Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas: Day Eleven

On the 11th Day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghemas gave to me...

Eleven Months of Nonsense
Ten Holiday Beers
Nine Small-Town Nimrods
Eight Songs I'm Loathing . . . or should be loathing, but I'm loath to say that I'm actually liking them instead of loathing them . . .
Seven Football Stories
Six Bits Worth Reviving
Five Awesome Gifts
Four Smokin' Rock Chicks
Three Blogging Concepts (Sports, Drinking, Elitism)
Two Footie Stories
And a Doofus on a Pony

As I pondered weak and weary G:TB's 2011 output, I had it in my head that we'd had an off year by our normal standards. And then I started looking at some of the work we did, and realized that the drugs have really clouded my judgment. Let's do this, Dave Barry-style:


Igor kicked things off for us with an almost tender tribute to old punching bag Robby Alomar

Dave took the first angry steps towards a career in politics, while his running buddy Mr. Truck added the first plank to a platform certain to resonate with 100% of males.
My obsession with dangerous science led to my fingers traveling through time. As a follow-up to this post, they came back, eventually,with some great, if somewhat implausible stories about helping Harlan Sanders invent his famous chicken recipe.

I trust that the members of the G:TB community completed their reading assignments.

Zman started our philanthropic efforts for the year, helping the University of Buffalo hire a new football coach.


Dave's political aspirations expanded, as he harangued Roger Goodell on an issue of national import.

We sent a correspondent to the Super Bowl. 

TR expanded the G:TB multimedia empire to include animation. Not that kind, Igor.

Gheorghe: The Movie
by: Gheorghe

We continued our series of interviews with famous(ish) sports personalities, getting U.S. rugby standout Brian Hightower on the line via cans and string in advance of the International Rugby Board Sevens World Series Stop in Las Vegas.

Gheorghe: The Inspiration turned 40 and all we got him was this lousy post.

Charles Jenkins went all 'The Wolf' on the Wrens. Dagger.

We started talking about #3bids4CAA on Twitter. Nobody believed us.

Sachin Tendulkar, bitches!


#3bids4CAA became a reality, despite reality's heavy burden. Suck it, Whelliston.

The Almighty Yojo celebrated Biggie. Kinda.
American Dreaming by The Density

Our Second Annual March Madness podcast was slightly less successful than the first. Though more in keeping with our editorial standards.

The Old Guard are a respectful bunch of badasses.



Outside of Dave's opus on his Netflix queue, April was basically filler. Though it did mark the first time the phrase "unclothed genital contact" appeared in G:TB's pages.

We did manage to juxtapose 'Lamb of God' and a kitty snuggling with a dolphin in April.

And one of us dropped the worst draft analysis in history.


If you thought April was bad, get a load of May - a month in which we lamented the Tumblrfication of G:TB between TR's quality soccer posts and Jean Claude Van Damme animated gifs.

For some reason, I wasted precious time and words on Peter Angelos.

And Zman redeemed us by finding Adam Mansbach's brilliant 'Go the Fuck to Sleep'.


Mark bolstered his reputation as G:TB's leading semi-serious sports pundit with another terrific NBA Draft piece (which somehow got Teejay's byline).

Our big man lamented the loss of the Big Man.

We learned that Mark's family tattoo and athletic shoe budget will increase by 50%. Please don't doublecheck the math.

Dave weighed in on the Top 7 Coolest Ways to Die Via Animal. He left out death by flying squirrel.

We're probably gonna be the last people on Earth defending LeBron.

Z expanded our parameters, tennis-style.


We learned how to be men from the Zman. And The Almighty Yojo wrote a song about it.

It was a big month for Z, who got all statistical on us in evaluating running quarterbacks.

The Teej kept us in Muppets, with help from Shlara.

Pretty big month for Dave, too, who dropped the all-time best Fashion is Stupid on us. Cockroaches included. He also managed to include David Sedaris in a sexual fantasy. We don't judge here.

But the courts do, as Zman so elegantly informed us in a post that mixed Ghostface Killah with jurisprudence.  Come to think of it, 'twas a big month for Ghostface, too.

Not sure any of our readers know it, but I really find Roger Clemens distasteful. Don't much care for his legal opposition, either.


The Zman battened down the hatches with absinthe and soprasetta to survive Hurricane Irene.

July's judicial trend continued into August, as we discussed the legality of contracts signed while drunk, and followed the continuing saga of Urbont v. Ghostface.

It seems fairly clear that we're the internet's leading purveyor of shoot/pass first vs. run/pass first playmakers.

The Ghoogles brought back old friend Cocaine Bear.


Shlara's a bigger stud than most of the G:TB staff combined.

Igor lamented the end of R.E.M.'s world, and we read it.

September 24, 1991 was a very good day in music.

The Teej finally found an outlet for his prodigious popular culture skills.

Zman gave us yet more evidence of his Renaissance qualifications, declaiming at length and with skill about serious scientific matters a mere week before shining a light on The Low End Theory.

Mark kicked off what turned out to be Science Month with a personal message for Peyton Manning. This and Shlara's post from later in the month might be my favorites of the year.

We remembered 9/11.

It took a bit of cajoling, but Igor came through with a fine preview of the Rugby World Cup.

We forgot history, and were thus doomed to repeat it. Perhaps the most perfectly Gheorghey post of the year.


Beavis and Butthead returned to great fanfare from this corner of the 'sphere.

Teejay drew inspiration from a fairly likely source.

What the Kids Are Watching returned with a llama-flavored vengeance.

Z gave us all the soul we wanted.


It may not be the Wrens' year.

Mark may not be the most prolific blogger on the team, but he gives Z and Dave a run for the most words per post lead every year. He waxed wordly about Florida vs. Florida State and Urban Meyer heading to Columbus.

Quidditch, Muggle bitches!

Dave penned G:TB's first fiction, accompanied by a sperm cake.

In the end, 2011 was an improvement in a number of ways from its immediate predecessor, both on the field and in many of our personal lives. Summer Dave was unable to defend his MVP honor, which went to Zman for both his pace and the diversity of his handle. Mark's gonna have a lot of new material in 2012, so keep an eye on him.

Merry Gheorghemas, friends of G:TB. May the Biggest Man give you everything you hope for in the new year.

Some traditions are worth upholding.


TR said...

Well done, Robbie. I'll be shocked if we actually get all twelve days out the door before year-end.

zman said...

I can't wait to update my LinkedIn profile to include G:TB 2011 MVP.

rob said...

guess who won the dc unsportsman of the year:

T.J. said...

Team GTB: Fuck Yeah

rob said...

tribe at miami (oh) at 7:00 - last chance for a confidence builder heading into conference play.

zman said...

zwoman reads almost as much as Dave and she likes "Game of Thrones" so I got her "A Song of Fire and Ice" (which Dave liked) and this morning she said "I knew Martin was a good writer early on when he said 'Never believe anything you hear at a woman's tit.'"

Danimal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Danimal said...

i think i'd rather sit at my mom-in-laws house, which is situated 3 minutes from that campus, with her and her 2 cats than to go watch that game. (tribe) just sayin.

ND FSU tonight people. baylor on also - vs. wash. the fsu game should be pretty decent. nd 3 point dawgs...i like 'em to win. watch out for the 2 qb attack tonight, minimizing the rees turnovers to 2. get some irish.

rob said...

danimal, if you're not careful, we'll uninvite you from our caa tournament party.

Danimal said...

sincere apologies.

rob said...

carry un

Danimal said...

il do.

TR said...

That McKenna article Rob linked to is tremendous. I genuinely feel bad for Redskins fans, a group I came to loathe in my four years in the Commonwealth.

TR said...

If we're talking big-time college hoops. how about Mike Rosario's return to Rutgers as a member of the 10th ranked Florida Gators? It will be rocking in Piscataway tonight!

Or something like that. Or nothing like that.

T.J. said...

Not sure Rosario thought he'd only be getting 17 minutes a game as a Gator, but he still contributes 9 ppg in his limited role.

TR said...

Thank you Dickie V.

rob said...

harvard 12 point favorites at boston college. wtf happened to the eagles?

zman said...

They brought in too many free agents at the expense of team chemistry.

Igor said...

That was the easy rejoinder, Z. A tougher one was working in the word "balled" to describe the eagles.

zman said...

Ball so hard muhfuckas wanna fine me.

Mark said...

I've been pretty disappointed with Mike Rosario thus far. His defense (or lack thereof) has kept him off the floor for long stretches, and entire halves at times. Additionally, he's been dealing with a minor back injury that has limited his offensive explosiveness.

TR said...

Well, Rosario is gonna hear it tonight from ALL the Rutgers fans. And by all, I mean 100 of them.

zman said...

Rosario Dawson, however, never disappoints.

Mark said...

That, I believe, we can all agree on.

Danimal said...

I'd chew on her toenails fer sher.

TR said...

And Len Dawson too. But not Richard. Fuck that prick.

rob said...

kinda weird that tr would suck len dawson's toes, but to each his own, i always say.

T.J. said...

"Killian, I'll be back..."

"Only in a rerun."

Danimal said...

richard's dead isn't he?

Igor said...

Survey says... still alive.

Igor said...

Danny Boy, you were at te Halloween party when I was Richard Dawson, yes? You were one of the White Shadow starting five?

Dave said...

wow! i thought 2011 was a weak year, too- until i scrolled through. good work staff! it's always far more satisfying to be entertained by your friends, rather than highly paid professionals . . . unless it's a nut shot that you're laughing at.

Dave said...

so did a half day snowboarding this morning with wife and kids and then drove home and took my son to meet a friend and my soccer guys were randomly at the field so i played for an hour-- first time i've ever done snowboarding and soccer in the same day, and now i'm going out drinking. . . . i've got a baaad feeling about my tolerance tonight.

T.J. said...

You'll be OK, Mr. Shoop.

Settle down.

Danimal said...

Igor. That's a yes and a yes. Nice memory. The days of electric ave.

Mark said...

One water for every two beers, Dave. Or, just be a fucking man.

rob said...

walt and i were schwarzeneggar and devito from twins that halloween. quality costume haberdashery.

rob said...

bacon-infused whiskey? don't mind if i do.

rob said...

tribe lose, 73-69. but there's a tiny sliver of light. shot over 50%, only turned it over 12 times.

Mark said...

Rutgers is playing out of their fucking minds tonight.

rob said...

agreed. they hit some craaaazy shots.

and baylor's uniforms are tiiiight.

Danimal said...

rob/igor - i actually have pictures from that party still in my possession....maybe a halloween post for 2012 if i can locate.

fucking notre dame. was spot on w/the rees and t/o prediction....what's amazing is that he only commits them inside the redzone, and last night both in the end zone. douche bag.

Dave said...

my wife drank the water that i should have drank, but i did enjoy that rutgers victory-- perhaps i'll become a fan. when is the last time they've made the tournament?

T.J. said...