Sunday, June 27, 2010

G:TB . . . A Critical Performance Review

Sometimes it pays to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror.  And not one of those circus fun-house mirrors that makes you look all tall, psychedelic, and wavy.  No, I'm talking about one of those bathroom mirrors in an office building, where they have especially strong fluorescent lighting, so you can see pimples you had in seventh grade.

And so, in the best interests of G:TB, I have taken a step back and detached myself from this little neighborhood of the inter-net, which I previously assumed was the Platonic ideal of a blog (along with Sentence of Dave).

You might be interested in what I found.  But more likely, you'll say to yourself, "No shit!  Does Mr. Truck really need to point these things out when we already know them.  Why does Mr. Truck need to fuck with our self-esteem?  And who is Mr. Truck, anyway?"  All good points.  So good that I won't even try to refute them.  Instead, I will just get on with G:TB . . . The Performance Review.


1.  The Name.  The name is extremely clever.  It is a wonderful pun on the glossy political magazine George founded by John F. Kennedy Jr. and named after our first president.  G:TB's  founding father Gheorghe Muresan is a perfect symbol for the blog's subtitle: "dedicated to the premise that life would be better if we all took ourselves a little less seriously."  Muresan also played basketball in Washington and New Jersey, which is generally appropriate geographically.  And posting a picture of him always gets a laugh.

But the problem with the name is that it is difficult to spell.  Friends of mine have expressed interest in reading something on the blog, but if we're not next to a computer and I actually have to explain to them how to get to the site, then I have to recite the paragraph above this one.  By the time I am finished explaining what a pun is, the short-lived superficial lifespan of the original George, who Gheorghe Muresan is, and how many "h"s it contains, I've generally lost my audience.  And I haven't even mentioned the 77!  Which again, makes perfect sense, but it takes even more explanation.

2.  The Content.  The content is inconsistent, at best.  Whenever I do actually manage to direct someone to the blog because someone has just posted something funny and informative, like this, I wonder if by the time they figure out how to spell "Gheorghe," and then remember to attach the 77, they are going to end up finding a post like this. Or this-- which is actually one of my favorite posts, but still, there's something wrong with me.  And God forbid they run into a 14,000 word Greasetruck filibuster with attached lyrics and music.  The only thing worse than that . . . is this.

You might head to G:TB for insightful and funny sports analysis.  If you come on the right day, you'll get it. Stuff like this.  But if you come on the wrong day, you'll get this. There's only two people who consider that post funny:  Dave and Mr. Truck.  And there's only four people who consider that last sentence funny:  Dave, Mr. Truck, Whitney, and Igor.


You might find a list like this and think: this is the blog for me!  I'm heading back here for awesome content! 

But then you might return and find this list.  Yuk.


3.  The Comments.  One of my friends, who actually found the blog, and then actually read something on the blog, said to me, "the comments aren't about the post.  They're just random."


I think he's dead wrong on this count.  I try to make my comments pertinent to theme of the post.  In fact, I think that all commentators do a pretty good job of staying on track in the comments section, so that readers can see the themes and motifs of the post expanded upon in an intellectual manner.


Question: is this what you call someone who comments?  A commentator?  That doesn't seem right.  But it does remind me of a joke.  So this girl potato is starting to date boy potatoes, and first she brings home a Russet potato, and her dad says, "Pretty nice, a Russet, good name there, good reputation . . . not bad," and then she brings home an Idaho potato and her dad is really impressed.  "An Idaho potato, fantastic.  That's a good potato."  But then the girl potato gets involved with Dan Rather, and when she breaks the news to her dad-- that she's no longer seeing the Idaho potato, and instead is dating Dan Rather, her dad says, "Oh no!  Not a commentator!"  Get it?  Common 'tater?  Commentator.


So I think this is one thing I can refute.  The writers at G:TB stay focused and germane.


4.  The Pseudonyms.  Who is this Mr. Truck?  And what does he have to hide?  Or who is he hiding from?  How about Igor?  And how are Igor and Mr. Truck connected to the rest of the staff.  Or is Mr. Truck actually Igor?  That's what most people believe, but is it actually worth figuring this out, or is it just annoying?  It's hard to say, since I am Mr. Truck and I also might be Dennis, and Dennis is most certainly Whitney, and I know for certain that Zman's name is NOT "Zman" but actually T.J. 

And the monikers T.J. and TR are way too similar, which leads me to believe that these two are different manifestations of the same person, who has had his corpus callosum severed in a tragic accident.  TR represents the verbal side of the brain, and he can actually write-- and T.J represents the visual side of the brain, and he cannot communicate verbally, and so instead gets his ideas across by sending pictures to the world.  Like this.  And though you might want to mock him because T.J. is special, don't forget this.

5.  Recurring Theme Posts that Never Recur

What the fuck happened to the Ghoogles?  I love the Ghoogles!


And what happened to "What the High School Kids Are Watching"?  I love that one too.


The only recurring post you can count on is this one, and it's very difficult to spell.  And it only comes once a year.

6.  The Abbreviation.  The abbreviation would be fine if there wasn't another blog that goes by the same abbreviation.  I'm talking about the other G:TB.  People are definitely going to get confused.

28 comments:

T.J. said...

Greatest Sunday G:TB post ever?

Resounding Yes.

I'm going to be sad when school starts again and Dave doesn't provide 80 percent of our content.

T.J. said...

Wait, I don't mean that greasy wordsmith Dave, I meant his much cooler greasy Jersey cousin Dominic Truck of course.

Mr. Truck said...

wow-- that's very complimentary for this ridiculous meta-post that will only make sense to perhaps 11 people in the blogosphere (and that's being generous).

i probably should have also criticized the meta-meta of gheorghe.

T.J. said...

Please tell me one of thos links is to my greates filler of all, the neta filler post?

I think you actually enjoyed that one.

T.J. said...

Nice fucking typing.

Edits:
"greatest"
"meta"

zman said...

So what's the outcome from this performance review? No bonus? Salary freeze? Layoffs?

T.J. said...

Stimulus package?
/dick joke

rob said...

wow, did england just get fucked. should clearly be 2-2.

T.J. said...

Another epic gaffe in the World Cup breaks Twitter...someone may be harmed when this game ends.

rob said...

sitting in logan airport waiting to fly back home - i assume the g:tb performance review team is okay with me having a beer at 11:00.

rob said...

is there a better german name than schweinsteiger?

Dave said...

performance review consequences: raises for everyone! and permission to drink beer at 11:00 for the founding father! and T.J. should feel free to stimulate his package! keep up the good work.

p.s. it was so hot and humid today, that i started to hallucinate while playing soccer this morning. i need to summer in south africa.

zman said...

I bet it was like you were in a Major Lazer video.

rob said...

there's little chance that i do the research to confirm this, but i'm quite certain that gheorghe: the blog has lasted longer than the magazine that loosely inspired it. made more profit, too.

rob said...

'he's a danger man' is one of my favorite soccer announcer phrases. dave was a danger man in college, though the context was different.

rob said...

the officiating in this world cup is threatening its legitimacy -two utter howlers today

T.J. said...

That Mexican dude might want to just stay in South Africa.

Mr. Truck said...

that could be a song: "secret danger man."

rob said...

lebron, bosh, rose, deng, noah. man, that's legit.

zman said...

There were a ton of Germans at the bar across the street from my barber this morning and they were reveling in victory as I left. I was tempted to yell "Two World Wars!" but I didn't because even when they're singing happy songs a mob of Germans sounds very martial.

jackveronic said...

一棵樹除非在春天開了花,否則難望在秋天結果。....................................................................

葉婷 said...

與人相處不妨多用眼睛說話,多用嘴巴思考,....................................................................

d-train said...

your man stephen a smith says miami for lebron

T.J. said...

Wait a second....are you listening to Stephen A. Smith on the radio d-train? Are you? ARE YOU???

d-train said...

i admit i flipped it on on my way to works....espn was in a commercial. i'm embarrassed, and ashamed.

rob said...

that's grounds for banishment

d-train said...

or work...whichever you prefer

T.J. said...

HOW DARE YOU!@#!$!

CHEEEEZ DOODLES

HOWEVAH@!@%#!