Monday, August 01, 2022

TR's Origin Story

A lot of people asked me "Where did TR go?"  I'm finally at liberty to spill the beans.

All superheroes and supervillians have an origin story.  Radioactive spiderscosmic radiation, gamma radiation ... why so much radiation at Marvel ... aliens from destroyed planets, newly evolved species, you name it.  Here is TR's.

The guy you know as TR isn't really named TR.  Like if you look at his birth certificate it doesn't say "TR."  As opposed to TJ's birth certificate, which say "TJ."  In fact, TR doesn't have a birth certificate.  He was born around 2000 years ago and has roamed the earth ever since.  Essentially immune to the aging process, he appears throughout the artistic record of history.

One of the earliest images of TR is dated around 170 AD, according to Dr. Darryl Butt from the University of Utah.  Dr. Butt analyzed paint from TR's portrait and was "able to determine the purple pigment was synthetic in nature, and not naturally from the glands of the Murex sea snails as most purple dyes were at the time."  Here is the portrait:


Those of you who knew TR circa 1992 will recognize that head of hair immediately and recall his high school nickname "Pubies."

Many years later, he got into a spot of trouble and needed to get out of town quickly, so he took a job on a boat.  Turns out he loved to sail and he did that for many years.  Thanks to his travels, pasta came to Italy.


TR eventually capitalized on his passion for sailing and bedlam and became a pirate.  This portrait nicely captures "The Look" he gets when particularly motivated for mayhem.


He eventually grew tired of the whole piracy thing and became a landlubber.  He somehow stumbled into the oil business and became quite prosperous.  However, one business transaction ended ... poorly ... and once again he had to pick up and move.


Eventually TR merged his interests in seamanship and energy--he became the captain of an oil tanker.  It didn't go as well as he hoped.


Then he went to William & Mary, where he met many of us.  He graduated and moved to New York City where he hung out with a much cooler crowd.  Here is Chuck Close's portrait of him from this period:


He got back into the energy business, but this time from a desk so he didn't have to bludgeon anyone.  That bored him, so now he's out west running a festival clothing company and a food truck.



So the next time you see a scowling bearded man take a close look.  It could be TR, continuing his journey across the world.

7 comments:

rootsminer said...

Thanks for the updates on TR. A lotta details I did not know.

I just went for a nice paddle and picked about a quart of wild blueberries. I love Maine in the summer.

rob said...

there can be only one tr?

zman said...

The world is not ready for a plurality.

Professor G. Truck said...

how exactly did you unearth all those images of TR? did you Google "people from the past who look like TR"?

Whitney said...

I think a Rasputin image might have fit in well...

rob said...

packing up my kidlet's shit to ship it to boulder. the empty nest is starting get real.

Mark said...

My wife was a fucking mess when our oldest left. I DO NOT want to know what that will look like 8 years from now.