Thursday, June 12, 2008

Can you believe it's been 14 years since he got away with it?

Yes, I have an unhealthy obsession with the luckiest man in the history of the United States criminal justice system. So of course I would know that 14 years ago today, on Sunday, June 12, 1994, Orenthal James Simpson went to the McDonald's drive-thru (in his Bentley) with Kato Kaelin around 9pm (cheap bastard even had Kato pay) and just over an hour later was gruesomely murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her waiter "friend" Ron Goldman.

As Whitney so eloquently put it when we were helping O.J. find "Charlie, the Real Killer", "it's difficult to justify continually making light of a brutal double homicide, but this caricature of a human being warrants tongue-in-cheek mockery at all times." He sure does.

In that light, I present to you this ancient commercial starring today's featured double murderer (and an innocent 1970 Chevrolet Nova), wishing I had the YouTube editing skills to splice in some "Christine" footage (with Rollie Fingers look-alike Fred Goldman happily playing the Arnie Cunningham role):

74 comments:

rob said...

somewhere in indiana, tom crean's wondering why the hell he took the hoosier head coaching job. he's down to one scholarship player now.

TJ said...

And that kid appears to be a big white stiff.

rob said...

speaking of big white stiffs - you got any eligbility left?

TJ said...

I just emailed Coach Crean to see if he needs me.

By the way, this might be the one and only time I ever say this, but I've got Milton Bradley's back on this incident from last night. Sure, he shouldn't of tried to storm the Royals booth to kill the guy, but I don't know why the announcer had to slam Bradley in this instance. We all know Bradley is a lunatic, but by all accounts he has been a good teammate and citizen so far in Texas.

rob said...

yes, but didn't bradley's reaction to the comments sorta make the guy's point for him?

Whitney said...

"O.J. Simpson does not hold 5 fully grown adults..."


No, but O.J. Simpson does hold 5 fully grown adults at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room, shouting, "You think you can steal my shit?!"

TJ said...

Listen, if I was Bradley in this instance, I would've wanted to kill the guy too - it was so out of left field it had a "You Lt. Weinberg?" feel to it.

I would love to see some sort of grainy footage though of Ron Washington and the Rangers GM chasing Bradley as he runs like a madman towards the broadcast booth.

TJ said...

Well played Whit. I was waiting for someone to parlay the ad voiceover into a decent shot at the Juice.

JayhawkOwensJunior said...

I don't think it was out of left field.
1. The guy hasn't done anything socially unacceptable for almost three months; we're supposed to think he's turned it around.
2. The guy clearly hasn't turned it around. I mean, the guy openly taunts opposing fans, and the opposing announcer isn't supposed to call him on it? I could sum it up, but Lefevbre did it best:

"We weren't tearing up Milton Bradley. I told [Washington and Daniels] this wasn't a Milton Bradley rip session, but just based on the pictures we've seen in this series of him walking to the dugout all the way to right field, dropping his bat, making gestures to the fans in right field and above the dugout and taunting them. He's the only person in baseball I know that does that type of stuff."

TJ said...

I've been openly critical of Crazy Uncle Milty many times in this space, but the announcer was talking all about the great Josh Hamilton story - end the story there. Is the Bradley comparison necessary to highlight the Hamilton story he just told? I don't think so.

The announcer, like most of us, obviously thinks very little of Bradley and his boorish behavior...that's fine. Just curious - has this same announcer ended stories about Zack Grienke's comeback by bashing Jose Guillen?

Greg said...

"Careful there Johnny! That's my lucky stabbing hat."

-O.J. Simpson

Eric (Extra P.) said...

Man, where's Carl Everett when Milton Bradley needs him?

TJ said...

C-Rex is currently on the roster of the Atlantic League of Professional Baseball's Long Island Ducks.

Wow.

rob said...

germany have a defender named per mertesacker on their euro 2008 side. unless my high school german has betrayed me, his last name means 'dead testicles'. that's unfortunate.

Greg said...

"The Dead Testicles" sounds like a failed punk band whose debut album Small-n-Flaccid sold two copies.

TJ said...

In case you're wondering, Phil plans to push every putt left today. That's three in a row.

rob said...

moments ago in klagenfurt:

"srna's fizzing corner is parried clear by Lehmann as Schweinsteiger prepares to come on"

fizzing corner, indeed

TJ said...

I have no idea what that means.

In normal news, Steve Stricker is playing quite well to start the US Open.

Whitney said...

I'll say this about Milton Bradley: if his ex-wife leaves her sunglasses at the restaurant, ain't no friggin' way I'm hand-delivering them to her house.

TJ said...

And, not to be a stickler on this, it was actually Nicole's mom who left the sunglasses at the resty.

Oh wait, that is being a stickler.

rob said...

that's a nice, tidy bow right there, mister.

Mark said...

I'm a little late to the party here but I have to agree that Lefevbre was a little out of line. There's no need to drag Bradley's name into a discussion that has absolutely nothing to do with him. He's asking to have Bradley try and hunt him down by doing something like this, and his assertion that nobody in baseball does things like Bradley is asinine. How about the aforementioned Gullien, or Elijah Dukes.

And, if you think I'm gonna speak ill of Carl Everett in this space, well, you don't know me well. That guy is fucking hilarious and I kind of wished he would have been injured for all of 2004 so I could've hung out and discussed classic video games more extensively. Any guy who loves "Burger Time" is a friend of mine.

Mark said...

Anybody else hoping Julie Foudy isn't wearing anything under that Jacket?

TJ said...

Julie Foudy loves Pez. And hence I love Julie Foudy.

Greg said...

And Mayhugh loves "Burger Time"

TJ said...

Now these are my kind of readers:

"give me hamm hold the mayo"

Mark said...

Mia Hamm is fucking OJ Mayo? Wow, now thats a story...

rob said...

morgan hamm.

TJ said...

Darvin.

Mark said...

No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. Darvin Ham is one of those weirdos who dips his fries in mayo.

Whitney said...

Darvin Ham is Dutch?

And what's with those Amstel Light commercials kicked off by the screaming old-timer? A 30-second spot about how awesome Amsterdam (and therefore the 2.5% ABV beer that's brewed there) is, and nary a clip of happy people buying put-down-a-horse-strong weed over the counter or gorgeous hookers preening through glass windows in little efficiencies scattered about the canals? Some ad exec needs to consult the tourist bureau for what to do over there. Even the Anne Frank House is worth a nod . . . for drastically different reasons.

I need a beer. (Non-Amstel, thanks.)

Mark said...

Since there's an Amstel Light, I assume there's a plain old Amstel but how come I've never seen one?

TJ said...

Is Doc Rivers seriously going to start Tony Allen at PG tonight?

Greg said...

Does it get better than the phrase "gorgeous hookers preening".

Whitney said...

There is Amstel beer, but good luck finding it on this side of the pond.

Mark said...

I thought Tony Allen was too injured to even play in this series. I cant imagine him playing PG for any stretch of time. He's a horrible ballhandler and a below average shooter. At least if you have Eddie House out there you have his shooting to spread the floor.

And no Greg, it doesn't get any better than that phrase. Well, other than when gorgeous hookers are present and preening.

TJ said...

I thought the same about Allen but I swear I heard some talking head throw that out there...

All this talk of Amsterdam has me jonesing to go back.

TJ said...

And, no Whit, I don't mean David Byrne.

Whitney said...

The Rhode Island School of Design has a long and distinguished list of alumni, including Martin Mull, Gus Van Sant, Dale Chihuly, and Seth MacFarlane, but the Risdies are just as proud of a dropout, David Byrne, and two other RISD grads, Talking Heads drummer Chris Frantz and bassist Tina Weymouth.

Bonus points for the name of the side project the married duo of Frantz and Weymouth formed in the 80's . . . without using the Interweb, Teejay.

Mark said...

Anybody else psyched about Dark Knight? Batman Begins was really good. A little darker than the earlier Batman movies, but in a good way, and this looks to following the same formula.

Mark said...

Also, and this may come as a shock to some, I've never been to Amsterdam. Its something I really need to remedy before it gets to late.

Speaking of people who would love Amsterdam, its nice that somebody informed Lamar Odom that the Finals are going on.

Mark said...

So, maybe I should make plans to go out and drink tonight rather than stay in, drink and watch this "game"...

TJ said...

I just happened to see this on VH1 the other day - the Tom Tom Club right.

Hey look, Lamar Odom is alive.

TJ said...

Whit, will you be using Priority Mail or FedEx for your Billy Wagner letter bomb?

Mark said...

Trevor Ariza is hitting 3s and Eddie House isn't. Yep, this game is over.

Mark said...

Speaking of mailing things, where's that damn bottle of Jameson that Rob owes me?

TJ said...

Speaking of guys who I thought were dead...Trevor Ariza.

TJ said...

Mark, are 4 of the 5 guys currently in the Cardinals rotation former relievers?

rob said...

you haven't sent me your address, numnuts.

rob said...

so, this game. not so interesting. just got in from a stirring jog - what's happened to the c's?

rob said...

quite a title defense from angel cabrera. he's like the big brown of golf.

TJ said...

Can Steve Stricker be Denis of Cork?

Mark said...

Rob -- You'll receive my info tomorrow, if thats all it takes. By the way, I got a huge bottle of Jameson when I was in the Bahamas this weekend for $15. God love those third worlders.

As I understand it, TJ, yes. Not that you care, but Ryan Ludwick (who's playing awfully well these days) went to my high school. Awesome.

Mark said...

Also, Trevor Ariza has somehow gained a rep as a great defender, which he isn't. He was a fan fave in Orlando, but thats b/c most Magic fans are idiots. Getting Brian Cook (who i'm not a fan of) and Maurice Evans for him was a damn steal. And, you forgot about him b/c he was on the injured list with a broken foot, TJ.

Who else thinks Sasha Vujacic is going ot sucker some GM (McHale?) into giving him waaay too much money this summer?

Finally, that Bird/Magic split screen commercial creeps me out.

Mark said...

Uh-Oh Lakers...

rob said...

attaboy doc, that'll do it.

TJ said...

Gasol looks like the guy who is always a suspect in the first 15 minutes of a Law and Order:SVU episode.

Mark said...

Boston was on the edge of really making the Lakers doubt themselves. They couldn't get over the hump though and Gasol's three point play and Farmar's buzzer beater have them pretty much right back where they started.

rob said...

the feds are asking around about dick bavetta. useless gtb prediction - this thing's gonna explode and it'll cost david stern his job.

Mark said...

I'll have to disagree with you here. I have a hard time seeign Stern go out in such a manner.

FWIW, I moved this game to the 2nd tv and am watching "Back Nine at Cherry Hills".

rob said...

i said it was a useless prediction.

Mark said...

Really, nobody else is watching/commenting on this game?

My gf stole the laptop until just now. This is turning into a (trying not to jinx it) a classic. And, I have no reason to, but Im rooting pretty hard for Boston.

Mark said...

Eddie motherfucking House!

Seriously though, I dont know if I've ever seen a team in the NBA Finals have their offense fall apart the way that LA's has in the second half. Tom Thibodeaux must be a jedim or something.

Mark said...

Jedim, jedi, whichever you prefer.

Mark said...

If Kobe is even close ot MJ then he better make it happen soon...

Mark said...

Did all of you give up and go to bed?

Mark said...

Posey...Dagger.

Mark said...

Nevermind, Derek Fisher is proven clutch in those situations.

Mark said...

That is absolutely embarassing defense by Vujacic.

Mark said...

WOW...thats a killer loss. I do believe that LA is done.

Mark said...

LA was up by 20 with 5:50 remaining in the 3rd quarter. That is all.

TJ said...

I guess I picked the wrong NBA Finals game to give up on.

Mark, complete choke job by Lakers or inspired play by Celts? Or perhaps a little of Column A and a little of Column B?

Mark said...

A little of both. Boston's D was inspired. James Posey and Ray Allen each made a hanfdul of huge shots in the late 3rd and 4th.

As for LA, well, everybody disappeared once Boston started their comeback. That includes Kobe, he shot 6 for 19 and completely debunked that bogus "he's a good as Jordan" BS.

Mark said...

Since I'm guessing I was the only one who stayed up and watched last night's comeback, I figure today is as good a time as any for me to get stated for G:TB.