With that as preface, thus begins Sex Week at G:TB. We'll try (and fail) to keep it clean.
A couple of things leapt out at us after our scientific review of the results. The first: New Mexico, man, you folks are getting after it. Partners in the Land of Enchantment go for an average of 7:01 minutes (as the app doesn't count time spent on foreplay, the times represent intercourse only - my excuse, if I needed one, which I don't, and it's none of your business anyway, because my wife says I'm great, and she might even mean it, is that I prefer to spend a significant amount of time on the pregame), which is a full 1:23 longer than the second-place state, West Virginia. (Cousin banging, apparently, is a leisure sport.)
On the other end of the spectrum, Alaskans barely get started before they finish, wrapping things up in an extremely efficient 1:21 per hump. The bottom four states (Alaska, South Dakota, Vermont, and Montana) are all relatively cold-weather spots, which may explain the alacrity with which they do their business. Tough to keep the twigs, berries, and ladyparts exposed to the elements for too long when the temps are sub-zero.
Of much more parochial interest, the G:TB family is obviously interested in the relative standings of our home states. In this particular contest, none of us is covered in Jeremian (Ron, not Wheelhouse) glory. The G:TB staff hails from New Jersey, Florida, and Virginia, which rank a dismal 34th, 35th, and 37th. The Garden Staters have dubious bragging rights, lasting one second longer than Florida and six seconds more than those of us from the Old Dominion.
Fellow Virginians, we've got some work to do. Six seconds may not seem like a long time, but I think we owe it to our ladies to get on it. And get it on.
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33 comments:
New York, Robert. I live in NY. 3:01 bitches. Not that I do anything but bring that stat down.
Are these measurements in inches?
At times, quick completion is mere courtesy. We're come courteous mfers.
my bad, marls, you long-stroking lothario.
Mark - you'll enjoy this. My son is a Gators fan. One of our neighbors handed us down a Gators t-shirt a couple of years ago so now anytime he sees them on tv playin hoops or fball he yells..."gators...leave it here!" It sickens me. I thought he'd grow out of it. I thought wrong. What's the skinny on hoops tix? Are they pretty difficult to get? May look into getting LSU tix for Sat or am I foolish to think that doable?
that's really lousy parenting, danimal.
"come" was supposed to be "some"; pun not intended.
I know. I know. Fortunately it's not only the Gators...he seems to like just about everyone. I'll give him a few years to kick'em to the curb.
Just checked Stubhub on the Intrawebs....plenty available. Lame Gator fans.
Jadaveon Clowney ran a 4.47. Just about as fast as Marquis Lee. WOW.
Was going to tell you that basketball tickets shouldn't be too tough to get. Florida basketball has decent fan support (terrific support from students) but its not anything close to the support for football. Not all that surprising in this state. Still disappointing based on the type of program Donovan's built.
My thoughts re: your son...would you rather him be an FSU fan?
Clowney benched less than a punter, according to Mike & Mike.
I'm sure Dan Snyder just sent a memo and the Redskins will take that punter with their top pick. (2nd round, mind you.)
harold ramis is dead. that sucks.
Ziskey Rates The Russians: They're Pussies!
Clowney did the same amount of bench reps (21) as Greg Hardy and one less than Robert Quinn when they were at the combine, Clarence. And those were the NFL's top pass rushers last season. He'll be fine in terms of strength, IMO.
I think a lot of the combine stats are useless. Is there a real-word in-game difference between a 40 time of 4.69 seconds vs. 4.59 seconds? Or 25 bench press reps vs. 30?
I did not realize how prolific a comedic influence Harold Ramis was. RIP.
Re: the 40, its not very useful for most positions. The time on the first 10 of the 40 is a much more useful measure for someone like Clowney.
Honestly, many of the less publicized measures are more important. Things like 60 yard shuttle, 3 come drill and broad jump. But most observers don't understand the specific relevance of these drills so they get talked about far less.
I'm glad the 3 come drill isn't televised.
i think mark's comment applies to sex as well.
also, perhaps the shorter the coitus, the hotter the women are in that state. from what i remember of new mexican women, there may be an aesthetic reason that it takes longer to climax there . . .
Ryan Shazier had a vert of 42" and a broad jump of 10' 10". That's really impressive explosiveness. 42" for a LB is crazy.
new mexican women? women of new mexico?
i'm really planning on putting that wiper fluid into the reservoir today.
Old Mexican women.
I agree that a 4.47 40 yard dash is very impressive for a 265 pound DL and it's important given his style of play. But I question the reliability of the third significant digit.
That's fair. I find the need for many people to bash Clowney regardless of what he does ridiculous. He's a monster and he'll be a star, IMO.
His performance against Florida in 2012 is one of the most impressive, dominant performances I've ever witnessed.
Warren Sapp was a force of nature against Va Tech in 1994. Clowney has to be at least as good as Javon Kearse.
I think Clowney will be much better than Kearse long term. He was a bit of a one trick pony as a pass rusher. All speed around the edge. Clowney's more powerful IMO.
My first year at Florida was Kearse's last and I used to run into him on campus all the time. Dude was a monster. Just huge but lean as well. Biggest hands ever.
kent bazemore started and scored 17 points for the lakers yesterday. 'course, the lakers are so bad that i might get some run, but that's still pretty cool.
I was gonna give your family the Disney Channel...FOR FREE, but now...
And I'm not sure where I stand in your coital survey. I devoutly practice edging.
That's not healthy. In related news, Paula Patton is single.
"Bitch set me up" - Raymond Felton this morning
Speaking of that fantabulous ex-mayor, Rob Ford was on Today this morning -- he's gearing up for re-election. He lives in some alternate universe, right? (I don't mean Canada.)
It's a damn shame for a million reasons that Chris Farley is not with us, but especially because a Rob Ford impersonation would have been pure gold.
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