Coming to Terms with Things I Don't Understand

It's the natural way of things for older generations to baffle at the ideas, popular culture, and mores of the young. I consider most of the Gheorghieverse to be fairly hip for our increasingly advanced ages, but there are things I personally struggle to grasp, even as my kids navigate them with effortless fluency. 

Here's a recent case in point.

As noted often in this space, my eldest daughter is a rare and wondrous thing. She's all instinct and Id, an in-the-moment being who thrives on human contact, novelty, and expression. She amazes me on a regular basis.

Or, I guess I should say, they amaze me on a regular basis.

Several months ago, while at dinner in Richmond, my kid told me and my wife that they identify as non-binary and prefer they/them pronouns. Flippantly, I said, "How does that work? Can I identify as tall?" And my child, who's generally a sunny person and not quick to anger, got genuinely pissed at me because they thought I was making light of a pretty major development in their life.

So I'm writing this post as a way to begin to think through my feelings and understanding of a topic that's honestly really confusing to a 51 year-old cis white dude.

On the right, my brilliant loon of a child

I had a really excellent conversation with my kid last week about their perspective. I came at it very much seeking to learn and understand. I know more than I did before, but I'm still a work in progress. But the gist of it is that they reject the expectations that society places on us from birth, where we're socialized as two genders. That binary socialization doesn't fit everyone's concept of their being. 

If you know my kid, you'll get that the whole notion of rejecting expectations and norms is pretty dead on in terms of keeping with their history. As you might note from the picture that accompanies this post.

They said something during our conversation that has stayed with me, even as it remains a paradox. "I feel more woman than man, and more boy than girl." This from a person that likes to wear slinky cocktail dresses and Doc Martens when she goes to metal shows and enters the fray of the mosh pit. I get it. I think.

I've got work to do. I still call them her reflexively, but they're forgiving of that. I wrestle with the biological versus emotional/intellectual elements of a non-binary identity, but they tell me it's not about biology at all - they're very comfortable with their physical body.

The entire thing, like my kid, is endlessly fascinating. And that's...one to (continue to) grow on.