Friday, April 25, 2008

You Better Kiss Me, 'Cause You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

Last night I got home from work and mowed the lawn. I came inside, washed my hands, and poured myself a beer. A Brooklyn Brewery East India Pale Ale, to be precise.

It was my first beer in two months.

Gentlemen, I say this to you in the interest of brotherhood: do not take our golden mistress for granted, for she is a giver of life and health, a solver of problems, a dealer of hope and warm comfort. I pray you never have occasion to take a hiatus like the one I just ended, but should it come to that, sleep securely in the knowledge that that first quaff is a nearly-religious experience.

Tonight, I plan to drink an entire bottle of red wine. Just for old times' sake.

102 comments:

T.J. said...

So glad you wasted the #4 pick on him five years ago:

Broncos acquired DT Dewayne Robertson from the Jets in exchange for a late-round conditional draft choice in 2009.

The pick will likely depend on the playing time of Robertson, who's dealing with a balky knee. The Broncos and Robertson's agent have been talking about restructuring his deal. Robertson, 26, will be used as a pass rusher in Denver after playing out of position at nose for New York. He'll battle Alvin McKinley and Marcus Thomas for the two openings at DT.

rob said...

anyone see tim kurkjian nearly burst a button slobbering over jason werth's mom last night?

Geoff said...

Rob...was this sabbatical from booze health related?

Dennis said...

I'll be spending the rest of my day pondering what beer I'd have first if said occasion presented itself to me - be it health related or otherwise.

T.J. said...

PBR.

T.J. said...

Is it me, or are we setting a record this year for most guys declaring for the NBA draft but not hiring an agent?

rob said...

jesus, teejay. i'm frightened. i had exactly the same thought about 30 minutes ago.

rob said...

and geoff, to answer your question, my booze sabbatical was, in fact, health-related. a minor but nonetheless intensely annoying gastrointestinal issue rendered me a teetotaler (and effectively allergic to red meat, cheese, and anything remotely fun) for roughly 2 months. all better now, sans gallbladder.

rob said...

so let me get this straight. cnn wants to sell me t-shirts with headlines taken directly from their websites?

http://www.cnn.com/tshirt/?headline=%245.40%2Fgallon%20gas%20comes%20with%20great%20view&fhash=6267fad69711ea46051b0d844c69115f&date=1209121837000&hash=95c44308f094d5fbd1e358cef7b41af3&return_uri=http://www.cnn.com/video/%23/video/us/2008/04/25/lawrence.5.dollar.gas.cnn

what the holy hot fuck is up with that? i get that broadcast journalism is a for-profit business, but i like my biased news with at least a pretense of dignity.

T.J. said...

Has anyone ever wondered how Floyd Reese was a NFL GM? Because I sure have...

T.J. said...

Darren McFadden's mom is named Mini Muhammed? Seriously?

Geoff said...

Robert...I'm sorry to hear about your ailments...and I'm interested in purchasing this gall bladder if you no longer are in need of its services. Glad to hear you are feeling better. I'll send over a sandwich from the italian store...

rob said...

ohhh, the italian store. sooooo good.

Dennis said...

I find it interesting that TJ and Rob were thinking of PBR at the exact same time.

T.J. said...

Rob, are you the Keymaster?

'Cause I'm the Gate Keeper.

rob said...

i'm not touching that, even metaphorically.

T.J. said...

Well, without lifts, you ain't touching much.

rob said...

zing!

rob said...

whoa - things just changed in a hurry in pittsburgh.

Mark said...

I feel like I need to make sure I meet Rob soon, as it seems he's on the edge of death with all his recent medical maladies.

rob said...

getting old is a motherfucker, mark.

T.J. said...

Five minutes 'tl the Jets fuck up yet another draft.

T.J. said...

Wait a second...this thing doesn't start until 3?

I'm too hungover to deal with this.

Mark said...

So Teej...you excited about replacing one overrated d-lineman with another, probably more overrated d-lineman?

Mark said...

For the record, I think Jacksonville reached for Derrick Harvey as well. And, I'm terrified about what the Bucs are fixing to do...

Mark said...

Keyshawn...Craig Sager called to say you look ridiculous.

Mark said...

Anybody catch a glimpse of Branden Albert's sister? Good Lord that is an enormous woman.

Mark said...

I was praying to any number of gods that Tampa wouldn't go with devin Thomas (or any other WR ads I hate drafting wideouts in round 1) at 20. I may need go to church tomorrow b/c I never imagined that Aquib Talib would be available this late. I am ecstatic.

T.J. said...

Mark your Bucs just took a very overrated corner. And a terrorist.

T.J. said...

Wow, did the Redskins just actually trade down?

T.J. said...

Enjoy him...I'm pretty sure he is gonna get eaten alive in the pros.

Then again, I know nothing and I'm half in the bag already.

Mark said...

We'll see, I feel like he'll do reall well in their Cover 2 scheme. He's not an elite athlete but he has great ball skills and instincts. Half in the bag, eh? I need to get working on that...

Mark said...

Oh, and anything is better than selecting Devin Thomas. I may have beat my dog if they selected him.

rob said...

i hate to belabor the obvious, but berman really is a turd.

Mark said...

Yeah, he made a comment about how no fan ever wants their team to draft an OT that made me want to punch his fat fucking head. Maybe some fans dont want that, but fans with half a brain know exactly how valuable a tackle is.

Rashad Mendenhall seems like a great pick for the Steelers. Chris Johnson to the Titans, um, not so much.

T.J. said...

And Mark, you're right, Keyshawn looks atrocious.

T.J. said...

So I guess the Skins are OK with the whole "one leg shorter than the other" deal for Thomas?

rob said...

so the skins are drafting offense this year, then? i'm bullish on fred davis. the 2 receivers? meh.

rob said...

guess johnny dawkins got tired of waiting for coach k to die.

rob said...

bucs just got faaaaast on the edge.

T.J. said...

OK, Rob just got me to do a spit take with the Dawkins comment.

rob said...

(bowing)

T.J. said...

Rob, you aint as good as you once was, but you're as good once as you ever was.

T.J. said...

Well, for any of you country music fans out there, I can tell you Phil Vasser is a cool fucking dude.

T.J. said...

And if the Wiz lose today, maybe its cause they were boozing at 1am last night with this guy.

T.J. said...

Wow, is ESPN grooming Reali for something more?

T.J. said...

So, maybe I was hammered, but Zorn took two WRs and a TE in the 2nd round?

T.J. said...

Great - the Jets GM just said "football is new to him" in regard to Gholston.

T.J. said...

Did Cris Carter just claim the Chiefs have the worst field in football?

T.J. said...

So, Chad Henne has Beck's job by week 10?

T.J. said...

Mel has wood for tall TEs.

T.J. said...

I think Mort just declared Ted Bruschi dead.

T.J. said...

God bless Mel Kiper...and he is right, the Jets DO NOT understand the draft.

rob said...

in my personal and completely unqualified opinion, steve slaton is a steal in the late 3rd round.

T.J. said...

I think its hilarious that they list Brandon Lloyd as a "Key Loss" for the Skins.

T.J. said...

I know nothing, but the Ravens seem to know what they're doing...

T.J. said...

Cris Carter knows he's on TV right?

rob said...

i noticed the lloyd thing yesterday. i had an ahl moment.

and i, too, have been impressed with the ravens - especially the ray rice pick. while i like zbig, i'm not sure about him - i could be falling victim to the 'white guy i've seen a lot of' phenomenon.

rob said...

hey! a lineman!

cbs compares him to logan mankins, which means he has the ability to grow fearsome facial hair.

T.J. said...

Yesterday that guy Sam Baker looked like one of thos Montana militia dudes.

T.J. said...

Are we all agreed - Speed Racer looks like the worst film of all time?

Mark said...

i enjoyed Warrick dunn beig listed as a "key addition" o the Bucs. Sure guys.

And nothing makes me happier than John David Booty still being available right now...

Mark said...

Oh yeah, at least one pro bowl for Mr. Rice. book it.

Mark said...

one more thing...TJ and i spent the last hour textign about the draft while I was @ breakfast. My gf was less than pleased with this development.

Mark said...

Kim Kiper? Why doesn't she get any camera time? i hope she has the exact same haircut...

Mark said...

Matt Millen might be, nay is an idiot, but he took Kevin Smith an thats a very underrated pick...

Mark said...

I wouldn't draft erik ainge if you paid me, and I'm kinda hoping Colt Brennan goes undrafted...

rob said...

i'm now rooting for danny woodhead. not only is he roughly my size, he seems like a good kid.

rob said...

redskins pick justin tryon "struggles to retain plays and digest a complicated playbook". that's code for something, but i just can't put my finger on it.

rob said...

what did san fran do to forfeit their 5th round pick?

T.J. said...

Yeah I'm jinxing it but we got a no-no going at Nats Park

rob said...

dick.

T.J. said...

Yep I'm the biggest jinx ever...

rob said...

josh beckett has 9 strikeouts through 3 1/3...and the sox are trying to lose anyway.

rob said...

the skins' most recent selection has no profile on cbs sportsline. that's encouraging.

oh, and how long does it take before owen schmitt becomes berman's new alstott?

rob said...

clay buchholz and josh beckett have allowed 7 hits and 3 earned runs over 15 innings the last 2 days. and they're about to be 0-2. that's...aggravating.

rob said...

the skins just took colt brennan.

what.

the.

fuck.

rob said...

vinny's on teevee talking about how brennan has great intangibles. awesome.

and they drafted a punter, too. i'm gonna submit my completely unscientific opinion that this has been a dreadful performance by the skins' brain trust.

T.J. said...

You want Gholston and the TE who can't block?

T.J. said...

Come on, take Danny Woodhead...

T.J. said...

Coach Bowden, is that you?

MIAMI (AP) - Authorities are questioning a 73-year-old driver who sped through a security gate at Miami International Airport and ended up on one of the main runways.

The man has not been identified. Police say he may have been disoriented when he drove passed security Friday morning. He was quickly detained by police.

rob said...

sooooo, we gonna discuss this clemens thing?

Whitney said...

I think I may have already done more than my fair share of Clemens-bashing in this space.

But he's got skeletons like this (and you know this isn't the only one) and he's still brazen enough to flatly deny the 'roid use? Dumb ass. The whole damn complicated situation could've been avoided if he'd only shut the window on this and pulled a Pettitte. (also a euphemism for handj)

T.J. said...

The Yankees are currently being no hit by the Indians. Bad times.

(This better work)

T.J. said...

Yep, its the top of the 5th...time for the wheels to come off another Mike Mussina outing.

T.J. said...

Barry Zito just became the most expensive lefty specialist in the history of baseball.

T.J. said...

Attaboy Melky...

T.J. said...

This 5th inning in Cleveland might never end.

T.J. said...

Forgive me, I mean 6th...

Whitney said...

Jeff Healey, blind guitarist and actor in Road House ("The name . . . is Dalton.") . . . died of cancer in March. Thought you should all know.

T.J. said...

Phenomenal catch by Jason Michaels

T.J. said...

Hold on, is that Jorge Julio? Woooow.

Whitney said...

Who's been lousier across more stops in MLB, Jorge Julio or LaTroy Hawkins?

T.J. said...

Oh its Julio in a landslide

T.J. said...

This Celts/Hawks game is surprisingly good.

T.J. said...

Joe Johnson!

T.J. said...

KG does realize he's allowed to use his left hand right?

T.J. said...

Wow, is this series really tied 2-2 now? I did not see that coming.

Whitney said...

To be fair, TJ didn't see the millennium coming, either.

T.J. said...

Whitney, Atlanta Hawks superfan since 1983.

Greg said...

I watched the game last night and was somehow excited for Atlanta. Great game too.

Mark said...

Funny how we didn't hear any bandwagon fan comments from Bibby last night. There haven't been that many fans in Phillips Arena in its history. Great game and an equally great atmosphere.

Oh yeah...Go Magic.