Saturday, October 11, 2008

G:TB's Week 6 NFL Picks

Yeah, there's only three picks here...for now. There will be five before kickoff tomorrow (I think)...

Baltimore @ Indianapolis (+4)
I'm a lousy gambler. There's a reason I don't bet my own money on NFL games - I've demonstrated a profound ability to lose it faster than a Lehman Brothers broker on a derivatives bender. Part of the reason for this phenomenon, if not all of it, is my propensity for making picks on instinct rather than any thought whatsoever. In fact, this is actually in very close keeping with the manner in which I live my life. Instinct trumps preparation as a rule. So far, so good.

The purpose of this ramble, then, is to preface my preference for the Colts. I like Indy for two reasons (three, if you count pure gut feel): a) to paraphrase a paraphrase of Mark Twain's famously bastardized quote, the rumors of the Colts' demise have been greatly exaggerated - even as their line play has been terrible on both sides of the ball, they've still managed to break even on the season. I think they're due a breakout game, and b) Joe Flacco. We're talkin' 'bout Joe Flacco. Joe Flacco, man. Joe Flacco. Not Peyton Manning. Not Peyton Manning. Joe Flacco.


Oakland @ New Orleans (-7.5)

There isn't a legitimate coach in North America that would touch the Oakland job - I mean they probably couldn't convince Ty Willingham to take the gig (Hold it. I said legitimate coach didn't I? Nevermind). The Raiders will struggle mightily until they have an owner that can put together a group that actually cares about winning together. So, I'd say they have another 6 to 9 more years until Al Davis croaks and they can rebuild anew. In the meantime, they'll lack the leadership it takes to win in the NFL and keep losing along the way. This just isn't the time to run into a talented team at home coming off back to back dominating performances on the road..think about what it might be like if Peter North got paired up with a young starlet the day after coming home from to find his wife in flagrante delicto with a co-star.


Sai...Hold on. What's that noise? No. It can't be. It can't be. That...that's Zornstar's music. Redskins (-13.5) over the Rams by 2 touchdowns, 2 field goals and one giant bukakke....

Carolina (+1.5) @ Tampa Bay
You know whats I dont like about the MLB playoffs this year? No Ozzie Gullien. Sure, that guy's a dick and and complete nutjob, but its the fun kind of nutjob. You're never quite sure whether he's going to call a closeted writer gay (He'd have a field day with the Wheelhosers) or headbutt his closer as he takes the mound to close out a game. It's a good kind of crazy. Contrast that with Jon Gruden's kind of crazy and you begin to see the difference. Gruden's a micro-manager who completely over thinks just about any situation his team is involved in. For example: During the Bucs-Packers game a couple weeks ago I was talking to one of my old roomates and he asked me what I thought the Bucs would do on 3rd and goal from the 3 yard line. I replied that I wasn't sure of the playcall but I was sure that two tight ends would be involved and at least two men would be put in motion prior to the snap. Well, guess what happened? The Bucs came out with a WR split right and a tight end over the right tackle with another tight end over the left tackle. Once the Bucs got set, the WR moved in motion to the left and split out wide which was followed by the tight end on the left splitting out into the slot next to the WR, which was followed by the tight end from the right moving to the left and setting up over the left tackle. Once all these things had taken place, the Bucs ran a HB dive with Warrick Dunn (who's not their power back...I swear to god, Earnest Graham must have knocked up Gruden's wife, 10 fucking carries in Denver last week? Seriously Gruden...fuck off.) who ended up gaining a yard. Seriously...is all, hell, is any of that necessary for a HB dive? Watching the Gruden version of the West Coast offense is going to drive me back to meth one of these days.

Of course, Carolina doesn't do any of this shit. They just line up and beat you with their playmakers (Which is part of the problem I guess, the Bucs lack playmakers in a major way. During the Packer game the same old roommate and I tried to determine who the Bucs would use in their version of the Wildcat offense. We drew a blank. Honestly, try and find 3 guys on that offense who are dynamic enough to be involved in that type of offense...not gonna happen). As long as Steve Smith isn't on my fantasy team he's a beast, Muhsin Muhammad is rejuvenated and the Williams-Stewart combo is probably the leagues' best young tailback tandem. I can't figure out why the Bucs are favored here, but I do know its far too late in the afternoon for me to be this sober on my birthday so I might as well wrap this up. Take the points, and take the Panthers.

62 comments:

rob said...

greg robinson's brand of stupid is powerful. he's making bill stewart look like an ambulatory stephen hawking.

TJ said...

Rich Rodriguez, you are going to get murdered in the streets of Ann Arbor if your team keeps dropping games like today.

TJ said...

OK, I'll admit it - Jimmy Clausen is starting to win me over.

rob said...

tribe goes on the road and gets a tough come-from-behind win at new hampshire.

Geoff said...

TJ...the Colts are minus 4, not plus.

TJ said...

Though I too am a lousy gambler, that's actually rob's handiwork. I'll fix it tomorrow.

rob said...

gonna be tough for ricky-jean francois to back up his trash talk wearing street clothes.

rob said...

mathematical operators and i have always had a somewhat contentious relationship.

TJ said...

Rob, turn to CBS immediately for primetime SEC intro...

rob said...

fuck, missed it. tell me.

rob said...

sox/rays, florida/lsu, usa/cuba. an embarrassment of sports riches tonight.

MGL said...

Hello gents. Long time.

OSU/Mizzou as well, and it would be better if Bob Davie reduced his word count by about 98.3%.

MGL said...

Side note: it's always smart to punt it to a really dangerous returner with 16 seconds to play in a tie game. Wow.

rob said...

and a nascar race, if that turns your crank.

welcome, mgl.

TJ said...

TEBOW SMASH

rob said...

longoria smash, too, unfortunately.

MGL said...

What's with the tiki and rope around Beckett's neck? Doesn't he know Greg got hurt surfing while wearing something like that?

rob said...

you can take the meathead kid out of high school in texas but you can't take the texas high school meathead out of the kid.

rob said...

pedroia smash!

rob said...

mgl, care to give a little sneak peek into who you like in the caa this winter?

MGL said...

No.

rob said...

fair enough.

TJ said...

Nice work rob.

Scare away the celeb cameo.

MGL said...

Eh, allright. In BR I landed on: VCU, ODU, NU, Mason, Del, Ga State, Tow, Hof, JMU, WM, UNCW, Drex.

New blog may hit in a coupla Stellas.

rob said...

had a feeling northeastern would be up there.

rob said...

bj upton just hit a cartoon homerun. holy shit. and dammit.

rob said...

this rays team is the most athletic squad in mlb, and the 2nd-place team isn't even close.

TJ said...

That Rays/Phillies World Series is gonna be weird.

And Dick Vitale is gonna have a coronary.

MGL said...

Is it me, or is Frank Caliendo like a shrimp cocktail--everybody talks about him, but really, he's not that good.

TJ said...

That kickoff call changed this game.

rob said...

i think caliendo's more like a nice piece of fish - tasty when fresh, but after it's been left out for a few days, it'll make you sick.

rob said...

pedroia homers again, then puts in a dip the size of his fist. i turned green just looking at it.

rob said...

if this sox/rays game isn't your primary sports diversion tonight, you're missing out. 7 hrs and we're still in the top of the 5th - it's a donnybrook.

MGL said...

Good call rob...and I'm hoping 7hrs stands for really long fly balls and not the game time.

And Mizzou/Oky St is heating up.

rob said...

indeed - 7 big flies, not hours. though at this rate it may take nearly that long to finish this thing. 1 out in the top of the 5th and we're 2 hours in.

MGL said...

Sam Houston State/UCA barnburner 41-40 with 7 to play.

I love the Fios sports package.

I don't know who UCA is.

MGL said...

And just that quickly Willie Landers goes 60 yards and UCA scores, and now I know UCA is the Bears.

MGL said...

Pardon my exuberance...but they just showed a kid with a poly trumpet on the Rays game. I haven't seen one of those since I was 12 and watching the Saskatchewan Roughriders.

rob said...

poly trumpets, cowbells, artificial organ music - it's a veritable dipshit orchestra inside the trop tonight.

TJ said...

How 'bout Mizzou having a "Jimmy Jackson"...

rob said...

so penn state, huh?

rob said...

so 51 points against lsu is a pretty good night, no?

rob said...

this baseball game is absurd.

rob said...

and alabama's gonna be the #1 team in america tomorrow. i'm not sure how i feel about that.

TJ said...

I'm picking two 4pm or later games...sometime before 4pm.

TJ said...

The Rams are so freaking terrible...

rob said...

nice to see we're solidly on the ball as usual.

TJ said...

Peyton Manning looks goooood today. Ngs.

TJ said...

Rob, Bama is not #1. Texas is.

rob said...

okay. i can live with that.

skins playing like they're guaranteed a win just for showing up. let's see what zorn does when they're supposed to win.

mayhugh said...

I don't think I've ever heard a punter booed more lustily than Durant Brooks.

I can't say I was prepared for this shit sandwich the Skins O is serving up right now.

TJ said...

OK, so we're doing the Sun and Mon night games...

Whitney said...

Special Teams coach for the Skins should get a blanket party after that one. This should calm down all the "Who knew the Redskins were this great?" drivel. Looks like our guys have been reading too much of their own press.

mayhugh said...

Let's share the blame a little bit - the offensive line was terribly suspect on passblocking. They made Leonard Little look like he was behind the wheel of a car again.

Greg said...

this is for mayhugh:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAg5KjnAhuU

mayhugh said...

Greg - THATWASAWESOME

TJ said...

G:TB will be choosing the Chargers to finally sack up and play a good game tonight. Hell, they might even win by double digits.

Someone will pick the Monday nighter tomorrow.

Mark said...

Dallas had absolutely no business taking this game to OT. Poor Cardinal fans.

Mark said...

Well..that makes up for it.

TJ said...

That will make them feel a lot better.

TJ said...

OK, so looks like I actually got one right for a change. The Chargers W makes G:TB 2-2 on the week with my MNF pick pending...oh the suspense.

Some quick, fuzzy math indicates the WheelTent went 3-2 this week.

TJ said...

Mildly entertaining:

http://www.devinettor.com/