Monday, September 08, 2014

God Once Again Displays His Sense of Humor

Matt Simon just celebrated the first anniversary of his Absurd Creature of the Week feature at Wired.com by crowning the Pink Fairy Armadillo (Chlamyphorus truncatus) the winner of the Absurd Creature of the Week Tournament of Absurdity. The little armadillo triumphed over zombie ant fungi in the championship round, in a triumph of cute over downright freaky.

Here's Simon's description of the zombie ants, some of which may hit close to home:

"Once a disciplined member of a rigidly structured society, the affected ant stumbles out of its colony like the town drunkard, guided by a pathogen that has pickled its brain with a cocktail of chemicals."

The entire roster of absurd organisms is worth a browse. From the beautiful (the flamboyant cuttlefish is spectacular) to the sublimely evolved (check out the satanic leaf-tailed gecko's camouflage style) to the absolutely fucking disgusting (the botfly's larvae burrow into human skin, grow to full size, and leave a gaping wound upon their emergence), the gallery spans the range of animal oddities.

The pearlfish swims up a sea cucumber's ass and eats its gonads. So, yeah.
How James Carville didn't make the list, though, is perhaps the topic of another post.

53 comments:

Danimal said...

cool.

and speaking of animals, you may have seen on the facebook machine the pic of the gator I posted. it was taken this morning, at the Y. it was in the pool.

Danimal said...

can you guys come out and play?

Clarence said...

Not much commentary on the crappy Washington pro football game. It felt like a lot of games over the last 20 years. Blech.

Danimal said...

haven't seen the lines yet, but you might actually be favored this wkd. but doubt it. you guys are awful.

zman said...

I don't think this game is a fair barometer of the R**skins' prowess. Houston's defense is famously stout and Ryan Fitzpatrick is a force of nature.

mr kq said...

Call me a homer, but.. I don't think it's as bad as it seems. Houston was playin back - cover 2, cover 3, Omaha, whatever. And Watt is a one man wrecking crew. We don't turn it over twice going in and execute some basic S teams plays and it could have been different.

I know I know, if your aunt had testicles she'd be your uncle. But maybe I'm an optimist, I might even get some tonight.

mayhugh said...

Washington's Oline looked like it prepared for that game by watching UCLA's line against UVA. I don't put the lion's share of the blame on RGIII. Of course, i wasn't watching that closely as I was busy vomiting during most of the game, it was that putrid.

Chris Chester was thrown around like a rag doll by JJ Watt on several occasions.

Roberts should have been able to bail out RGIII on the scramble/deep ball in the first half. Most starting receivers would have gotten both feet in, I believe.

Their offense seems to be predicated, for now, on sustained drives with short chunks of yardage. You can't be largely dependent on 13 play drives. Too much can go wrong. And they had way too many negative plays to sustain drives.

My wife roots for the featured team on Hard Knocks. She could not tell you what position Alfred Morris plays but she was asking about how De'vonta Freeman did in his first game.

rob said...

more business gawf, danimal. belmont today. hard life.

Danimal said...

oh yeah. if this is not an outing, ask your host or someone in the gawf shop if J Butz is around. Guarantee he will be....he lives at the club - either on the course or in the bar. Friend and former neighbor of Buckles and former roomy of Danimal at JMU. Helluva golfer too. if you see a guy with a coors light in his hand, it's him.

Mark said...

The Bucs were awful yesterday as I accurately predicted based on my excitement for the team's prospects this season. Welp, at least they were good in the late 90s and (very) early aughts.

Danimal said...

Ray Nagin heading to the clink today. 10 Years. Virginia Gov soon to follow.

mayhugh said...

Can we call them the Washington Pink Fairy Armadillos? How freaking awesome would that little critter look on a football helmet?

Danimal said...

I think the sea cucumbers is more appropriate.

T.J. said...

hahahahaha fuck you ray rice you piece of shit

TR said...

If only Ray Rice murdered instead of punched, like Ray Lewis, he'd be okay.

Ravens and Chief Douche Goodell are now trying to outdo each other w/ "no, we really care now and are hammering him w/ penalties now that you all saw the footage" posturing. Both should be ashamed at their behavior on the topic.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR STEPHEN A SMITH TO START YELLING AT ME WITH HIS OPINION.

Danimal said...

were just talking about the ray rice thing here in the office. we're a little confused. so...didn't everyone KNOW what he did that caused his wife to become unconscious prior to this video? yes, they did. but NOW that everyone has seen the actual video everyone is outraged? what the fuck?

Danimal said...

hang in there ray...bengals will pick you up soon.

mayhugh said...

I believe the in-elevator footage had been sealed as part of the case against Rice. I think the prevailing sentiment was "we don't really know what happened", but there is a bit of phoniness there.

Everyone knows there are cameras EVERYWHERE in casinos. The fact that the in-elevator footage was not initially publicly viewable suggested that the content was not favorable to the defendant Rice.

T.J. said...

TMZ wreaking havoc with NBA and now NFL

Squeaky said...

Ravens press conference schedule for 8PM tonight. Good timing choice. Nothing else going at that time.

Clarence said...

Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, has passed away at age 93. May he find the heaven he espoused, and may it be filled with breaded chicken and pickles on buttered rolls with Chick-fil-A sauce.

mayhugh said...

And may his passing pave the way for that GD restaurant to be open on Sundays.

rob said...

i like how mayhugh eschewed cursing in hopes of currying posthumous favor with mr. cathy.

TR said...

I kill Sports Guy a lot 'round these parts, but he has been spot-on and merciless w/ his Goodell bashing. Can't wait to hear his next podcast. And Adam Schefter has been on fire too.

Danimal said...

the sea cucumbers are actually a 6 pt fave over the jags on sunday.
beep beep beep beep - that's the sound of the brinx truck backing up to my office.
I doubt i'll bet much if at all...just wanted to do the beep beep beep brinx truck thing.

Marls said...

If the NFL was really serious about making a statment, the Exec. Committee would suspend Roger witout pay for six games for the way he has handled this thing.

Marls said...

In other news, the confirmed that the Winter Classic will be at Nats Park on Jan 1. Caps/Blackhawks.

Additionally, opening day 2015 was announced today....Mets at Nats. April 6. G:TB Summit.

Marls said...

Marvin Barnes...ded

zman said...

Seconding what Danimal said. Knock a woman unconscious, 2 game suspension. Knock a woman unconscious ON CAMERA, that's beyond the pale.

rob said...

wait, the league suspended rice indefinitely in addition to the ravens' termination of his contract. that's gross incompetence on the part of the league office. nothing has changed at all since they suspended him for two games. if they hadn't seen they video at that point, shame on them - they have very highly experienced investigators on their payroll, so i find it very hard to believe that they hadn't seen it before now. this is truly outrageous shit.

TR said...

Rob, if you hadn't been out golfing w/ the other one-percenters, you would've come to this conclusion at 2:15 PM ET, like the rest of the World Wide Web.

rob said...

tr, last i checked, the world revolved around me and my timeline. check the forms you got from gtb hr when you signed on - pretty sure you signed a document acknowledging this when you came on board.

zman said...

robs more of a one-half-of-a-1-percenter

Marls said...

TMZ is now saying they have proof that the NFL had the video?

How is TMZ the best investigative journalist team out there?

zman said...

I bet they released the video just so they could pillory Rice after Goodell was lambasted for Rice's puny punishment.

zman said...

Marin Cilic!

Danimal said...

Another strategically well placed press release is the ncaa's lifting of penn state's bowl and scholarship ban two years early.

TR said...

Olbermann not mincing words:

http://deadspin.com/keith-olbermann-on-roger-goodell-an-enabler-of-men-wh-1632150757

Lumpy said...

Marls- This book had probably been mentioned here before. But just in case. For some great bad news Barnes stories check out "loose balls" history of the ABA

Lumpy said...

Not to be confused with "loose stools. The perils of being a barfly"

rob said...

have we talked about ty seagall here? because we should.

Marls said...

Thanks Lump.

These Giants....not good.

TR said...

Ty Segall was on Maron's podcast a couple weeks ago.

Mark said...

Loose Balls is great. Terry Pluto the GAWD.

TR said...

Just hopped a cab to my office. Cabbie is CRANKING Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee.

It's gonna be a good day.

Danimal said...

I wonder what song Ray Rice or Roger Goodell first heard this morning.

Clarence said...

Denis Leary, "Asshole"

Squeaky said...

If you like The Brian Jones Massacre you should really be following @antonnewcombe. He's releasing tracks on the twit machine daily while in the studio.

And went to the Boston Calling music festival this weekend, still recovering. Some really great bands like the Mats, Spoon, THS and The National but Twenty One Pilots came out of nowhere with by far the best performance. Simply amazing show and I've seen a few shows in my time.

Marls said...

I've done a bit of collage work myself...

rob said...

hard for me to recall being this down on the state of major sports. largely because my memory is terrible, probably, but still. someone post something uplifting to momentarily make me feel better.

Shlara said...

Agree with you Rob--really sad & disappointing news in the sports world.

That's why I'm choosing to focus on the Nats.

And Deadspin has some GIFs that will make you feel better. Some of the other Gheorghies won't like them, but you will:

deadspin.com/11-sports-gifs-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity-1632299104?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_twitter&utm_source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

mr kq said...

2 sold out TOP shows coming up at 930. Looking to obtain tix based on that rec.

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