Saturday, January 08, 2022

Glad Tidings

The eleventh day of Gheorghemas will grace your gleeful existences before the end of the weekend (but not before the release of the new Weeknd), but to tide you over, we've got a story that'll make you want to party like it's 1999, or at Ground Zero. Whatever one does when the world's end is nigh,


We're a deeply unserious people, and most of the time I'm cool with that. Whimsy is our stock in trade, after all. But one would think that we'd be paying more attention to the news that came out of the American Geophysical Union's (AGU) annual meeting in December. (Doesn't help that most Republicans hate unions and science - doubly whammy.)


Thwaites, what?

That big bastard is 80 miles wide and over 3,000 meters deep. It's known in scientific circles as the Doomsday Glacier, because of a belief that its demise could set in motion a climatic cycle that might result in the collapse of the entire Antarctic glacial shelf, and with it a radical reshaping of the global climate. Now, researchers from the International Thwaites Glacier Collaboration (ITGC) - which is a terrible name for a band - believe that we're irreversibly headed that way.

Among other outcomes, scientists believe that the collapse of Thwaites could raise global sea levels by as much as two feet, which would swamp coastal habitats around the world. And since Thwaites is an influential sort of fella (I assume glaciers are dudes. Hard to really check.) it's possible that it'll drag neighboring glaciers with it as it melts from above and below, which could raise sea levels by as much as ten feet. We'd better get as much OBFT joy in as possible over the next couple of years, and I wouldn't recommend investing in real estate in Miami, if I were you.

It's the end of the world as we know it, friends. And I feel fine, if slightly hungover.

11 comments:

rob said...

millwall holding their own against premier league crystal palace

rob said...

millwall lose, boro win. listen to your boy.

Whitney said...

Fishbone!

rob said...

and newcastle lost to league one strugglers cambridge. ooof.

mr kq said...

Quins win on converted 78th min try over Exeter. Marcus Smith world class #10.

rob said...

boreham wood and kidderminster harriers, 5th- and 6th-tier clubs, respectively, both advanced to the round of 32 in the fa cap. magical.

Whitney said...

I just went to a weed and mushroom bazaar about 8 blocks from my house. Empty warehouse, tables everywhere with entrepreneurs peddling everything known to man, infused. And “flower,” which we just used to call weed. And mushrooms. And oh my lord. How is this allowable? I don’t know. But I’m $80 poorer now.

Mark said...

I have “flower” and many derivatives of it delivered to my house. We’ve come a long way from the days of meeting a friend in a parking lot for a transaction. On that note, my wife is leaving her corporate job in the food business (that drug tested) and going back to run the family business. She’ll be a general manager for both restaurants. So now she wants to smoke again for the first time in 20+ years. We’re starting her on some 50/50 THC/CBD vapes.

Unrelated pt 1: Miami real estate is already a bad investment. Anything above a minor rain floods downtown, brickell and many other areas.

Unrelated pt 2: If you end up in Vero for a weekend let me know, Dan. I’m only about 45 minutes away.

Dave said...

cat and i were talking about retiring somewhere warmer, by the ocean. perhaps we won't have to move, it will come to us . . .

Whitney said...

Norfolk is the lowest place besides New Orleans. This shit happens and a lot of us are fucked here. Good thing we have drugs.

Whitney said...

Watching a Van Halen cover band in Newport News. The band’s name is On Fire. They opened with “I’m On Fire.” This bodes ill.