Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Parental Misconduct

Family Ties' child actor Brian Bonsall has had a rough go of it since Michael J. Fox cut him loose. The 28 year-old Bonsall's narrative arc reached a low point in December when he was arrested for assault after allegedly hitting a friend in the head with a wooden stool.

The object lesson here, friends, is obvious. If you give your male child a haircut like the one below and make him wear a turtleneck at the same time, there's a better than even chance he'll wind up in jail with the worst tattoo in history.

64 comments:

zoltan said...

There should be some sort of duty incumbent upon tattoo artists to tell you when you're making a huge mistake, and negligence should attach for failure to meet that duty. For instance, the tattoo artist who gave Mr. Bonsall his neck tattoo should have said "Dude, butterfly tattoos belong on the small of a woman's back, not on a man's Adam's apple." Res ipsa loquitur might even carry the day if Mr. Bonsall were to sue his tattooist.

rob said...

alternative theory: the turtleneck was covering up the tattoo. young mr. bonsall was a badass from the jump.

rob said...

espn is launching a 3D channel in 2010. hmmmm.

zoltan said...

And the WTA is begging Kournikova to make a comeback.

TR said...

If only Bonsall had hit Mallory's boyfriend Nick in the head...

zoltan said...

Bad times for Woody Johnson.

http://tinyurl.com/y96aqx6

Dennis said...

Rob - you are so in my head today....the wife showed me this (http://tinyurl.com/ykymu88) last night and I had every intention of making it a post today. Thanks for saving me the trouble....it gets super awesome at about the 1:30 mark when the protagonist expresses how the local media has exploited her and her "crime".

Quick, what number am I thinking of right now?

TJ said...

69

Greg said...

71

zoltan said...

So doesn't that mean this guy has the fourth worst tattoo ever?

rob said...

he's an english teacher, z. cut him a little slack.

Shlara said...

Celebrity sighting in Miami..Bill Marriott as we're coming off the course in Doral.

Dan said...

shlara...which course did you play?
did you have a caddie?

Whitney said...

Way to intentionally undersell the tequila worm, Dave. So you mention the sombrero but you omit the worm's cool sunglasses and very big mustache??

The worm is actually not a bad one. The Brock heart... yeah, okay, very bad. And I may have trumped them both with the amateurish, huge cattle skull crossbones thing.

Thank God for Sam-I-Am.

Greg said...

Bill Marriott is such a phenomenal golfer he makes Randy Barnes look like Bob Darnell.

Mark said...

Not everybody hates their tattoos. I still like all (with maybe one exception) 30ish of mine. Then again, I'm probably not the norm when it comes to tattoo discussions.

Jerry said...

http://www.sporcle.com/games/Feely/recentnba1strounders

Great quiz. Last 5 NBA 1st round picks at various colleges.

Jerry said...

That might be in bad taste if Randy's widow is in the audience.

Shlara said...

Bill wasn't playing...he was inspecting the resort. We played Great White, no caddy. The Blue Monster was closed today. We kicked ass.

rob said...

'inspecting the resort' is a useful new euphemism.

Mark said...

It's up there with 'layover in Winnipeg'.

Mark said...

I'm totally doing that quiz when I get home tonight. That'll be about 10 times more fun (and less time consuming) than tonight's Orange Bowl.

TJ said...

Also more fun than tonight's game...

Another 48 Hours
Carrot Top
Couscous

rob said...

seriously, is anyone in america gonna watch that game?

rob said...

last night's game was the lowest-rated in the history of the bcs. tonight may give it a run for the money.

Mark said...

Lower than Cincy and VT last year? Wow, that's both surprising and disappointing.

TR said...

Big 10 fans watch other teams in their conference. Others may be amused by that newfangled rushing attack the Yellowjackets have.

The bowl stretch in the first week of January is horrendous. It's amazing how college football finds more ways to ruin the best regular season of any pro/college sport with an inane post-season that occurs 3-6 weeks after the regular season.

rob said...

4.4/11 - according to the report i saw, the lowest ever by a full point. disappointing, but not surprising. still, we must preserve the sanctity of the bowl system.

rob said...

bruce pearl, commenting on his team's prospects,

"We've got weapons. We still have got weapons...That's terrible. I apologize."

now that's funny.

TR said...

Not sure if anybody has heard the Sports Guy's playoff podcast, but he pretty much talks out of his ass on the Jets for the first half. Every "expert" comes on and disagrees with his incorrect view the Jets' D can't stop the run.

It's almost as annoying as his love for Jared Jeffries.

TJ said...

I'm pretty sure Herman's Head got better ratings...

TR said...

Herman's Head was Yeardley Smith's best work since The Legend of Billy Jean.

TR said...

The fact that I know that much (and more) about Yeardley Smith's career is cool, yet ultimately depressing to me. Like watching snuff films.

Jerry said...

People always talk about how they want Boise and TCU, etc to get their shot, but people don't watch.

Mark said...

The Sports Guy's NFL podcast's are good when he has experts on, because they know what they are talking about. Sports Guy is just a guy when it comes to the NFL, imo. No more informed than most of us. Well, maybe slightly more informed but that's because our jobs aren't based on watching TV and researching shit on the internet. All of us except for TJ, of course.

rob said...

concur, jerome. more people would have watched them get shots at big programs. as soon as the matchup was announced, millions of people tuned out.

Mark said...

I watched. I have to admit that much of it left me less than riveted. Both QBs were terribly inaccurate in the first half and there were long stretches of average football being played. Not a bad game but I wasn't exactly blown away by either team's performance. If this was my first time watching either team (as I'm sure it was for many), I would've thought, "What's the big deal? These teams aren't anything special at all."

Dan said...

agree rob - would like to know the ratings of boise vs okla a couple of years ago...
i'll watch a bit tonight for poops 'n giggles but will, as usual, be in bed by 9.

rob said...

i was a little bit impressed with tcu's defensive line. but i was also flipping back and forth between the fiesta bowl and northeastern/vcu while feverishly waiting for the tribe/uncw score to update on my phone. and folding laundry. so i may have missed a few things.

Mark said...

Folding laundry...exactly how I'll be filling the time during tonight's BCS game.

Dan said...

don't you guys have wives?

Jerry said...

I don't think many people would've cared about either one of them against Iowa or Georgia Tech. Or Cincinnati for that matter. A game against Florida would've done well, but that's because Florida is a big program that would do well against anybody.

They had a pool of 6 teams - only one of them would pull any ratings.

Dennis said...

taking the sporcle quiz is fun....hint - type in common last names if you're stuck...it's also amusing on a sociological level....

Jerry said...

And for the record, I think ratings are overrated. If you enjoy watching the game, it shouldn't be important how many other people that you don't know were also watching.

rob said...

but how would ellen page sell things, jerry? answer me that.

Dan said...

has anyone ever rated ratings?

rob said...

and ratings are numbers. you love numbers. more than people.

Mark said...

No Dan. It's well documented in these parts that I don't have a wife but have recently acquired a fiancee (HATE that word). Plus, she's usually tending to my crops at night.

And Jerry's right. Florida-Cincy pulled a pretty big number. A matchup against TCU or Boise would've too.

Oregon or tOSU would've grabbed big numbers against any of the 3 mid-majors as well but, you know, god forbid the Pac-10 champ not play the Big Ten champ in a bowl. The earth might collapse.

Greg said...

For some reason, I just don't like Boise St. It's not the team or the coach or anything they did. It's the guy in the office who never watches football who comes in the day after they win a bowl game and says things like "wow, Boise St is awesome, there should be a playoff!!!" Through no fault of their own, Boise St has become the poster child for the annoying guy in the office.

I am so smart. S-M-R-T!!!

Mark said...

Yeah...that exact scenario played out in my office after Boise's win over Oklahoma. The IT guy in my office (who was everything you'd expect our of an IT guy) decided he'd tell me that they deserved to be National Champs more than the winner of the tOSU-UF game.

I told him to blow me.

Jerry said...

I basically stole my opinion on ratings from Chuck Klosterman, so I'll just post what he said:

No. 57: Stop Reporting on TV Ratings

This may seem like a minor issue, but it's emblematic of the core problem facing all media. More and more, I see stories about how the ratings for the NBA finals go down whenever the Spurs are involved, or about how no one is watching the NHL on Versus, or about the degree to which Tiger Woods's presence impacts weekend golf ratings. These are detrimental, problematic stories; they have almost nothing to do with sports, yet they twist its perception entirely.

During the 1980s, the movie industry was irreparably damaged when weekend-box-office totals became the central element of film coverage. The same thing wrecked the music industry in the 1990s with the advent (and subsequent coverage) of album sales via SoundScan. Focusing on consumer statistics alters what those same consumers perceive as important. If you are watching the College World Series, why should it matter how many other people are watching it along with you? How does that impact the experience? This information might be interesting to a sociologist (or an associate editor at TV Guide), but I don't see how it's a sports story. Here is all you need to know about TV ratings as they apply to sports: The ratings go up whenever people who don't really care decide to temporarily take interest. The fact that 1.5 million people watched David Beckham's debut with the L.A. Galaxy proves this completely. The reason NBA ratings decreased when Michael Jordan retired was because his presence attracted extra viewers who immediately returned to having no interest in basketball upon his departure. Reporting on TV viewership rewards events (and sometimes athletes) that are mostly appreciated by casual, temporary fans. Over time, that creates a nonspecific product that isn't appealing to anyone.

http://www.esquire.com/features/chuck-klostermans-america/klosterman1007#ixzz0bmJ7S9Gc

Jerry said...

Oh, and Simmons talks out of his ass quite a bit on the NFL podcasts. Still a decent listen, but he should do a better job of getting his facts straight. It's not like he has anything else to do.

Dave said...

herman's head. i was trying to think of the name of that show the other day. thanks tj

Shlara said...

The Iowa fans we talked to this weekend in Miami said that there are about 50K hawkeyes here in Miami for the game. I don't think they care who watches on TV. And FedEx execs have taken over the Doral resort...

Jerry said...

USA-Canada for the Juniors Gold medal on NHLN

Whitney said...

Dave, that was TR, not TJ. Borrowing TJ's brain.

Greg said...

Craig Polumbo.....great fake name

TJ said...

Hey Whit, lay off the pipe and fact check your nicknamed co-workers again...

mayhugh said...

I need a ruling from Skins fans and/or Jerry. I was informed today that I always have to root against Dallas, even against Philly.

I would submit that levels hatreds are allowed to fluctuate within one's division and one shouldn't be married to sentiments held when both Dallas and the Skins were relevant 20 years ago. Philly has been much more formidable in the last 10-12 years and their fans are the spawn of Satan. I say there should be no stigma against those who choose to hate Philly more in the present. Anyone with me?

TJ said...

Mayhugh, why don't you just root for a "Black Sunday" scenario?

mayhugh said...

If both teams could all catch Malaria, I'd be fine with it. But that doesn't seem very realistic.

The Cowboys easily have some hateable players - Flozelle, Terrence, Roy Williams (and the former Cowboy of the same name). It just doesn't measure up to the hate I have for Philly fans (including TNT).

Jerry said...

Yeah, root for whoever you want to. I'm rooting for Dallas. The Washington-Dallas rivalry isn't what old-timers want it to be anymore.

USA 6 Canada 5 (OT).

TJ said...

Um, interesting play call

Jerry said...

Ah...the old "shadow of the goal line".