Drug Week: Cocaine Has a Stupid Profit Margin

Many of us use pseudonyms on G:TB, and for various reasons. Me, I do it to protect my professional reputation (I'm a pretty big deal. For a dipshit.) Others change their names for whimsical reasons (Why else would you choose to go by 'T.J.'?). But one in our number aspires someday to elective office*, and as such, would prefer not to be directly associated with William & Mary basketball.

(* Or if not necessarily aspires, really enjoys the idea of it.)

That unnamed dreamer has been slowly and steadily building a constituency in his hometown, starting with taverns and public houses, and moving on from there. He's positioning himself as a pragmatic m
an of the people, which is good, because he's a pretty pragmatic man of the people. They say that George W. Bush connected with regular voters who felt like he'd enjoy sitting down for a beer with them. By that standard, our guy is a shoo-in, despite his political differences with the 43rd President.

But as we near the time of reckoning, his constituents will want to know more about how this man intends to govern their city. If recent events are any indications, the good people of Norfolk are in safe hands, indeed.

He'll never tell you this, but the future Mayor of Norfolk played a critical role in last week's seizure of 732 pounds of cocaine with a street value of $100 million (and wholesale value of $12(!) million) at that city's busy port. First, the official version of events as relayed by the Virginian Pilot,

"This was a cold hit. There was no specific intelligence," (Customs and Border Protection Area Port Director Mark J.) Laria said. He spoke next to a table covered in bags and boxes of cocaine as more than a dozen armed guards secured the building. The cocaine was found inside a shipping container that originated from Trinidad and Tobago off the coast of Venezuela, Laria said. It was destined for New York.Officers targeted the container because of some recent, unspecified smuggling trends. Laria said they started out using large-scale X-ray machines, transitioned to some smaller devices and eventually pulled out the can openers."

Our sources within CBP swore us to secrecy, but the real story is a humdinger. I can't get into the details, but let's just say that it's unlikely that Steve Tasker, Jimmy Buffett, and Stephen Hawking will ever be in the same room together. And while our guy will never take credit for it, the people of Norfolk are in very good hands. Or at least they will be.