Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Citius, Altius, Drunkius

James Nielsen won the 2007 Eugene (OR) Marathon and ran in the 2008 U.S. Olympic trials. He's a two-time NCAA champion at 5,000 meters. But those achievements pale in comparison to what he accomplished on April 27.

Nielsen, like Roger Bannister before him, shattered a barrier heretofore thought beyond man's physical capabilities. He overcame pain, a disbelieving public, and carbonation.

James Nielsen ran the first sub-5:00 Beer Mile.

An officially-sanctioned Beer Mile requires a runner to drink a full 12-ounce can of beer, run 400 meters, drink another full 12-ounce can of beer, run another 400 meters, and so on, until the mile is complete. Nielsen, motivated by U.S. Olympian Nick Symmonds' public interest in trying to be the first to break the 5:00 barrier, completed his mile in 4:57.

It's courage like Nielsen's that lift us all, that inspires us to follow our better angels, to continue to train so that, like him, we might conquer our own Beer Miles. Or, whatever the distance from our couches to our refrigerators may be.




53 comments:

Danimal said...

We have a beer mile event down here at the beach next month. or maybe july, I forget. Come on down.

Mark said...

So Bradley Beal is pretty good, huh?

Squeaky said...

This should be an event at OBFT. What do you think the over/under would be for fastest time there?

6.9 minutes?

And not to be a hater but he didn't dump the first beer on his head.

rob said...

i'd be thrilled to run a sub-8:00 beer mile.

also, i know it's a topic of conversation across the interwebs, but roy hibbert, man. 0 and 0 with 5 fouls in 17 minutes. my honest opinion at this point is that he's suffering from some sort of anxiety disorder or other mental illness, which isn't in the least bit funny, but would explain a lot.

rob said...

squeak, after the last (only) run from tortuga's back to the house, i've retired from exertion at obft.

mayhugh said...

I can't fathom why drinking and running would be something anyone would care to combine. Why don't you just run a mile and then fish?

rob said...

things i learned spending the better part of two days in the hospital with my kidlet: mike judge appears in each of the movies in the 'spy kids' trilogy.

TR said...

I am a big fan of drinking after running, when I'm dehydrated and can get loaded easily. Not a big fan of the mornings after those days, when dehydration, cramping and soreness leave me a hobbling, neon-yellow urinator all morning.

rob said...

if you don't like the sound of running and drinking, mayhugh, you'll hate this:

http://www.krispykremechallenge.com/

run 2.5 miles, eat 12 krispy kreme donuts, run back 2.5 miles to where you started. puke. a lot.

Danimal said...

That's cray cray.
Drinking after running, especially if early in the a.m., is grand.
I've got a few neighbors that, on their wkd runs, puff up beforehand. How they do that I don't know.

T.J. said...

And so it begins (and possibly ends), as predicted...

The crack-smoking Canadian never made it to rehab in Chicago and his whereabouts are still unknown, the Toronto Globe and Mail reported on Tuesday.

rob said...

i assume he's hiking the appalachian trail

T.J. said...

he's out finding the real killers

Mark said...

An old roommate of mine (who semi crashed TJ's wedding) used to always get high before going on runs. I never understood the appeal of that but he loved it.

TR said...

Is that Robbie Ford being referenced in that snippet?

mr kq said...

Fingercuffs success! And TR brilliantly described my current state of being with the "dehydration, cramping and soreness leave me a hobbling" comment.

Squeaky said...

I'm a big fan of the beer stop around the last mile of any road race. Nothing like liquid carbs to push you that last mile.

rob said...

mark, z - you guys heard atmosphere's new record? it's got a cool, mellow vibe. and namechecks kirby puckett.

rob said...

troy tulowitzki is batting .596 with a 1.773 ops in 14 home games this season. those are softball numbers.

rootsminer said...

I'm not sure my wife would be quite as supportive of the beer mile, though a buddy of mine is organizing one here soon. I have to question their font choice for the closing documents. Papyrus is for making bad logos, not to document athletic and alcoholic feats.

Squeaky said...

These optical illusions in sand on the beach are pretty awesome.

http://flavorwire.com/455735/amazing-large-scale-3d-optical-illusions-drawn-on-the-sand-of-a-beautiful-beach/view-all

Mark said...

As if I didn't love Kevin Durant enough. That acceptance speech. Wow.

Shlara said...

1. Watch KD's acceptance speech. Love, love, love this guy

2. Someone needs to create a Venn diagram of gaga fans & Wizards fans. Is that three people? 100 people? zero people? the gaga fans are going nuts about changing the concert date. what they don't realize is that there's a clause in every event contract during April, May & June that they can get bumped for an NBA or NFL playoff game.

Mark said...

I haven't heard Southsiders yet, Rob. It just dropped today. Will be downloading tonight.

Shlara said...

and by "NFL" I meant "NHL"
I can't see my keyboard with the tears in my eyes from KD's speech

Shlara said...

seriously y'all, watch the KD speech

Clarence said...

I did. Honest emotion and humble gratitude emanating from famous people shouldn't be that remarkable, but it is. And it was.

T.J. said...

Shlara, pls tweet that contract nugget. I want to tweak some Gaga fans via retweet.

Dave said...

hospital? everything ok?

i was a participant in the obft beer run, and i am certain that drinking and driving is safer than drinking and running, especially running in wet sand. i tried to scare everyone off by sprinting like a madman at the start, but that tactic didn't work, and then the beer did it's lethargic magic.

Dave said...

are you drunk at the end of a beer mile, or just sick?

Shlara said...

Poor Roy...I knew it was about a girl. From the INternational Biz Times, souring Baller Alert:

http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/551377/20140507/pacers-nba-news.htm#.U2mA7ChqL-B

Baller Alert reported on Monday that a follower told them about an alleged cheating going on between All-Star wingman Paul George and center Roy Hibbert. The report claimed that George was caught sleeping with Hibbert's wife or fiancée.

rob said...

at an event for an incredible organization where dan snyder is being honored. feel so confused.

rob said...

joe gibbs' grandkids call him 'coach'. phenomenal.

TR said...

Hibbert needs to suck it up. British soccer players have been sticking it in their teammates' wives for a few decades now.

Clarence said...

That makes for a big chunnel.

Marls said...

Says the man in Whale's Vagina.

rob said...

just watched the durant speech. that dude is the best. i was already pulling for the thunder; this just reinforces it for me.

T.J. said...

sure wish I had a picture with that guy...

Greg said...

Why would Hibbert get married in the first place? Idiot.

Shlara said...

Oh Teej...I am still mad about screwing that up.

It's a wonder I'm passing my video journalism class with my poor photography skills.

How about KD's comment that his goal in life was to be a rec league coach?? Seriously, I heart him.

Danimal said...

Tommy Lasorda on V Stiviano: "I don't wish that girl any bad luck, but I hope she gets hit with a car."

Greg said...

Tosh on V. Stiviano: she was banging an unapologetic racist for FOUR YEARS!!!

Mark said...

Don't know if any of you saw the story about James Blake's home outside Tampa burning down last night but its gotten significantly worse this morning. 4 victims inside with (reported) gunshot wounds to the head and a fire accelerant used. Blake wasn't in Tampa at the time.

Danimal said...

My over/under date on VStiv getting signed to a Reality Show is 5/20

rob said...

even more bizarre, mark, there are reports that the victims had fireworks strapped to their heads. what in the everloving fuck?

Danimal said...

The blake story will be an interesting scoop. Will he or won't he be implicated? I'm guessing no.

Geoff said...

Every fantasy league should adopt this rule:

http://thebiglead.com/2014/05/07/jon-hamm-recalls-getting-booted-from-bill-simmons-fantasy-football-league/#sthash.TryNLBth.uxfs

Shlara said...

It's really weird to have all this national media focused on the Wizards, and saying good things. Good, but very weird.

Squeaky said...

Best review of the new Old 97's record. This kid is always good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwqG_hho1kE&feature=em-subs_digest

Greg said...

if you get a chance, check out ?uestlove's essays (up to 3 in a 6 part weekly series) on hip hop and culture. In part 2 he does a great job gently eviscerating what I call the "hair band" era of hip hop: when everything seemed like a laundry-list of hyper-luxury brand names mixed in with dubious braggadocio about one's fame and wealth. He contrasts those displays of grandeur with the more meaningful lyrics of the early hip hop pioneers like Run-DMC.

Greg said...

here's your linkage to the aforementioned article

http://www.vulture.com/2014/04/questlove-on-how-hip-hop-failed-black-america.html

T.J. said...

guestie posted

TR said...

Liverpool fans are getting pretty excited about Man City still being tied with Aston Villa after 54 minutes of play.