Monday, June 30, 2008

NSFW (or anywhere else)

Short people got/ No reason to live

I guess Verne Troyer came up with a fairly convincing retort to Randy Newman's unprovoked screed.

The ultra-diminutive Troyer couldn't keep me out of the paint (I'd back his tiny ass under the rim all day long), but he just took a 1-0 lead on me in the increasingly competitive Number of Sex Tapes on the Internet category. (Note: that link isn't to the sex tape. I wouldn't do that to you. Hell, I wouldn't do that to me. But I guarantee one of you sick fucks clicked on it thinking it might be. Probably Greg.)

Randy Newman, meanwhile, is writing movie soundtracks and picking Whattaburger crumbs out of the fleshy folds in his pasty middle-aged belly.

Point, short people.

8 comments:

TJ said...

It's too early on a Monday to be googling Vern's sex tape...even for me.

TJ said...

Mark, glad to see you finally found employment:

Veteran actor Sir Ben Kingsley had to be shown how to smoke pot for his role in forthcoming film The Wackness.

The Oscar-winner stars as a marijuana-addicted therapist in the movie - and had to be given instruction on how to make his smoking look realistic.

Dave said...

i really want to watch this sex tape-- even though i'm home with my wife and kids and the contractor that might do our kitchen is due any minute, i'm using all my self-control not to google it . . .

TJ said...

MANNY WANT TICKETS. MANNY ANGRY. MANNY SMASH:

Manny Ramirez has apologized for pushing the team's traveling secretary to the ground in the visitors clubhouse during a confrontation Saturday in Houston, according to a report in The Providence Journal.

Ramirez had requested 16 tickets from Jack McCormick for Saturday's game against the Astros, the report said. After McCormick said that it might not be possible, Ramirez replied by yelling "just do your job," according to Monday's report.

rob said...

in his defense, he thought they were just reenacting the pedro/zimmer incident for fun.

Mark said...

My time working from home has been both strenuous and rewarding. Kingsley was not the easiest subject I ever had but, hey, I've taught enough dumb sorority girls how to take bong hits over the years so I was adequately prepared.

TJ said...

Wow. Take one Jules Verne epic, mix in some Brenda Fraser star power, and, what the heck, let's make this sucker a 3-D film...instant success.

TJ said...

That's a lot of money to be paying Jamison and Arenas...