Wednesday, July 06, 2011

This Week in Jurisprudence

The mad captains piloting this leaky vessel have our share of white whales. Or, in TJ's case, African-American whales. His obsession with O.J. Simpson is well chronicled. As is Mark's with all things Tennessee, and Dave's quest to destroy the world's taco supply.

I get the rare pleasure beginning tomorrow of watching the object of my irrational derision called to account for his sins. Sometime in the morning, somewhere in Washington, DC (both facts available to those willing to actually look for them), Roger Clemens will go on trial for perjuring himself in front of the U.S. Congress. And somewhere in Northern Virginia, I'll let out a little cackle of schadenfreude-inspired glee.

BOFOG:TB (give it a minute) T.J. Quinn offers a great recap of the details of the Clemens case today - in keeping with our why-do-the-work-when-someone-else-can philosophy, I commend his comprehensive preview to your attention. He'll be tracking the case as @TJQuinnESPN on Twitter. Mark Fainaru-Wada says you should follow Quinn's updates, and that's more than good enough for me.

I see very few losing scenarios for right-minded Americans in the Clemens case. Even if his acclaimed legal team succeeds in clearing the Texas Con Man, the trial promises to be embarrassing, with tales of clandestine injections, "misremembering", and assorted unsavory characters. Then, the inevitable film treatment (and Taiwanese animation) will follow, ensuring that Clemens will spend the better part of the next decade in a sort of dipshit purgatory.

Clemens' own attorneys kicked things off today in pre-trial proceedings, establishing that their client was "not a scholar of linguistics". That's a kind way to call someone a dumbass. We need to work on a new turn of phrase for dumbass. Thanks to the media and the U.S. Department of Justice, we'll have a few weeks to work on it.

18 comments:

zman said...

Dilshit purgatory is a good line too.

T.J. said...

Juice is loose!

Wait, Casey Anthony is loose!

Jerry said...

They should skip the trial and televise Mike Piazza throwing splintered bats at Clemens for an hour.

KQ said...

He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

rob said...

i see what you did there

Aero Bench said...

I got a laugh on how they try to complicate the term dumbass. I called my friend and let him read this and we laugh over the phone for quite some time. Made my day.

zman said...

Ah. So that wasn't a body odor reference.

Jerry said...

Pork Antonio.

Dave said...

coco loco.

Jerry said...

Appetizers.

Dave said...

red stripe.

T.J. said...

Hooooray beer

T.J. said...

Jer, what about Rebound?

Jerry said...

A very worthy question indeed.

Friendly reminder, everybody do your pooping tonight.

zman said...

"Pork Antonio" sounds like the title of gay porn.

Mark said...

Am i bitter that most of the assholes that populate this blog will be vacationing and day drinking for the next few days? No. Not at all.

rob said...

good. make sure we're well-entertained here while we're gone.

Whitney said...

Mark, wish you were joining us, but you can feel like a part of the trip if you beat us at the game. (New post up.)