The Good Stuff: A Very Special G:TB Guest Post

Here's a debut guestie from Pastor Donna, and it's a great one.

Hi, y’all. I’m writing almost two weeks after a glorious week of 65° partly cloudy/partly sunny, gorgeous days on the East Coast of Scotland in St. Andrews, where I accompanied our oldest son, who graduated on July 1st. I recall OBX Dave suggested perhaps a post of the visit’s highlights, so thought I’d give it a “go” – first, to say, any of you who have not been to Scotland, you really must go. I joke that while some folks say they have a spirit animal, I have a spirit country, and it is Scotland. This was my 5th visit, and they get better and better every time. Even as this was a short one.

The main events happened on Tuesday with the graduation at 2:00 PM local time. It was one of two, as the university holds 2 graduations a day, for 5 days in a row. Massive tradition and pageantry with every single one.

The university was established in 1413, so 600 years of excellence (as they see it) to uphold in all the ways that they can. There are robes and stoles and Latin and speeches and great celebrations, and every student graduating wears a “hood” that really is more like a cape. And the hoods for students with a bachelor degree include fur.

The day started with the worship Service of Thanksgiving at 9:30 AM, which is much like a baccalaureate service over here. About thirty minutes of giving thanks for the joy of these days and a message to send the kids forward (so to speak). And this is where I was asked to preach. St. Salvator’s Chapel was built 600 some years ago; I was quite humbled to preach with its glorious stained glass, wooden carved seats, marble and stone all around, and its raised pulpit. And as the picture shows, the visual of the chaplain, Don McUwan, my son, and me, was somewhat comical. He is every bit of 6’6”, maybe taller, and then you can see Josiah and me.

The title of my sermon, It’s About Love, was extremely well-received. Josiah and I were touched that so many of his friends and their families attended the service, too, and now, a number of them have posted on Insta a tagline “#itsaboutlove” – I feel heard. If you’re at all interested, here is a link to the livestream of the service.

One really wild thing that happened is that a friend since junior high has a daughter who was in the sameprogram as Josiah. They met at W&M and realized how we are connected – her Dad and I being friends since 6th grade. And that I officiated the wedding of her parents a rather long time ago; they were one of the first couples I married actually, before I was ordained. They hired a magistrate for the legal part, and I led the rest of the service. Turns out, Taylor and Josiah became really good friends over the last 4 years, and her family all came for graduation. So, as I looked out to preach, on the front row, there they were. Who would’ve thought!

So, graduation commenced at 2:00, and the actual moment of graduation is when the Principal (Vice-chancellor – equivalent to President of Univ. over here) taps the students’ heads with a cap and speaks some Latin. She must be sick of that phrase by the end of 5 days, probably even the first day! As she does, the “hood” is dropped upon the student who has knelt down. The chief “mace-holder” (don’t know their official title), but they sure look smart!, drops the hoods on everyone. 

The traditions that follow include:

1. All graduates walk around the quad several times while the deliriously happy family/friends are carrying-on with all manner of flowers, banners, balloons, drink, etc. And it’s a United Nations type crowd, as tons of students are from the U.S. and the rest of the world, kind of more than Scotland itself.

2. A huge garden party that is fabulously organized and filled with wonderful food and drink for all.

3. Massive picture-taking both “official” types and personal by everyone there with a phone.

4. Pub-crawling well into the next morning of all the grads with their friends.

St. Andrews is crazy crowded during all this time, both because of the University festivities but also because the Old Course Golf Club Resort is popping! I mean groups from 6 AM – 10 PM finishing. And that’s just that course. It’s super busy but all terrifically so. We got to stay right in the midst of town, so we were right there.

Regarding historic sites besides the University, we visited the Cathedral ruins, right next to the Pier & North Sea, and when we did, St. Rules Tower, finished in 1215, was open to climb. It had closed in 2020, and re-opened last year or so. Josiah hadn’t gotten to climb it while there. So, we did. It’s 168 narrow, spiral staircase steps to the top. And it provides panoramic views of the town. 

Seeing West Sands Beach, the crisp coldness of the North Sea, where Chariots of Fire was filmed, and Castle/Cathedral Ruins of centuries ago, drinking in pubs with my oldest – life doesn’t get much better than that. By the way, do y’all know what “splitting the G” is? You probably do. (I didn’t.) It’s when drinking Guinness, if you drink out of a glass with its name, and you leave your sip with the beer level in the middle of the “G”.

As to golf, we thought the closest we’d get was eating in the Tom Morris Bar & Grill and going up to its Roof Garden, where you can see different sides of the Old Course and the golf. But, I went for walks in the later evening (the sun doesn’t go there right now until after 10:00!) and ended at the 1st/18th hole of the Old Course.

That is such an iconic place, and seeing groups finish there is really something. At first I had my phone out to take pictures, but then I put my phone down.

I was taken-in by the interaction of a caddy with his player. And the player’s set-up for each shot. And how those few of us watching really responded to what would happen. Like when the second shot would come in, and it would land 8-10 feet or so from the hole. That was something. And in the groups, the other players would really cheer for the person who had made such a shot. It was first-class fun, and I found myself drawn to really paying attention. I didn’t want pictures, I wanted to enjoy the moments as much as a spectator can.

I can’t remember if I’ve told this story to G:TB, but when I was 16, I went golfing with 3 friends, except I wasn’t playing. I was along for the day. But on the 5th hole, I think it was, I was standing about 8 feet in front of the hole, but way to the right, like 30-40 feet away easily but facing my friends. My friend hit the ball, off the very end of the club, and it drove right at me, so fast, square into my stomach. The impact was so hard that I fell to the ground in pretty serious pain. My friends found it hilarious at first; then they realized they better check on me. I was all right after a solid 10 minutes or so. But that incident had left a sourness in me about golf forever with regard to ever playing it. I do watch some majors, especially near their end, for the drama. 

It was this trip to St. Andrews, though, sitting there at the first & final hole of this celebrated, historic Course that I experienced something different. It was cool. Special. So cheers to that! 

The entire trip was marvelous! We are way too proud as parents. Of all our kids. Not sure what it’ll be like since our youngest will leave this fall now, and all of them will be gone, but we’re excited for their adventures. And I’m definitely ready for our next one to Scotland.

Guestie: Mystery Submission

 Sometimes these things just appear in my inbox...and I post them on behalf of Mr. Lee.

Grinds My Gears, 2023 Version

I should be starting the new year off w/ positive thinking, but some things have been bugging me. 

Grammar

It’s almost cliché to complain about, but the language is dying one word/phrase at a time. Examples:

1. “Real-i-tor”  This is so simple.  It’s REAL-TOR.  

2. “Vetrans” – on the opposite side of the spectrum.  It’s “Vet-er-ans Day”.  The second e is not fucking silent.  Say the requisite syllables as fast or slow as you want, but let’s stop adding/subtracting letters and just say the word as it’s spelled.  No more, no less.  

3. “And I” – the misuse of this phrase has taken over the world, folks.  You do not send the email to Julie and I; you send it to Julie and me.  Subject vs object.  Easy cheat: say the sentence without “Julie and”. “Send the email to I” sounds stupid right?  [Bonus gripe: I heard someone say (I’m paraphrasing) “Are you attending Bob and I’s presentation”. I can’t even look at them anymore]

4. “Estatic” – I’m not estatic, I’m ecstatic.  Show the c some respect (sounds dirtier than intended).

5. “Sherbert” – this one’s been mispronounced for so long that we just equivocated and now either pronunciation is somehow acceptable.  It’s spelled S-H-E-R-B-E-T; we’re not in a Guy Ritchie movie - WE DON’T PUT R’S WHERE THEY DON’T BELONG.   Act I of a future John Wick sequel is going to open with our hero in the frozen section of his local Safeway (Publix for the FLA guys) when he overhears someone pronouncing it incorrectly…

Partisanship

I’ve absolutely had it with party identity.  HAD.  IT.  Not a new take, but the us/them, voting for/supporting the name on the front of the jersey rather than the back is at critical mass and an increasingly tiresome exercise in zero sum democracy.

First, the double standards – the conduct of our leaders (or anyone else) is either good or bad, it isn’t influenced by whether or not the person aligns with my party/ideology.  Whataboutism sucks.

Second, coalition building across the aisles is nonexistent and, more troubling, not enough people seem bothered by that fact – they’ve just accepted the continuous wheel of “whomever has more seats in the Congressional house pushes the party agenda without compromise”.  “The motion passed 54-46, with all 54 X Party senators voting Yes” is no way to govern.  You represent all of your constituents, not just the ones who voted for you.  This way of governing is also creating MASSIVE regulatory swings (i.e. costs and inefficiencies) as administrations/party in power changes and all the rules change with it.  Compromise should be the norm – everybody else in every other job does it nearly every damn day.  It should be a sign of strength, intelligence, and good faith, rather than the exception or cause for being portrayed as a traitor by your party’s leaders or booed by its voters.  

The recent events are mind blowing for what did and didn’t transpire.  Having yourself nominated for a position more than 3 or 4 times in a row seems like some stone cold narcissism (not to mention aligned party members only found the “send” button on their keyboard to disavow a certain freshman Congressmen from NY after his vote for Speaker was recorded, all 15 times).  More disconcerting – it seems like nobody’s blinking an eye that a party leader would negotiate for votes with the most extreme 10th percentile of their own party instead of crossing the aisles and engaging a larger percentage of serious-minded moderates on the other side.  And did the D’s even try to work the situation for a moderate, collaborative-minded candidate, or better split on committees to enable coalitions, or did they just say “don’t worry, let’s just see if they’ll EFF it up themselves?” I’m frustrated that they seemingly took the zero to play out this diametric opposition method of governing for 2 more years.  We should demand more from everyone involved.

Ordering “shaved” meat at a deli/grocery store

Saved the most consequential issue for last.   I’m predisposed to upholding the status quo and not making people go out of their way for me.  So, it causes me incredible strife and requires substantial soul searching and mental preparation on my part when my wife sends me to the grocery store with a list that includes e.g. “2 pounds of ham (shaved)”.  That’s how she always writes it; she sneaks in “shaved”.

You may have seen this method where the meat is nearly translucent and a different texture, and the slicer has to go through about 200 rotations just to get anywhere close to 1/4 pound of meat.  Every deli clerk THINKS they can shave meat, but you know after one slice – when they hold it up for your inspection – whether that is actually in their skillset.  It’s like, if you THINK you can write in calligraphy, you CAN’T write in calligraphy.

Properly shaving meat is, apparently, an especially niche skill you hardly ever find in nature.  There are like 15 people in the world who can actually “shave” meat rather than just “slice it really thinly”, and I always imagine they trained for years under a strict vow of silence at some Shaolin-esque temple on a desolate island or hanging off the edge of a cliff near a waterfall somewhere.  But setting that aside, and assuming they CAN shave it, REQUESTING they do so is SUPER awkward.  The attendant slices the meat for 5 minutes, weighs it, and of course it’s not anywhere close, slices more, rinse repeat, repeat, repeat.  Meanwhile 9 people who just wanted a ½ pound of moderately priced Jarlsberg are piling up behind you and they’re all alternately staring at you and the deli clerk, like you and the deli clerk are shooting a snuff film.  There may be some law of physics that shaving ham speeds up the ham molecules in a way that makes it exponentially tastier than thin-sliced (my conscience, along with a histamine intolerance, precludes me from eating it to confirm/correct), but the cost-benefit scale is tipped dramatically in the wrong direction.

Guestie: The OTHER Mark Has Some Thoughts

[The post count coffers fill when the other Mark gets one of my email addresses correct and sends me this opus]

Full disclaimer: These musings came to me as I was reading about Roadhouse getting a reboot.  Terrible idea, says I.  However, this is not specifically about Roadhouse.  No one is challenging its place among the most entertainingly terrible films of all time.  I’m here to stump for the various movies that, because of various throughlines with RH, deserve their place next to it. 

These films generally represent a fairly fleeting moment in time and will never (or shouldn’t) be made again.  These movies share several commons threads:

1.      Produced mostly in the mid 80’s through 90’s

2.      Feature a SUPER NICHE hobby, profession, or obsession (or “HPO” or “SN-HPO”)

3.      The filmmakers frame said HPO as (i) either the MOST important thing in the world/in life or the ONLY important thing and (ii) much more highly pursued and competed in than maybe common sense or real life would suggest

4.      These movies aren’t very good and the acting is terrible. 

Along with Roadhouse - which espoused the lucrative and apparently well-known and highly competitive bouncer/cooler industry – the movies I’m proposing for the inaugural induction into the super-niche HPO movie all-stars: 

·        Center Stage – The film about the highly competitive world of professional (or aspiring to be professional) dancers.  We meet several [narrowly drawn] dancing architypes that are competing for spots in selective ballet companies.  To make it in this cutthroat world, you have to impress some really discerning corporate dancing folks, including, most surprisingly, an engaging and firing-on-dozens-of-cylinders Peter Gallagher.  PG might have 6 total minutes of screen time sprinkled throughout, but the promise of his next scene will power you through sparse dialogue, withering glances to dancers of the opposite sex, male sleeveless attire, clichéd plot lines, and cheeseball smiles.  I have no idea how they got PG to do this movie - there's no way he actually had to audition, right?  I’m thinking they needed him much more than he needed them, and what does that sell job from the producers look like?  Regardless, he had every excuse to pocket the check and mail in his performance.  Instead, he gives the FULL GALLAGHER.  Also featured is an extremely catty dancer played by a young Zoe Saldana.  And is there an elite, bad boy male dancer who plays by his own rules, [consensually] sexes up most of the female hopefuls, and starts his own dancing company?  You bet there is!

With some notable exceptions, the cast is comprised of professional dancers moonlighting as actors.  Spoiler alert: it shows.  The acting in this movie is maybe the worst you'll see in a major motion picture.  If you watched this and then watched Attack of The Clones you'd be like "Wow, Hayden Christiansen NAILED this" or even “I wasn’t watching Hayden Christiansen, I was watching Anakin Skywalker.”  I get they had to hire people who were athletes/dancers first given the choreography is super legit, but I have to believe they could have done better.  Baryshnikov in White Nights is our benchmark here.  

·        Best of the Best – To contrast with our first entry, I actually think the acting here is dynamite, insomuch as these people were acting like they were making a legitimate film.  Very few movies I’ve seen have had a more absurd premise.  There are several credentialed people - James Earl Jones, Chris Penn, Sally Kirkland and Erik Roberts – in a movie about an international team karate competition limited to the US and "Korea".  JEJ as a legendary karate coach?  Yup. Roberts as a single dad, fighting for his son who was recently hit by car, who wins his match (spoiler alert) with a dislocated shoulder by going to his ZEN Happy place?  Apparently.  Chris Penn as a rotund, racist cowboy who somehow qualifies to fight a weight class below Roberts?  I’m getting a migraine.  I watched this movie a couple dozen times when I had one cable movie channel as a teen and I still have no idea how the scoring was calculated.  There are 5 matches scored on points, somehow the U.S. loses the first three but still has a chance to win on points??  Regardless, our final fighter, Tommy – fighting the guy who obviously killed Tommy’s brother in a similar competition years ago - goes full ’14-’15 Golden State Warriors on his opponent.  The scoreboard couldn’t keep up.

·        Sideout - oh, the high stakes world of semi-professional beach volleyball.  From what I remember of the plot: C. Thomas Howell blew off clerking at his rich uncle's (Weekend at Bernie's guy!) law firm to learn 2-man Vball from a mulletted pro volleyball washup (played by Thirtysomething’s Peter Horton – but I’m calling him Mullet Guy) and impress a beach cocktail waitress played by Courtney Thorne Smith (this, after Summer School, continues CTS’s unfortunate run of typecasting as a mostly brainless, directionless SoCal girl). 

Of course, there’s a big “All-Valley”-type round robin beach volleyball tournament at the end for CTH and Mullet Guy to team up in so they can bury some type of hatchet, CTH can get the girl and MG can wager on himself/CTH to win it all, pay off his debts and screw over his former business and sex partner, Harley Jane Kozak.  There’s romance, redemption, some vague mentions of obscure CA real estate law, and a very decent sex scene here between MG and HJK, esp when you consider it's a PG-13 movie.  This movie also features one of my favorite insults ever, when, after a resoundingly winning spike by MG in one of the early round robin matches, one of his opponents calls our hero a “Cheesedick”.  I feel like the volleyball scenes (which were supported by a bunch of real life former Olympians) were actually pretty convincing even if I remain dubious that people could bet on the outcomes of these matches.  I’m pretty sure the tourney was sponsored by a country club.

·        Airborne – Most of the characters in this film espouse the simple premise that you’re a loser if you don’t do highschool hockey and roller blading.  But I should note that this is actually the rare “double SN-HPO”, as our fish out of water California protagonist, played by Shane McDermott, waxes poetic about surfing as much as the new kids in Ohio that confront him talk about hockey.  Shane, once displaced to the OH suburbs to stay with his aunt and uncle during the school year, even surfs on his bed at one point.  But I'll give him this, he buys into the fact (a) he is in a good movie and (b) he is the coolest guy in the place.  He can't be bothered by the school bullies who are REALLY into hockey and anything else on skates.  The reputable name actors with this on their resume (sorry, not you Shane) is somewhat staggering.  Jack Black as a twitchy nintendo playing cool guy bully.  The guy who parlayed this movie into New Johnny Lawrence in The Next Karate Kid.  Then there’s Edie McClurg playing Shane’s aunt!  But Seth Greene – playing Edie’s son and Shane’s cousin as an awkward, misunderstood teen - absolutely steals this movie.  And I'm not gonna lie, the (feels like) 30 minute racing scene at the end is pretty well-shot.

·        Drop Zone - Yes, we've gotten to the competitive skydiving portion of our programming.  Air Marshal Wesley Snipes goes undercover as a parachutist to find the band of evil parachutists who staged an elaborate, probably unnecessary, and totally infeasible in-flight kidnapping on a 747, killing his fellow marshal and brother... wait for it... MALCOLM JAMAL WARNER in the process.  Everyone in this movie is 100% committed to the notion that sky-diving is a paying, full time job, and being a part of a competitive sky-diving team is like being in an elite military fighting unit.  Parker Lewis (nee Corin Nemic) as a rookie jumper embodies this spirit most fully.  But then you’ve got Gary Busey as the head bad guy, doing totally insane things.  This is probably where everyone started saying things like "guys... do you think maybe Gary Busey isn't acting?”  I swear there are a couple of scenes where I think Gary is doing something not written in the script that visibly surprised the other actors.  I also had a thing for Yancy Butler - she totally convinced me as the jilted spouse and 1/2 of a formerly legendary jump team, and she may have invented hot looking yoga pants.  I have no idea how this movie ends or if YB and WB were supposed to be romantically connected - there was more sexual chemistry in the Shania Twain/Billy Currington "Party for Two" video.

·        The Fast and The Furious – Okay, so these last two may hurt some feelings.  It’s a little later in time than others on my list, and the sequels were successful in changing the overall tone and arc, but the original TFATF movie (as well as third installment Tokyo Drift) absolutely fits into this category.  The thing that’s massively important that everyone is passionate about here is, yes, car-racing, but also pretty much anything Vin Diesel says is important.  Like “I live my live a quarter mile at a time” and “You can have any beer, as long as it’s a Corona.”  CORONA IS THE ONLY BEER THAT MATTERS AND IT’S SO IMPORTANT.  The acting is super wooden in this movie but it deserves an Oscar next to the performances in Tokyo Drift.  I also like the one guy who straight-faced tells Paul Walker that engines are the only thing that calms him down.  Just a huge collision of the SN-HPO energy and bad acting.

·        Point Break – I’ll concede that, on its face, PB has a lot going on – including a feisty game of beach football, a SWAT operation run amok that ends with a bullet stopping a running lawnmower, skydiving, Anthony Kiedis, masks of the ex presidents, and a makeshift gas station flamethrower – that would make it APPEAR that this movie is not singularly focused on one thing (in this case: Surfing, again).  Lest we forget, our merry band of miscreants are robbing banks in the aforementioned masks to FINANCE THEIR ENDLESS SUMMER of surfing.  For the love of God, Bodie dies on a 60 foot wave in Bells Beach, Australia!  Plus, there are no less than three scenes where some character is monologuing (usually around a campfire) about how awesome surfing is.  Sorry, it’s gotta go on the list.   

Happy to spitball others, or tell you why Karate Kid DOESN’T make this list (it was on the bubble).

In the Spirit of Recognizing Holidays, Alternatively Titled "Juan Carlos Takes a Guestie"

[The King of Spain asked to take a G:TB guestie and who am I to say no? I assured him that this would be well received as the bar here is low.]

Longtime lurker, first time blogger…

Everyone should be celebrating Negroni Week. If you haven’t tried a negroni, it’s an excellent way to invest in yourself. Slightly sweet, somewhat bitter and plenty boozy, this cocktail’s profile is good advice on how to live your life.

I had my first Negroni at a Babbo in Greenwich Village about 22 years ago, on the first fancy date with my wife Julie. They served it up in a martini glass, garnished with a flamed blood orange peel. It was the perfect prelude to an amazing braised lamb shank. From that point on it’s been my go-to cocktail order.

Most cocktail historians believe the drink was created in Florence by Count Camillo Negroni, who asked a bartender to substitute gin for soda water in his favorite drink, the Americano.  Some say Camillo wasn’t a real count. If Camillo ran around Florence calling himself a count and invented this wonderful beverage, more power to him.

The classic Negroni is a perfect cocktail: equal parts gin, Compari, and sweet vermouth.  Garnish it with an orange peel. I make mine with two parts gin, and I recommend you do too. 

The Negroni format is flexible and forgiving, and has many respectable variations. The Boulevardier substitutes bourbon or rye for gin. An Old Pal subs rye for gin and dry for sweet vermouth. A bartender once told me, “it’s more crushable than a Negroni”, but I don’t recommend crushing too many. 

I don’t know where I learned the following under-the-radar variation but it’s worth making. I couldn’t find it’s official name. Let’s call it the Carlito.

2 oz mezcal

1 oz Aperol

1 oz Punt y Mes

Pour over ice and stir ingredients. Strain into an ice-filled lowball glass. Garnish with a lemon peel.

I’ve been in self-quarantine the past two weeks since my daughter was part of the outbreak TR referenced in a previous post. I’ve been dry - trying to bolster my immunity and drop the 8 lbs I gained over the summer grilling and drinking beers.  But it’s Friday, Negroni Week, the day after Free Queso Day, and I feel like celebrating.

Gheorghe Guestie: Guatemala Giving

Two years ago my sister and I had the opportunity to visit the beautiful country of Guatemala. We hiked, swam, and shopped. It was an amazing adventure that I will never forget. We were inspired to travel there because one of my good friends from grad school had moved there, in part, to save the world. I’m posting this on GTB, to ask for your lunch funds, or if you are feeling flush on pay day, your happy hour funds to help the NGO she is working with.

While there is beauty in the country there is also extreme poverty. Much more so than I have seen in other parts of the world. My friend Andrea’s NGO is trying to help through education. Her story is below:

For the past 4 years I have been volunteering for an NGO in Guatemala. In late January, I became part of their team.
CasaSito is a small, but powerful NGO which provides support to Guatemalan youth so they can attain an education through a financial scholarship, psycho-social support, extra-curricular and pedagogical activities, and art. Our programs respond to the social, educational, and cultural context that our youth face.
Paulino is one example of the excellent work CasaSito does. He came from humble beginnings and without hope for a future other than cyclical poverty. Paulino began to receive a scholarship in 2009 and now he is a university student earning an auditing degree and working in his profession at a local NGO. He is providing a pathway for a better future for himself, his family, and community as a whole.
We have an opportunity to raise significant funds on July 15 for kids like Paulino. Today, July 15th, the organization Global Giving will match your donation by 30%. For example, with $100 donation, GG and an additional $30.
Regardless of the donation size, your collaboration will have an impact on our youth. 

Please visit www.casasito.org to learn more about our work. And here is the direct donation link: https://www.globalgiving.org/projects/support-8-youth-succeed-in-schooll-and-society/

Mayhugh talks Mayweather vs. Pacquiao

This weekend, Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao will be trying to punch each other in the face (and other areas) repeatedly. You can view the festivities via PPV for something like $90.

It seems like the media has talked about this matchup forever. It took several years for the two camps to come to terms and the occasional stalemates in negotiation have highlighted some of boxing’s inherent problems. There are 4 separate sanctioning bodies for boxing, each with discrete rules and belts. (Depending on the sanctioning body, there are as many as 18 different weight classes. One of the weight classes is called “Minimumweight”. Is that the lightest weight class? No, that would be light minimumweight. Makes tons of sense). Prior fight talks reportedly broke down over issues like which gloves each guy could wear and the timing of pre-fight drug testing. Unified rules may have avoided this. The Wiki page for the matchup devotes numerous paragraphs to the negotiations. Floyd’s out-of-the-ring reputation is not the best in the Navy, but read his quotes in the “Continued Disputes” part to think less of him (in one quote, he manages to fit 3 separate offensive stereotypes into a single sentence).

Anyway, we’re finally here, and it could be a big night for boxing or a huge letdown. Pay-per-view estimates say this event will be viewed by an historically large audience, and the broader the audience the more pressure to have a crowd-pleasing event. Crowds like when fighters throw bombs, but, not to steal from Jack Handy, boxing, at its best, looks like two guys dancing while throwing punches at each other (which I imagine is very similar to what probably transpired at TR’s bachelor party). That rarely is what a heavyweight fight looks like now, and is probably a large part of why the masses who watched Ali/Foreman/Tyson/Lennox Lewis don’t watch much anymore. Boxing, these days, is much more fun outside of the HW division (if you ever hear about a fight featuring two guys trained in New Mexico, just watch it and send me some bourbon as a thanks later). This fight should be at least modestly up-tempo and should feature fairly decent footwork. But if the fight disappoints somehow, it will just be more evidence to casual fans with other options that boxing is no longer fan-friendly (even though there are enough skilled and personable fighters in classes other than HW these days to herald a comeback).

Okay, so enough tutorializing, let’s get to some Q&A.

Q: I’m considering watching this fight. What do I need to know before making my decision?
A: Like I said, it costs $90. To watch sweaty shirtless men, bleeding from the nose or mouth, spit into a bucket every 3 minutes. You’re either in or you’re out. I’m not going to sell you (or perhaps I just did).

Q: No really, what should I be prepared for?
A: It’s cliché that styles make fights, right? This style matchup seems promising. Manny is by nature more of a come-forward fighter, and Mayweather is a counterpuncher. Floyd’s style is not universally appealing. He never looks like he’s trying his hardest and doesn’t push the action because he’s always been the faster guy in the ring. By a wide margin. I’m not using ‘fast’ to describe his footwork - Floyd does not bounce around a lot - but to describe upper body movement and reaction speed. I’ve gone in to some Floyd fights, De la Hoya comes to mind, thinking “This opponent might be quick enough to make it close” but what invariably happens is those guys look slower than usual once they are actually in the ring with him. I feel like I could count on one hand the times I’ve seen him caught flush with a power punch to the head, because it’s hard to hit a guy who has so many different and unpredictable head/torso moves.

Against methodical fighters these last few years, he has started slower and shown a greater willingness to go toe to toe, exposing himself to more punishment. But Floyd still combines movements – shoulder roll plus head bob, or full body tilt plus slight head turn – that turn big shots into whiffs or glancing blows that open his opponents up to is fast, accurate and snappy counters.

He doesn’t throw the biggest punch, but Floyd does throw the cleanest because his defense makes opponents leave themselves open. Even then, Floyd doesn’t frequently go Jeff Speakman on guys at this point in his career – his counters are usually limited to 1 to 4 opportunistic potshots and then he backs off. Those looking for Floyd to have a “Finish Him” Mortal Kombat moment will likely be disappointed, but because his shots are so clean and his opponents so outmatched, in many cases the ref is compelled to stop it early. Floyd will likely be Floyd in this fight. A typical Floyd fight does not always satisfy the masses, maybe because the audience suspects he is capable of closing the curtain earlier on most foes.

The entertainment quotient depends on Manny; how good he is will determine how good Floyd has to be. If he pushes the action too much, he could fall victim to the same fate that befell headfirst guys like Victor Ortiz and Ricky Hatton, who repeatedly charged Floyd, were several steps too slow, ate too many well-aimed punches and were summarily dispatched. On the other hand, if he sits back, history tells you that Floyd will win on points – it’s unlikely in a strategic fight that Manny will be able to hit Floyd as much as Floyd hits him. I remember a Floyd fight years ago where he broke his left hand early in the fight. He wasn’t throwing with it, he was hardly using it for defense, and he STILL won nearly every round. His opposition that night was not top tier, but still, the dude was great enough to win with 65%.

Q: What’s Manny’s strategy/best chance to win?
A: Manny has better speed than recent Floyd opponents and needs to get inside and not let Floyd hold him off with jabs. He needs to make it a fight in a phone booth and get Floyd to trade and try to get him in trouble (not in unplanned pregnancy terms). The only time I remember Floyd in trouble was when “Sugar” Shane Moseley caught Floyd (:57 mark) early in their fight. What happened after that round? Shane kept trying to recreate the moment, and Floyd stopped going toe-to-toe, ceasing opportunities for something else big. As the fight went on, Floyd dodged and countered his way to easily outpointing Shane. That round was hard. The fight wasn’t.

Manny has the skillset to land some threatening shots when pushing the action. And with Floyd more flatfooted early in his recent fights, odds go up that Manny could catch him with something ferocious. But I refuse to underestimate Floyd’s boxing IQ and I don’t think he’ll be as stationary with Manny as he has been recently vs less hungry/skilled fighters. Floyd’s not in the business of overestimating his own skill unless we’re talking about sports betting.

Q: So who ya got?
A: The answer is obvious and unsexy. It’s Floyd. Floyd, Floyd, Floyd. He’s 47-0. As in “He has never lost”. Picking Manny to be THE GUY to unseat him means you believe either:

• Floyd is over the hill. He’s 38 and has fought ~350 rounds (about 17 ½ hours of throwing, dodging and being hit by punches, and that does not count training). That seems significant until you consider that the majority were “easy” rounds as far as boxing goes. Floyd hardly ever looks pressed or under pressure - he even exchanged words with HBO commentator Jim Lampley during a round in a couple of fights; a professional fighter paid to hurt Floyd was trying to hit him and at the same time Floyd’s telling Lampley who he likes in the NFL playoffs.
• On top of that, his opponent (36 himself) has fought 20 more professional fights and about 60 more rounds. And Pacman has fought with heart and soul that most of Floyd’s opponents have not required of him. Manny fought skilled action fighters Erik Morales, Marco Antonio Barrera, and Juan Raul Marquez 3, 3 and 4 times, respectively. They weren’t all wars, but they were much tougher than pretty much any Floyd fight I’ve seen. The last time Manny and Marquez fought, Manny suffered a crushing knockout. Meaning, his face was nearly crushed (:54 mark). For these reasons, Manny likely has less in the tank than Floyd (and seems more likely to be the one caught by something clean/big). But I don’t think age plays much of a role here either way.

OR:

• Manny brings something that Floyd has never before encountered. I’ll buy this up to a point. Floyd has carefully controlled, shaped and perhaps protected his legacy throughout his career. Apparently a knucklehead in certain other aspects of his life, Floyd has profound awareness of his boxing strengths and how he matches up with others. He has been selective over which fights to take when he could (title holders periodically face mandatory challengers) and I believe Floyd chose many of his opponents because he knew he could exploit their weaknesses. In repeated speed mismatches, he has fought and humbled media darlings and crowd favorites presented as the next great one (Hatton, the late Arturo Gatti). And Floyd fought ‘name’ opponents like Sugar Shane, De La Hoya and Zab Judah in their decline. Manny has a better combination of speed, boxing acumen, and aggression than maybe any previous opponent, but when he is in the ring with Floyd, he’ll almost certainly look slower than expected. He could catch Floyd with something early if he unleashes the hounds, but if he does not fight with urgency, it will be a typical Floyd fight. Bottom line: Floyd’s best is better than Manny’s best.

If I were betting on this fight, I’d take Floyd by decision, and maybe hedge with a Floyd win by KO in the 10th. Floyd likely will not put himself or Manny in danger early and I don’t think Manny presents enough uniqueness to suggest Floyd couldn’t wear him down late like he has so many others. I see Floyd avoiding Manny if Manny is still standing there in Round 11 or 12. Ultimately, it’s not a question of “Who will win?” as much as it is “Which Floyd will we see” and, consequently, “How entertained will we be?” Floyd typically fights to the level of his competition and doesn’t feel compelled to step on the gas or pull out the stops. He has beaten most of his opponents on his terms, without having to put himself in real peril. He’s always looked dominant even though he has rarely been tested. He’s almost certainly the best fighter I’ve ever seen. I just don’t see a compelling argument that Manny is the guy to finally beat Floyd. But Manny’s tools and the undeniable determination with which he fights may at least require Floyd to respond with something special, something that is as close to his A+ game as he’s ever had to come. And that’s what I expect from Manny – to be perhaps the hardest puzzle Floyd has had to solve, to make Floyd tap his considerable talents and fight in a way that reminds everyone why he’s the best, even at his age. I expect a decent fight, but I’m hoping for a great one.

Don't you dare try to touch "You Da Man", Jesse Jaymes

The Sports Guy is reporting that Marquis Jets founder and NBA theme-song-writing mogul Jesse Jaymes is a strong candidate to be the next owner of the Atlanta Hawks. His wife started Spanx. They aren't slackers.

While I'm excited at the prospect of a "Spanx give-away" night at a Hawks game next season (that should help improve attendance at Phillips Arena, right?)...I'm a little worried about the safety of our beloved "You the Man" theme song.

Half of the Gheorghies are lawyers, right? One of you needs to look into the copyright status of the Bullets theme song.

We can't have Jesse co-opt it for his new team.

Or sample it.

And/or, we need Ernie to keep this in mind with any ATL negotiations.

Can we get a "no trade clause" for a song??

Several, SEVERAL, Hundred Words About Boxing (Alternately Titled “An Excuse for TJ to Post an Apollo Creed/Ivan Drago Picture”)

I won’t kid you that boxing is a wildly popular sport right now, nor has it been for years.  But boxing, like many forms of art (indulge me) has at least two subsets of its fanbase, each of which appreciate the sport for reasons wildly different than the other and each of which judges the other side for its reasons for liking boxing.  On one hand, you have the so-called purists – folks who like the strategic aspects of the sport and not just constant action and the hitting.  The purists are made up of any boxing fan over the age of 65, and probably me and Mark and maybe 17 other people in the country.  Everyone else who watches boxing is in the other group – the folks that tune in for the punches, the blood, the knockouts.  That’s why Saturday’s matchup between Sergey “Krusher” Kovalev and Bernard “The Alien” (nee “The Executioner”) Hopkins might be intriguing to a broader audience than usual – it has the potential to please both sides of the aisle.  

This fight will truly be a contrast in styles and histories.  To wit:

Kovalev began boxing in Russia around the time he would have been a fifth grader, and fought on the amateur level for over a decade, amassing over 200 fights (thanks, Wikipedia).  Hopkins began boxing in prison and turned pro basically the day he was released (I think he had an aversion to the headgear that the AM’s wear).  Kovalev is 18 years younger.  Hopkins has fought more than twice as many professional fights and if I were to guess, at least 4 or 5 times the number of professional rounds.

Of styles, the round disparity is largely due to the differing approaches they take in the ring.  For Kovalev, he fights as if he has a plane to catch (or as if there is a gallon of milk in his fridge that is about to expire).  There is an urgency to him, and his fights look a lot like the one-sided bedlam I used to witness on certain boozy nights at Unit M.  A large percentage of his fights end in the first, second, or third rounds – none have gone past 8 (of a possible 10 or 12, depending on the Boxing entity and other minutia).  Folks who are drawn to watch this fight will mostly do so because of the potential to see the Krusher get another ridiculous knockout .  

Kovalev is one of boxing’s hopes to lure fans to/back to the sport.  He delivers action and knockouts in spades.  From the opening bell, Kovalev is always stepping forward, toward his opponent.  There is no sidestepping and not much head movement to avoid punches.  He walks his opponents down, measures them, throwing the occasional jab to keep the other guy from throwing too much and then assaults them with power shots when he gets close enough.  And his punches have some serious stank on them – often the result is something like this:

or this:

(fast forward to :35 mark – this one’s a little brutal, but don’t worry, that guy ended up being okay, as far as I know)

From the first clip, you might get a whiff of something aside from his high activity and knockout prowess – Sergey is a bit of a character.  As he throws massive punches, sometimes he’ll do an Ali/Sugar Ray okey doke impression (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__v6_dbY-XI - :26 mark) or a tasteful little crotch thrust as demonstrated in the first clip above.   He’s made an effort to speak English (typically a prerequisite for US fans to be interested in a fighter), answers interviewers’ questions with a smile on his face, and speaks his mind.  All boxers talk trash, but there is something kind of funny and harmless about the way he called Adonis Stevenson “a piece of shit” during a post-fight interview and then sheepishly grinning in response to the crowd’s laughter.    

Hopkins, on the other hand, has never been a true bruiser, nor has he ever really sought to endear himself to anyone, but the purists love him.  He is the ultimate, as a WWE announcer might say, “Ring technician.”  Hopkins brings a cerebral aspect that you would not expect from a sport that features two shirtless guys hitting each other in the face for an extended period.  He studies his opponents and the referees.  He might be one of the only fighters that knows the tendencies of not only his opponent, but of each ref calling his matches – how often they deduct points and for what infractions, how much holding they will allow, how much hitting in a clinch, etc.  Hopkins is the only guy I have seen actually ask questions of the referee during the pre-fight visit when they go over the instructions (BTW, “We went over the instructions in the dressing room” should be a euphemism for something).  And he uses that information to formulate his game plan for each fight.  

And after almost 500 rounds, he’s probably seen basically every type of punch and angle imaginable.  His defense is otherworldly – some guys protect with their gloves, some rely on their movement – Hopkins is about 75% the latter.  He twists and ducks and makes fighters look pretty stupid at times with whiffs on punches.  Fighters have actually fallen down from swinging and missing on him (compare to Kovalev, who basically walks into punches and can be/has been knocked down on basic lack of defense and/or poor balance).  It is pretty deflating to the generally-huge egos of Hopkins’ opposition.  His gameplan, generally, is to wear guys down mentally, rather than physically, then take advantage in the mid to late rounds to win by an unsexy decision.  He has gone the distance in as many fights as Kovalev has been in as a professional.

I would suspect that the majority of the rooting audience will be behind Kovalev because hitting guys a lot and making them fall down is more crowd-pleasing than Hopkins’ mental gymnastics and general cageyness.  I really like Kovalev, but the boxing nerd in me prefers Hopkins’ style, and it would be pretty incredible to see a 49 year old guy be victorious against this level of opposition.  But I really have no idea how this one will turn out.  Kovalev is younger, bigger, stronger.  He’s knocked out 23 of the 25 guys he has fought.  But then there’s this:

Hopkins has fought very high profile, recognizable guys (many of them former champions and at least two of whom are likely hall of famers) with names like Roy Jones Jr., Oscar De La Hoya, Antonio Tarver (first guy to knock out Roy Jones Jr), Felix Trinidad, and “Bad” Chad Dawson.  Sergey Kovalev has beaten guys with names like Blake Caparello, Cornelius White, Lionell Thompson, Grover Young and Harvey Kilfian.  Just trust me that that list is not exactly a murderer’s row; in fact it sounds more like a wine tasting guest list, or possibly a bunch of dudes that have their own bowling team.  

So there might be something for everyone remotely interested in boxing this weekend.  The experience, speed and technical skill are all on Hopkins’ side.  Sergey has strength, charisma and [relative] youth.  I don’t see Hopkins getting through 12 rounds with this particular opposition, nor do I see him getting a knockout.   If anybody can do it, it would be Bernard, though.  I think Sergey will have to go deep into the fight and there will be a question of whether he can still put the spicy mustard on his punches in the late rounds.  But Hopkins almost has to come down to earth at some point, and I think this is the opponent who makes it happen.