There's a good reason Florida is playing Florida International. I just don't feel like telling you...

If you haven't noticed, I've been playing the part of a disgruntled employee or ,more appropriately, staff member this week. And not in the fun Disgruntled Goat kind of way. You see, I like Geoff. When he used to write for the Wheelhouse, his posts were consistently funny and even, at times, informative. Yet, unlike most of the guys who write here, I don't have much in common with Geoff. We don't live near each other, we didn't go to college together and we're definitely not going to be invited to the same cocktail parties (Full disclosure: I've never been invited to a cocktail party). So, all we have in common are my jokes at his expense and the memory of the time he came to Gainesville and my pit bull (Tinsley) attempted to eat his flip flops whilst they were on his feet. Sadly, those jokes, like my pit bull have grown old and tired. Tinsley's still around, but he's not the vicious baby killer he once was. I have another pit bull now (Mayfield) and much like Rob, he's a tiny, out of control asshole who has forced me to change the way I do things. I'm sure its for the better, but I don't like it. Not one bit.

To be fair, I didn't like meth the first time I tried it either. Now Salvea, that's a different story. That shit was amazing. I hit it (and followed it immediately with a whippit) and within seconds I felt like I was in King Koopa's Castle on Super Mario Bros. Greg's brother was so high he tried to walk through the screened door. That shit is awesome. If your local flea market still sells it, I suggest you get your ass down there with the townies and get yourself some.

Where was I? Oh yeah, meth. Like I said, I didn't like that shit much when I tried it the first time. But now? Oh man. That's my shit. So what I'm saying here is, bear with me. I'll figure out a way to make Rob nervous again, piss TJ off and generate some vitriol for guys I've never met like Zoltan and TR. It's just going to take me some time. But I'll get there. This is my promise to you, dear readers.

UConn (+7.5) @ Notre Dame: Both teams are in a state of mourning. UConn is obviously still mourning the tragic loss of teammate Jasper Howard. Notre Dame on the other hand is mourning both the loss of any hope for a decent bowl game and the end of the Charlie Weis era. Now, Charlie may not think its over because nobody's informed him of his impending termination, but all that tells you is that Charlie is a clueless as he is arrogant. But, we all knew that already. Charlie has seemed in over his head from day one. He's been defensive, cocky and, frankly, not very good at his job. He'll get one last win in South Bend today before Stanford, Andrew Luck and Toby Gerhart run roughshod over the Irish next week. I'm not sure who Notre Dame is going to hire next but until the delusional alums, fans (Hey TJ and Dan!) and administration come to the realization that Notre Dame is no longer an elite program...and that they're more likely to lose 3-4 games each year than they are to go to a BCS bowl game, we'll be having this same discussion about the firing and hiring of Notre Dame football coaches all over again 3-5 years from now. Irish win...big.

Oregon (-4) @ Arizona: Arizona has quietly played pretty good football this year. That's neat and all, but the real Arizona football story that's slipped under the radar this year is this. I guess it's not a shock that an Arizona QB wouldn't have the NFL beating down his door, but a guy with the physical ability and experience of Willie Tuitama should at least be getting some CFL looks. Shit, even Chris Leak's pussy ass is still hanging on up in America Jr. (Quick tangent: Every year around this time, the Canadian National Crew team comes down to my town to live and train for 3-4 months. When they do this, they take over my gym like a pack of pale, boring, annoyingly accented locusts. Don't get me wrong, I like Canadians. The ones who drink and smoke too much. These are not those Canadians. The men are douchey Euro look a likes and the women have traps the size of small dogs. And these people make it fucking impossible for me to have a decent workout in anything under an hour and a half. Seriously, take off hosers). Anyway, Oregon's a better football team than Arizona. More importantly, they aren't going to let a second chance to clinch a Rose Bowl berth slip through their fingers, or past their webbed feet. Oregon wins by at least two TDs and LeGarrette Blount scores at least one TD himself.

LSU (+4) @ Ole Miss: TJ thinks Ole Miss is winning this game. TJ hasn't watched nearly enough of Houston Nutt to realize that his teams rarely win when they are supposed to and specialize in winning games in which they seemingly have little chance. Its how his special brand of crazy works. He's a great motivator and a pretty average coach (Which differentiates him from Les Miles who is an average motivator and terrible coach). Ole Miss has a banged up DLine that will struggle to get pressure on Jordan Jefferson, who's back from a sprained ankle he suffered against Alabama. Furthermore, LSU DC John Chavis is surely going to stack the line in order to take away college football's most dangerous midget, Dexter McCluster (Quick tangent #2: Why doesn't every school in the NCAA recruit the ever loving fuck out of Florida? McCluster was a good not great high school player in Tampa, which is probably the 3rd or 4th best city in terms on high school football talent in the state, and he's been an absolutely dominant player when he's gotten enough touches this year. Every year, grab 8-10 under the radar kids out of Florida and bring them to your shitty school in the south or the midwest or wherever. You're likely to get at least 2 impact players from each class. Now, to be fair, you're likely to have at least 2 players from each class get arrested as well but that's just the price of doing business, right?) and force Jevan "I've lost somewhere between $5-10 million this year" Snead to beat a very good LSU secondary himself. That, ain't happening. On the bright side, the Klan is planning on staging a rally in Oxford right before today's game, which should do wonders for the nation's perception of Mississippi as a state, and the south in general. LSU wins, Snead throws 3 picks and Houston Nutt makes at least 5 ridiculous faces that make me laugh out loud.

Florida International (+43) @ Florida: I've only got two things to say about this game: (1) I like this game and when it falls because it lets some of the Gator's bigger contributors rest up for the stretch run and (2) I can't see Florida covering. If it happens, its because John Brantley's allowed to throw the ball a ton in the second half. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing as Brantley has seen far less game action than initially anticipated going into this season. FIU and Ned cover.

Oh yeah, one last thing: TJ called me tonight (now last night) half drunk whilst looking for Ray Finkle after Rob used his kids as an excuse to get off the phone with him (Kids are good for one thing, they are bullet proof excuses. Nobody will ever say shit if you invoke your kids in your excuse). TJ then proceeded to tell me that I may know a lot about college football but he knows waaaay more than me when it comes to College basketball (all because I jokingly said Cal would beat Syracuse). Of course, this was closely followed up by a discussion on UNC where I mentioned they had two lottery picks on this year's team. TJ said they had three and called Marcus Ginyard and Deon Thompson lottery picks. Uhhh, no. First rounders, maybe. Not the lottery. The lottery picks on UNC are Ed Davis and John Henson, but I digress. So, I'm throwing down the gauntlet right now.

Next week, TJ and I will square off (if he's man enough) in a College Basketball prediction post where we will each pick the Conference Champ (regular season) and Player of the Year from each BCS Conference and 4 mid-major conferences (two of TJ's choice and two of mine). Then we'll see who the most prescient loser on this blog is. Oh, we will see.