Awful formatting effort. It's a wash.

Clarence Explains It All. And I just got the pun. Fuck.

Zman. The Bills. The Browns. A tradition unlike any other. Truly, though. Nobody else would do this once, let alone annually.

Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

May you have a blessed 2015, and may the spirit of Gheorghemas be with you always.


Marls said...

The annual walk down memory lane is one of my favorite posts of the year. A good reminder that in amongst the dipshitery some really good stuff is written here. Thanks gents for a lot of good times in 2014.

Marls said...

Are Mark and Danimal offering picks on today's games?

I love Baylor giving 2.5 against MSU.

zman said...

This apocalyptic cholera zombie bug kicked into an extra gear today. There is snot all over zhome.

Mark said...

We are not. Here's my take though. Michigan State, the over in Auburn/Wisconsin. Missouri. FSU +8.5 and Bama.

Mark said...

I want the hat that Art Briles' kid (Baylor OC) is wearing.

Danimal said...

Head. Hurt.

Mark said...

Bud Sasser is up there with Troy O'Leary on the "Unexpected Black Athlete Names" list.

Mark said...

My wife's parents always do a bday dinner for her on New Year's Day. Prime Rib, Eggplant Parmesan & a bunch of other good shit. That means I'm usually watching the Rose Bowl during the dinner. This year I get to watch the Rose Bowl/CFB semifinal while there. With my FSU loving Dad. Ill be openly rooting for Oregon. Because I hate FSU and I like Oregon. Should be fun.

Also Greg's parents live around the corner so he's coming over. Good times.

rob said...

i hope oregon boatraces florida state, but those seminole motherfuckers are like vampires - they're impossible to kill.

Dave said...

great job, rob! this always inspires me to want to write more posts (but the inspiration doesn't last, so maybe you need to do this month to month).

zman said...

Baylor has a 390 pound tackle who also lines up as a TE and changes jersey numbers when he changes positions?

rob said...

to confuse the other team about his identity?

Mark said...

A fat guy TD on New Years Day is a good sign for 2015.

rob said...

musical gheorgies, a question: my kidlet got a guitar for christmas. any good online resources for learning the basics?

Mark said...

How many GTBers could the 390 lb dude from Baylor beat in a foot race? More than half for sure, right?

zman said...

Especially if there was a plate of brownies at the finish line.

Mark said...

3-0 so far today. Nice start to 2015.

Danimal said...

Was almost out the door to go for a swim to get rid of cobwebs. In lieu of I took a shower and made a Bloody Mary. Now on my second. Danimal 1. Hangover 1.

mr kq said...

I'd take that lardass. Rob check out Z's cousin on YouTube - Martyzsongs.

Union Jack IPA going down nice. Mon The Ducks.

zman said...

I still don't understand the Porsche cayenne. Or that cayenne ad.

mr kq said...

Watching the game with the Women of Gheorghe. Fashion Show coming at halftime.

zman said...

zdaughter is fascinated by college football. Who knew?

zman said...

What type of fashions will be shown? I assume pasties are involved?

mayhugh said...

I imagine Oregon stays aggressive for the rest of the second half as long as FSU is anywhere in the rearview mirror. Just don't see them turning conservative, slowing down, running 3 plays up the middle or anything like that. And that might be the key to holding the lead.

There is a potential for this thing to get ugly if Oregon holds on this 3rd and long and then gets points on the next Offensive drive.

mayhugh said...

Wow. Wow. Wow. This is basically a worst case scenario game for FSU, and can't say I mind. Jimbo looking a little deer in headlights.

Mark said...

I'm enjoying my night. How bout y'all?

Mark said...

I called this scenario for FSU's season earlier this year. Undefeated regular season followed by a whipping in the semifinal. It was my 2009 Florida theory. This years version of FSU always reminded me of 09 Florida.

Didn't think it would be this kind of whipping though.

rob said...

this makes me happy

zman said...

President Palmer with the coin toss!

Mark said...

I thought this game was over at 21-6. I'm not that smart.

zman said...

I would give Derrick Henry the ball 80 times.

Mark said...

A. Rey sound strategy.

zman said...

80 times.

Mark said...

I just jumped back on GTB to suggest that ZMAN be Bama's coordinator for the rest of the game. He beat me to it.

zman said...

Cardale autocorrects to carfare.

rob said...

i like the capitalized version of zman. like a superhero of some sort, able to read defenses from his couch.

zman said...

My superpowers are sloth and apathy.

zman said...

And you don't have to be Bill Walsh to realize that something good happens every time Henry touches the ball. He's not human.

zman said...

OSU has some flimsy chinstraps. #17 lost his helmet at least twice.

rob said...

bama goes away from henry. three plays and a punt.

zman said...

His career averages at Bama are 6.5 yards per rush and 35 yards per reception.

rob said...

hey, gheorghies. playoffs are cool.

zman said...

Adam Sandler is OSU's DC?

zman said...

Is it that hard to call three running plays?

Mark said...

The title game is in unexpected and should be lots of fun. Can I request 80+ total points?

Danimal said...

I am pleased with the SEC's lack of success in the bowl games. They are the best conference as a whole, imo. It's just not exponentially better like many think. I expect the "Ohio state and Tcu would go 8-4 if in the sec" comments might actually stop now. I know Tcu did not have an Sec opponent. Their win made a big statement though. Thanks Paul, Happy New Year. I'm gonna hang up now and listen to your comments.

Clarence said...

I am in pain. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if I were as hung as I am hung over, I'd be the most popular guy in town.

Mark said...

TCU did have an SEC opponent, Dan.

I agree with you on your SEC point though. It won't matter to many of the pro SEC dopes though.

TR said...

I am now 39 hours into this whole "don't drink in January" thing. Sucks as much as I would've expected, but pain is needed to get this sculpted physique back in working order.

I am at the train station waiting to go home in a Friday w/ a coffee in my hand. I feel like half a man.

Danimal said...

Anyone watching the end of this Houston/Pitt game?

Danimal said...

Yes....they did (tcu vs sec). Brainfart.

T.J. said...

Pitt blew a 21 point lead with 5 minutes to play?

Dave said...

get your kidlet a beginner guitar book for kids-- i didn't know this but there are kid chords and kid songs and they really work. better to have it in book form so they can open it and put it on a music stand and play . . . and encourage them to use youtube, amazing resource for lessons.

Dave said...

i didn't know it then but i know it now-- i should say-- i started out teaching alex adult stuff on the guitar, which is not so much fun . ..

Dave said...

about to crack open a delicious alesmith ipa, TR. why are you trying to get your body sculpted in january? january is for drinking!

anyway, good luck with your resolution.

rob said...

danimal, what's your relation to larry costello?

Marls said...

Elvis Costello?

Abbott &....

Danimal said...

He was my dad's cousin. Give him a Google if you haven't. Pretty good stuff....nails.

rob said...

you should blog about that shit, son

Danimal said...

You are correct.

TR said...

Danimal - is your son named Declan b/c of Elvis?

For those who don't know, Elvis Costello's real first name is Declan. As a fellow father of a Declan, I knows these tings.

rob said...

declan is a badass name. well done, boys.

Danimal said...

I do know that, but no. You are the first to ask the question. I had the over/under at a few months. It was 6 years. Your prize is in the mail....horn-rimmed spectacles.

I used to spend a lot of time in Ireland about a decade or so ago. I had never heard the name prior but liked it immediately. It also helped that the Declans I knew were good peeps. But, if I had had my choice, we would have gone with Ronin. The wife said no.

Danimal said...

I found out about Elvis' real name on the day ours was born, which was also I name I had in the stood no chance though, less than Ronin. Elvis' last name is MacManus (sp?).

TR said...

We have no great reason for choosing the name, other than perceived uniqueness, and the fact we dug it. And we've met at least four other Declans in our town. So much for that.

But our son is the only one with a Peruvian middle name and a Persian last name. So he's got that going for him...

zman said...

I liked the chase scenes on Ronin. I named my son after Ghostface.

Mark said...

There was a dive bar around here named Declan's. That was my only exposure to the name before G:TB.

Boston just did a video tribute to Rajon Rondo and the fans gave him an extended standing ovation. Pretty cool.

zman said...

Boston fans are always cool when one if their heroes comes back for the first time. Then they continue to suck.

Clarence said...

I'm watching Billy Joel on PBS. Zman and Dave mock, but Miami 2017 sucked me in (always does post-9/11) and I'm not flipping the channel now.

Mark said...

My niece (14) discovered Billy Joel about 8-9 months ago and is obsessed with him. We bought her all his music for Xmas. I do mean all. And my sister took her and the rest of her family to see Billy Joel in Orlando on NYE. She was unbelievably psyched. Pretty cool.