Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Sometimes, no joke is required. No joke at all.

MOULTON, Ala. (AP) - A dispute over cheap beer left one man in the hospital with stab wounds and another man charged with assault, authorities said Friday.

Grady "Skip" Wilburn Dollar, 64, was accused of stabbing Mickey Joe Hill, 37, during a dispute early Thursday, said Sgt. Mark Richard of the Lawrence County Sheriff's Department.

Richard said the two men had been drinking together when Dollar gave Hill $10 and told him to go to the store for more. Richard said Hill brought back only four cans of Natural Light, a low-cost brand, and Dollar got mad that he didn't get more for his money.

"He said, 'For $10 you could have gotten a half case,'" said Richard. "Four cans of Natural Light only cost $3 or $4."

The victim then asked for one of the four beers and pushed the older man when he refused to hand one over, the investigator said.

"Then the suspect went to the kitchen, got a big butcher knife and came back and stabbed him," Richard said.

17 comments:

rob said...

ah, family reunion at the marstons again, i see.

TJ said...

I think the logical follow-up question for the cop to generic redneck would've been, "And so how much does EACH can cost?"

JmN said...

That's why I only buy a 40 when I need beer.

Rhymenocerous said...

Reminds of the old debate we'd have at the Food Lion at 6 PM on Thursday nights. You'd have $3 on you and you'd have to decide between a 6-pack of Natty Light bottles for $2.49 and 3 quarts of Mickey's for $0.89 each.

You'd spend your $3 at Food Lion and bring $5 to College Delly. You'd buy the first pitcher early in the night for $4, throw $1 in on another pitcher later, and drink all night long from other people's pitchers, saying "Gimme beer because I bought the first pitcher."

Whitney said...

I still have a scar on the knuckle of my index finger of my beer-opening hand from the old-style Mickey's Big Mouths contraptions.

The "loobsters," as we called them (once removed, they slightly resembled a metallic lobster), were some sort of pull-off tops which required tugging and twisting in close proximity to the razor-sharp edges it exposed with opening. A genius product on par with Dan Aykroyd's "Bag of Glass." Dave, Rob, and I spent sophomore year with scabby nicks and bloody gashes all over our fingers.

(Worth mentioning that we also spent that year in a mindless haze from each drinking nine 12 oz. bottles of malt liquor before we did virtually anything . . . and Dave did virtually anything.)

Somewhere in the mid to late 90's, I guess they wised up and started putting screw tops on their grenades. Brilliant. I can't find any trace of the old tops on the Interwebs, but maybe Teejay can accommodate me.

Sisler said...

Ahh...love the hand-grenades. I can't remember...was there always some sort of quote/riddle on the underside of the cap or is that just Mickey's 2.0?

Whitney said...

I think "Dial 911 for Emergency" was written on the underside of the old ones.

Whitney said...

Has anyone else noticed that the Washington Nationals have won four games in a row since Teejay publicly compared them to the atrocious 1899 Cleveland Spiders?

Teej, please pipe up about how I never win Mega Millions.

rob said...

i'm trying to order a fios bundle (phone, internet, tv) and the verizon website is a clusterfuck on the order of charles haley at a moral majority revival meeting. i'm trying to give these people my money, and they just don't seem to want it.

TJ said...

Whit, did you just steal the Norm/Hungry Heffer "lubster" joke?

rob said...

well, if by 'just', you mean 19 years ago, then yes.

TJ said...

Settle down tiny.

BRETT FAVRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marlin said...

I dont understand the problem people have with my "Bag Of" line of toys. I put a warning on it. It says, "Hey kid, Bag of Glass."

Marlin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Whitney said...

Teejay, it's spelled "Heifer" . . . you should know.

Mark said...

Brett's hemorrhoids must be much worse the originally anticipated since he skipped practice today. Word is, he didn't trust the initial diagnosis of the team doctor and is going to see his family doctor for a second opinion. Peter King is, of course, accompanying him. Peter would never miss a chance to get an up close look at Brett's anus.

Dave said...

the funny thing about the "loobsters"-- and the "bef" joke was my favorite on cheers-- was that in retrospect, i don't think they looked anything like lobsters at all. the power of malt liquor . . .