Saturday, August 30, 2008

It won't be long now...

As I sit behind my desk this morning, I'm as happy as I've been in months. I'm also as nervous, excited, and curious as I've been in a very, very long time. This is what the beginning of College Football does to me. More specifically, this is what the beginning of the Florida Gator Football season does to me. I've spent the last 8 months scouring message boards, reading practice reports and holding my breath, all in anticipation of today. Its like Christmas fucking morning, if I got drunk and yelled at the TV for hours on end on Christmas morning. Soon, I'll go to the gym and run a few miles, if only because that will help take up just a little bit more time before today's 12:30 Florida-Hawaii kickoff. Its a beautiful day ladies and gentlemen...and I intend to enjoy every last pad popping, band playing, sweat dripping minute of it.

LSU-Appalachian State (NL): The College Football gods are so fucking cool that they've concocted a hurricane in order to give us football earlier than we would normally have it. Gustav has resulted in the rescheduling of this game to 10 am EST, and I couldn't be happier about it. Will the Mountaineers pull the upset? No fucking way. Any chance of that happening was gone this time last year when App State beat Michigan. Which is really too bad because LSU is ripe for the picking this year. (I'm guessing 3 losses) The offense has major questions at QB and the secondary is very young for the Tigers. Howeva, LSU's defensive line is NFL quality (seriously) and they have the deepest stable of running backs in the SEC, if not the nation. This game will be close early, but LSU will wear the Mountaineers out in the second half which should allow the corndog scented rednecks of Baton Rouge enough time to get home and board up there huts before Senor Gustav's arrival.

Missouri-Illinois (8.5): Has there ever been a game featuring two QBs who were so clearly one race based on there name? I mean seriously, have you ever met a black guy named Chase or a white guy named Isiah (not to mention Juice)? Of course you haven't. This game was terrific last year, due in large part to Chase Daniels' 4 ints and Juice Williams' injury which allowed Illinois to get back in the game by passing the ball. Supposedly, Juice has vastly improved as a passer this year. I have no idea if this is true (Everybody is always inproving under the watchful eye of Towlie, er, Zook) but it damn well better be because Rashad Mendenhall has taken his dumb ass to the NFL and Arrelious Benn is gonna need to get the ball in his hands in ways other than the reverse and the bubble screen if the Illini offense is going to be consistently potent this year. Missouris has no such problems, Daniels is terrific, especially for a fat kid, and Jeremy Maclin is a poor man's Percy Harvin. The Tiger defense is much improved, allegedly, so I'll take Mizzou going away.

F
lorida-Hawaii (34.5): I've tried to make it seem like I care deeply about many of the other games this weekend, and while I do care (somewhat), none of these games can hold a candle to the return of my beloved alma mater. The return of Florida football is always a major event in my life, but this year its impact is substantially amplified. This is the most loaded, balanced football team that the University of Florida has put on a football field in many years. Unfortunately, this team is also the most injury prone Gator team that I've ever personally witnessed. Tomorrow, Florida will be missing projected starters due to maladies such as ACL tears (Ingram, Munroe), staph infections (Moore), heel surgery (Harvin), toe dislocations (Spikes) and muscle strains (Hunter). And thats only the starters. Everyday has seemed to bring a new injury. Luckily for Florida, this team is deep, talented and experienced enough to overcome these obstacles...for the time being. Will Florida be able to fulfill its preseason promise if injuries to key contributors continue to pile up? Of course not. Should they win in impressive fashion today despite these setbacks. Hell yes. Look for players such as Chris Rainey, Brandon James and Emmanuel Moody (rubs hands together/giggles like school girl) to assume a large part of the offensive load today. Specifically, look for Moody to announce his presence as the feature tailback that the Gators have been missing since Urban Meyer arrived in Gainesville with authority. He's been a monster in fall camp and has the ability to change the way the spread is executed in a manner that will strike fear in the hearts of SEC fans all across the south. Defensively, keep an eye out for a freshman corner named Janoris Jenkins. Not only is his name awesome, he's also forced his way onto the field as the Gators' nickel corner with his play in both spring and fall camp. I anticipate a 30+ point win and a very drunk and jubilant afternoon for yours truly. If all goes as planned, I'll need a nap before I sit down for Alabama-Clemson. Good God, the day we've all been waiting for is here. Whew...I've got to be honest with you. I feel a little like Jesse Spano right now...



Finally! College Football has come back to America!

131 comments:

TJ said...

I figured you felt a little like Jesse Palmer right now...

rob said...

mark's happily drunk at this point, i imagine.

TJ said...

Game's been on for over an hour, right? He's gotta be.

I would pay a lot of money to see Jim Brown go all "Fireball" on the miraculously still-employed Greg Robinson.

rob said...

that, and the gators have a 4-touchdown lead at halftime. i'm really getting annoyed about the fact that it's harder for me to hate florida than it used to be.

Mark said...

I'm well on my way to drunk at the half. Brandon James made me punch Vitas and Chris Rainey is a damn beast. The offense looks good and we've yet to see much Moody or really anything from the receivers. This offense has a chance to be historically special. God, this is so much more fun than the Zook era.

TJ said...

Virginia Tech...blocking an extra point and taking it back for 2. Like clockwork.

rob said...

and struggling against a mediocre opponent...like clockwork.

TJ said...

Mark, what do we need to know about Jeffrey Demps?

TJ said...

Sean Glennon is not very good. The poor guy tries, but he's a donkey.

TJ said...

Oh my...East Carolina just blocked a Hokie punt and returned it for a TD.

rob said...

i'd bet a lot of money against sean glennon bringing tech back here.

rob said...

i'm pretty sure lee corso picked ecu over tech. blind squirrel theory scores another victory.

TJ said...

No, I think is was Herbstreit actually.

TJ said...

Corso did however pick Mizzou to win the national title.

rob said...

it may have been both of them, because i'm pretty sure corso did.

rob said...

wannstedt, getting it done.

TJ said...

Rich Rod's debut on the deuce...

Mark said...

Wannstedt made me some money today..I can always count on you pal.

As for Jeff Demps, he was the fastest high schooler in America last year. Many thought he was a track guy who played football (including FSU who didn't recruit him for football even though he grew up a Nole fan...whoops) but he's proven that wrong already as he plays in kick and punt teams already at UF.

Have I mentioned that he's really fucking fast?

Florida is deeper at RB than they've been in years and years.

Oh yeah, I'm drunk...

Zoltan said...

This is genius.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3560377

Zoltan said...

This is genius too, although perhaps out of date.

http://sexy-results.blogspot.com/2005/07/school-spiritms.html

Mark said...

So...Dick Rod's debut isn't going so well, huh? Really breaks me up to see that happening.

Also, USC's defense is completely fucking scary.

Mark said...

A couple of thoughts on this Michigan game:

The fix is in with these shady penalties. (I kid...kinda)

Utah's decision to use sparkly red paint on their helmets is in-fucking-defensible.

Michigan's fans make me want to stab somebody. What a bunch of lazy, front running assholes. I saw one girl shaking an empty jug of water filled with change. Really? How about using your hands and vocal chords...whore.

Mark said...

Really? Nobody else has been watching in football for the last few hours? I guess its up to me to keep things moving this evening...

rob said...

i'm watching jpw move the tide up and down. but i'm also watching the red sox take on the white sox. it takes a lot of effort to do both.

rob said...

clemson with the rope a dope.

rob said...

van tiffin's kid with a big leg just like his daddy.

rob said...

dustin pedroia in the cleanup slot for the sox tonight, and is 3-for-3 with 2 singles and a double. the little people are overjoyed.

rob said...

should also mention that i quite enjoyed what pete carroll's boys did to uva today. mercy.

rob said...

i really should have given more weight to the reality that the acc is tissue soft before i picked tonight's game.

rob said...

speed finally making a little difference for clemson.

rob said...

both of bama's lines are demolishing their clemson counterparts.

rob said...

hey mark - tell me why i should be excited that i got cadillac williams in the last round of my fantasy draft.

Mark said...

You should be excited because maybe when the Bucs are out of the playoff race late in the year they'll let Cadillac play and he might...might be healthy enough to rack up a couple 100 yard games.

rob said...

alright, alright, alright. secret weapon.

Mark said...

I thought Bama was gonna win this game but I didn't expect them to completely dominate this game. Though, the coaching matchup of Saban-Bowden is a mismatch of epic proportions.

Also, I'd just like to point out how spot on my picks have been thus far. Don't you fuck me over again Zook.

Mark said...

I'm channeling TJ here:

The ACC = Poop

Mark said...

You're a little small for Wooderson. No, Rob?

rob said...

he's an actor - i figure he goes about 5'6". i could post him up.

Mark said...

Just looking at Zook makes me want to punch somebody...

Mark said...

Rob...can I have a brief synopsis of your thoughts on Dennis Franchione?

Mark said...

Wake Forest, your 2008 ACC Champs.

rob said...

he's like zook, but with the ethical standards of saban.

Mark said...

Succint, accurate. I like it.

Damn, Lisa Salters has been hitting the weights... nice pipes.

Mark said...

Leigh Tiffin is not lackig in leg strength...

Mark said...

Everytime I watch Clemson I can't get over how underused CJ Spiller is. Fuck him...we don't need him at florida no mo...

rob said...

dustin pedroia's last 2 games: 8-for-8, 2 BB. studly little bastard.

Mark said...

Your man crush on him is scary...does your wife get jealous?

Mark said...

Oh Chase Daniel...what the fuck were you thinking? That was positively Leak-esque.

Mark said...

I doubt anyone has noticed but McNeese St. is up 20-14 on UNC in the 3rd quarter. What's going on Butch?

Mark said...

Jeremy Maclin...well done, sir.

TJ said...

PJ Brown is fired up about this La Tech/Miss St score

rob said...

so is terry bradshaw.

Mark said...

The thing about Bama's domination is that it isn't that complicated. Its solid running set up by terrific blocking. In the passing game its play action and dump downs. In my opinion its more about how inept Clemson is defensivley than how proficient and dominant Bama is. In summary, Tommy Bowden/Clemson is just as overrated as we always thought he/they were.

Mark said...

Rob...seriously, is your wife jealous of your crush on Pedroia?

rob said...

illinois knows this isn't a no-contact scrimmage, right?

rob said...

she just now became aware of it. she's thinking about how she feels.

Mark said...

Rob...Zook says that they've addressed the problem and they're improving. He sees improvement and he likes their enthusiasm.

Mark said...

Mark Jones is a little too kind to Juice Williams.

Mark said...

Wake up Fred Hickman:

I know I'm baised by Brandon James' punt return TD has to be the play of the day.

rob said...

that's a pretty pitch and catch from chase to chase. also, one of the gayer name combos of the season.

Mark said...

CJ Spiller says "Fuck you...I do it myself!"

Mark said...

Musberger"

"Get your tickets for BYU and Utah in November."

I'm on stubhub.com right now Brent...thanks for the heads up.

rob said...

it's not inconceivable that both are undefeated heading into that game.

rob said...

salt lake city in november is lovely. if you like to ski but not drink.

rob said...

wait, texas a&m lost to arkansas state? was that why you asked about franchione? ewwww, that's awful.

TJ said...

Me and Julio, down by the school yard...

rob said...

teejay!

Mark said...

They could both easily be undefeated heading into that game, but I'm stll not gonna go out of my way to "get my tickets" for that game.

I had no idea Texas A&M lost. I asked about Franchione b/c I always forget he coached at Bama (wasn't much of a tenure) and some of my friends who went to Auburn had some great stories/rumors about him. And yes, that is truly awful.

Clemson is fucking pathetic. The Bowden kids are all living off their Daddy's oversized rep. Believe me, I know, Jeff Bowden lives across the street from my sister.

rob said...

volcano taco - most disgusting thing on taco bell's menu, or just one of the crowd?

Mark said...

Chevy Chase is feeling very snubbed by TJ right now...I mean, couldn't you find somebody named Al to use in a semi-contrived reference?

TJ said...

I'd just like to point out that I got that Utah game right.

Mark said...

I miss Taco Bell...in the same way that I miss fresh kegs at 4 am.

rob said...

how do they market that byu/utah game? winner gets the right to be the sec second-place team's prison bitch?

TJ said...

I always liked Funny Farm.

rob said...

me, too. i haven't eaten at a taco bell or a mcdonald's in more than 5 (and maybe more than 10) years.

TJ said...

Perhaps they can use the soundtrack from the epic South Park Mormon episode for the promo:

"Dum dum dum dum dumb..."

rob said...

this faerber kid for clemson is making a name for himself.

rob said...

that sack was like a scene from jaws. harper just got swallowed alive.

Mark said...

Me and you both...dick. I also got this Bama-Clemson game right, as well as every game I picked on this post.

FACE!

rob said...

how do davis and spiller only have 7 carries between them? mark's so right about that saban>bowden thing.

rob said...

so, um, mark? if i send you $100, how 'bout you 'invest' that for me, huh?

Mark said...

Rob..call the guys at the BCS..I thin you've got a winner. and, you think the Chik-Fil-A knockoff at McDonalds can draw you back in?

rob said...

is there a more overrated non-bowden coach than ralph friedgen? 14-7 over delaware? yikes.

rob said...

mark - after greg's review of the mcd's chicken, that's an emphatic no.

TJ said...

Obviously, I eat crappy foods...often...but even I can't stand Taco Bell.

HOWEVAH, I will now have to get a McGriddle tomorrow morn

Mark said...

Bowden's an idiot. Saban is extremely hateable but a damn fine college coach. Spiller and Davis have been criminally misued for two years now. Just look at the numbers for clemson's offense last year as further proof.

And Rob, I'd be glad to invest for you.

rob said...

alright - if i ever get your address, i'll include a stake with the bottle of jameson that's been sitting here for a month.

Mark said...

I held off on the McGriddle for a long time...and I immediately regretted it once I tried one.

Friedgen has been living off Joe Hamilton since I was hoping and waiting for Brock Berlin...

rob said...

i used to live on the meximelt from taco bell. beef, cheese, "tomatoes", all mixed together and melted for $0.69. awe. some.

rob said...

that was quick, mark. nice.

TJ said...

Ralph Friedgen would very much enjoy this line of conversation.

Mark said...

Taco Bell used to be quite cheap and that made all the difference. It became the same (price wise) as the rest of the fast food chains many years ago and that changed everything.

And, Rob, you can check your work email when you get in on Monday morning. I never thought you were serious about that bottle of Jameson...

Mark said...

Free booze is extremely motivating.

rob said...

i lost a bet, man. i'm pretty casual about a lot of things, but welching ain't one of them.

TJ said...

Felching?

TJ said...

Maclin is a quick little fucker

rob said...

sooo casual about that.

Mark said...

I kind of laughed off all the talk about how explosive Jeremy Maclin was but...that mutha is the real deal.

Mark said...

Those pushups the Missouri Tiger is doing are complete bullshit.

rob said...

those are some half-assed pushups from the mizzou mascot.

rob said...

niiiiice.

rob said...

how do you get to walk into an arena with a full-size football helmet? isn't that a weapon?

TJ said...

You know how uncomfortable it would be to sleep on that fat bastard Phil Fulmer? Very I would think, but Tee Martin can probably tell you for sure.

Mark said...

Clemson has 8 rushing yards right now. That is all.

Mark said...

Phil's lumpy, sure, but i bet he's pretty soft.

Mark said...

UGA-Bama is looking nice in 4 weeks...

TJ said...

Um...this sideline report is bizarre, right?

Mark said...

Fuck UGA...Give me 5 minutes with my Pits in a room alone with that fat fuck.

TJ said...

"You can never sleep on the Juice..."

You don't have to tell me twice pal.

Mark said...

I've still got Bama-Clemson on tv #1, what happened Tj?

TJ said...

A bizarre sideline report on Juice waying 13 lbs 8 oz when born, with sideline toolbox holding a 13 lb sack of oranges to illustrate his dumb story.

Mark said...

Ahhh, I saw the sack of oranges. I wish I could say it all makes sense now.

Mark said...

Is there a chance that Zook will finally turn the tables on the improbable comeback?

Yes, I'm trying to jinx him.

Mark said...

How does anybody, ever get THAT wide open?

TJ said...

Nice coverage

Mark said...

Oh...Zook. You'll find a way to fuck this up.

Zoltan said...

I guess no one else is watching James Blake dismantle Mardy Fish.

TJ said...

Or the other way around...

Mark said...

I got drunk with Mardy Fish once when I worked for the Lightning...pretty cool guy.

Zoltan said...

Indeed. It's so improbable that I can't read the score right.

Mark said...

We might have a ball game on our hands kids...

TJ said...

Fucking cover someone

Mark said...

C'mon Mizzou...what the fuck are you doing?

Mark said...

hi Juice!

Mark said...

Panic has officially set in four Juice Williams. Thats gonna be it for the Zooker.

Mark said...

for..four...whatever.

Mark said...

Rodney Gilmore just said that Kentucky's D-Line could be as good as any in the SEC. God help you if you travel to Baton Rouge this fall sir, because you wont lie Ricky Jean-Francois when he's angry...

Mark said...

Has anybody ever missed the city of Tulsa as much as Steve Kragthorpe?

Mark said...

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Mark said...

What the fuck was that? I'm pretty sure I left the laptop open on the coffee table and my dog decided to contribute his two cents. Well, that or I blacked out from all the meth...again.

amanda young said...

I remember thinking this episode was CRAZY when i was younger. amanda vanderpool fashion