Four of the five primary G:TB contributors have children, and Teejay is, for all practical purposes, an adolescent, so today we tackle the important and under-reported (at least here) question of child rearing. Specifically, since I know for an indisputable fact that the entire editorial staff here were knuckleheads of the highest order during college and the years that closely followed (defined as the years from graduation to right now, May 5, 2008), how much of that ribald debauchery do our kids get to know about as they grow?Two things brought this subject to the top of my mind this weekend. Yesterday, I got up with some other suckers loving fathers to set up my daughter's elementary school for the annual Fun Fair. (It's every bit as awesome as you might imagine.) Towards the end of the effort, I was standing around shooting the breeze with a handful of other dads, when another father walked towards us with a conspiratorial look on his face. Seems he'd been cleaning up, and in the process came across a storage bag lent to the effort by some soon-to-be chagrined family.
With great flourish, he reached into the offending bag and pulled out a well-used 10" bong. At which point all of the rest of us first thought "Man, a quick binger would really hit the spot", and then unleashed our best "I know what that is but I'm gonna pretend I haven't used one in a while" banter. And the poor schmuck that forgot to take his paraphernalia out of his tent bag is gonna be the butt of PTO jokes for the foreseeable future, even as at least a few of us will make mental notes about the need to invite him to our next party. The Long-Haired Friend of Jesus of Suburbia, as it were.
Then, the Washington Post Magazine published a cover story on Sunday about the pros and cons of telling children about Mommy's past as a boozy, drug-dealing stripper (that's a bit of an exaggeration, though not entirely). Told mostly from a woman's point of view, the story once again had me calling local religious orders to ascertain costs and prerequisites for enrolling young girls.
This is by no means intended to start any kind of deep philosophical discussion about hypocrisy, parental authority, or global warming (threw that in there to increase the hit count - it's all about being green these days). But I put it to you, friends of G:TB, what are you telling your kids when they ask? And they will, about sex and drugs and booze and any number of other things we don't talk about at HOA meetings.
And who is planning to give Teejay "The Talk"?
With great flourish, he reached into the offending bag and pulled out a well-used 10" bong. At which point all of the rest of us first thought "Man, a quick binger would really hit the spot", and then unleashed our best "I know what that is but I'm gonna pretend I haven't used one in a while" banter. And the poor schmuck that forgot to take his paraphernalia out of his tent bag is gonna be the butt of PTO jokes for the foreseeable future, even as at least a few of us will make mental notes about the need to invite him to our next party. The Long-Haired Friend of Jesus of Suburbia, as it were.Then, the Washington Post Magazine published a cover story on Sunday about the pros and cons of telling children about Mommy's past as a boozy, drug-dealing stripper (that's a bit of an exaggeration, though not entirely). Told mostly from a woman's point of view, the story once again had me calling local religious orders to ascertain costs and prerequisites for enrolling young girls.
This is by no means intended to start any kind of deep philosophical discussion about hypocrisy, parental authority, or global warming (threw that in there to increase the hit count - it's all about being green these days). But I put it to you, friends of G:TB, what are you telling your kids when they ask? And they will, about sex and drugs and booze and any number of other things we don't talk about at HOA meetings.
And who is planning to give Teejay "The Talk"?
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40 comments:
Damn you Robert...where did that fantastic other photo go?
feel free to use that at your leisure. if you know what i'm saying.
Spank-travision?
Mark, nice state for you:
North Lauderdale Takes Tough Stance for Home Rule
Call it the South Florida "Boston Tea Party", North Lauderdale City Officials have had enough and are not going to take it anymore.
The North Lauderdale City Commission passed a resolution requesting that Florida be divided into two States: North Florida and South Florida with the boundary line from Palm Beach County down through Monroe County and is encouraging Palm Beach, Broward, Dade and Monroe Counties to join in the quest for a separation of the State of Florida.
Denial and hypocrisy seem to be the order of day with daughters. Sons . . . well, maybe you can impart some of your experiences with them as cautionary tales, but my own personal take on hearing what my parents did was that it meant they could only be so mad at me when I did it.
How long before we have to close this and other blogs down for fear of what might be read by impressionable next of kin?
totally concur re: the differences in daughters and sons. i hope that my knowledge of the motives of the teenage male serves my daughters well.
over/under on going dark with g:tb is 5 years.
Start the clock...
eh, we'll just choose different pseudonyms and start up somewhere else. rhymenocerous is the only one of us using his real name, so the threat isn't *that* great.
I must say, each time I come back and see that baby duct taped to the wall I laugh...frightening, huh?
My plan, when I do legally procreate, is to generally deny ever doing anything unsavory...ever. And the thought of having a teenage daughter scares the bejesus out of me.
There is no discernible upside to sharing your experiences...as Whitney pointed out--its just a license to do the aforementioned activity. The one exception to that is maybe in dealing with the later teenage/college years, when some relatable mention of some indiscretions might be wise to use it in the talk about "Hey, if you get hammered and are considering getting behind the wheel--call me and I'll come get you. I promise I won't get mad.(Which is, of course, a tremendous lie.)"
There is a flip side to this, though. I had one friend who was never allowed to do anything in high school--couldn't stay out past 10 on a weekend or go to any social events, so he graduated HS never having drank or encountered anything else high school kids get into. He, consequently, went to college with me...and spent his entire first semester drinking, smoking and drinking some more to ludicrous levels. He was the guy who would show up at your door at 10am on a Tuesday with a bottle of gin. He wasn't equipped to handle the freedom of college...and eventually failed out...after getting straight A's his entire life up until then.
South Florida can succeed as far as I'm concerned. For that matter, so can any area more than 15 miles off the coast. They are both places I'd never live in and will only visit on the rare occasion.
As for kids, I couldn't agree more with tales of your past being seen as license to screw up/get fucked up equally. Thats how I took it when my parents friends and them would retell stories of their past. Lucky for me, all my children are illegitimate and out of state and shall stay so for the foreseeable future.
I think we all know somebody like Geoff's "friend" and it always seems to turn out extremely badly once they are released into the wild. I don't plan to be the Dad throwing parties or packing bowls but you've got to let those little rats live a little.
Finally, that picture is great. I hope its the same kid who was crawling with the Jager bottle.
I too am obviously in the denial camp, with the possible release of information on a "need to know" basis for the late high school/college years.
And I don't know how Whit and Rob are going to do it - the thought of having a daughter who has to deal with idiots like us her whole life is beyond scary.
Geoff - would that be the guy whose credit card I used to buy "Body Talk"?
No...he was a rather famous Lambda Chi pledge...initials MM.
Ah yes...I guess I never realized the full extent of his pre-college upbringing.
it's nice to see mark wishing his southern brethren well.
as for the kid-raising, i want my kids to be responsible and accountable for their actions. it's probably my greatest goal for their upbringing, other than the obvious desire for them to be healthy and happy.
that said, i can see some value in discussing mistakes i made, but only in the context of the lessons to be learned from them. like mark said, i don't want my kids so scared of doing something wrong that they can't live a little. i want my kids to make some mistakes - hard to learn from them, otherwise.
but glorifying the fun parts of drinking, doing dumb shit, etc. is exactly the recipe for disaster you all recount. as far as my kids are concerned, every drop of liquor leads to killer hangovers and razor shits that last for days.
the sex talk stuff? i have no earthly idea how i'm gonna handle that with girls. it scares me more than alex ovechkin's smile.
I actually had Whit in the "Point out that Mark spelled secede wrong" Pool.
I lose.
I think this seems like the appropriate time to point out once again that Tayshaun Prince being a good pro still blows me away, all these years later.
Oh the Magic did get hosed on that 3 to end the third quarter...
The Magic are falling apart...Rashard Lewis, learn to throw an entry pass pal.
Hey, you guys remeber when Antonio McDyess was athletic?
Yeah, me neither.
Huuuge shot by Jameer...
...And way to foul out Jameer. Away from the ball. Nice.
The Magic have real beef if they lose this because of the questionable end of that 3rd quarter.
Hedo, what the fuck was that?
The Magic can't catch a break.
Screw this...I'm switching over to the Krtisten Bell girls prison movie on Lifetime (television for idiots).
I'm no lip reader, but that was a very clear "Fucking Bullshit" from Stan Van Gundy on his way off the floor.
And he's completely right.
Greetings from the girls cabin, where it smells like love's baby soft, strawberry twizzlers, bonnie bell lip gloss and innocence.
i find it hilarious that all posts refer to said behaviors in the past tense. i'm not telling my kids what i did sunday night, much less high school or GMU circa 1987-1992. (yes, i realize that's more than 4 years.) but as the mother of two girls the stakes are much higher for them and i am singing a completely different tune than i thought i would. background: i knew my parents liked to have a few (dozen) cocktails every now and then (nightly), and they tried the "learn from my mistakes" method of parenting. i frequently got the "call us, we'll drive you home" lecture and even used it a few times. BUT there were many more times i didn't want them to know i had once again made the mistake of drinking when i was supposed to be driving (like it was TOTALLY out of my control), so to avoid the inevitable flogging i took my chances. guess i never was that bright a girl. my point (and i think i do have one) is this: their warnings -- though providing the safety of knowing i could talk to them if i wanted/needed -- pretty much had no effect on my poor choices. kids are going to make mistakes but i don't think as parents we need to give them hints as to how to go about it. i'm going to hold my cards close to my chest so when the DO fuck up, i can pull the ace out of my sleeve and say 'nice try kid, but seeing how i've already done it you can't bullshit your way out of this one.'
so...as far as they know i never had a drink before 21, smoked a bowl, got a speeding ticket, or kissed a boy before their daddy (fed him the same line of bullshit too, btw).
guess this means we need to tidy up a bit around here. teejay, you're gonna want to put those dirty magazines away.
kq, please feel free to provide any and all advice regarding the care and feeding of daughters. we're obviously clueless.
Oh please don't clean up on my account. I'm a big fan of beer, porn and adolescent humor. Have you not read the numerous "beaver" posts in our cabin? (if not, you really should...). Then perhaps you might want to rethink asking my advice on child rearing. Speaking of rearing, I've got to go post some more about Ronaldo. Poor fella....heh heh.
Kudos to KQ for pointing out that our references to boorish behaviors in a "days gone by" way is ludicrous and possibly delusional. Perhaps Rob's act has been tidied up a tad over the years, but even he is capable of silly, drunken antics at an advanced age. (I'm 37, I'm not old.)
boorish and silly, drunken are two wildly different categories. i'd elaborate, but i'm still flummoxed by "I'm a big fan of beer, porn and adolescent humor."
And I just proudly (much to my wife's chagrin) earned the ribbon for drunkest guy at a wedding two weeks ago...but at least I'm five years younger than you two donkeys.
Nice beaver.
Thank you. I just had it stuffed.
And I'm afraid you are safely stowed in "silly, drunken" while I unfortunately frequent "boorish" on occasion. Or so my detractors claim. And they're idiots, all of them.
Hit the one in the middle.
yes indeed. my husband is a lucky man. you should see how happy he gets when i duct tape him to the wall! btw paul pierce needs to step up.
Gee, you think LeBron's gwtting the ball...
Nice Ewing finger roll LeBron...
I smell sweep.
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