Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Drug Week: Cocaine Has a Stupid Profit Margin

Many of us use pseudonyms on G:TB, and for various reasons. Me, I do it to protect my professional reputation (I'm a pretty big deal. For a dipshit.) Others change their names for whimsical reasons (Why else would you choose to go by 'T.J.'?). But one in our number aspires someday to elective office*, and as such, would prefer not to be directly associated with William & Mary basketball.

(* Or if not necessarily aspires, really enjoys the idea of it.)

That unnamed dreamer has been slowly and steadily building a constituency in his hometown, starting with taverns and public houses, and moving on from there. He's positioning himself as a pragmatic m
an of the people, which is good, because he's a pretty pragmatic man of the people. They say that George W. Bush connected with regular voters who felt like he'd enjoy sitting down for a beer with them. By that standard, our guy is a shoo-in, despite his political differences with the 43rd President.

But as we near the time of reckoning, his constituents will want to know more about how this man intends to govern their city. If recent events are any indications, the good people of Norfolk are in safe hands, indeed.

He'll never tell you this, but the future Mayor of Norfolk played a critical role in last week's seizure of 732 pounds of cocaine with a street value of $100 million (and wholesale value of $12(!) million) at that city's busy port. First, the official version of events as relayed by the Virginian Pilot,
"This was a cold hit. There was no specific intelligence," (Customs and Border Protection Area Port Director Mark J.) Laria said. He spoke next to a table covered in bags and boxes of cocaine as more than a dozen armed guards secured the building. The cocaine was found inside a shipping container that originated from Trinidad and Tobago off the coast of Venezuela, Laria said. It was destined for New York.Officers targeted the container because of some recent, unspecified smuggling trends. Laria said they started out using large-scale X-ray machines, transitioned to some smaller devices and eventually pulled out the can openers."
Our sources within CBP swore us to secrecy, but the real story is a humdinger. I can't get into the details, but let's just say that it's unlikely that Steve Tasker, Jimmy Buffett, and Stephen Hawking will ever be in the same room together. And while our guy will never take credit for it, the people of Norfolk are in very good hands. Or at least they will be.

26 comments:

zman said...

I bet this is the first published story involving Steve Tasker and Trinidad and Tobago.

rob said...

it's the third entry when you google 'steve tasker trinidad tobago'.

T.J. said...

snow day...just there is no snow yet...

T.J. said...

"steve tasker trinidad tobago"

- that's a Ghoogles HOFer

rob said...

there's a fuckton of snow here, teej. come get some.

T.J. said...

happy squirrel appreciation day, rob

and snow has finally started to arrive

zman said...

I assume they shut the Metro down because underground trains can't run in the snow.

Clarence said...

Big doings in Norfolk with the bust. People love fruit cocktail down here.

rob said...

someone fitting t.j.'s description just connected with me via linkedin. i don't much care for this collision of gtb and the real world.

T.J. said...

snow days cause the darnedest things

but don't worry, I still refuse to ever join Facebook

Clarence said...

Ah, a snow day on the cocaine chapter of drug week. I get it.

Squeaky said...

Showing as first search result item for me. Well down.

mr kq said...

Cool sports photo list - check out #75. Some may recognize the guy with his nose on Cal's head. It may or may not have been 20 lbs ago.

http://tinyurl.com/lavbqva

Squeaky said...

Guy in the Nike hat looks a little creepy. And you got to love that big ass camcorder at 11 o'clock. 90's tech was so cutting edge.

Clarence said...

Rob and I used to play these games upon arriving home from our crap government jobs all winter in 1993/94. (If it was warm at all, we played wiffle ball.) Yes, we had "Beavis & Butt-Head" going on the other TV while we did.

rob said...

whoa. bob mcdonnell and his wife indicted on federal corruption charges.

mayhugh said...

I played NHL 94 for shots against a random at the frat house who was much better than I was. I have no idea what the final score was but I was just able to tolerate SoCo again last year. Great game. I believe my head was bleeding at some point that night like they did in that game.

Dave said...

clarence hit a wiffleball over the continental divide.

zman said...

Despite marketing itself as a manufacturer of good cold weather cars, Audi uses windshield wipers that collect water and ice up faster than anything I've ever seen. Atrocious engineering.

rob said...

fucking swedes

Dave said...

no school tomorrow for me!

i predicted this early and started drinking hours ago . . .

zman said...

Then you should stay up for Federer/Murray.

Mark said...

I thought this piece wa going to discuss the profit margin in cocaine. Screw all you people and your snow days.

Mark said...

Sometimes I forget how much older some of you are than me. Then Clarence mentions that he and Rob had real jobs in 93/94. I was a sophomore in high school.

Clarence said...

Rob's older than me, Dude. Much.

Lumpy said...

Mayhugh. I was in on that NHL 94 debacle. Also got my ass kicked and haven't touched soco since.

Got a fat lip that night. Was told I opened the door into my face which is plausible. I'd say maybe we got into a fight. But the only chance I'da had to make your head bleed is if you head butted me