Friday, July 15, 2011

The Sequel Sucks Nearly as Much as the Original

Assistant U.S. Attorneys Daniel Butler and Steven Durham likely have little appreciation for irony this evening. In fact, it's fairly likely they're more than five fingers deep into a bottle of something strong after their gaffe in the perjury trial of Roger Clemens. Most reading this post already know that Judge Reggie Walton angrily declared a mistrial today after the prosecution violated his pre-trial instructions and allowed the jury to indirectly hear testimony from Andy Pettitte's wife, Laura. We don't spend much time in courtrooms, not since that unfortunate skinny-dipping/goat-tipping incident, but we suspect it's rare that a Federal judge denigrates an AUSA by calling his conduct less competent than that of a first-year law school student.

Were Butler and Durham in the mood to wax philosophical, though, they might draw some small amusement from the symmetry between today's result and that of Game 4 of the 1990 ALCS. Clemens had a lot on the line that October day, as well. He took the mound with the Red Sox trailing the Oakland A's, three games to none. He'd pitched effectively in Game 1, tossing six scoreless frames before the Sox' bullpen imploded, giving up nine runs in the final three innings. And just as the U.S. had a solid opening day in Judge Walton's courtroom, Clemens set the A's down in the bottom of the first inning of the fourth game, erasing a leadoff single by Rickey Henderson with a double play and retiring Jose Canseco on a meek grounder to second.

In both events, though, the second act proved pivotal. Clemens got Harold Baines to pop to third to lead off the second inning, but Carney Lansford and Terry Steinbach both singled, with Steinbach heading to second on a error by Mike Greenwell. The tightly-wound Clemens visibly chafed at the Greenwell error, but seemed to avoid real damage when Mark McGwire grounded to short, scoring Lansford. Willie Randolph worked a walk on five pitches (and in the movie, this is where the director employs a split screen showing the Government screening Clemens' Congressional testimony), bringing light-hitting Mike Gallego to the plate.

As an agitated Clemens received the ball from catcher Tony Pena, he began yelling at plate umpire Terry Cooney (playing the role of Reggie Walton in this bizarre shadow performance). Several of Crash Davis' magic words followed, leaving Cooney/Walton no choice but to eject Clemens/declare a mistrial. Gallego doubled off relief pitcher Tom Bolton, giving the A's a lead they wouldn't relinquish, as they swept the Sox for the second time in three ALCS matchups.

Durham and Butler certainly wouldn't appreciate this observation, either. At the time, Sox fans like me figured Clemens a bit gutless, folding under the pressure. In hindsight, it's possible that certain other factors might have caused the Texas Con Man to exhibit irrational, uncontrollable rage.

If only he'd lied about it to Congress.

22 comments:

TR said...

My favorite unsubstantiated Laura Pettite rumor: his wife made him leave Houston b/c he had a mistress there. That's why he returned to the Yankees.

My favorite (somewhat) substantiated Yankee adultery rumor: Bernie Williams had a mistress in Connecticut. I know a guy who is friends with the girl. She was very proud to be his mistress and said he was hung like a horse. Bern Baby Bern!

rob said...

i confess to a significant rooting interest in darren clarke this weekend.

rob said...

buzz is back on twitter. with a vengeance.

TR said...

Buzz is busting out all his old classic pottymouth words: dongasaurus, dongawongs, clownjuice, douchejuice.

rob said...
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rob said...

reading is fundamental

T.J. said...

And hard.

Danimal said...

willie randolph playing for the a's...i don't remember that. sinful.

rob - why the darren clarke interest? don't disagree.

there's no way clemens had a mistress.

i'm in singapore half gassed. i don't like watching the open at nighttime

TR said...

Danimal - why don't you take a nice stroll outside and spit on the sidewalk a few times?

rob said...

danimal - have always liked clarke, but even more after all the shit he's gone through personally. be great to see him get one.

Dave said...

isn't an analogy supposed to make things clearer?

Danimal said...

i thought i'd hijack a cab and drive it through a few people. they like that too.

rob said...

since when do we seek to make things clearer?

also, nuclear leak in new jersey, dave. time for you to test out the cockroach suit idea. (which would make for an excellent blog post, now that i mention it)

Danimal said...

he deserves a major for sure. i do worry though that miguel and he may have a few too many vinos and hookers tonight though. i look for 72's+ tomorrow w/good weather.

Danimal said...

obama turns 50 next week in case you haven't heard

Squeaky said...

Did someone say Jimenez?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UV_SR6YnBLs&feature=player_embedded

Sort looks like Dave stretching at OBFT. Deep knee bends!!

rob said...

the leaderboard, she is getting crowded

Danimal said...

that's his routine before he hits golf balls too.

Dave said...

we pass that plant on the way to sea isle city. yikes.

i tell that cockroach suit story every year to my students-- it's fits in with a mark leyner piece i do. i will use it as an analogy for something, it will come to me while i sleep tonight and i will write it tomorrow morning instead of continuing my backyard fence project, which SUCKS as far as summer projects go.

rob said...

43 golfers within 5 strokes of the lead. giddyup.

rob said...

buzz accidentally posted his phone number on twitter. awesome.

#clownjuice

Danimal said...

i'm sure a few of you have read it, most certainly rob, but the old nolan ryan/kornheiser story is pretty neato.