Friday, August 15, 2008

Planning Out My Answers to the Smalltalk Questions I Expect to Field Over the Weekend

No, I don't know why the Spanish Men's team is completely being let off the hook for being racist assholes...

Would I like a jagerbomb? No, I'll take just Jager, thank you.

Yes, I do read his occasional non-Redskins posts. He's kind of a douche. And yeah I think he is married...but very, very gay.

Is it true I was rooting for Ryan Lochte over Michael Phelps on Thursday night? Yeah.

I hate that guy! After all these years, he's still the most annoying guy on SportsCenter, by far. You know what I heard? He likes to get hookers on the road, take out his glass eye and have them fu...well, you know.

I really didn't think Dwyane Wade was a good fit for this team but I forgot what an athletic force he can be whens he's 100%. I now realize I should've been worried about Carmelo's nonexistent defense and poor shot selection.

Her tits are absolutely fake. I have no problem with that whatsoever.

The Gators? Well, the offense should be legendary, even for Florida, but the safeties are gonna be extremely shaky...again.

Honestly, those Darkmane commercials are hilarious. So bad its good, you know?

Yes Greg, Jacksonville is on. No, I do not want to share a bed with you.

No...I didn't see how epic the waves were today. Yeah, completely missed it...bro.

It really shouldn't have been a surprise to anybody. I mean, Marbury and Iverson were the starting backcourt.

Of course I ended it with a youtube clip.

67 comments:

mayhugh said...

Teej, on the off chance you're browsing the interwebs, I felt it was my duty to let you know Under Siege 2: Dark Territory is on Encore right now...

TJ said...

...Cornbread, not near a TV, but did watch an hour and nine minutes of it last weekend. And was shocked when I realized Seagal's niece was Katherine Heigel (sp?).

Mark said...

TJ...you're not allowed to hang out with Greg anymore. I just had a conversation with him that was eerily similar to talking with 90% of the people we went to junior high with...

TJ said...

"Brian Deeeeeeegan!!!!"

Mark said...

The O'Reilly clip is gold.

mayhugh said...

Mark - you plan to live blog the game?

mayhugh said...

Uh, guess not.

TJ said...

Mmmm, 10am corndog...gotta love state fairs. Copious amounts of fried goods, jorts and intra-familial breeding.

Mark said...

I'm out of bed for the 2nd quarter and I guess I'm gonna liveblog it...I hate disappointing Mayhugh.

Mark said...

BTW, Wade looks about 2 steps faster than anyone on the court. Looking at him at 100%, you get the feeling he could've been a track and field olympian in another era.

Mark said...

I hate to say Doug Collins is right, but he is. Prince is an underrated shooter, especially from the corner, and he'll make everybody better.

Mark said...

LeBron James...ugly american.

rob said...

corndog and cornbread in the same comments thread. mmmm.

rob said...

spain trying to play too fast here, mark, or is this the way they want to play?

Mark said...

What the fuck is up with half of Spain's jerseys listing the players first name and the otherhalf listing the last name?

That is...fucking gay.

Mark said...

That's Spain's style, they like to push it with their guards because they're deeper than anybody else (US excluded).

Mark said...

Fouls could be an issue for out bigs...unless James keeps hitting threes like that.

rob said...

that wouldn't seem to be particularly advisable against our athleticism.

Mark said...

Glad we packed out shooting shoes today.

Mark said...

The Spanish...they are a stubborn people.

rob said...

and hairy

Mark said...

Wow, Spain shooting 65%...not such great defense for us thus far. Though, thats the other side of trying to force turnovers on the perimeter so often.

Mark said...

Apparently, Marc Gasol was a fat fuck while in high school in Memphis and not exactly an elite player. There are pissed off dudes all over Memphis this am telling whoever will listen that they could play basketball for Spain in the Olympics.

Mark said...

That was the best ball movement against the zoen we've had all tournament.

Mark said...

I think its clear that some of the younger Spanish players aren't used to playing against this level of athleticism.

rob said...

man, ricky rubio looks like he's 17.

Mark said...

Dont a lot of ethnic slurs start out as poorly conceived jokes?

Mark said...

Only in Ohio could a guy who didnt even attend college pass the bar...

Mark said...

That was a beautiful alley.

Mark said...

Rudy Fernandez should make a nice contribution in Portland this year.

Mark said...

Anybody else think Kwame Brown is watching this game on mute?

mayhugh said...

BOOZER!!

Mark said...

Nice effort to end the half. Probably the best 1st half we've seen from this team.

mayhugh said...

Looking at bodies like Lebron or Wade standing next to any of these Spaniards is kind of jarring. Do they not have free weights over there?

rob said...

tyson gay seems like a good human.

Mark said...

You whats really cute about puppies? When they shit in the house...

Mark said...

So...Raul Lopez in Spain's version of Jason Kidd?

Mark said...

Kobe's nicer to international players than NBA players.

Mark said...

I think Carmeol reads G:TB

Mark said...

Kobe's constant lip licking is very off putting. What is he, the fucking joker?

Mark said...

MELO!

Mark said...

I didn't realize that Lithuaniawent undefeated in pool pplay. Thats troublesome...I'd rather not have to play Argentina in the the semifinals. Lithuania is a much better matchup.

Mark said...

How bad could Kobe's pinky be? Really?

TJ said...

Gentleman, I can tell you that the World's Largesr Boar is indeed large.

Mark said...

Its too bad Navarro had ot play in Memphis this year and become disenchanted with the NBA. He could be a great combo guard off the bench in the NBA.

Oh My...Dwyane Wade!

Mark said...

Its nuts to think we can have forgotten just how athletic Wade is in less than two years.

Mark said...

The US guards have done a great job of harrassing Calderon.

Mark said...

I think OJ Mayo and Marc Gasol are gonna get along great.

Mark said...

You know how you can tell a game's a blowout?

I start folding laundry.

Mark said...

Dwyane Wade's gonna sell a lot of jerseys in China this year...

mayhugh said...

I'm doing laundry too. I always forget how much it sucks to "prep" cargo shorts for washing, with all those pockets.

rob said...

dwyane wade, indeed. that was silly.

looking forward to watching some pedaling.

TJ said...

Shouldn't a state fair have at least as many beer tents as corn dog tents? Hell, it's after 12, I need a lukewarm draft beer.

rob said...

trampoline? really? do we have a shot in the egg-cracking event?

rob said...

tyson gay seems like a better human than he does an elite sprinter.

/fixed

rob said...

c'mon, dong dong ia not a name. even in china.

TJ said...

What's happening, hot stuff?

Geoff said...

Hi Mark! :)

Greg said...

mayhugh, why can't you call me?

Mark said...

Hey Geoff!

TJ said...

Um, deep fried chocolate chip cookie dough...delicious. Heart attack pending.

Zoltan said...

Vick is screwed.

http://tinyurl.com/5zk6ne

rob said...

usain bolt is a superfreak.

Mark said...

The greatest showboat ever...that was ridiculous.

rob said...

ridiculously awesome

Greg said...

He's doing drugs. I mean, come on, he's Jamaican. How are they not all doing some kind of drugs?

TJ said...

I thought Seagal put an end to all Jamaican drug dealing when he killed Screwface?