Thursday, August 28, 2008

Back like Cooked Crack!

The college football gods are indeed a strange and fickle group. Today, shortly after arriving home from the purchase of my 2008 gameday Gator t-shirt (Yes, I buy a new one each year. Yes, I'm aware how fucking gay this must seem). I discovered that the water heater in my home (which for some reason is located within my home instead of my garage) had begun to leak profusely. Water was everywhere. I spent the next 40 minutes soaking up water in my laundry room, kitchen and bathroom with every towel in my house as well as a number of rarely worn t-shirts (making sure to not use any of the previous seasons' Gator tees, natch). While this was both infuriating and a tremendous inconvenience, I quickly realized that it was simply the college football gods showing me a little unconventional love. You see, many weeks ago I had committed to attend a poker night with my girlfriend in support of her friends christian youth group. (Yes, I too find it odd that poker/gambling somehow equals Jesus' unending love but I digress). Of course, when I committed to said Poker Night I was completely and totally unaware that it would be taking place on the first night of the most glorious season known to man...College Football season. But, now that the water heater has become such a pressing issue here at the homestead, it appears as though we'll be unable (sigh) to attend the aforementioned Christian Poker Night. Let's see your "god" get you out of unwanted commitments so quickly and easily as mine did, Christians.

Anywho, with that long winded explanation out of the way, I'll be settling in tonight to watch one of my former dieties, Stephen Orr Spurrier, take on NC State (aka Where QBs go to die). Its a pretty solid game for a Thursday night debut (better than Stanford v. Oregon on the ESPN2) and we're likely to get a few highlights from the Jackson St.-Georgia Tech game going on in Atlanta this evening as well (crosses fingers that one of the highlights will feature Ryan Perriloux shooting an GT defender whilst rolling out on a play action pass...C'mon, don't act like you'd be shocked).

I wont pretend to know much about NC State aside from the fact that no QB has been able to last even one full season as the unquestioned starter since the salad days of one Philip Rivers and that they're coached by Tom O'Brien. However, I know plenty about South Carolina and I'll give you a few players to watch this evening as you merrily toast the kickoff of the 2008 season.

Jasper Brinkley: One of the best LBs in America, also probably the most underrated, due to last year's early season knee injury that resulted in a medical redshirt. He's huge (6'2", 275), fast and plays with great instincts. He also has a brother named Casper, which has to count for something. Seriously, the guys a monster. Keep your eyes on #52 tonight.

Emmanuel Cook:
Cook is a South Florida kid who was passed over by all the Florida schools and many SEC programs due to his lack of prototypical size and speed despite great numbers on both sides of the ball (He rushed for over 2,000 yards as a senior in high school). He's been a starter at SC since his first game and along with Brinkley has been a staple of the Gamecock D since his arrival.

Kenny McKinley: The best and most important player on the SC offense. He was a 1st team All-SEC selection last year and is on a number of preseason All-American lists. He's in the mold of many of Spurrier's past receivers (not very tall, more quick than fast, extremely good hands) and should put up monster numbers this year, provided that Tommy Beecher or Stephen Garcia can stay out of the HBC's doghouse long enough to establish some chemistry with McKinley. McKinley's as good a college receiver as there is this year and I'm betting he goes for 100+ yards and a touch tonight.

So there it is, the most one sided scouting report you've ever read. What can I say...I love the SEC and think the ACC should be viewed on the same plain as the MAC or Mountain West in terms of credibility. I mean, Wake Forest is pick in the ACC this year? Fuck off. Hopefully, you'll join me in the comments at some point this evening to drink in the glorious return of college football and, of course, drink.

75 comments:

Mark said...

Tonight is one of the few nights of my life that I'd rather be in Columbia, SC there where I currently am...

Mark said...

I can't even put together complete and logical sentences tonight...so basically I'm just like 90% of the students at South Carolina.

rob said...

football! ballcoach! happy! (me, not the ballcoach)

rob said...

beecher's gonna be buried deeper than the folds in beano cook's neck.

Rhymenocerous said...

This NC State - SC game is as explosive as the Florida State - Miami matchups of the early naughts...

rob said...

so doctor lou...i'm speechless.

Rhymenocerous said...

Lou Holtz is so far gone that you can't even hate him. He's like that one 80-something grandfather that is around at family functions. He's senile and docile and lovable.

I'm just too fired up about the start of NCAA football to be irritated at any media person. I'm digging Mark May and his summer suit, and I can't wait for Corso to wear a mascot head this weekend. In general, the percentage of annoying college football media types is sooo much lower than annoying NFL media types. Even with Salisbury fading into Bolivian.

rob said...

yeah, i wasn't irritated by it so much as amazed that anyone would put it on the air. it was like really bad public access television, with great production values.

TJ said...

Osaka!

TJ said...

Jon lovitz you fucking gay weeble!

TJ said...

It might be game 1, but NC State looks good for a 2007 charlie weis finish...

Mark said...

Oh God...college football is so awesome. I've been at the bar eating and drining and watching multiple football games on tv for the last few hours, on a thursdy fucking night. I couldn't be happier tonight. I could be drunker...which I plan to work on. I've got a good feeling about this Stanford-OSU game.

Mark said...

After tonght, I think Mike Davis can have all the drinks out of the weight room fridge he wants tomorrow.

TJ said...

However, MOUSE davis is limited to wine and cheese.

Mark said...

Stupid Canadians...Jesse Palmer just said "gunnin and runnin". You've got it backwards douche. If it wasn't for Tennessee in 2000 I would completely deny he ever went to Florida.

Mark said...

Run n' Shoot in the house! Hi-O!

TJ said...

TJ bouncin' between Saget roast and CFB...hi oh...

Mark said...

Hey Rob...my gf if watching Ace of Cakes (shoot me) and they're at a wrap party for The Wire. Marlo, McNulty...lots of cakes!

TJ said...

Nothing wrong with Ace of Cake tat boy...and I've never even seen the Wire.

Mark said...

I'd just like to point out that NC State is on its 3rd QB of the night. I'm not saying, I'm just saying...

Mark said...

TJ...you're married which means you're half a gay when it comes to your TV viewing.

TJ said...

Colt brennan is in? Burr has a woody.

Mark said...

www.ColtBrennanshouldstart.com

TJ said...

Mark, I watch Top Chef and the Closer...I'm ver gay.

Mark said...

Chances that Tommy Beecher ever starts at South Carolina again...500-1?

TJ said...

OBC in da house!

Mark said...

I watch Top Chef too...wah wah.

Mark said...

Speaking of the OBC, you could've made some money if you had bet that NC State would have 3 QBs in the game before USC tonight. And, you would have if you had read my post.

TJ said...

Oh, easy bet winner...I never read any of the shit you guys write. Its all Youtubes and lists. You lazy fucks.

Mark said...

Yep. Burr's much better at this "blogging" thing than any of us could ever be...

TJ said...

What the fuck is the point of bringing back Joba next week as a reliever?

Mark said...

So Hank won't stab some low level intern?

TJ said...

I miss the horrendous OSU kicker fron 3 or 4 yrs ago...Alex Something...

Mark said...

A white running back named Toby Gerhardt? I swear to God I'm not drunk enough to imagine this...

Mark said...

Alex Sterna or Senna, or something like that

Mark said...

Of course, we've already gotten a Tommy Vardell comparison for Gerhardt. He's white he's a RB AND he plays at Stanford. Done and done.

TJ said...

Fuck that...why can't Harbaugh find a decent QB?

Mark said...

With a number like 7, I think Gerhardt might have come in as a QB.

TJ said...

Are we the only two assholes East of Corvallis watching this?

Mark said...

more than likely.

Mark said...

But, you know what...fuck it. College Football is back and this game is miles better than SC-NCSU.

TJ said...

Pacman back in da hizzy...fuck him.

Mark said...

He's as good as you'll ever find as far as a nickel corner goes.

Mark said...

We've got a "men without hats" reference...where's Whitney?

TJ said...

At the record store?

Mark said...

That was textbook wheel route Stanford just ran on OSU. Got the matchup with the TE and LB and everything. Stanford has everything going their way right now.

Mark said...

TJ and I have been exchanging text messages (yep, we're that gay) and this is his latest:

"Oh yeah, I'm hammered"

College football, ladies and gentlemen!

TJ said...

As every tourist who invited my personal space in San Fran the last week said:

Harro!

Mark said...

Is there a coach in America (in any sport) who fell back into a cushier situation, after testing the pros, than Mike Riley? No way, right?

TJ said...

Wow. Mark, no offense, but Pete Carroll?

Mark said...

Pete Carroll came to USC. They have tradition and expectations there. Oregon State alums are ecstatic if you make a bowl. The difference in level of presure between those two schools is astronomical.

TJ said...

Fine. But Pete mightve been a bigger joke after his NFL stint than Mike.

Mark said...

Bitter Jets fan on Line 1...

TJ said...

Brett Favvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvre

Mark said...

Not a good 4th quarter for the Beavers...

TJ said...

This is a huge win for this Stanford club in Pac-10 play.

Mark said...

I agree...and with that, I'm going to bed. Goodnight TJ.

TJ said...

According to my SI, Oregon St ( oh wait, is it OR) rins some sort of fly sweep with the Menendez bros. For TDs?

Mark said...

Again...good night TJ.

TJ said...

Mark picked the right time for bed...

TJ said...

I know you're all sleepy time, but here comes OSU...

TJ said...

Mark, you went to be too early...

TJ said...

That is a horrendous end to this game...

TJ said...

Whoa whoa...that Snead kid who lost his job to Colt McCoy is a honky?

rob said...

nice work, gentlemen. i did see much of the third quarter of the osu/stanford game, but it was from the comfort of my bed, so the blog commenting was limited.

that, and i spent a great deal of time deluding myself by watching obama's speech. can't wait for the unicorns and butterflies. 'cause, y'know, that's how we liberals roll.

Rhymenocerous said...

If the Dems win, I'll take solace in the fact that there is a President named Barry. Now if only we had a Veep named Lavon....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XhS80rwjIg

Rhymenocerous said...

So McCain picked a cougar for his Veep. Not to mention his cougarlicious wife...

rob said...

i loved palin in 'a fish called wanda'. fine choice.

rob said...

timmy - i see tons of rumors but no confirmation. where'd you see the news?

Rhymenocerous said...

CNBC.

rob said...

canadians don't know shit.

Rhymenocerous said...

Think TJ's awake yet?

rob said...

he's pulling strings in the gop war room.

TJ said...

I was at work at 7:45am...almost vomited after my first sip of coffee.

amanda young said...

OMG! this picture was awesome! lol! in the center is the sexiest among them! Amanda Vanderpool