Sentence of Dave Inspires Me, Alternatively Titled "My Earliest Appearances in Court"

Dave of Sentence of Dave wrote two recent Davish posts about his son's speeding tickets and subsequent court appearance, including an aside that "Alex should be thankful that he has a supportive father who accompanied him to court" just to prove that Dave wrote it.  This inspired today's post.

Almost 30 years ago I spent a summer in the Burg living with rootsy, Nelson, and Juan Moritz on Braxton Court.  This confederacy of dunces encountered a comedy of errors including broken pipes, shower fungus, and a misunderstanding of when the co-eds from whom we sublet the place expected us to be out.  But we managed to eke out some fun along the way.

I used Hoopy's name to get a job working at the Short Stop Cafe.  I think I made it through three shifts before I was fired.  I misread the calendar and showed up for a dinner shift when I was supposed to work a lunch.  The manager said "We have a policy here, no show, no call, no job."  I replied without skipping a beat, naturally, "No shit." and handed him my apron and Shortstop polo shirt.  I'm still bad at calendars but I haven't been fired since.

I was not phased by this turn of events.  I knew I wasn't cut out for the waitering life, with its formalities and expectations like courtesy and politeness.  I was too sick and rude to wait.

Shortly afterwards, I saw a sign at Paul's Deli advertising an opening for a delivery driver.  This seemed like a good fit.  I like to drive, it involved minimal customer interaction, I got a free meal on each shift, the commute was about 250 feet, and I could smoke cigarettes on the job.  It suited my 21-year-old lifestyle to a T.

Except for the part about the cops.  Williamsburg is crawling with them.  Campus Police, Colonial Williamsburg Police, Ford's Colony Police, Kingsmill Police, Williamsburg Police, James City County Police, State Troopers, all of them looking to pull over a young guy in a Japanese car with NJ plates driving 6 to 9 MPH over the limit.  All this is to say I had a lot of interactions with the local constabulary.  In these situations I would point to the pile of pizza and sandwiches in the passenger seat, explain that I deliver for Paul's, and occasionally they would let me off with a warning.  Or they might give me a ticket for improper equipment, a misdemeanor that doesn't put points on your license.  About half the time they would give me a speeding ticket for 5-9 MPH over the limit (no matter how fast I was really going).

I couldn't afford the points and resulting insurance hike so I would put on a jacket and tie, take the ticket to court and beg the judge for mercy.  Sometimes the cop wouldn't show up so the judge had to let me go scot-free.  Other times the judge would knock the ticket down to improper equipment, maybe they liked Paul's French dip (truly a hidden gem of a sandwich).  Once I negotiated with the prosecutor before the proceedings started and walked out with improper equipment instead of speeding.

My favorite courtroom appearance, to this day, arose from such a situation.  I was driving on Route 60 towards the Outlets and the myriad hotels, motels, and mobile estates out that way.  I made this run a million times and knew every crack and pothole in the road.  I also knew where the 25 MPH zone ended and the 40 MPH zone began.  I was cruising along at about 30 MPH in the 25, and once I was within sight of the 40 MPH sign I sped up.  Almost instantly, out of a shitty little hidey-hole tucked twixt two shrubberies popped Sneaky Pete.  I looked down, saw I was doing about 37 MPH, and pulled over immediately.

Radio off, interior light on, window down, rearview tilted up so I didn't get blinded by the coplights, hands on the wheel.  A Statie rolled up, a young guy.  He gave me permission to get my documents from the glove box, asked how fast I was going, and I told him "37 MPH because I could see the 40 MPH sign" and gave him my usual song and dance about Paul's.  He appreciated my honesty so he was honest too.  "It's the end of the month and I need to make my number.  You've been straight with me so if you come to court I'll tell the judge you were cooperative so he might reduce the fine."  This is why people hate the regulatory state but I didn't get into that right then and there, instead I took what the defense gave me and checked down to "Thank you sir."  After we exchanged the relevant paperwork I went back about my business with the popcorn shrimp and hot Hollies.

For whatever reason I had to appear at the courthouse in Yorktown.  The judge was straight out of central casting, a Southern fried take-no-bullshit sumbitch like Fred Gwynne in "My Cousin Vinny" and he looked like the judge from "Air Bud."  The entire proceeding irritated him and he had complete disdain for most of the lawbreakers who came before him.  He threw the figurative book at almost everyone.  Almost.

I got there a little bit before the appointed time, and that was a stupid move--this court also has jurisdiction over maritime issues so I had to sit through an hour of boating and crabbing shenanigans.  And they really were shenanigans.  In the maritime session, a Vietnamese guy tried to fight a ticket for taking some undersized crabs.  The judge lit into him, "This is whyyyyeh we don't have enough cray-yibs innymore!  Becuz pyeople lahk yeeeew are tayehkin' unnersahzed cray-yibs en overcrabbin' the bay!"  The defendant couldn't follow what was going on and barely managed to say anything in English in response.  The judge yelled some more and hit him with a $750 fine.

Very next guy up was Jimmy Joe Jim Bob John from Croaker or Norge or whatever.  The cop explained the facts--same as the previous guy, except he had two coolers full of too-small crabs.  The defendant was incensed.  "Judge" he said, "Ah've bin crabbin the bay since ah wiz knee-hah to a grasshopper en ah've nivver bin tickitted fer sumpin lahk this!!"  I swear to god he said knee-high to a grasshopper.  The judge was suddenly accommodating and said "Sir, ah unnerstan how yew fee-yil, buuht the sitchy-ation here is bay-yid.  Pyeople are overcrabbin the bay!  An if yew keep takin 'em fore they're ole nuff tuh reeper-duce, sum day we wone have inny lift!"  Jimmy Joe Jim Bob John adjusted his mesh baseball hat, put his hands on his hips, and screwed up his face as if to say "Ah cay-yint argue with tha-yit."  The judge turned him out with a $250 fine and an admonishment to consider future generations of crabbers.

White privilege is real.

Eventually they got to the landlubber moving violations.  The defendants were called based on the cop who caught them, so that each cop worked through all his criminals in one batch, allowing him to promptly get back to eating donuts and giving himself testicular cancer with the radar gun.  The judge demolished everyone, he didn't want to hear anyone's excuses or stories about anything until a pretty little girl went to the defendant's table for a ticket written by Sneaky Pete, the same guy who wrote mine.  She was accompanied by a guy who I assumed was her father until he entered an appearance as Sam Slickness from Dewey Cheatam & Howe.  The cop explained that he pulled her over making a U-turn at a stoplight that had a "NO U-TURN" sign.  Open and shut, right?  No!  Slickness did his dizzle.

First he asked the cop if the little girl had any other moving violations on her license.  She didn't.  Then he asked if she was polite when pulled over.  She was.  Then he asked if any drugs or alcohol were involved.  They weren't.  Slickness then said "Yer onner, as you can see, li'l Suzy Sweetness nivvir did innythin lahk this before, she was pulaht to the ossifer, en there are no extenyatin circumstances with the incident.  She jus gradjeeated from Yorktown Hah School, she's about to be a frishmin at the University of Virginia, en her daddy, Poppa Sweetness, is on the town council here in Yorktown."

The judge leaned forward and grinned like the Cheshire cat.  "Li'l Suzy Sweetness, dew yew promise yer nivvir gonna do this agin?"  Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth as she coyly relied "Yessir" and batted her eyes.  "Aw-rite thin" purred the old judge, "ahm givin yew a ticket for im-proper equipmin.  Run along now, en ah don't wanna see yew in my courtroom agin," smiling the whole time.

Then they called me.

Sneaky Pete explained the facts as he recalled them and based on his notes, ending with 37 MPH in a 25.  Then I did Slickness's dizzle.

I did not know anything about precedent or stare decisis, but I figured I should say what the lawyer just said, adapting to my facts of course.  The only differences were (1) I was within sight of a sign that allowed me to do what I was doing, and (2) my daddy wasn't on the town council here in Yorktown.  I assumed there was no way he couldn't let me off if I did what the lawyer did, otherwise it would be clear that the only reason Suzy Sweetness skated was her father's position on the town council.

So I asked the cop if I had any other moving violations on my license.  I didn't (thanks to all those "improper equipment" trips to court previously).  I asked if I was polite when pulled over.  I was.  I asked if any drugs or alcohol were involved.  They weren't.  I asked if I was within sight of a 40 MPH sign when the cop hit me with the radar gun.  I was.

Then I said to the judge "Your honor, I have no other moving violations on my record, I was polite when pulled over, and there are no extenuating circumstances with the incident.  I was doing 37 MPH because I was within sight of the 40 MPH sign, and I was speeding up in anticipation of entering the 40 MPH zone.  I deliver food for Paul's Deli so I'm familiar with where the different zones begin and end.  I'm about to be a senior at the College of William & Mary, and I promise I'm never going to do this again."

The judge was livid.  He saw exactly what I was doing, and exactly why he couldn't throw the book at me.  He leaned forward and through clenched teeth asked me "Suuun, did yew say yer a stewdin ay-it the laaaw skoo-wul?"

"No sir" I replied, "I'm just an undergrad delivering pizza to pay some bills."

He could've spit nails. "Ahm fahnin yew fer im-proper equipmin, yew be-yin the im-proper equipmin!!  En ah don't ever wanna see yew in mah courtroom agin!!"  Then he banged his gavel.

Some of the poor slobs waiting their turn before this hanging judge gasped.  One or two cheered a bit, there was even a brief smattering of clapping.  I left the courtroom to pay my fine and a middle-aged woman ran after me.  She caught up to me and panted, "That was incredible, how did you do that?"  I replied "I just said what the lawyer right before me said, I figured if it worked for him it should work for me."  Stunned, she smiled and went back into the courtroom.  I like to think that everyone else followed my lead and went home with im-proper equipmin fines too. 

Divisional Round Final Day Filler

Our man Zed has something teed up for tomorrow, but it's been a few days, and I know y'all are dying to have a place to talk about this afternoon's gridiron action, so I'm here for you. 

In a way, this one's tied to Z, as well. 

I don't know why, but I seem to get a lot of things in my Twitter feed about the Buffalo Bills. In particular, about what terrific dudes Stefon Diggs and Josh Allen seem to be. There's a great piece here on the relationships the two players have with youngsters. 

Here's Diggs with five year-old Aydin Laborde. The pair's relationship started in preseason, shortly after Aydin's father had passed away. Diggs has made it a point to stay a part of Aydin's life.

Remember @StefonDiggs’ buddy Aydin?

Stef met up with him tonight for a special pregame moment. ❤️💙 #BillsMafia pic.twitter.com/FpC7vp6XDz

— Buffalo Bills (@BuffaloBills) December 18, 2022

Allen has a similar relationship with Abbie McNett, who he met this summer as she was battling cancer. They got together last week, too.

.@JoshAllenQB met cancer warrior Abbie over the summer.

Abbie recently found out her tumor is gone, so Josh had her on-field pregame to celebrate.

We love every bit of this moment. ❤️💙 pic.twitter.com/pV7cYf2K5w

— Buffalo Bills (@BuffaloBills) December 18, 2022

That's the good stuff. 

Guestie: Mystery Submission

 Sometimes these things just appear in my inbox...and I post them on behalf of Mr. Lee.

Grinds My Gears, 2023 Version

I should be starting the new year off w/ positive thinking, but some things have been bugging me. 

Grammar

It’s almost cliché to complain about, but the language is dying one word/phrase at a time. Examples:

1. “Real-i-tor”  This is so simple.  It’s REAL-TOR.  

2. “Vetrans” – on the opposite side of the spectrum.  It’s “Vet-er-ans Day”.  The second e is not fucking silent.  Say the requisite syllables as fast or slow as you want, but let’s stop adding/subtracting letters and just say the word as it’s spelled.  No more, no less.  

3. “And I” – the misuse of this phrase has taken over the world, folks.  You do not send the email to Julie and I; you send it to Julie and me.  Subject vs object.  Easy cheat: say the sentence without “Julie and”. “Send the email to I” sounds stupid right?  [Bonus gripe: I heard someone say (I’m paraphrasing) “Are you attending Bob and I’s presentation”. I can’t even look at them anymore]

4. “Estatic” – I’m not estatic, I’m ecstatic.  Show the c some respect (sounds dirtier than intended).

5. “Sherbert” – this one’s been mispronounced for so long that we just equivocated and now either pronunciation is somehow acceptable.  It’s spelled S-H-E-R-B-E-T; we’re not in a Guy Ritchie movie - WE DON’T PUT R’S WHERE THEY DON’T BELONG.   Act I of a future John Wick sequel is going to open with our hero in the frozen section of his local Safeway (Publix for the FLA guys) when he overhears someone pronouncing it incorrectly…

Partisanship

I’ve absolutely had it with party identity.  HAD.  IT.  Not a new take, but the us/them, voting for/supporting the name on the front of the jersey rather than the back is at critical mass and an increasingly tiresome exercise in zero sum democracy.

First, the double standards – the conduct of our leaders (or anyone else) is either good or bad, it isn’t influenced by whether or not the person aligns with my party/ideology.  Whataboutism sucks.

Second, coalition building across the aisles is nonexistent and, more troubling, not enough people seem bothered by that fact – they’ve just accepted the continuous wheel of “whomever has more seats in the Congressional house pushes the party agenda without compromise”.  “The motion passed 54-46, with all 54 X Party senators voting Yes” is no way to govern.  You represent all of your constituents, not just the ones who voted for you.  This way of governing is also creating MASSIVE regulatory swings (i.e. costs and inefficiencies) as administrations/party in power changes and all the rules change with it.  Compromise should be the norm – everybody else in every other job does it nearly every damn day.  It should be a sign of strength, intelligence, and good faith, rather than the exception or cause for being portrayed as a traitor by your party’s leaders or booed by its voters.  

The recent events are mind blowing for what did and didn’t transpire.  Having yourself nominated for a position more than 3 or 4 times in a row seems like some stone cold narcissism (not to mention aligned party members only found the “send” button on their keyboard to disavow a certain freshman Congressmen from NY after his vote for Speaker was recorded, all 15 times).  More disconcerting – it seems like nobody’s blinking an eye that a party leader would negotiate for votes with the most extreme 10th percentile of their own party instead of crossing the aisles and engaging a larger percentage of serious-minded moderates on the other side.  And did the D’s even try to work the situation for a moderate, collaborative-minded candidate, or better split on committees to enable coalitions, or did they just say “don’t worry, let’s just see if they’ll EFF it up themselves?” I’m frustrated that they seemingly took the zero to play out this diametric opposition method of governing for 2 more years.  We should demand more from everyone involved.

Ordering “shaved” meat at a deli/grocery store

Saved the most consequential issue for last.   I’m predisposed to upholding the status quo and not making people go out of their way for me.  So, it causes me incredible strife and requires substantial soul searching and mental preparation on my part when my wife sends me to the grocery store with a list that includes e.g. “2 pounds of ham (shaved)”.  That’s how she always writes it; she sneaks in “shaved”.

You may have seen this method where the meat is nearly translucent and a different texture, and the slicer has to go through about 200 rotations just to get anywhere close to 1/4 pound of meat.  Every deli clerk THINKS they can shave meat, but you know after one slice – when they hold it up for your inspection – whether that is actually in their skillset.  It’s like, if you THINK you can write in calligraphy, you CAN’T write in calligraphy.

Properly shaving meat is, apparently, an especially niche skill you hardly ever find in nature.  There are like 15 people in the world who can actually “shave” meat rather than just “slice it really thinly”, and I always imagine they trained for years under a strict vow of silence at some Shaolin-esque temple on a desolate island or hanging off the edge of a cliff near a waterfall somewhere.  But setting that aside, and assuming they CAN shave it, REQUESTING they do so is SUPER awkward.  The attendant slices the meat for 5 minutes, weighs it, and of course it’s not anywhere close, slices more, rinse repeat, repeat, repeat.  Meanwhile 9 people who just wanted a ½ pound of moderately priced Jarlsberg are piling up behind you and they’re all alternately staring at you and the deli clerk, like you and the deli clerk are shooting a snuff film.  There may be some law of physics that shaving ham speeds up the ham molecules in a way that makes it exponentially tastier than thin-sliced (my conscience, along with a histamine intolerance, precludes me from eating it to confirm/correct), but the cost-benefit scale is tipped dramatically in the wrong direction.

Tighter Than a Tick

There are many in the know that consider the English League Championship (the "second" division of English soccer, one rung below the Premier League) the toughest league in professional soccer. This year, a division that's routinely a mad scramble has upped its game, poised for a rollercoaster ride (see what we did there?) of a run in to the final matches. 

With respect to the competition's toughness, start with the fact that each of the 24 teams plays 46 regular season league matches (before factoring in outside competitions like the FA Cup and the League Cup), which is considerably more than any other league my deep research has identified. By way of comparison, the Premier League, Spain's La Liga, France's Ligue 1, and Italy's Serie A play 38 matches. Those tissue-soft Germans only play 34 in the Bundesliga.

Add to the fixture congestion the notion that the top two teams automatically qualify for promotion to the world's most prominent league (and teams 3-6 play a mini-tournament to identify the third promoted side each year) and we get highly motivated squads competing up and down the table.

Finally, and despite the number of matches, Championship football is routinely described as more physical than the Premier League. The level of skill isn't quite as high as that at the top of the pyramid, so there's more of a premium on pace, fitness, and physicality - the beautiful game, it ain't always.

Given what's at stake, the final matches of a Championship season are always fraught. I've lived this over the past several years as a fan of a yo-yo club like Fulham (so described because they've had a recent habit of getting relegated from the Premier League, winning promotion, and being relegated right back down - seems we've kicked that pattern, at least for this season*). This year, though, the race for the playoff makes five-wide at Daytona seem like riding Tomorrowland Speedway at DisneyWorld.

*vigorously knocks wood

Check this mess out:

Recently relegated Burnley is playing really good stuff under new manager (and playing legend in his own right) Vincent Kompany, and along with second-place Sheffield United seem a good bet to cruise to automatic qualification. After that, we've got the 5 on a Friday afternoon. The distance between Watford in third and Hull City in 16th is nine points, or three wins/losses on the trot. Last place Wigan (on 25 points) is only 16 points out of a playoff spot (the last of which is currently held by West Bromwich Albion. Ten teams are within six points of the playoffs, including Sunderland, who suffered the ignominy of relegation from the Premier League to the Championship to League One in consecutive seasons in 2016-17 and 2017-18 (if you haven't seen the documentary Sunderland 'til I Die, which chronicles those seasons, I insist you fix that).

At least one of you follows a team that's flirting with relegation from the Premier League to the Championship (though I find that an unlikely outcome), so it might be worth your time to get familiar with the grind. Regardless, if you're looking for some dumb fun, you could do worse than paying attention to the car crashes happening right below the top division.

Coasting

The headline, in this case, describing both the content to come and the level of effort the assembled Gheorghieage put forth during my trip to the University Cheer Association (UCA) national championships in Orlando. Bygones.

There are people in the world who have a serious rollercoaster jones. They've got a club and everything (the American Coaster Enthusiasts, in case you're interested). They plan vacations around hitting the fastest, highest, newest coasters. I am not one of these people.

But I do enjoy a good thrill ride. The only parks I really ever get to are Busch Gardens Williamsburg, DisneyWorld, and Universal Studios, so my recent experience is a bit limited. I dig The Griffon and Verbolten at the former (and count the venerable Loch Ness Monster as my first ever big-boy coaster experience). Disney's short on real coaster muscle, though Rock 'n' Roller Coaster at Hollywood Studios has a nice jackrabbit start and Expedition Everest in Animal Kingdom has one of the best sets I've seen. I also really like The Incredible Hulk at Universal - first time I did it I felt like I was drunk when I got off, in terms of the effect to my equilibrium. 

This past weekend, as noted in the comments thread a few days ago (which is probably the same thread that's been up for five days), I got to ride Universal's newest whip, VelociCoaster. It is damn near impossible to describe the sensation of riding a fast, looping, spinning coaster, and so I won't really try. This one gets up to 70 mph, which is fast, but not excessively so in the context of global coasters (Formula Rossa at Ferrari World in Abu Dhabi gets up to 150 mph, which sounds preposterous). Its genius comes in the unrelenting nature of its speed and g-forces. VelociCoaster has no chill - it's spins on turns on loops on accelerations on climbs on drops, as you can see here:

VelociCoaster was rated the best new coaster in America by the Golden Ticket Awards in 2021, and was ranked the #5 overall steel coaster in 2022 by the same folks. Beauty (and exhilaration) being in the eye of the beholder, your mileage may vary.

What Have You Done For Me Tomorrow

It was as predictable as it was discouraging. Celebratory cigar smoke hadn’t even cleared the Georgia locker room after the Bulldogs’ vivisection of TCU Monday night when the headlines and stories started dropping. “Historic three-peat now in sight for Georgia as returning stars focus on avoiding entitlement entering 2023” – CBSSports.com “Why You Shouldn’t Bet Against a Georgia Three-Peat Next Year” – Fox Sports “Can the Bulldogs Three-Peat as National Champions in 2023?” – Athlon Sports “Why the Bulldogs are primed to three-peat” – Los Angeles Times. 

Granted, the game deserved little journalism detail, since it was non-competitive after about an hour of real time. But Jesus H. on rollerblades, can we not permit the Bulldogs to enjoy themselves for even a day before kicking down the door of “what’s next?” and “can you do it again?” 

The answer, of course, is no. Must feed the beast, the beast in this case being journalism and its reflexive scramble to supposedly get out in front of a story. And since the story of the national championship game was toe-tagged at halftime, a legion of keyboards and microphones sprinted for the future. 

I was part of that ecosystem for roughly 35 years, so I get it. I was guilty of it at times, but overall did my best to steer clear of that kind of reporting, since it isn’t actual reporting. More like a magic 8-ball with depth charts. Reporters and editors defend predictive pieces and look-aheads as supplemental to the here-and-now, and what eyes and ears want. Unspoken is that they also don’t want to be the 18th outlet to mention it, because timeliness, or something like that. 

I’d argue that the Rush to the Unknown is unimaginative and, in cases of notable accomplishment, rather tone-deaf. It's human nature to ponder what’s next, and it’s likely accelerated by a microwave society that’s given us the attention span of German shepherds. Sports and sports fans, however, seem more susceptible to the dynamic. 

When folks are wrapping up a wedding reception, nobody says, ‘This was a great bash, but how are we going to top it for Thanksgiving?’ Immediately after it was unveiled, Chisel magazine didn’t say, ‘La Pieta is a dandy chunk of marble, Mickey, but what do you have for us next?’ Inventors Illustrated didn’t say, ‘Sure, Tommy Eds produced the telegraph, light bulb and phonograph, but if that’s all, did he underachieve?’ Does a supervisor say, ‘Bill, you set records in sales last year and were terrific with clients and customer engagement. Let’s ratchet that up by 15 percent this year.’ (Wait, scratch that. That’s precisely how American business works.) 

The inability to allow an accomplishment a decent shelf life is joined by its equally annoying cousin: ‘Yeah, but can he or she do it at the next level?’ The current chew toy in that exercise is Georgia QB Stetson Bennett. Sure, he made history by winning back-to-back Nattys, but what kind of NFL prospect is he? Can he throw the deep ‘out?’ Can he play in the League? 

The correct answer is: It doesn’t much matter right now, if ever. Pro scouts and biologists will start poking and prodding soon enough and determine his value, but if he never plays a meaningful snap for a paycheck (I’d wager that he will), it wouldn’t and shouldn’t diminish what he’s already done. Bennett and a slew of achievers barely have time for a good soak before somebody wants to drain the tub and say, ‘Towel off and juggle these hatchets.’ 

Several pieces already have Georgia as the betting favorite for the 2023 national title, owing to returning players and a favorable schedule. One piece postulated that the Dawgs would be 10-0 heading to Knoxville for a Nov. 18 date against Tennessee for the SEC East title, an interesting bit of cart and horse placement that begs the question: if they’re 9-1 or egads 8-2 heading into that game, will that be a disappointment? 

The answer, unfortunately for some, will be yes. 

That championship was sooooo 10 months ago. The one before that was almost two whole years ago. Who can remember back that far? Fans certainly can be unreasonable. Some media hate having their narratives upended, even if they know objectively that sports predictions, particularly for entire seasons, are a yard full of garden rakes at dusk. There’s no reason to expect change. Shots will fall and fail, passes caught and dropped, folks right and wrong about what happened and what’s gonna happen. 

Everyone back to their respective barstools and chatrooms. Those arguments won’t kindle themselves.

Joe, Blow

The College of William and Mary's alumni magazine just published a long piece on WandM alumnus/coach/PhysEd prof extraordinaire Joe Agee... and didn't use the descriptor "Screamin'" once.

For the uninitiated, Screamin' Joe Agee was a hollerin, intolerrin' oldster when we were in school. Older than the hills. Of the oldest school. 

As it turns out, he was 57 then. Five years older than several of us here. Wow.

Well, he matriculated in the 1940's and 50's, so he came up in a very different era than the one in which we enrolled. And he seemed very much of that era.

Joe Agee coached golf, and he instructed a few different PE classes back then. I myself was in his Basketball I class in the fall of my freshman year. I made 2 key mistakes.

1. 8:00 AM class. "Hey, I used to get up earlier than that in high school, and the gym is right next to my dorm." Dumb.
2. I enrolled in a Joe Agee class. He suffered no fools like me and took no absences lightly. I had no idea, but... dumber.

I remember two things about that class, one held in a facility called Blow Gymnasium. 

1. Most every Tuesday and Thursday, I'd walk down the hall in my high-tops in the early morn, and someone would ask where I was headed. "I'm going to Blow Gym," I'd say with a smile. Always worth a grin or a glare. 
2. I missed three classes in the first 7 or 8, and I got a talking-to from Coach Agee that reminded me of his nickname. Unpleasant.

"Lester... seems like you've run through all your sorry excuses and what-not, and we aren't even to fall break yet. Un-be-lievable, son. You miss one more class and I'll have to fail you. You hear me, Lester?"

I did. Made all the rest. Got P instead of an F. One of my very, very few early transcript success stories. 

Anyway, what the College did right was profiling the man now rather than posthumously. Check it out if you took his class or got coached by Screamin' Joe way back when.

Now that Blow Gym is Blow Memorial Hall, an administrative building ("now" meaning since like 1990), the dumb joke is gone, and so are the memories of a decrepit old athletic facility. I wonder what it looked like...

...but wait! It was immortalized in Bruce Hornsby's 1988 video for "The Valley Road"!  Check this sucker out, and lots of old WandM/Williamsburg footage. And Blow Gym.

Welp, there you go. Nostalgic. Old.

I could tell you more about how the song's lyrical content was about abortion 'twixt social classes in the South, but we'll save that for another episode from the great minds here at Gheorghe: The Blog.

Besmirched!

Let the record show that we know from bad basketball. Several Gheorghies attended the College of William and Mary in the late 80s, after all, when the Wrens went 11-45 across two seasons. We could choose not to attend that dreck, at least. Pity poor OBX Dave, who had to watch it as a condition of his employment.

Right here in the greater DMV, we're witnessing the freefall of a once-great program, a basketballing wasteland of unusual proportions for a power conference school. And they're taking us down with them.

I refer, of course, to the Gheorghetown Hoyas, the erstwhile swaggering bullies who captured our imaginations under Big John Thompson (which may, as it turns out, have laid the seed for the school's current predicament). This year's Hoyas are a far, far cry from those groups, with the only connective tissue, ironically, being Patrick Ewing.

The Hoyas' coach paid his dues on the bench, working as an NBA assistant from 2002 to 2017, when he was hired to be the big whistle at his alma mater. His first four seasons on the Hilltop were okay, as he amassed a 62-59 record and won the 2021 Big East Tournament. Throughout that time, players left the program, and Ewing failed to bring continuity.

The wheels came off the cart entirely last season. Gheorghetown lost its opener to Dartmouth, and it didn't get much better after that. The Hoyas lost all of their 19 Big East contests, and finished the season at 6-25 (that...that's Chuck Swenson's music!).

After going 5-6 in non-conference play, including the school's first loss to American in 40 years, the Hoyas have picked up where they left off in the league. Last night's 66-51 loss to Seton Hall was Ewing's 27th consecutive conference defeat, leaving the team at 0-7 in the Big East. Only once have the Hoyas managed to get within 11 points of a conference opponent, falling by a mere seven to a mediocre DePaul squad.

The Hoyas are last in the league in most defensive categories, making up for it by being middling on offense. They shoot poorly, defend abysmally, don't share the ball, and don't protect it. They get some rebounds, though.

I think it's fair to say that the Ewing experiment is a failure. The school is reduced to removing students with Ewing Out signs from the sparsely-populated arena and dealing with on-campus protests(!). Any other coach at any other major program would've been fired after last season's debacle. But with Ronnie Thompson still running around in the program, and university president Jack DiGioia protecting Big John's legacy, athletic director Lee Reed has his hands well and truly tied.

So it could be worse, Wrens fans. Could be better, for sure. But it could be worse.

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Eleven

On the 11th Day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe Gave to Me: 

11 Months of Gheorgheness

10 (or more) LIV TOUR Factoids

Nine (semi) Bold Predictions for 2023

Eight People and Places In My Neighborhood

Seven books for reading (and one for burning)

Six splurges for Christmas

Five Good News Stories, courtesy of Shlara

Soon to be Four on the Floor

Three Habits Forming

Two beers with Marcus Aerelius, an OBX Dave Joint, and

Two(?) dudes bested by Kazansky

Though you wouldn't know it by the time it's taken me to get the year-ending review of our dipshittery posted, the exercise this year was easier than in recent years. Because we dropped a mere 183 posts, the fewest since 2006. You'd expect, though, that quantity would give way as we age and mature. Keep on expectin', friends.

On with it, then, another year of camaraderie, ephemera, semi-serious posts, and semi-literate ones. One of these days, our very own Chinese Democracy will make it to the internet, as Marls and zman inform me that they're thisclose to finishing their magnum opus.

January

The first post of 2022? Day Ten of Gheorghemas 2021, courtesy of Danimal.

Later, in a post about a late, lamented amusement park, we describe the Gheorghian calendar as "influenced as it always is by a combination of lunar position, grain harvest, and Romanian weather". So this season's version is par for the course.

Doomsday Glacier comin'.

OBX Dave tried to teach us how to sleep.

Shlara's a Villan!

Zman, unions, monkeys, part one.

A Few Words for Johnny G

Zman, unions, monkeys, the sequel.

February

Monkees and Wiggles and Elephants, oh my!

Zman, unions, monkeys, the Pip.

Bite me, Randy Newman: the Earl Boykins episode.

OBX Dave, UBI. I say we need UBOBXD.

Wrenball, meh. Could be worse - we could be Gheorghetown fans.

And lo, the Twelfth Day of Gheorgemas.

March

She came in like a thing that's got a lot of filler, went out like a slightly better thing.

Fashion is Dumb makes a (spectacular) return.

Mike Tyson's ear-shaped edibles!

Mark helped us adopt a college basketball player.

(Yoko) Oh No.

OBX Dave gives America more credit than America deserves, I fear.

April

12 fucking posts? Woof.

Wrenball: The Hemorrhage

Any time Whitney writes about Mott the Hoople, well, you know.

The Latest in Beer News

Danimal comes through with the first-ever G:TB post featuring a photo from a lavatory.

We learned a LOT about the 757.

May

Whit's annual Rock n Roll HOF selection recap. Always a peach.

My baffling, wondrous first-born child.

Athletes' G.I. Bill

Elegy for a Dive, Weeping Radish Version

The Kids are Alright

R.I.P. Roger Angell

June

zHot Take: Science Fiction

Turkey-yay

Lapses and Synapses

OBX Dave's ticker gave me a reason to post Don Johnson's 'Heartbeat' video!

zman bought the zcar he should drive!

Kate Bush, runnin' back up that hill.

Fetterman for President!

July

Professor G Truck started a podcast. It's quite good. When are we (re)starting G:TB:TP?

I got back on the St. Croix River. Glorious.

Beastie Boys got a square!

Me and my disease.

We Fucking Love (the) Cocaine (Bear Movie)

Stellar environmentally-themed Gheorgasbord

August

TR's Origin Story

Mayhugh Guestie! Complete with the Teej's awful formatting.

My brother, my long-lost cousin.

Big day for Whitney.

Sploot, there it is!

Lagom for the masses.

September

MICHAEL SHEEN is truly MAGNIFICENT.

Get a LOAD of THIS. pic.twitter.com/zZh5k3jcSs

— Michael Warburton (@MichaelWarbur17) September 9, 2022

Michael Fucking Sheen.

It's Murder Out There for Reporters

Fuck the Browns and the horseshit they rode in on.

Y'all have been doing it wrong.

There were a lot of really cool recurring music posts, like Whitney's Six-Pack, Notify, and zShazams, so consider this entry a nod to all of them, and please to be keeping them coming, gents.

This Outside Magazine article about Russ Byars is one of the best things I read in 2022.

October

U.S. Soccer's inability to fix the sport's treatment of women is an ongoing disgrace.

Not that the NFL has it's shit together.

Family weekend, #skobuffs

It's in the Net! Happy trails, Dave Johnson.

You can't fire me, I quit! Oh, you can?

More pessimistic than not about the future of the Republic. Good times.

We're gonna live foreeever!

November

We were only nineteen, past the age of reason.

We spilled a lot of pixels on the midterm elections. Fettermaaaan!

Baby Nats!

Over the Rainbow Bridge.

I picked Argentina to win the World Cup. Pretty, pretty good. (We'll not discuss the rest of the Final Four.)

The machines are getting closer and closer.

These fuckwits are coming for our legacy.

The committee that decides such things named OBX Dave the 2022 MVG, and the press release was drafted and everything. Something about consistently excellent long-form pieces about diverse and interesting topics. But then we got an anonymous tip that he was actually once a professional scribbler, and by our complex and time-honored and not just made up rules, that makes him ineligible. So we're vacating the title.

Gheorghemas Interlude: Eight Toes Down with Coach Prime and Ralphie

You'd think it wouldn't be all that hard to recap a year with only 183 posts (we hit my unannounced goal of one post every other day, and huzzah to all of us for that), and you'd be correct. And yet here we are, still waiting on me to finish tying up the year in review post so that Whitney can immediately drop the final post of the season.

Instead, you get some filler to tide you over.

It is no secret the Deion Sanders is blessed with an abundance of charisma. He's tailor-made for the modern era, brilliant on social media and in front of cameras. He's made a bit of a reality show about his process of adapting to Boulder, and yesterday gave us this bit of comedy gold:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Colorado Football (@cubuffsfootball)

Prime was great, but Taylor Stratton, the CU Buffs Mascot Program Manager was every bit his equal as the straight (wo)man. It's a great little Gheorghemas snack.

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day 10

On the 10th Day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe Gave to Me: 

10 (or more) LIV TOUR Factoids

Nine (semi) Bold Predictions for 2023

Eight People and Places In My Neighborhood

Seven books for reading (and one for burning)

Six splurges for Christmas

Five Good News Stories, courtesy of Shlara

Soon to be Four on the Floor

Three Habits Forming

Two beers with Marcus Aerelius, an OBX Dave Joint, and

Two(?) dudes bested by Kazansky

This LIV Tour and/or something akin has been on the radar for a couple of years now, and 30 if you go back to attempt #1 of Three-Leg Greg’s original play he attempted to run back in 1994. Before we get there, though, the once potential and now real presence of an alternative professional golfers’ tour was largely, if not entirely, dismissed by many, if not most, which is the very reason, in my opinion, we are here today. 

At your leisure you can review what has transpired to date – there is no shortage of ink. I realize this may not be Gheorghemas-y and all, but it’s been something that has been in the chamber for a bit. I also do acknowledge there may be zero interest in this because golf. Because of the unseemly amounts of money that is being thrown about to largely a group of folks that already have gobs of it. But if you’re not a golf fan or even not into sports at all, there are many storylines here. 

There is an antitrust case that has been brought against the PGA Tour by seven players (originally 11, but 4 have since withdrawn their suit). Why? Well, the tour, headquartered right here in north FLA, has banned from its tour, any player that participates in a LIV event. The Tour has countered with a suit against LIV, accusing the group of interfering with its players’ contracts. PGA Tour players are independent contractors. Or are they? As IC’s, you’d think they’d be able to do what they wish, including play when and where they please, right? No, say the brass here in Ponte Vedra Beach. There are politics at play here. Sports Washing. Good vs Evil. Khashoggi! OWGR which stands for Official World Golf Rankings. Augusta National. Ryder Cup. Tiger. Rory, Greg Norman, and not in the least, questions of morality and self-righteousness. Please pass the popcorn! 

What is the “LIV Tour”? The LIV Tour is an upstart professional golfers tour that aims to compete with the PGA Tour. With 48 players, and only 8 events that will spit out a total purse of $255,000,000, it has been the hottest topic in golf since Tiger entered the scene 25 years ago. It is owned and financed by Saudi Arabia’s Public Invest Fund (PIF), which is to say that it is owned and ultimately controlled by the Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman – EVIL DOER. The CEO is one Greg Norman, legendary golfer from down unduh and a prick of almost equal prominence. Back in the 90’s, Norman attempted to form a World Tour with a few of the other international PGA Tour players, but Arnold Palmer, Nicklaus, and then PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem put the kaibosh on that. Greg has held a grudge ever since.

Today’s value of the PIF is over $600B. It has tripled in value since 2015. One could surmise that within the next two years it will be sniffing $1 Trillion. This year, LIV’s operating expenses tallied to just under $1B, and about $1B is the projected number for 2023. Regardless, they will be at will to operate without having to concern itself with budgets, balance sheets, and P&L’s for years to come. I only say this because the question of how long MBS will be okay with subsidizing this deal to the tune of a billion or two per year is asked often. Why are they, Saudi, interested in having a professional golf tour? Yeah, there’s the sports washing thing – the desire to alter outside views of one’s culture or reputation through sport or sporting events – see “Qatar & The World Cup.” Saudi Arabia is not a good place if you happen to be gay, female, or brave enough to criticize its policies while in country. Greg Norman, when asked about Khashoggi in a press conference held during their first event, replied “Look, we’ve all made mistakes and you just want to learn from those mistakes and how you can correct them going forward.” Yes! Well said, Greg. Come on….who here hasn’t accidentally dismembered someone? Like, get a grip, you guys! 

There is also the long-term desire to wean themselves off their oil dependence. The Kingdom today is developing tourist attractions by the oil tanker including golf resorts, beach destinations, and the 8th Wonder of the World: NEOM. There have been discussions here in our office with two separate properties over the past two years, both funded by the PIF, whose desire it is to bring golf to the country and grow the game. They, like Qatar and others, are putting the Dubai playbook into action. 

“LIV”, roman numeral 54. Fifty-four, as in 54 holes of golf. As in and as opposed to 72 holes of golf. Sanctioned professional golf tournaments, whether here in the U.S. or on a foreign tour like the Asian Tour or the European Tour, are 4-day, 72-hole events. LIV events will be 3-day, 54-hole events… for now. Fifty-four also represents the perfect golf score – achieving the score of birdie on each hole of your typical par-72 golf course. Crafty, those Saudis! 

LIV, also for now anyway, will limit its tour to 48 players. Their intent is to have the top 48 players in the world. This year, twelve of the best 48 as determined by the OWGR played for LIV. The problem is (for the players and the LIV Tour), one of many really, is that as we sit, or stand here today, players are unable to receive world golf ranking points when they play in LIV events. LIV is not a sanctioned tour, not yet anyway, and until they begin hosting 72-hole events that fact will in all likelihood remain as is. No points for you! Of the twelve players that were in the top 48 back in July, only four remain and they, too, will be out in short order. Are you with me here? Every week a player who previously played and had status on the PGA TOUR does not play on said tour, and thus does not earn points in the world golf rankings, falls down the points list. Why does that matter? 

The average drop in world rankings for the LIV players just this year equals 37 spots. Now that doesn’t mean they are not necessarily among the best in the world talent-wise, but it does mean they are potentially, and probably hosed when it comes time to play in the major golf events who base their invites on world rankings, among other qualifiers. The Masters, for example, invites the Top 50 ranked in the world from the previous calendar year and/or in the week leading up to the event. The golf world (and really, the PGA TOUR), was waiting on the edge of their seats to see what Augusta National’s stance would be on permitting LIV defectors to come and play their little tournament in April. The waiting ended two weeks ago. They will continue to invite those that qualify, which does include all past Champions. Sixteen in all have made the cut whether through the past champion ticket or one of many other qualifiers and surely will be in Richmond County, Georgia come spring. Beyond 2023, that number will become smaller and smaller unless LIV is granted its wish of gaining OWGR status for its events. More on that in a smidge. 

This serves as at least a breeze into the sails of LIV. Had Augusta stood elsewhere, as some had hoped if not expected, one could reasonably expect that LIV would attract no one else to come play in their sandbox. With the Augusta news, it makes the sandbox a little less like the quick kind. And we can also expect the other major championship decision makers – USGA, PGA of America, and Royal & Ancient Golf Club, will follow the road that Augusta just hoed and forego instituting a LIV ban for their events. 

More on the OWGR – Official World Golf Rankings. The OWGR is pretty much a bullshit marketing gimmick dreamed up by Rob’s old friend Mark McCormack of IMG notoriety, a few decades ago. That may be a little harsh. The intentions I would guess were fairly pure, but in the years since many a crack has appeared. It’s just one of the many wormholes you get escorted down when jumping into the LIV topic. I’ll keep it to this – you may be a phenomenal player who dominates say in Asia or Australia but you’re unable to amass the points (status) necessary to play in larger events. That’s because the OWGR heavily weighs events played on the premiere tours that are not surprisingly, the PGA Tour, their developmental Korn Ferry Tour, and the European tour. The governing board of the OWGR includes the chiefs from the PGA Tour, the USGA, the PGA of America, the R&A (Royal & Ancient), Augusta National, the European Tour, and the International Federation of PGA Tours. If you take away the fact that it’s an Evil Empire trying to compete with the preeminent golfing tour in the world, and you replace it with say Whoville, we’d say, while channeling Jimmy Stewart, “well, wait just a minute here!” You’ve got an upstart tour that is applying for OWGR status so that its players can continue to maintain their status so as to qualify for the major golf events of which 3 of the 4 are played in the U.S., when said ranking organization is governed by the very bodies that don’t want the upstart tour around. A positive that will likely come out of this is a revamp of the OWGR because right now it’s just bollocks. 

Let us again take this upstart tour out of Saudi Arabia. If it were someone else, many of the self-righteous would be more accepting if not encouraging of another group at this party. Disruption is good. Shakes things up and not for the sake of it but for the need eventually resulting in a better product for its fans. PGA Tour events are a little stale – the production could use a shot of caffeine. It’s the same groggy telecast week to week. Most of the golf courses, same. The format for all but one or two events – stroke play, 72 holes, rinse wash repeat. My golf watching is pretty much limited to the majors only unless I’m looking to try and take a nap on a Sunday afternoon. Team formats are a part of the LIV recipe as are shotgun starts where everyone starts and finishes at the same time. Music, mics, bombastic announcers and YouTube. Until LIV gets a TV deal, YouTube is where you’ll find them for now. Despite their attempts to shake it up a bit, it’s just as boring as your standard Sunday event on CBS. But at least they have guys that suck, guys that suck, and guys we’ve never heard of. And on the YouTube front - unless and until LIV gets a TV deal, they will have to subsidize this tour entirely. Rumor has it they are in talks with you can guess which network here in the US. 

Many, not all, of the notables that have jumped ship are dicks that I and most have difficulty in wishing well for – Bryson Dechambau, Patrick Reed, Brooks Koepka, Phil, Sergio and a few others. Beyond them, the rest are average blokes with average games many of whom I have never heard of – Oliver Bekker, Itthipat Buranatanyarat (seriously), Laurie Canter, Thailand's 15-year old Ratchanon Chantananuwat who goes by “TK?”, Koepka’s brother Chase, Jediah Morgan, Viraj Madappa and let’s not forget Turk Pettit.

I do understand why many of the players took this opportunity, but not all. If you’re a guy like Pat Perez, mid-40’s, has been playing on the PGA Tour for 25 years or so, the quintessential journeyman with a couple of wins. His best days are behind him, he’ll never win a big event, and he’s a few years away from being able to play on the 50 & older Champions Tour (owned and operated by the PGA Tour) and has no legacy that he’s chasing. He’s been clear on why he made the move – it’s a business decision and he was given his number. And does he look like a guy that really GAF what we might think? In 25 years on Tour, Perez made $28M over 515 events. That’s a lot of paper. But….when you compare to his equivalent on the basketball court or baseball field, throw a 10-15 year career behind him and he has pocketed substantially more than his counterpart on the golf course in half the time. And he didn’t pay his way to each game, pay for his coach, hotels, and also had an off-season each year. Oh, and his shoes. 

For the shoephiles...a pic of Pat in front of his Jordan collection....

On the flip side, guys like Dustin Johnson, Brooks Koepka, even Doucheshambeau – players with years of good golf ahead of them, major winners who can and should reasonably expect to win more. As a comparison, in his still early career, 29-year old Bryson has played in 140 events and cashed in $26M and probably that amount or more in off the course endorsements. He has 10-15 years of good and competitive golf to play barring injury. He could expect to triple that number. How much do you need? The fact that they are okay with “competing” against lackluster talent going forward bothers me. I think it’s lame. If I judge one thing of these guys, it is this. 

There are some legit beefs the defectors had/have, and still do exist within the loyalists. As an example – no guaranteed pay. “Big whoop” you say, “those guys don’t need money!” True for most. But at a time, with exceptions of course, they all struggled. For every guy that represents the Ryder Cup teams – Rory, Brooks Koepka, Patrick Reed (douche alert!), Jon Rahm, et al – there are dozens, hundreds tapping on the door to get into one of the big tours including the developmental tour of the PGA tour – the Korn Ferry Tour. And should they do so, they are 100% on their own. They pay for their travel, caddie pay, caddie travel, meals, and entry fees for each event they play in. If they do not make it to the weekend, they go home or on to the next event having just burned thousands of dollars. If you aren’t bankrolled by upper class parents or sponsors, unless you do well quickly you aren’t going to make it. Many lose money in a year. At least that used to be the case. The PGA Tour starting this year is guaranteeing $500k for all exempt players – this money goes against their earnings, and for those that fall short of earning the threshold figure, the tour will subsidize the difference. 

Another beef is the requirement to play in a certain number of events, 15 each year on the PGA Tour to maintain status. When compared to LIV’s 8-event season and the ability to earn much more, it will be difficult to compete. That was the case until the Tour, to combat the barrage, decided to “elevate” twelve of its events aimed toward the top players. Purses have doubled for these 2023 tournaments which will have no cut, meaning guaranteed money for all. 

In trying to wrap up this post that is all over the place, I’ll say that I am not an advocate of LIV but only because of who it represents. Had another group of folks financed by say someone other than an evil regime, all for it but with a collaboration in mind between the two tours where they work together so as to not dilute both. The fact is that LIV has attracted some great talent among the 6-8 big names that have jumped ship and they won’t stop trying to get others to replace the no-names mentioned earlier. Those guys not being at PGA events is not a good thing. And the limited talent, at the moment, situated at LIV – also not a good thing. In the upstart phase, LIV/Greg Norman did reach out to the PGA Tour in an attempt to work together with the aim of working out a plan that would enable guys to do both. PGA Tour Commissioner, Jay Monahan, had and has no interest. LIV is not going anywhere and I’m not sure how the PGA Tour sustains the changes it has made, specifically on the financial front. Yes, they have a lot of money but it is not LIV/PIF money. They, the PGA Tour have out of nowhere increased purse money significantly, instituted guarantee money for its players, and invested elsewhere large sums to stall of the LIV assault. The only way to do this short-term is to cut costs and subsidize. TV deals are set. Partnership with sponsors, also set. With its commitments in place, the tour will need to get creative in order to increase its revenues over to help cover the new required spend. It will be worth watching to see what happens here in the longer term for golf and other sports nuts alike. Will Saudi look to do this with another sport? We shall see. 

12 Days of Gheorghemas: Day Nine - Nostromarlsus

On the Ninth day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me:

Nine (semi) Bold Predictions for 2023

Eight People and Places In My Neighborhood

Seven books for reading (and one for burning)

Six splurges for Christmas

Five Good News Stories, courtesy of Shlara

Soon to be Four on the Floor

Three Habits Forming

Two beers with Marcus Aerelius, an OBX Dave Joint, and

Two(?) dudes bested by Kazansky

Soooooooo, day 9 of Gheorghemas is a bit late.  Chalk it up to too much Gheorghemas cheer or maybe laying low and recovering after the airing of grievances, but I have been derelict in my Gheorgemas duties.  (Not Whitney day 12 in March derelict, but derelict nonetheless.)  I considered tweaking the post that Zman and I have been working on for a while (our Chinese Democracy, as pointed out by Clarence) but that felt like the easy way out.   No, instead I decided to roll out an old, hackneyed year-end standard of columnists the world over... a list of predictions for the coming year. 

I make no guarantees on the veracity of these predictions, but I did consult a Magic 8 Ball to assist in my prognostication and I wore a robe while typing this.  Eat your heart out, Nostradamus.   Without further ado, nine predictions that might, totally come partially true in 2023.

1.    The Mets Will Not Win the World Series:  Ahh, some chuckle and say, "way to go out on a limb, Marls."  The Mets have not won the World Series since Reagan's second term and they have a history of making their fans miserable.  However, you may have missed that the Mets just spent $800M this offseason in a win at all cost effort.  At MGM, the Mets and Astros are now co-favorites to bring home the hardware. Don't believe it.  The Mets now have more pressure than maybe any team in MLB history to win.  If there are two things that don't go well together, it is Mets & pressure.  If you need a reminder, just pick up a copy of "The Worst Team Money Could Buy".  I hope I'm wrong, but I'm not.

2. George Santos Is Going to Bring Down DJT: For anybody that has not been following the story of Congressman elect George Santos, it is BAT SHIT CRAZY.  The Cliffs Notes version is that this guy won his Long Island district as a Republican in a mild upset this fall.  However, it has now come out that he has lied about EVERYTHING.  We all know politicians lie, but this is crazytown shit, including how a former call center employee who lived in a dumpy apartment in Queens made his money, which he originally claimed was from his time at Goldman Sachs (psst...he never worked there).  This is important, since he went from having almost no net worth according to a 2018 campaign filing to over $1M in 2020, including $600K that he "lent" to his most recent campaign. He now claims that money came from the reselling of luxury goods.  Where these goods came from, nobody knows.  The problem here for George is that the IRS is likely to ask a few questions about that income.  It's how they got Capone and methinks George might have some splainin' to do.  In reality, it feels like someone wrote him a big check that was sent to his consulting firm created in 2021 in order to skirt campaign finance laws.   Whose organization would be dumb enough to write such a check to a mediocre candidate who claims to have attended the Jan 6th "Stop the Steal" rally?   I'll let you be the judge.  The Republican establishment (as well as Rupert Murdoch) already have knives out for DJT; if he is connected to Santos (IRS investigation anyone), it may well be lights out. Et tu, George? 

3.  Joe Biden Will Announce That He Isn't Running in 2024:  I like Joe Biden, I voted for Joe Biden... Joe Biden is 80 years old and has clearly lost his fastball.  He is not the doddering old fool Fox News personalities make him out to be, but he has struggled, if we are being honest, and that is not going to get better.  We have real problems in this country that need strong leadership.  Inflation is not going to get better anytime soon.  The economy has structural headwinds that are going to be tough to overcome.  As DJT continues to fade, the appeal of Biden will, too, and the party will look for a graceful way to usher him off into retirement.  

4. 2023 Will See The Return of the G:TB MaxiSummit:  Whit and Mark hinted at it in the comments a few days ago, but 2023 will see the return of a non-OBFT MaxiSummit.  Experts continue to argue over what constitutes a MaxiSummit, but this author defines it as an event where at least 5 G:TBers or FOG:TB gather for beverages and buffoonery with at least some traveling from over 50 miles.  Outside of OBFT, there have been a few Chatham NJ Maxis, Gheorgefest and Teej's nuptials, but it has been too long - fuck you, Covid.  2023 is the year we correct that.  Jazz Fest anyone?

5. Twitter Will Not Declare Bankruptcy:  Elon Musk is an overgrown man-child who let hubris and ego drag him into a bad debt-laden deal.  The chattering pundits who really hate Elon are predicting the demise of Twitter based on looking debt and cashflow alone.  That ignores Elon's own wealth, which can float the boat for a while.  The same ego that led to this deal will keep it afloat this year.  Twitter may go down in flames over time, but it ain't happening in 2023.    

6. TR Will Return To G:TB: This may be wishful thinking on my part, but this place is not the same without his discussion of Jets futility, frustration about W&M men's soccer, and nasal polyps.  I think TR is itching to come back, maybe even lurking waiting for an opportunity.  Plus, if we have a MaxiSummit,  who else am I going to share a damp pullout couch with?  

7. Someone Will Buy Their WCSAGD Car:   I really want it to be Mr. KQ. 

8.  2023 Will Mark The Return of "Hi Gheorghies": Covid has been receding over the last year, some of you are becoming empty nesters, others have college aged kids to visit...the time is ripe for the return of G:TB after dark.   I expect more traffic after midnight around these parts this year along with the requisite "Hi Gheorghies" - except for Dave who will post it at 9:30 on pub night.  Speaking of Dave...

9. Dave Will Cross Promote His Other Blog and Podcast In a Post On G:TB: I did not even consult the Magic 8-ball on this one.  The sun rises in the east and sets in the west.  At least I'm guaranteed to get one prediction right.   

Happy New Year, Gheorghies!