Ceai Complet: May 7, 2008

There is no greater impotence in all the world like knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you.
- Norman Mailer

There is no greater impotence in all the world than when the room's already paid for.
- TJ

Ceai Complet: May 6, 2008

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. - Helen Rowland

I also regret that one time I appeared in an off-Broadway production of Sondheim's eponymous musical, mostly because of the tights, but I get her point. Whitney has fewer regrets than most.

Serious Topic, Handled Immaturely

Four of the five primary G:TB contributors have children, and Teejay is, for all practical purposes, an adolescent, so today we tackle the important and under-reported (at least here) question of child rearing. Specifically, since I know for an indisputable fact that the entire editorial staff here were knuckleheads of the highest order during college and the years that closely followed (defined as the years from graduation to right now, May 5, 2008), how much of that ribald debauchery do our kids get to know about as they grow?

Two things brought this subject to the top of my mind this weekend. Yesterday, I got up with some other suckers loving fathers to set up my daughter's elementary school for the annual Fun Fair. (It's every bit as awesome as you might imagine.) Towards the end of the effort, I was standing around shooting the breeze with a handful of other dads, when another father walked towards us with a conspiratorial look on his face. Seems he'd been cleaning up, and in the process came across a storage bag lent to the effort by some soon-to-be chagrined family.

With great flourish, he reached into the offending bag and pulled out a well-used 10" bong. At which point all of the rest of us first thought "Man, a quick binger would really hit the spot", and then unleashed our best "I know what that is but I'm gonna pretend I haven't used one in a while" banter. And the poor schmuck that forgot to take his paraphernalia out of his tent bag is gonna be the butt of PTO jokes for the foreseeable future, even as at least a few of us will make mental notes about the need to invite him to our next party. The Long-Haired Friend of Jesus of Suburbia, as it were.

Then, the Washington Post Magazine published a cover story on Sunday about the pros and cons of telling children about Mommy's past as a boozy, drug-dealing stripper (that's a bit of an exaggeration, though not entirely). Told mostly from a woman's point of view, the story once again had me calling local religious orders to ascertain costs and prerequisites for enrolling young girls.

This is by no means intended to start any kind of deep philosophical discussion about hypocrisy, parental authority, or global warming (threw that in there to increase the hit count - it's all about being green these days). But I put it to you, friends of G:TB, what are you telling your kids when they ask? And they will, about sex and drugs and booze and any number of other things we don't talk about at HOA meetings.

And who is planning to give Teejay "The Talk"?

!Feliz Cinco De Mayo!

Ceai Complet: May 5, 2008

SOUTH CHICAGO HEIGHTS, Ill. (AP) - Bill Bramanti will love Pabst Blue Ribbon eternally, and he's got the custom-made beer-can casket to prove it. "I actually fit, because I got in here," said Bramanti of South Chicago Heights.

The 67-year-old Glenwood village administrator doesn't plan on needing it anytime soon, though. He threw a party Saturday for friends and filled his silver coffin - designed in Pabst's colors of red, white and blue - with ice and his favorite brew.

"Why put such a great novelty piece up on a shelf in storage when you could use it only the way Bill Bramanti would use it?" said Bramanti's daughter, Cathy Bramanti, 42. Bramanti ordered the casket from Panozzo Bros. Funeral Home in Chicago Heights, and Scott Sign Co. of Chicago Heights designed the beer can.

Are we sure this guy isn't a McKenzie Brother? ("My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh")

UPDATE: Courtesy of reader Brian C. in Connecticut, a picture of the actual beer coffin. And yes, it is as awesome as you imagined:

Ceai Complet: Commenter Shout-Outs

Anytime you can make "Cornbread" Mayhugh laugh for 10 minutes and it's not a Ziggy cartoon, you've done something right. In that light, this one's for you sir - similar hairdos, similar masculinity:

Ceai Complet: May 1, 2008

This morning on CNN.com, I can get a t-shirt with the headline, "911 Dispatcher Falls Asleep During Call", but I can't get one with "130-million-year-old poop sells for $960". That's a journalistic travesty. Somewhere, Buzz Bissinger is yelling at a potted plant.

Gheorghe: Ceai Complet

SCRANTON - Penguins minor-leaguer Nathan Smith has been suspended for one game after being arrested for running naked in downtown Scranton early Sunday. Wilkes-Barre/Scranton coach Todd Richards said yesterday that Smith will sit out Game 1 of the Baby Penguins' second-round playoff series, which begins tomorrow, as punishment for his actions. Smith, 26, was charged with third-degree misdemeanor counts of indecent exposure, open lewdness and disorderly conduct and a summary offense of public drunkenness after running out of a group of men and "streaking" toward police officer Michael Marino at 2:29 a.m. on Adams Avenue.

The streaking is fine, but Baby Penguins? That's embarrassing.

(Note: Ceai complet is a traditional Romanian breakfast staple, consisting of a light meal of rolls and butter. It's also our new daily dose of silliness and absurdity - a part of a healthy, balanced blogging diet.)

Bite Me, Randy Newman/J...E...T...S...Jets, Jets, Jets

Worlds colliding here at G:TB HQ today, as Teejay's New York Jetropolitans signed the epitome of small-package anti-Randy dynamite to a free agent deal. Boys and girls, welcome G:TB's new favorite NFLer, Danny Woodhead.

Jets sign NCAA career rushing leader Danny Woodhead

OMAHA, Neb. (AP) — Chadron State running back Danny Woodhead, the NCAA's career rushing leader, signed a free-agent deal with the New York Jets on Sunday night, according to the player and his agent.

Agent Chris Gittings said he and Woodhead thought the Jets were a good fit after teams passed on the 5-foot-7 1/2 running back during the draft, mostly because of his size. Woodhead ran for 7,962 yards in four seasons for the Division II school in western Nebraska.

Terms of the deal for the two-time Harlon Hill Trophy winner were not immediately disclosed, and the Jets would not confirm the signing.

"I'm more than happy with what I got," Woodhead said.

Woodhead, who worked out in the weeks leading up to the draft in his hometown of North Platte, wasn't invited to February's scouting combine and wasn't among the 27 running backs drafted. But he was impressive during his pro day in Lincoln, running a 40-yard dash that was timed between 4.33 and 4.38 seconds, recording a vertical jump of 38 1/2 inches and bench-pressing 225 pounds 20 times.

Woodhead will be competing for a roster spot at a position that already includes Thomas Jones, Leon Washington and Jesse Chatman.

The Jets have played a number of undrafted free agents in recent years, including guard Brandon Moore, punter Ben Graham, wide receiver Wallace Wright, fullback Stacy Tutt, tight end Joe Kowalewski and defensive lineman Mike DeVito.

"We're the land of opportunity," general manager Mike Tannenbaum said in his draft wrapup news conference Sunday night.

Gittings said it was frustrating that other small running backs were considered better draft prospects than Woodhead. Rutgers' Ray Rice is 5-8 and was taken by Baltimore in the second round, while Georgia's 5-9 Thomas Brown was drafted by Atlanta in the sixth. Also drafted were Michigan's Mike Hart (listed just under 5-9) and California's Justin Forsett (5-8).

Asked whether he thought size matters in the NFL, Woodhead said: "I don't, but you're also talking to a 5-7 1/2, 200-pound running back."

You Better Kiss Me, 'Cause You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

Last night I got home from work and mowed the lawn. I came inside, washed my hands, and poured myself a beer. A Brooklyn Brewery East India Pale Ale, to be precise.

It was my first beer in two months.

Gentlemen, I say this to you in the interest of brotherhood: do not take our golden mistress for granted, for she is a giver of life and health, a solver of problems, a dealer of hope and warm comfort. I pray you never have occasion to take a hiatus like the one I just ended, but should it come to that, sleep securely in the knowledge that that first quaff is a nearly-religious experience.

Tonight, I plan to drink an entire bottle of red wine. Just for old times' sake.

Because these made me laugh...

...kudos to my work colleague a few cubes down for unearthing these gems:
And...

And you thought we were all out of Gheorghe clips...

It's already a long, dreadful Friday morning. So nothing could have made me happier than to open an email containing this interview with our Romanian overlord (try to ignore the doucheyness that is Tim Brant):

[Tremendous hat tip to Deuce of Davenport for sending us this clip. Especially since it's the first time I've ever received an email from "Chimpanzee Rage"]

As the only Catholic on this dais (I believe)

I thought it was my job to share with you the candid pic I took of the Pope last night in a rather questionable area of DC (I was of course in this downtrodden area to do charity work...nothing sketchy at all). Let's just say Your Holiness might have some 'splaining to do this morning:

This Is The End

I'll lean on the work of famed singer, Hall of Fame boozer and faux poet James Douglas Morrison to convey my feelings on the imminent departure of Isiah Thomas as Head Coach/General Manager of my New York Knickerbockers:

This is the end

Beautiful friend

This is the end

My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end

Of everything that stands, the end

No safety or surprise, the end

I'll never look into your eyes...again

The Isiah Era has been a particularly painful one for all Knicks fans. I was moved enough to buy a partial season ticket plan for the team last year solely because I wanted to heckle him. Unfortunately, the team showed enough of a pulse to keep naysayers like me at bay until the last quarter of the season. This season unfolded with a glimmer of hope, although the presence of Zach Randolph is a minor glimmer at best. Despite his bad reputation and his apparent lack of a neck, many (like me) thought the team would compete in the mediocre Eastern Conference. Alas, it was not meant to be, leaving fans to ponder the state of this pathetic franchise.

Can you picture what will be

So limitless and free

Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand

In a...desperate land

Donnie Walsh has now entered the picture. Cablevision brass has portrayed him as a white knight who will bring character back to this franchise. But one look at him makes you realize that this knight looks like he's ready for an electric wheelchair, not a gallant steed. The best we can hope for from him is sensibility. We would define this sensibility as shedding salary, shedding deadbeats, drafting wisely and picking a logical head coach. It doesn't take much more than that to get your team to 40 wins and a sniff at the playoffs. With a potential Top 6 pick in this year's draft, the team might have a drastically new identity in six months. That's about all we can hope for these days.

So Isiah, as you leave MSG with all that guaranteed cash in your pockets and that shit-eating grin on your face, remember that this entire city hates you and the fuckhead owner who put you in charge of anything.

It hurts to set you free

But you'll never follow me

The end of laughter and soft lies

The end of nights we tried to die

This is the end

The Audacity of Elitism

Here at G:TB we rarely delve into the world of politics. Frankly, the entire endeavor is the antithesis of the Gheorghian creed: politicians by definition, it seems, take themselves far too seriously and so do the various hangers-on, court jesters, and media types that make their livings as remorae to the hyper-self-centered sharks that run the country. G:TB is not a place for political debate - there are a ton of great salons on the web chock-full of insightful commentary that skews exactly to how you, the reader, want your own opinion validated. (And not for nothing, I do love me the entertainment of the horse-race aspects of our political system, so that's not a swipe, just an observation.)

So consider this momentary detour a brief glimpse into the abyss before a return to your regularly scheduled ridiculousness. (Stay tuned for an exposition of the following thesis: Todd McShay is to Mel Kiper as the Chickenhawk is to Foghorn Leghorn. Seriously.)

Friend of Gheorghe Jon Stewart weighed in Monday night on the ongoing contretemps regarding Barack Obama's purported elitism:

You know... I hear what you're all saying, but doesn't "elite" mean good? Is that not something we're looking for in a president anymore? You know what, candidates? Come with me [to Camera 3].

I know "elite" is a bad word in politics, and you want to go bowling and throw back a few beers. But the job you're applying for? If you get it, and it goes well... they might carve your head into a mountain. If you don't actually think you're better than us, then what the fuck are you doing?

Well, I mean...if you put it that way.

"Go-Go-Gadget Arms"

That's it. I'm calling Julian Wright "Inspector Gadget" from now on...

Huzzah!

We're unabashedly celebrating one of our own today. Teejay went above and beyond this weekend to capture this:

Do be sure to ask him how in the comments.

Celebrating the Moment

The Masters and its annual Salmon-to-Capistrano vernal heralding rightfully headlines sports news this week. The NCAA Basketball tournament just capped off another frantic March with a thrilling title game. The NBA's regular season draws to a close with a historically tight Western Conference race, and any number of terrific story lines. Baseball's long season has begun to slowly unfold. Mel Kiper's taken a shower and shed his bathrobe in preparation for his annual moment in the sun.

As usual, we continue to overlook the most consistently exciting moment in sports. Alex Kovalev got his barbaric yawp last night, his slapshot ripping the net behind Tim Thomas' shoulder to give the Montreal Canadiens a 3-2 overtime win over the Boston Bruins. Kovalev's arms shot in the air, making the universal sign of victory as he spun back towards his onrushing teammates.

And overtime playoff hockey delivered as it always does.

I'm no longer the hockey fan I once was, rarely catching a full regular season game even on television. Too many things competing for my time, I suppose. But even as the my interest in the game has waned, I'm a sucker for playoff overtimes. The teams don't matter, for the most part, because the purity and intensity of the moment elevate the spectacle beyond partisanship (and because the Bruins, my putative favorites, have stunk on ice for years). No other athletic competition offers the instant-by-instant potential for resolution, the razor's edge difference between victory and defeat. The speed of the game plays immensely into the equation, the end-to-end action riveting and the finality of the result brutally human, good and bad meted out equally and only sometimes fairly.

I remember watching with my father as the Islanders' Pat LaFontaine beat the Capitals with a wrister from the slot in the 4th overtime of a 1987 playoff game. Neither of us had a rooting interest in the game, but we stayed up until 2:00 am on Easter morning because it was overtime playoff hockey. I saw Keith Primeau beat the Penguins in the 5th overtime 8 years ago, and I couldn't care less about the Flyers. I leapt off the couch when Uwe Krupp won the 1996 Stanley Cup for the Avalanche with a goal in the 3rd overtime of Game 4 against the Florida Panthers, and while I love me some Uwe Krupp, the result of that game didn't mean a thing to me.

But the payoff was so very cool.

Things I'd Like to See Gheorghe Ride

Last week, Rob graced these pages with "Things I'd Like to See Gheorghe Drive". Because I am an immature idiot, I thought the logical progression would of course be "Things We'd Like to See Gheorghe Ride."

Door #1 - the Idiot item:

Door #2 - the Immature item:

Door #3 - the Whitney item:

Now, can someone please tell me how to permanently erase the search terms I just used on Google to find that second pic?

Gheorghe's Title Game Prediction, Distaff Version

I've got two daughters, as does Whitney. We'd be remiss in not previewing tonight's Stanford/Tennessee national championship game, using Teejay's fictional character-inspired construct as our guide.

I saw a little bit of the LSU/Tennessee national semi on Saturday night (what can I tell you - I was in the throes of a relatively painful upset stomach and I needed something to dull the pain), and it was a dreadful exhibition of sloggy pace, poor shooting, and sloppy ballhandling. Other than that, the women's game is quite exciting. At least Stanford chucks the ball up (in a cute shotput kinda way) early and often. And for that, we like the Cardinal to prevail, 77-74.

Stanford (you can tell me Tara Vandeveer doesn't look like Beaker, but you'd be wrong) vs. Tennessee (no fictional homage would be any better than this eye candy)

Oh, and free throws are huge.

Gheorghe's Title Game Prediction

Rob says he's too busy to get some words up about tonight's game, so he made the awful mistake of telling me to put something together. Yep, this is what I came up with...I've got Panthro 74-72, and I'll be over at Mark's web establishment hoping all night that Packer gets hit with a piece of falling debris.

Memphis (Panthro) vs. Kansas (Chaka Khan)

Not Your Average Jimmy

In the interest of maintaining a well-rounded blog devoted to silly things that entertain us, we're taking a little detour today into the world of skaters, their gear, and Spike Jonze videos.

Skater culture has never really appealed to me, though I marvel at the things these rubber-limbed acrobats can do (and I could pick Tony Hawk out of a lineup). Nevertheless, there's something about the combination of stunts, music, and cinematography in this video for Lakai shoes that has me completely addicted.

(via Pitchfork)

Thursday Morning Schadenfreude

A little snippet from the box score of last night's 9-6 Orioles win over the Tampa Bay Rays:

Game Information
Attendance - 10505
Game Time - 3:15
Temperature - 55
Umpires - Home - Alfonso Marquez, First Base - Andy Fletcher, Second Base - Mike Reilly, Third Base - Bob Davidson

The announced crowd of 10,505 was reportedly much higher than the actual number of fannies in the seats, and even worse, represents the single lowest attendance mark in Camden Yards history. With the O's in a much-publicized rebuilding mode (though frankly, who other than Tim Kurkjian will be able to tell the difference between the 2008 O's and their predecessors of the past 10 years?), I don't think it's much of a stretch to predict that 10,505 isn't the nadir. That's a mark that'll get broken several more times this season. You think anyone's coming to the mid-week O's/Royals tilt in early July with both teams 25 games under .500?

At the same time, 30 miles down I-95, the Washington Nationals just opened up a magnificent new ballpark. The Nats' ownership, executive team, and manager are building an organization from a fundamentally sound blueprint, blending patience, logic, and savvy into a widely-acknowledged franchise of the not-to-distant-future. The O's ownership, well, that's a story oft-told in these parts.

We want better for Orioles fans, but we want exactly what we're getting for the man in the big office upstairs in the Inner Harbor. Karma, she is a bitch.

Things I'd Like to See Gheorghe Drive

My neighbor just bought one of these.



I'm not really a car guy, and that's a hopelessly impractical vehicle for a suburbanite father of two with a 35-mile commute over major surface roads. Nonetheless, I'm completely jealous.

Although not many of you could go for a ride with me if I got one.

The Greatest Thing in the History of Ever

In our 4+ years here at G:TB, we've carved out a nice, if obscure, little niche celebrating the silly, sublime, and sub-popular. We've entertained dozens, though we've mostly entertained ourselves. Nothing in our thoroughly enjoyable blogging experience, though, prepared us for what we learned this morning.

A co-worker of mine is the daughter of Romanian immigrants (and a stunning Eurobabe, apropos of nothing). She knows of my love for all things Gheorghe, so in her. considerable kindness and wisdom (have I mentioned the fact that she's ridiculously hot?) she sent me a story today from the Gazeta de Cluj. A careful reading of the following agate type knocked us flat on our collective backsides, spasms of unexpected joy taking us on an extraordinary rendition to the innocence of youth. To wit:

Format NBA superstar Gheorghe Muresan tren cu local club parte U Mobiltelco înăuntru a prepara pentru un attempted întoarcere la American professional league. Muresan joc lui ultimul NBA joc pentru art.hot. Nou Jersey Nets înăuntru 2000 şi art.hot. league's Most Improved Joc înăuntru 1995-96. Denver Nuggets oficial Mark Warkentian, "El a trage cu cu mare touch. O mulţime de parte a putut află cameră înăuntru lor rotation pentru Muresan."

Courtesy of InterTran, that translates (hilariously, and frankly, stupendously) to:

Shaped NBA superstar Gheorghe Muresan has been training with local club side U Mobiltelco in prepared for an attempted return at American professional cradle. Muresan game him last NBA game for the networks of New Jersey in 2000 and was the league's Sample Improved Game in 1995-96. Denver Nuggets official Mark Warkentian said, "It always had glorious contact. Of series of commands could use a guy as it in their rotation."

It always had glorious contact, indeed. Boys and girls, listen very carefully: Gheorghe. Is. Coming. Back. And we're bursting with completely undeserved glee.

He just turned 37, but he's at least 10 years younger than Dikembe Mutombo. He was never in great condition, but he had a pretty complex experimental foot surgery a few years ago to alleviate the discomfort that caused him to retire in the first place, and if he's pain-free, he could give a team 15 minutes a night of competent offense, decent rebounding, and stationary defense. Dude led the league in field goal percentage twice, and averaged 10 points and 6 boards a game for his career. Keith Van Horn just got handed $4.5 million to sit on the bench and stare at the teased hairdos in the stands in Jersey. Why not Gheorghe?

This is, indeed, the greatest thing in the history of ever, and number two (a tie between cheese and the sound of sneakers on a basketball court) is well back in the distance. It's safe to say that we'll be tracking this development with some interest.

Holy Crap. You think we can get an interview out of this?

"First things first, to the death - No. To the pain."

(Note - Teejay got out of the blocks quickly on today's post, but was distracted by a shiny object and the smell of some Alaskan Sense and wound up muttering to himself in a corner about ketchup and Kenny Rogers songs. I'm his Sparky Lyle, Rolaids relief man. His input is in black, mine in red.)

Rob tackled Thursday's Sweet 16 games, I thought I'd give Friday's games a shot. On with the show, as they say...on with the show, indeed.

7:10 PM ET - Detroit Rock City (10)Davidson (28-6, 20-0 Southern) vs. (3)Wisconsin (31-4, 16-2 Big Ten)
For the record, his name is pronounced like this guy (Edberg), though mom and pop Curry went with the traditional spelling. I think Teej wanted a picture of Swedish tennis great Stefan Edberg here, but I'm too lazy to go find one. G:TB is really torn, given our concomitant love for both Bo Ryan specifically and the underdog generally. We didn't give Curry a chance against Georgetown and that worked out poorly for us, but recent history has shown that reversal of opinion tends to lead to bad juju, so the pick here is Wisconsin by a healthy margin - lay the 4.5, Danny.

7:27 PM ET - Houston (3)Stanford (28-7, 13-5 Pac-10) vs. (2)Texas (30-6, 13-3 Big 12)
I hear the Lopez boys are dumb as bricks. But Connor Atchley is the love great-grandchild of Albert Einstein and Marie Curie. G:TB loves Cardinal(s) of all kinds - Stanford rolls and doesn't stop until they get to San Antonio.

9:40 PM ET - Detroit (12)Villanova (22-12, 9-9 Big East) vs. (1)Kansas (33-3, 13-3 Big 12)
This is like Lion-O vs. Snarf. Or Joey Dorsey vs. long division, a complete mismatch. After running Nova out of the gym, Lion-O is celebrating with a Cheetarah/She-Ra threesome. I don't have the first fucking clue what any of that means, but it sounds awesome - especially the part about the threesome. I think Teej likes Kansas here, but I'm confused about the Joey Dorsey inclusion. Also, this would make more sense if it were linked to the Memphis Tigers, what with all the big cat cartoon references. I like the Jayhawks to win, but unlike my oft-addled compadre, my Big East bias says the Wildcats beat the 12.5-point number.

9:57 PM ET - Houston (5)Michigan State (27-8, 12-6 Big Ten) vs. (1)Memphis (35-1, 16-0 C-USA)
Make. your. fucking. free throws. Indeed. There's just no way Drew Neitzel and Goran Suton can hang with CDR, Derrick Rose, the aforementioned Joey Dorsey, and the rest of Memphis' talented cast. Or is there? The relevant aspect of this game for those that think MSU has a chance: Tom Izzo > John Calipari by quite a wide margin. I don't know who has the broadcast of this one, but expect Dick Vitale to burst a capillary in the pregame sputtering on about Italian delicacies. I'd give a month's salary to see Bob Knight pull a Neil Reed on Dickie V mid-rant. G:TB is taking Sparty to win, with full knowledge that we'll regret it.

I'm Keith Hernandez!

So I walk into a midtown parking garage today to meet my wife and kid, who rolled in b/c we have dinner plans. Who gets into a Jeep Grand Cherokee 3 feet away from us? None other than Keith Hernandez. He was cranking some terrible type of Latin pop music that I'd never heard before. His hair was jet black thanks to the free dye he gets while peddling the stuff with Walt Frazier.

While holding a stroller with my son, I was torn between saying one of the following:

A - "Sorry dude, but he'll be a Yankee fan."

B - "You're Keith Hernandez!"

C - "Did you just buy an 8-ball?"

Sadly, I just mumbled to myself while staring at him, disappointing me and probably creeping him out a bit. Sad turn of affairs.

S'more Hoops

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Niebuhr

This hoary chestnut brought to you by the impending visit of my in-laws, timed to perfectly coincide with the Round of 16. What I can’t change is the fact that they have no interest in sports, let alone college basketball. What I can change is my location, so I’ll be once again playing the role of the indifferent son-in-law and relocating to my upstairs entertainment lounge for Thursday and Friday’s action. I’m quite convincing in this role, having played it to much critical acclaim during my extended run in this particular production.

Breaking a leg, then, with another set of fearless and poorly-informed predictions regarding Thursday’s games:

(7) West Virginia vs. (3) Xavier (7:10, Phoenix, AZ)

Okay, uncle. I gave no credit to Xavier for their excellent regular season, predisposed as I am to see the Atlantic 10 as a crap conference. I’ve been reformed. The Musketeers will end the Huggins love fest and put an end to the stomach-turning frequency of his appearances on my television.

Bonus gambling nugget: The 7th seeded Mountaineers are favored over Xavier in this one. What does Vegas know that I don’t, other than the best places to go for legal prostitution?

(4) Washington State vs. (1) North Carolina (7:27, Charlotte, NC)

Man, I hope we get this one in the Nation’s Capital. Carolina and their extreme up-tempo against Wazzu and their stifling defense has the makings of a donnybrook. WSU’s given up an average of 40.5 points per game in the tourney; Carolina exceeded that amount in every half they played in the first two rounds. I think the Heels will go down before the Final Four, but I don’t think this is where it happens.

Bonus gambling nugget: Carolina is giving Wazzu 7 ½ in what is basically a home game. G:TB likes the Heels to cover, though not without some struggle. The over/under is somewhere around 143, and that’s a coin-flip.

(12) Western Kentucky vs. (1) UCLA (9:40, Phoenix, AZ)

The Hilltoppers played some real teams close this year, losing by 3 to Gonzaga and 6 to Tennessee, and beating Michigan and Nebraska (okay, semi-real teams), and they’ve got three strong senior guards in Courtney Lee, Ty Rogers, and Tyrone Braselton, so maybe they’ve got a puncher’s chance. Yeah, I can’t make it sound convincing, either.

Bonus gambling nugget: #1 seeds are 26-4 ATS when facing 12 seeds or higher in the Round of 16 in the history of the tournament. Bruins cruise past the 12 ½ point number. Also, I made up that statistic.

(3) Louisville vs. (2) Tennessee (9:57, Charlotte, NC)

Sadly, I’ll be fast asleep when this one ends, which is too bad, because it could be a terrific game. Lots of talking heads seem to be overlooking the Vols here after they played two consecutive indifferent games to open the tourney while Louisville has looked strong thus far. So I’ll be employing a little reverse-reverse psychology and backing the Cardinals. I said they’re a Final Four team at the beginning of the Dance, and I’m riding that horse until it hacks up a lung.

Bonus gambling nugget: Vegas seems to agree with me, making Louisville a 2-point favorite. That can’t bode well.

Gheorghe Quotes the Classics(?): Vol. 4

First full week of Spring, one day before baseball season opens, a few days to kill before the peeps come back for the Sweet Sixteen, and miles upon miles of workaday banality stretch before me, so G:TB offers a little perspective on our worldview:

"All research begins with ignorance. The ability to focus on what it is that you do not know is critical to doing research. I'm absolutely convinced that none of us understands the world.

I'm not a person that the world irritates, to quote Bill Buckley, but you turn on the radio and in any debate, you've got people who are convinced they know. Liberals, conservatives, Christians, Muslims, people who think Terry Francona is a genius, those that think he's an idiot. They're all convinced they've got this figured out. None of them has it figured out.

We do not understand the world; the world is billions of times more complicated than our minds.

You can make a useful contribution to a discussion if you can figure out specifically what it is you don't understand and try to work on it. If you try to start from the other end - 'I've got the world figured out and I'm going to explain it to everybody' - maybe there are a lot of people who succeed in doing that, but it doesn't work for me." -- Bill James

Conscious Choice

Not to get all Dickie V on you, but Friday flat out delivered, boys and girls. From Stephen Curry to Ty Rogers to the American Eagles to the Midwest Region double-digit bloodbath, and yes, Teejay's Siena Saints (we'll not say anything about Dan Dakich), the action was top notch from beginning to end. We're guaranteed at least two #12 seeds in the Sweet Sixteen, while all the top seeds looked strong to quite strong. The light, the heat, indeed.

On to Sunday's games, just because we know you want to be able to make awful puns in a safe, nurturing environment:

(13) Siena vs. (12) Villanova (12:10, Tampa, FL)
Val Kilmer approves of Siena's run, which keeps going for another week. Has Teejay mentioned that he picked them to win a game in the tourney?

(7) Miami vs. (2) Texas (2:15, Little Rock, AR)
There's no scenario under which Miami beats Texas in this game, save the 'Canes suiting up Dwyane Wade. Horns move on to Houston.

(7) Butler vs. (2) Tennessee (2:30, Birmingham, AL)
I've resisted and resisted and resisted jumping on the Butler bandwagon, playing against type even as I've wanted to believe. Now, I believe - that's a good damn team. Bulldogs surprise the Vols.

(10) Davidson vs. (2) Georgetown (2:50, Raleigh, NC)
Stephen Curry ain't getting 40 against the Hoyas. The country's best defensive team denies the dream for the Wildcats.

(13) San Diego vs. (12) Western Kentucky (2:50, Tampa, FL)
I'm drinking the Torero Kool-Aid. Oh. Sorry.

(8) Mississippi State vs. (1) Memphis (4:45, Little Rock, AR)
I really think MSU can win this game. Really. They can. And I think they...won't. But I reserve the right to point to this as evidence that I thought they kindamaybecould if they do.

(6) Oklahoma vs. (3) Louisville (5:00, Birmingham, AL)
This'll be the most lopsided game of the day - I think Pitino's gang is headed to San Antonio. Sooners are just a speedbump.

(9) Arkansas vs. (1) North Carolina (5:15, Raleigh, NC)
Heels aren't going to lose 25 miles from Chapel Hill. Bums me out, but that doesn't make it less true.

Opportunity Knocks Just Once

Because we’re men of the people, we’re dropping a new post on you for your commenting pleasure.

Relevant to nothing, wouldn’t Lose Yourself be better than One Shining Moment?

Here’s what we think about Saturday’s games:

(7) West Virginia vs. (2) Duke (2:10, Washington, DC)
Has anyone seen Mike Krzyzewski and Commissioner Valchek in the same room at the same time? Didn't think so. I’m mortally torn on this game. Why couldn’t John Beilein just stay in Morgantown? I’ve not been sold on Duke at all this season, and the Big East spent the first day of the tournament proving its toughness. Huggy Bear lives to kill again, exasperating legions of Cincinnati fans.

(11) Kansas State vs. (3) Wisconsin (4:20, Omaha, NE)
G:TB loves us some Bo Ryan, and the coaching matchup here is more unbalanced than Gary Busey on a meth and Jager binge. As much as we’d like to keep watching Michael Beasley, looks like his next game will be in an NBA uniform.

(6) Purdue vs. (3) Xavier (4:40, Washington, DC)
Purdue spoiled the Baylor dream season, but we won’t hold that against them. The Baby Boilers and their all-court balance move on against the Musketeers.

(5) Notre Dame vs. (4) Washington State (6:20, Denver, CO)
This will be an intriguing matchup of styles. Notre Dame prefers a buttoned-up, all-business look – heavy on Armani and Ferragamo, while Wazzu’s all “hang loose, bro. check out my boardshorts and flip-flops”. Derek Low and the boys squeeze the Irish and win a low-scoring game.

(6) Marquette vs. (3) Stanford (6:45, Anaheim, CA)
We’re on the Lopez Twins’ Neverland Tour Bus, single glove affixed. Cardinal advances, denying the Big East an undefeated tournament. Today’s games notwithstanding.

(8) UNLV vs. (1) Kansas (6:50, Omaha, NE)
I’ve seen nothing thus far to indicate that Kansas will have any trouble any time before the Final Four. Nothing, that is, other than Bill Self’s Sy Sperling beaver pelt. ‘Hawks still roll.

(5) Michigan State vs. (4) Pittsburgh (9:10, Denver, CA)
Rough, meet tumble. I eagerly await this one – probably my most anticipated Saturday game. And not only because I’ll have to live through a children’s Easter Egg hunt and a day full of in-laws to get to it. Pitt in a one-possession battle.

(9) Texas A&M vs. (1) UCLA (9:15, Anaheim, CA)
Yawn. CBS had better be broadcasting the Pitt game in the D.C. area. UCLA easily over whiny Mark Turgeon and the Aggies.

Friday Fun

Picks for tomorrow, before I wrap up my three hour workday and head to Verizon. And another picture for Whit.

(6)Oklahoma/(11)St. Joe's - I believe Oklahoma has lost games this year scoring 45 (twice) and 49 points. That's bad folks. St. Joe's beat Xavier twice...I love Xavier...therefore St. Joe's wins. Keep it simple stupid.

(3)Louisville/(14)Boise St - Siena thumped Boise by 20 during BracketBusters. I would have to believe Pitino and the boys win by at least that.

(7)Butler/(10)South Alabama - Butler got hosed with a 7 seed. And they might not escape this game because of it. Wait, 30 seconds of research...and I'm going South Alabama. We'll call it the Ronnie Arrow Redemption Story.

(2)Tennessee/(15)American - Some clarification please - it's not American coach Jeff Jones that pummeled the colon of Melissa Stark, right? Tennessee scores 100 in this one.

(2)Texas/(15)Austin Peay - Texas is good. Austin Peay has a funny name.

(7)Miami/(10)St. Mary's - I know absolutely nothing about these two teams. So we'll take the so-called mid-major. Plus, I need at least one WCC team to advance.

(8)Mississippi St/(9)Oregon - I believe it was Seth Davis who said this is more like a 6/11 game. We here at G:TB are big fans of Miss St. sophomore Jarvis Varnado, who averages 4.6 blocks a game. The SEC might, like the Ukraine, be weak, but I'm still trying to figure out how Ernie Kent's squad got into the Dance.

(1)Memphis/(16)Texas-Arlington - There are 328 teams in Division 1. Memphis is ranked 326th in free throw shooting. As a team, they shoot an abysmal 59.6% from the line. Obviously, it won't hurt them here, but sooner or later...

(5)Clemson/(12)Villanova - As I mentioned in the comments the other day, I was impressed by the veteran guard play of the Tigers, as well as the athleticism of the big men. And screw Villanofun - they forced my beloved Cuse to the NIT.

(5)Drake/(12)Western Kentucky - I like Drake's story. Don't hate the Drake, people.

(4)UConn/(13)San Diego - Hasheem Thabeet is also a G:TB fav. San Diego's star guard is apparently the grandson of crazy jungle juice drinkin' Jim Jones, so I'm not backing him and his crazy cult lineage.

(7)Gonzaga/(10)Davidson - Davidson was 20-0 in conference play. I don't care what conference you're in, posting a 20-0 is damn impressive. As is the backcourt of Stephen Curry (the well-known star) and Jason Richards (the underrated PG)...Richards just happened to lead the country with 8.0 APG. Right, I'm not talking about the Zags at all...no need to, they're out.

(2)Georgetown/(15)UMBC - For our boy Geoff, Roy will go 22, 15 and 5 in this game against a UMBC frontline with no one taller than 6'8".

(1)UNC/(16)Mt. St. Mary's - Moving on...

(8)Indiana/(9)Arkansas - Ugh, I don't want to pick the Hoosiers, but I kinda have to.

(4)Vanderbilt/(13)Siena - I saved the best for last. Since the beginning of the season I told anyone who would listen that Siena would win the MAAC, AND would win their 1st round tourney game. So far, so good...now we just need the Saints to find a way to outscore a very balanced 'Dores squad led by Shan Foster and Aussie big man A.J. Ogilvy. Go Saints.

Another boring bracket post

I have neither the time nor the energy to give you a full bracket breakdown right now (that's a half-lie...I certainly I have the time), so you're gettin' my take on Thursday's games, plus the bonus photo to the right, which for some odd reason made me laugh quite a bit (Dennis might even call it a Peep Show). I have the good fortune to be attending tomorrow's 12:20 and 2:50 tips at the Verizon Center with the aforementioned Dennis, so why not begin there:

(6)Purdue/(11)Baylor - Squirrel loves the Baylor dream story. It's nice, I agree. Player on player homicide can really devastate a program. But if we ever got around to that G:TB All American squad we had talked about, Purdue freshman Robbie Hummel would've been a first teamer, so we're taking the Boilermakers here.

(3)Xavier/(14)Georgia - I have a tremendous amount of love for Xavier. Tremendous backcourt. Six guys averaging double figures. Tourney experience galore. And they're facing the miracle Dawgs squad who survived a tornado to win the kiddie SEC? Please. Sean Miller's squad in a laugher.

(7)West Virginia/(10)Arizona - Jerryd Bayless is Derrick Rose good. He's just not a great speller. The first year ride for Huggins (and Beilein's players) ends here.

(2)Duke/(15)Belmont - Sure, I think Duke's overrated. But I still gotta take 'em here.

(3)Wisconsin/(14)Cal State Fullerton - Honestly, I know nothing about Fullerton, and I'm not even going to bother to google them. If any game bites me in the ass, it's this one. Go Badgers.

(6)USC/(11)Kansas State - I actually typed in "(6)USC/(11)Michael Beasley". I think you know which way I'm leaning. "Pulling a Glenn Robinson" is about to become "Pulling a Michael Beasley".

(8)UNLV/(9)Kent St - Four dead in Ohio? Honestly, that's all I know about Kent State. And Lon Kruger got the job done last year.

(1)Kansas/(16)Portland State - Bill Self will fuck this up eventually, just not in this round.

(4)Wazzu/(13)Winthrop - Have I mentioned Dana Jacobson looks just like He-Man? Winthrop used to be a trendy upset pick...not for me. I'll take the deliberate style of Wazzu to bore and advance.

(5)Notre Dame/(12)George Mason - I can't be the first person to tell you Luke Harangody looks like Ron Perlman? AKA Helboy? I promise no more of these lookalike games. We all love the CAA around here, but Mason is done.

(5)Michigan St/(12)Temple - So, Chaney is gone and Penn's old coach is in? And Temple won the A-10? And Tom Izzo's teams have underachieved for years now in the Dance? Fuck it, I'll take Team Neitzel.

(4)Pittsburgh/(13)Oral Roberts - I know Bob Knight loves Pitt. If I could take a moment to address the General - Stop slouching a-hole. It won't kill you to sit up. Wear a decent outfit onset. You look like White Goodman in Dodgeball. I've decided to pick ORU just to spite Knight...and because they go 6'8", 6'9" and 6'10" on their front line.

(6)Marquette/(11)Kentucky - Kentucky without Patrick Patterson = 15 point loss. Buh-bye.

(3)Stanford/(14)Cornell - Robin, Brook, Danny and Jose Lopez Jr. will destroy poor Cornell (yes, I'm sorry, jokes tend to get recycled around here).

(1)UCLA/(16)Mississippi Valley St - Hey MVSU, at least Jerry Rice went there. I'm pretty sure UCLA is my national champion.

(8)BYU/(9)Texas A&M - I hate the Aggies for some reason. No idea why. I'm taking a Mountain West team here, though they have been piss poor lately in the first round (UNLV run last year excluded).

Kevin Garnett thinks very little of your streak

Boston 94, Houston 74. So, I guess the Celtics are pretty good?

What Gheorghe is Thinking, March Madness Edition

I love Airwolf as much as the next guy, but I'm tired of looking at that post. (Also, I don't love Airwolf as much as the next guy - I barely remember it. I am quite fond of that giant pink helicopter from Riptide, though.) Since we're only 72 hours away from the greatest two days of the year* (* - we're required by law to use that construct, and despite the fact that I happen to believe it, even I've grown tired of the amateur hour schtick associated with the first Thursday and Friday of the tournament. Combined with St. Patrick's Day, it's gonna be a banner week for poseurdom.)

Friend of G:TB Jerry has stepped up with a typically dead-on take on the March Madness phenomenon, especially the overplayed bracket meme. Like him, I'm historically brutal in submitting successful brackets, though I did manage to parlay my interest in the tourney into a reasonably profitable revenue-skimming operation during my college years. So do be sure and take the next several comments with a healthy portion of skepticism.

In terms of teams with realistic chances to have some success, I'm rooting hard for Baylor, Butler, George Mason (duh), and Pittsburgh. Baylor's pretty obvious - Scott Drew's kids are the feel-good story of the decade. Butler, too, is clear - A.J. Graves is even scrawnier than me. Pittsburgh, well, I just like the cut of their jib.

I'm hoping West Virginia, Kentucky, and Miami flame out early. Hate the Huggins. And just don't care for either of the others. I'd put North Carolina and Memphis in here, too, but rooting against them won't do any good. (Though keep an eye on Jarvis Varnado and Mississippi State if they get to Memphis in the second round.)

As much as it pains me, I've got a 'strong sell' recommendation on Gheorghetown. Call it a hunch. They'll get past the Gonzaga/Davidson winner easily, especially if it's Davidson, but I don't think they beat Wisconsin.

Stanford and Louisville are really good (and, in a bonus, both Cardinal(s)). Final Four good. Stanford beat UCLA in the regular season, despite the fact that the record shows otherwise and had them dead to rights in the Pac 10 final. The Cardinal are (is?) big and deep. With David Padgett healthy, Louisville is experienced, balanced, and well-coached.

Teams I think will overperform their seeding (by doing more than just winning in the first round): Clemson, Notre Dame, Pittsburgh, Baylor, Louisville, Stanford.

Teams I expect to gack: Oklahoma, Marquette, Memphis, Tennessee, Miami.

No real screw-jobs from the committee, though it's a bit disappointing to see three mid-major vs. mid-major contests in the first round. At least three will be going through, I suppose, so there's a silver lining for you. Butler as a 7 makes no sense whatsoever, but neither does Indiana as an 8.

Tiger Woods. Good at his profession. The fine men and women of Bear Stearns. Not so much. Godspeed to our colleague Rhymenocerous as he stands firmly in the breach, protecting hearth and home from marauding Chinese arbitraguers in these uncertain times.

And finally, apropo of nothing, I caught the first two episodes of John Adams last night. Aside from the fact that a bald Paul Giamatti is most disconcerting, those bastards at HBO have sucked me in for another 6 weeks. The acting is phenomenal, the story intense (the gravity of the scene in the time immediately after the Continental Congress voted for independence, well, talk about one shining moment), and details spot-on.

Slainte, then, as we leave you with a little from Shane MacGowan and the boys on this bogus but festive holiday: There's some takes delight in the carriages a rolling/Some takes delight in the hurley or the bowlin'/But I takes delight in the juice of the barley/And courting pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early.

Back to your regularly scheduled YouTubes

Now this is the kind of filler you've come to know and love...

G:TB DVD Pick of the Week

While most film rats (we'd call them film "buffs", but if there was any buff in them they surely would have seen this brilliant piece of cinema in the theatre already) race to their mailboxes this week hoping to extract that precious little red envelope containing "No Country For Old Men" - that movie, as my Mensa cube mate puts it, with the creepy Spanish dude that looks like "Denny" from Grey's Anatomy and won all those awards - we'll be calmly waiting for a different film from the top of our queue...

A little gem called Gattaca: Special Edition.

Table for 4 please.

Tribe Pride

In the end, George Mason was the better team. William & Mary was one stop here, one bounce there, one made three-pointer somewhere else from extending their absurd and improbable run through the postseason. And every time, Mason made a play, grabbed a board, closed out on defense like the seasoned, talented, and disciplined team they are. Jim Larranaga’s kids deserve a ton of credit.

But so, too, do Tony Shaver’s kids. Despite being overmatched athletically and vastly inexperienced in big games in comparison with their opponents, the Tribe gave us a reason to believe. Given our alma mater’s historical, ahem, underperformance on the hardwood, that is a gift of substantial dimension, friends.

W&M closed the first half on a 16-8 run to trail by a single point, and the Mason fans sitting around us in the Richmond Coliseum cast nervous glances at each other while Tribe fans tried really hard to coordinate high-fives and fist pumps, unaccustomed as we are to such emotions. There may have been some minor muscle tears and one unfortunate unintentional elbow to the nose of a septuagenarian Tribe fan witnessing his first conference final. Alas, Folarin Campbell, Will Thomas, Dre Smith, and Chris Fleming (Chris Fleming? Really?) led the Patriots to a 9-0 run to start the second stanza and W&M never got it closer than 7 until it was way too late. While the Tribe was gritty, gutty, game and all the other clichés that surround Caucasian basketball players (the Washington Post called them stubborn this morning in the print edition – high praise, indeed), Mason deserved to win.

But as we noted in this space just yesterday, the loss does nothing to diminish the joy this unlikely group of kids brought to W&M’s generally subdued alumni. For the briefest of moments we were allowed to pretend we belonged, to plan trips to the Boise or Sacramento or Tacoma subregionals, to shout ourselves hoarse watching a game that actually mattered, and to dream. Generations of us had never even allowed ourselves to dream. When we talk about this team, that’s the thing we’ll remember – not that they finally fell short, but that they let us dream, hope, and care. And at some level, that’s the magic of college basketball, that an obscure school from a mid-major conference can make otherwise mature (it’s in the eye of the beholder, people) adults let loose the bonds of logic and rationality and really, deeply believe in the most unlikely outcomes.

So thanks to the 2007-8 William & Mary Tribe for a heretofore once in a lifetime run, and thanks to MGL at CAA: Life as a Mid-Major and Extra P at Storming the Floor for getting behind our quixotic efforts this season. One of these days, boys and girls, one of these days we’ll get to see the Tribe demolished by a 2 seed in the first round of the tourney. And G:TB can’t wait.

My Team's On the Floor

The information in Rob's November post on the Dark Ages of William & Mary basketball

(leading directly up to this year) is old hat to those in the know, but most casual fans of college basketball aren't privy to the gory details of the plight of the Tribe. And for those that do, re-reading his season preview is still highly entertaining, given what you now know. Take a quick peek before hunkering down to watch the game tonight.

Our school's mantras generally consist of esoteric, nerdy exhortations like "Hark upon the Gale" and "Ebirt Og," but for tonight, a simple "Go Tribe" is all that need be said.

That, and yet another quote from Hoosiers, a film being placed in parallel with the surging W&M squad's tale, if only for the startling amount of honk in the team picture.

Over at the CAA Zone, MGL dropped a Norman Dale quotable on us today, minutes after I'd remarked to Rob that Shooter's rant in the mental ward was being paraphrased by Teejay in his office this morning: "NO WILLIAM & MARY TEAM . . . HAS EVER . . . MADE IT TO THE CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP!" And so I will leave the G:TB huddle with Coach Dale's simple send-off.

I love you guys.

Ho. Lee. Shit.

We tried to jinx this thing once already, and the karmic power of the Futile Superfan overcame our hubris. Once more into the breach, then, lads - Crash Davis and fucking with a streak be damned, because we're so far through the looking glass that the normal laws of physics and fandom don't apply. And, really, we're playing with house money at this point - a loss tonight will hardly diminish the accomplishment.

Dick Vitale mentioned William & Mary this morning on the radio. John Feinstein wrote about the Tribe in the Washington Post today. Laimis Kisielius got major run on SportsCenter. Folks from Boston to Richmond to Norfolk to Wilmington are trying to sell CAA Finals tickets way before they thought they would. A different W&M player hit a game-winning shot on the Tribe's final possession in each of the CAA Tournament's first three games. For a team that had won a grand total of three conference tourney games in 22 years. What in the name of John Leone is going on here?

Quick and dirty today, then, and more to come tomorrow. G:TB's merry band is on the way back to Richmond to see if miracles really do happen.

Thanks to Extra P at Storming the Floor for the clip of Tribe fans, um, storming the floor after the unlikely semifinal win over VCU. 'That Just Happened' is destined to be William & Mary's version of 'Do You Believe in Miracles'.

Season Finale, Part II

See here for the first part of the story.

Quarterfinals, Saturday, March 8



(8) Hofstra vs. (1) Virginia Commonwealth (23-6, 15-3)

VCU is the CAA’s Marlo Stanfield, the cold, efficient, and single-minded alpha dog. The Rams dominated the conference in 2007-8, finishing with a 15-3 record and winning the league by 3 games. The Wire’s David Simon won’t be giving us a Hollywood ending on Sunday night, and while Marlo may not survive in the end, neither will McNulty and Freamon. VCU dispassionately and clinically ends Hofstra’s season.

(5) William and Mary vs. (4) Old Dominion (17-14, 11-7)

ODU doesn’t do anything all that impressive – they just put their heads down and work hard. Occasionally, they’ll have too much to drink*, but for the most part, they’re solid and dependable. Like Bunk Moreland, the backbone of The Wire.

On Saturday, Bunk’ll sit W&M’s Dukie down in an interrogation room, gently lay a comforting hand on the Tribe’s shoulder, and explain in reassuring tones how he’s just doing his job. Sometimes, the Man does what the Man has to do. W&M will understand, but in a plot twist worthy of David Simon himself, the Tribe will turn the tables on the Monarchs, stunning them like I expect to be stunned after the Wire’s final run on Sunday**.

* - metaphorically, in ODU’s case – heaven forbid that we cast such aspersions.
** - and yes, this is quite truly wishful thinking and not a prediction made with much rigorous analysis – though W&M did beat ODU in Norfolk this season.

(10) Drexel vs. (2) UNC Wilmington (19-12, 12-6)

The Seahawks are the CAA’s Michael Lee, tough, street-smart, and a little bit iconoclastic. They’re capable of a achieving at a very high level, but are constrained fatally by their environment (as we’ll soon see, that’s a proxy for their coach). It all goes poof for Drexel against a much tougher Wilmington squad.

(6) Northeastern vs. (3) George Mason (20-10, 12-6)

Okay, bear with me here, because this won’t make much sense until the end of this preview. Mason is Bubbles, the recovering heroin addict and conscience of The Wire. They’ve had amazing highs this season (wins over Kansas State and Dayton when the Flyers were at full strength, an 85-38 drubbing of Drexel) and maddeningly inexplicable descents into the abyss (losses to East Carolina and Georgia State, blowing a double-digit lead in the BracketBusters game against Ohio). The Patriots will end Northeastern’s season, but not without a struggle.

Semifinals, Sunday, March 9

(5) William and Mary vs. (1) VCU

Dukie vs. Marlo. And the result will be about exactly what you’d expect. Sadly. Poor Dukie, cast into the dark underworld, destined to a short, brutal life of drug addiction and far more unspeakable unpleasantries.

(3) George Mason vs. (2) UNC Wilmington

The grim fate of W&M’s Dukie is balanced by the ascension of Mason’s Bubbles in the second semi. As noted a few days ago in this space, G:TB thinks the Patriots are the league’s most talented team, capable of playing at an extremely high level (and equally capable of going on bizarre, half-long walkabouts). The redemption theme continues on Sunday, as Mason avenges two in-season losses to Wilmington to set up a good vs. evil (y’know, artistically-speaking) conference final.

Finals, Monday, March 10

(3) George Mason vs. (1) VCU



ESPN is hoping, nay, praying that this national telecast features action like last year’s 65-59 VCU win over Mason, or 2004’s nail-biter between the two squads. Because ESPN’s seen the dark side, like 2001’s 35-33 final between Mason and Wilmington, a contest that set the game back to Dr. Naismith’s time.

As The Wire ends, we expect David Simon to give us stories of individual redemption and triumph while reminding the viewer that the systemic problems never end, that we’re doomed as a society to wallow in corruption, violence, and avarice. The names change, but the game never does.

Luckily for George Mason and Bubbles, theirs is one of those few bright spots in Simon’s otherwise grim portrait, as they defeat the Rams to clinch the CAA’s automatic bid. And in a nod to poetic justice, Marlo lives to fight another day, too, with VCU capturing an at-large bid in a season where just about every bubble team seems intent on playing its way out of the Dance.

Somewhere, Tom Yeager as the Greek beams a satisfied smile.