Saturday, November 07, 2009

Once again, I'm carrying this team...

After a 3 week run of complete success, I came crashing back down to earth in the form of a 0-3 record on last week's picks. That would be terrible news and reason for me to be angry, if my 0-3 day hadn't coincided with Florida beating the tar out of Georgia. I've checked it out, its actually impossible for me to be in a bad mood when Florida beats Georgia. I hate the entitled Bulldog fanbase so much that anytime I get to tell them to "go back to their shanties" or to "go home and cry to your wife, er sister" it's guaranteed to be a good day. When I can do that after yet another lame motivational tactic from Mark Richt, well, all the better. (Quick tanget here: Mark Richt isn't loathed nearly enough by Gator fans. He played QB at Miami, was largely responsible for much of FSU's success in the 90s and has been the most successful UGA coach since Vince Dooley, who can eat an entire bag of dicks by the way. I mean, this guy is like the perfect storm of useless, shitbird rival coaches and for whatever reason {I think the reason is Florida owns his sorry bible toting ass} he seems to get a free hate pass from a large segment of the Gator Nation. Well, not me fucko. You suck, you're bland, boring and unoriginal and I hope Willie Martinez impregnates one of your adopted third world daughter with his incompetent seed.)

Well then, that felt good. Onto the picks:

Duke (+7.5) @ North Carolina: When these two get together...the stands are half empty and the fans are talking basketball. Listen, nobody cares about this game outside of the research triangle and nobody ever will. These schools don't have the facilities, tradition or (frankly) the desire to compete at a high level in football and I don't think anyone cares. Just like nobody cares that Geoff is gay and adopted a couple Romanian babies to further fool his Republican colleagues into thinking he "liked girls" and didn't enjoy things like "sucking cock behind clubs on M street on weekends". Don't worry Geoff, your secret's safe with Gheorghe. Carolina wins, but they don't cover.

Oklahoma (-6.5) @ Nebraska: I keep hearing that Bo Pelini has brought the Black shirts back, and I keep thinking, "Who gives a fuck?". Seriously, is there a dumber tradition in college football than the Black shirts? We're tough, we mean business. You know how you can tell? We refuse to wear colorful shirts! We go against our school's natural color scheme!! Yeah, well, you know who else wears a lot of black? Goth kids. Those kids suck and I don't believe I've ever met one who looked even remotely tough. You know what other team wears black despite it not being a part of their school's color scheme? Duke Basketball. Oooooh! Kyle Singler's wearing black. It completely distracts me from the fact that he looks like an alien and, despite being blown by every ACC announcer, has yet to come through in a single big game during his college career. Hey Huskers...why don't you start slapping the field before each defensive series while you're at it? That way we'll really know you mean business. Oklahoma's not as good as last year for a number of reasons (QB, WR, Oline) but they're still much better than Nebraska. Sooners.

Vanderbilt (+35) @ Florida: I'd like to take Florida here, but I can't give 35 points based on one good offensive showing against an undisciplined and porous Georgia defense. If Florida had dropped 41 on, say South Carolina I'd be much more impressed and even pretty likely to say that the Gator offense was back on track. However, since that's not the case. I'm going to take the points and an underrated Vandy squad. Quick note: Keep an eye out (Get it, "eye out"...Brandon Spikes writes all my jokes.) for a couple of freshman who should see extensive playing time today. Xavier Nixon, who I mentioned last week, and Jon Bostic, a true freshman MLB from Miami who's already built like a senior and is said to be the heir apparent to Brandon Spikes at MLB. Gators win, Vandy covers.

Okay, that's it. I'm off to play basketball. I'll throw some pictures in with this post when I get back.

130 comments:

rob said...

announcer in today's arsenal/wolves match: 'doyle making a real nuisance of himself'

Geoff said...

I don't know where you get your info Mark, but my children are not Romanian. They're both Asian...hardworking and good at math...everything I'm not. I've got one of them doing my taxes right now...and the other setting up a new universal remote in the basement...so I can watch Mama Mia with the boys tonight.

Geoff said...

This Iowa drill is getting old. Oooohhh, we might lose to an awful team...oh, look at our amazing comeback!

Dan said...

on daddy duty this wkd. declanimal just took a header into barstool - a snapshot into his future perhaps. all of these games currently on tv blow.

Whitney said...

ESPN360. May make the list of Top 25 innovations of the last 25 years.

Mark said...

My mistake Geoff. I'd advise keeping your Asian daughters away from Rivers Cuomo.

Iowa's making my hate for Big Ten football grow, which is quite an accomplishment.

Dan said...

gregory hines moonlighting as a cfb official in nd/navy game

Mark said...

Jordan Shipley has 11 catches for 273 yards so far against UCF.

If you're a team who runs a lot of 3 and 4 WR sets why not use a late 1st round pick on him? Decent size, great speed, runs good routes and can help you on special teams.

Mark said...

Jesus Northwestern, fucking end this game already.

Mark said...

So...there was a shooting in an office building in Orlando yesterday and when authoriies were searching for the gunman they described him as "armed and dangerous" (among other things). And ever since, I can't get the theme song to the John Candy movie "Armed & Dangerous" out of my head. We're going on 24 hours now. I know this isn't the appropriate response but I just can't help it.

TJ said...

So, Cincy also loses tonight, right?

Mark said...

Be careful TJ, all Mardy Gilyard needs is a reason to come over and kick your ass.

I thoroughly enjoy watching Navy play. I'll enjoy it even more if they beat Notre Dame.

Mark said...

This...is wonderful.

Mark said...

Tracy Wolfson better be careful. I bet she reminds Nick Saban of those little Thai boys he raped last summer.

Mark said...

I'm not a big fan of many of the players on Ohio State but Cam Heyward is a damn beast.

Mark said...

Patrick Peterson and Julio Jones should be a really fun matchup to watch.

Mark said...

So, Rob makes appointments during Skins games because "he can't take" the frustration and anger they cause him...but he's also never really 'round these parts during Bama games. Are we sure Webster likes football?

Mark said...

Is Notre Dame using some new cut rate paint for their helmets? Those things are chipped up like I've never seen before, and it isn't even halftime.

Mark said...

LSU-Alabama is starting to feel like one of those MMA matches where two guys spend the entire time on the ground grappling. Lots of skill involved and certainly intriguing at times, but it bores the living shit out of casual fans and is often pretty tough to watch.

Mark said...

Why don't I get fantasy points when my kicker drops a punt on the 1 yard line? Dammit, Kansas' (and Todd Ressing) implosion is mirroring the implosion of my CFB fantasy team.

TJ said...

Nice first half for the Irish. And real solid place kicking by both sides.

zoltan said...

When was the last time a white WR was picked in the first round?

zoltan said...

Doering?

TJ said...

Matt Jones.

Geoff said...

Don Meynard? Raymond Berry?

zoltan said...

I think Matt Jones is right. And before that?

Geoff said...

Tim Dwight?

Mark said...

In terms of playcalling and execution that was probably LSu's most impressive drive of the season. That it came against Alabama's D just makes it that much better.

zoltan said...

Tim Dwight was a 4th round pick. I'm going through footballreference.com's draft list and I'm up to 1982. I don't recognize a lot of these names. But I think that before Matt Jones it'd been a while.

Mark said...

Dwight was a 2nd rounder.

Mark said...

Or a 4th rounder...my bad.

Mark said...

What about Roddy White?

Mark said...

Most Florida fans look at CJ Spiller and wonder what might have been (and he would have looked great in that offense) but for me, that back is Trent Richardson. i love that guy.

zoltan said...

Collinsworth - 2nd round
McCaffrey - 3rd round
Beebe - 3rd round

Mark said...

Julio Jones is going to strangle Greg McElroy.

zoltan said...

Dez White?

Mark said...

Thanks for playing along Zoltan...

zoltan said...

No problem. Lorenzo White was a running back, but he played in a run and shoot offense so he might count.

Mark said...

The name T-Bob Herbert never, ever gets old.

zoltan said...

So that's why Jordan Shipley might not go in the first round. History and perception are against him.

Mark said...

Pretty cool fact: LSU has had 2 starting LTs over the last 8 years.

Mark said...

Perception may be changing though, based on the popularity of spread offenses and the success of white WRs (Stokley, Welker) in the slot position in recent years.

zoltan said...

I forgot about Stokley (4th rounder).

Mark said...

McElroy has been terrible today. As a result, Bama's offense has extremely underwhelming. This is becoming a trend...a very bad trend if you are a Bama fan.

They're throwing the ball way more often than i expected coming into this game. I understand the approach since LSU is last in the SEC in sacks, but it may be time to adjust the gameplan.

Mark said...

Greg McElroy. Is. Awful.

rob said...

i had to coach my daughter's final soccer game of the season, then emcee the ice cream party. missed the first half. looks like i'm glad i did.

Geoff said...

I doubt Joe Jurevicius went in the first.

Mark said...

Emcee the ice cream party? What the fuck? Give the kids their trophies and ice cream and shut the fuck up.

rob said...

yeah, that's pretty much what i did. and what's the big deal with the bama offense? looked okay there.

Mark said...

Not you personally Rob (though I'd never have a problem with you shutting the fuck up) but anybody who thinks there's a need to have any level of pomp and circumstance involved in a post-soccer season ice cream party.

If/when I have kids, the other parents are going to fucking hate me.

Mark said...

That's the first time they've looked competent all day. McElroy was terribly inaccurate all half (missing one, maybe two sure TDs) and then he ended the half by throwing one up for grabs on 1st down with Bama in FG range. It was intercepted on the 4.

Mark said...

CBS put together a 'Jarrett Lee/Pick Six' montage?

I like it.

Mark said...

Big break for Bama there.

Mark said...

I'm not gonna lie, hot girls in houndstooth hats do it for me.

rob said...

fuck

Mark said...

Can Clausen lead ND back in the final two minutes...again?

Oh shit, safety on McElroy. Bama's offense has seriously regressed the last few weeks. Of course, that might have something to do with the defenses they've been facing.

Mark said...

HAHAHAHAHA. Suck it Notre Dame. And Clausen, Weis and TJ can suck it too.

Mark said...

So...Charlie's getting canned, right?

Mark said...

Okay...maybe I was a bit premature...Jesus.

Mark said...

Now its over. and yes, Notre Dame and all associated can still blow me.

Mark said...

This game has really turned into an exciting one. A lot of thanks for that goes to Alabama's anemic offense.

Mark said...

Julio...I guess its just a matter of time with him. Nice call, even McElroy will have trouble fucking up a bubble screen.

TJ said...

Why do I care? That loss hopefully means FUPA is out and we can hir Ty back (kidding, kidding...I want Herm of course).

rob said...

that's a pick

Mark said...

Because you're an ND fan. You care TJ...its okay to care.

And yes Rob, I too thought Peterson picked that off. Get ready to hear about the refs helping Bama all week and how its all a big SEC conspiracy to put Florida and Bama in the SEC Championship. It's crap, but you're going to hear it.

Dan said...

weis has to lose another to make it a lay-up...if he wins out i think he's probably safe, unfortunately. pear fucking bryant. he's a fucking slob.

Mark said...

Go Gators.

Dan said...

"if he wins out" wtf am i thinking? they lose AT LEAST 2 out their last 3

Whitney said...

Is Tebow an Americanized version of the surname Thibeau or Thibeault?

Dan said...

what's mr. whitney's drink du jour?

who is the next coach at nd?

gruden?
meyer?
brian kelly from the ''natti?
jimmy laycock'nballs?

rob said...

my goodness but jeff demps is fast

rob said...

if mark mangino had a sense of humor, he'd hire both charlie weis and ralph friedgen when they're shitcanned in a few weeks.

rob said...

the vandy qb's first name is mackenzi? that's grounds for a forfeit.

rob said...

holy crap - hope jahvid best is okay. never seen a hit quite like that before.

Mark said...

The after effects of the Best play was frightening. I think ND goes with Kelly or Gruden. And I actually think Kelly is the better choice long term.

Dan said...

rob - what channel is that game on???

Dan said...

i concur mark. though i think there will be meyer talks. tebow gone. 3 nat'l championships...why stay?

Dan said...

ou & neb - 22 total yards...combined, in 1st qtr

rob said...

danny - don't know. just caught the highlight.

Mark said...

Don't try and jinx the Gators, Dan.

I think Meyer would be foolish to take the ND job. CFB has changed. ND isn't the job it used to be.

rob said...

no, that lee corso hooters ad isn't creepy at all.

Dan said...

i'll politely disagree.
though meyer could possibly be a candidate, they'd be better off with kelly

Whitney said...

Dan, my drink is green tea today. Have my girls in tow and fighting off a cold. Not a rockin' Saturday for the old guys.

Whitney said...

Next weekend, however, it's Katy bar the door.

Or at least Whitney barf on the floor.

rob said...

you're gonna be at my house next weekend. i'll make sure samantha plans for the cleanup.

Whitney said...

Oh, yeah. I'll bring a tarp.

Dan said...

cincy's backup is tight

Mark said...

I hate FSU , but damn if they don't play in some interesting games this year.

Dan said...

thats the ballgame

Dan said...

this kicker should be at notre dame

Mark said...

Clemson has the worst kicker ever. In the 4th quarter alone he's missed two extra points and a 20 yard FG. Won't matter though, FSU sucks...hahahaha.

Mark said...

Gus Johnson and MMA is a fantastic combination.

Mark said...

And Fedor is a bad ass.

mayhugh said...

TJ! Wake Up. "I Come in Peace" just started on Cinemax.

TJ said...

"...but you go in pieces, asshole."

Whitney said...

You know that play where it's 4th and 1 and the offense doesn't have a play to run, they just try to draw the defense offside? You know, the one that hasn't worked in the NFL since 1993? It just worked against the Redskins. Led to a TD. The idiot who jumped? Albert Haynesworth. Perfect.

Whitney said...

Now they're offsides on a 4th-and-4 punt. 1st down ATL. Zorny, buddy, what exactly is your job these days beyond getting these players focused and ready??

Whitney said...

Jason Campbell, Fred Davis, Casey Rabach. Pack your shit and take it elsewhere. This team needs an enema.

13 mins in, game seems pretty much in hand, yes? If the Falcons went into kneel-down mode now, don't you still feel this game would finish 21-10?

Whitney said...

Devin Thomas. Hope you've got a backup vocation. All of the wasted draft picks are coming to light this game.

rob said...

redskinesque!

Geoff said...

This is a spectacularly incompetent performance. This is the worst team in the NFL.

Whitney said...

Remember in There's Something About Mary when Warren + his friends played flag football? More competence and football savvy in that group than this offense.

rob said...

holding penalty while allowing a sack. this is awesome. in the sense that it's jawdroppingly terrible.

Geoff said...

On pace for 10 sacks and about 200 penalty yards. Remember in the 91 Super Bowl season when the Skins beat the Falcons 56-17? This is payback...except the Skins won't score 17.

Whitney said...

Ah, but now Atlanta is playing down to the level of their competition. Redskinesqueness is contagious.

And pity is a strong emotion.

Geoff said...

I can't envision a scenario in which the Redskins score an offensive td.

Whitney said...

Luckiest guy of all? Clinton Portis. He doesn't know what city he's in, much less that he's part of the sorriest team in the league.

Geoff said...

In my defense, I didn't know this was a week where Sellers can catch.

Whitney said...

Sacked on a screen play? That sounds about right.

rob said...

you walked that back too fast - blind squirrels finding nuts and all that.

Whitney said...

Credit where credit is due: Suisham kicked the hell of that ball and the o-line didn't let it get blocked and returned for a TD like I think we all were expecting. Huzzah!

Mark said...

Geoff...the Bucs would like to have a word with you about your claim that the Redskins are the worst team in the NFL. They've worked hard for that distinction and aren't about to let you take it away from them.

They're pretty sure they've earned it.

Whitney said...

Aren't the Bucs tied with Green Bay right now?

And nice total bullshit roughing call just to kick us when we're down, ref.

Mark said...

It's strangely appropriate of the Bucs to break out the creamsicle throwback unis, as this particular team most closely resembles the Buc teams of my youth...terrible, incompetent and rudderless.

I don't think its a particularly good omen for Josh Freeman's career that his first NFL start is in uniforms that represent the worst team (or series of teams) in NFL history.

Mark said...

They're down 21-14. And we're not really going to argue about this, are we Whit? The Skins beat the Bucs and the Bucs are winless on the season. They are the worst team in the NFL.

Whitney said...

You're right, Mark, it's a silly argument. They're both dreadful. But the Skins have beaten the Bucs and Rams. One nice improbable win against an obviously better opponent would be a tiny bit of salve.

mayhugh said...

I could really do without Moose pointing out how much Fred Davis sucks. I know, Darryl. I know.

Whitney said...

LaRon Landry posturing: exhibit #37 that these players do not get it.

mayhugh said...

I'm appreciating the effort in the second half, though. I'm fully aware this will at best result in something like a 4 point loss.

Whitney said...

Okay... I'm getting sucked back in here. INT forthcoming?

Geoff said...

I don't really understand what's going on here.

mayhugh said...

Bask in it. It is sure to be short-lived.

TJ said...

Mind you I saw none of the first half, but I could swear I just watched two completely competent looking TD drives by the Redskins here in the 3rd quarter.

TJ said...

And I guess it's my turn this week - it was a special Veterans Day sunday service today, and if I may briefly interrupt this Skins talk, I just want to send heartful thank yous from the GTB staff to any visitors of this site who have served this country, or frankly know anyone who has served. America, fuck yeah.

/cue "Battle Hymn of the Republic"

TJ said...

Moose and Goose, not big fans of Laron's tackling attempt.

Whitney said...

LaRon... less swagger and dance right now, we notice. Somewhere up above, Sean Taylor just shook his head and winced at you.

Geoff said...

If Sean Taylor's in heaven...well, I feel like I'm on very solid footing for a positive afterlife experience.

mayhugh said...

It's amazing how many ways the Skins can find to bring their games to a dissatisfying conclusion.

Mark said...

Kevin Ollie is still playing (yes, actually getting minutes) in the NBA.

The NBA really is where amazing happens.

Mark said...

This just in...Andy Reid's an idiot.