Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Au Revoir, Shithead

2014, in so many ways, wasn't our finest hour as a nation, or really, as a species. It was marked by venality, stupidity, ill-humor, selfishness, tragedy, and divisiveness. And that was just the Lakers. We struggled with racism, economic issues, a politics where noise and distraction overwhelmed right and wrong, true evil disguised as misdirected religious fervor, disease, and Roger Goodell.

Now, more than ever, the world needs Gheorghe. This is our year, boys and girls. When we fly the banner of dipshittery proudly, and set an example for our fellow man. When we buy matching G:TB onesies and wear them as a group. When the Tribe finally kicks Lucy's football. Or something. When Brian Posehn sues the Teej for using his likeness, but in a funny way. We resolve, as a community of Gheorghies, to be a part of the solution. At least, anyway, to come up with the solution and talk about it at length before giving up and talking about beer, music, and sports.

So on this final day of this altogether forgettable annum, may you enjoy some high-quality merrymaking, and prepare yourself for a long-awaited turning of the page. Me and mine, we're hunkering down to avoid all the sick people in our neighborhood and breaking out the fondue pots.

All the best to you and yours, and fuck off, 2014.

64 comments:

rob said...

also, we resolve to do a podcast.

T.J. said...

i very much look like Mr. Posehn, and with a little luck will convince some mopes I am indeed the erstwhile actor while out this evening

rob said...

that's a bit we can all get behind.

Clarence said...

I turned on the feature on my phone to have this post read aloud while I was driving. A female, Australian voice. Frankly, I think it suits Rob's writing perfectly, and in fact he should adopt the high-pitched Aussie accent full-time.

rob said...

it's 9:47, and i've just made my first 'i'm gonna dip my balls in it' joke about our family fondue fest. gonna be a long day for my wife.

rob said...

the playoffs in the nba western conference are going to be preposterous. it's not a stretch for these to be the matchups:

golden state/oklahoma city
portland/san antonio
memphis/la clippers
houston/dallas

great googlymoogly

/adamsilverrobotboner

Danimal said...

nice one rob. both the post and the balls dip reference. goin balls deep on the balls dip are ya?
in orifice, err, uhh, office that is, for a coupla hours then onto some odds'n ends, or bits'n bobs as they say across the pond.
I do resolve to get with a few of you chumps & chumpettes in '15. word do your mutha!

Danimal said...

i'll get excited about the nba playoffs right about never

T.J. said...

when is the next danimal sleepover as casa de teej/baconbaking?

T.J. said...

west playoffs are gonna be awesome, but o-k-c will be 5th or 6th seed by then, even with slow start

Clarence said...

Rob-- we, too, are doing up some fondue tonight, as well as full 70's garb, music, and everything else that went down with the grown-ups in our first decade on the planet. (Think fishbowl.) And I made the same "I'm gonna dip my balls in it" joke yesterday during our pre-party planning (read: beers with friends) meeting. Nobody knew it. Sad, really.

For the uninitiated, here's one of the better sketches featuring Louie.

Mark said...

Today is my wife's birthday. We went out for the nice dinner/drinks thing last night to celebrate her birthday/new years.

Going to keep it low key with the kids and some sushi tonight.

Danimal said...

TJ --- hopefully sooner than later, and I'll be wearing these when it happens.

http://www.jumpinjammerz.com/retro-robots-adult-footed-onesies-pajamas/product-20/

rob said...

'think fishbowl'. clarence's alternate universe seems like a really fun place to live.

Mark said...

Oh, and we picked up a charcuterie plate for late night NYE snacking.

Clarence said...

It's fun, little buddy, but it wears me the fuck out. Let's trade lives for six months a la Freaky Friday. And then release it as a major motion picture.

rob said...

six months? i'd be dead in three. and so would you from the exercise.

rob said...

as the teej just pointed out on twitter, bruce allen just actually said, with a straight face, "we're winning off the field. now we have to start winning on the field."

the tone deafness and insularity in that organization is mindboggling. it defies overstatement.

Clarence said...

Agreed. What are they winning?

They are losing fans with the racist name. They have to be losing more money than they did before at the gate/concessions, though they still make way too much damn money. They are losing credibility with back to back dreadful seasons in an era of league parity and quick rebound. (Even lowly Detroit was one win away from home field advantage. It wasn't that long ago they went oh-fer a season. And then had that streak snapped by...)

They are losing potential great coaches because no one with self-respect will coach for Snyder. They are losing players. They are losers. They are winning nothing other than good draft position. And they can't even get that right.

At least Haslett has departed. "Mutually agreed" that he would depart. Right. Like my college girlfriend and I mutually agreed that she would be seeing other people and not me at all.

Marls said...

I picture Snyder down in the bunker with Eva Braun moving little plastic football players around on a map screaming that his coaches are in competent while insisting that they can still win the superbowl.

rob said...

working on gmas day 11. i'm through june. this is fucking exhausting. you assholes better appreciate this effort.

i need a post-reviewing robot.

Clarence said...

My stepson just bought a $350 Lego robot with his own money. I was not like him.


I'm not a robot without emotions-I'm not what you see
I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free
I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, forget what you know
I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control

Clarence said...

Heard this on the telly yesterday. Apparently the joke is old. Maybe millions of years old. But here it is:

The Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic church. The priest says, "What are you doing here?" The Higgs Boson says, "You can't have mass without me."

rob said...

the collider got clarence. dammit.

Mark said...

Things are getting ugly in Atlanta. Fast.

Mark said...

Here's a Jim Harbaugh related thought or four: I'm excited to see him at Michigan and think he'll be great. He and Urban Meyer will be a cool rivalry. If Harbaugh can get a laid back guy like Pete Carroll to hate him, imagine the (ahem) heartburn he'll give Urban.

Finally, I don't think Harbaugh will last more than 5-6 years at Michigan. He the next generation football version of Larry Brown.

Danimal said...

How bout this sodomization goin on there in hotlanta?
I'm at Intuition Ale Works. Solo. Dan time. Picking up a couple of growlers for the eve.
Jaguars wagon still has room. Come aboard. Non offensive team name. Seemingly well intended owner. Nice weather! A stadium witb pools? Pools! Bortles.....hellooooo! Youngest team in nfl. Ya hear that? The sound of the stars aligning that is. Come on down Jax town!

Danimal said...

I'm the one of a dozenl here who is:
A. Above 30
B. Salaried
C. Employed, full time
D. Somewhat envious
E. All of the above

rob said...

damn, tcu.

T.J. said...

Dr. Bo just had his license revoked

Mark said...

I'm gonna miss making Dr. Bo jokes.

Also, do you think I can convince my wife to move her birthday to 12/30 or 1/2. With this new bowl schedule her NYE birthday is really cramping my style.

rob said...

gheorghemas day 11 is teed up and ready to serve as your new year's day football comment thread. which should begin around 7:45 am, as the premier league has a full slate of matches.

zman said...

Lots of sturm und drang from rob over day 11. It better be good with all this hype.

rob said...

it's not good. but it's long.

zman said...

Like my Johnson.

rob said...

new year's sculpin status: engaged

Mark said...

I feel for any of you folks who've come down with the SARS/Ebola strain I contracted. I've been we'll for 4-5 days now but am still dealing with all types of snot/mucus related BS. Especially when I wake up. The gift that keeps on giving. And a pain in the ass.

Mark said...

Also, I just learned that next year's CFB Playoff Semifinal games are on NYE. I'm gonna need to come up with something real good so my wife doesn't notice/care that I'm ignoring her to watch football. I welcome any suggestions.

zman said...

Claim to have cold sweats and nausea. zdaughter just added projectile vomiting to the list of symptoms.

zman said...

Marrone opted out of his contract. BiLOLs.

Danimal said...

Mark...NYE in Singapore/Australia. Football games on NY Day morning. You're welcome.

Danimal said...

Our last day of the year ended with stitches for our 4-yr old girl between top of nose and left eye.

Danimal said...

The year is not over yet, I know.

rob said...

fonduing proceeding nicely. cheese course nearly done. no wife-swapping to this point.

mayhugh said...

Both in my household are still full-bore SARSFLU. I'm guessing we will be up for another 40 minutes or so. Add to that I had to get up very early today to take a relative to the airport and when I stepped out of the house there were numerous, NUMEROUS coyotes in the driveway. I had some nervous, The Gray-type moments.

rob said...

where do you live, wyoming?

mayhugh said...

Had never witnessed anything like it. It was pre-5AM so it was very dark. I heard a lot of scampering that lasted several seconds, and it was very nearby. And it was followed by some weird barking. I'm fairly certain it was not foxes.

Mark said...

Nice awareness by Solomon the Arizona QB.

rob said...

rich rod face was excellent, though

zman said...

Foxes don't bark. They say ring ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.

Mark said...

Yes. That was classic, Rob. I'm at dinner but am assuming the Internet had fun with that.

rob said...

operation chocolate fondue and whiskey: commenced

Mark said...

This is where I say "I wanna dip my balls in it", right?

rob said...

i'm 'gonna' dip my balls in it, mark

Mark said...

Sorry, Rob.

Ball dipping robot.

rob said...

we had a family wie competition this evening. in which we learned that my kids and i are impossibly competitive assholes, and that my wife holds me responsible. good times.

rob said...

my wife and i just figured out that we were both at two concerts in the early 90s in hampton roads, years before we met.

Mark said...

Both you and Zman have bemoaned over competitiveness very recently. I'm not with you guys. You're not competitive if youre not (at times) over competitive. I welcome it. You can learn to channel it. It's much tougher to become ultra competitive.

zman said...

Cher?

Squeaky said...

Why are you bringing Michelle Wie into the fondue. That's kind of sticky.

god I need a beer.

Fyi, when at a party and neighbors give the hosts, not me, left over apple martinis from last weekend, always ask what liquor they used originally. Carmel Vodka should not be the core ingredient of an appletini.

Dip my balls indeed.

What the fuck is Terry Crews humping and wearing.

Mark said...

Terry Crews probably has a pretty sweet life. Little talent and your job is to work out all the time. I'm in.

rob said...

feliz cumpleaños, gheorghies. may your 2015 be filled with love and laughter in equal measures.

Marls said...

Allo Georghies.

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