A little light irony for you this morning as I bask in the glow of Alabama's National Championship. And for the record, I wish Colt McCoy hadn't been hurt.
If Texas (and most of the Big 12, for that matter) wishes to catch up to the SEC (and USC) anytime soon, they'd do well to heed the lessons available in the graphic below. Nearly the entire SEC is located in states that allow first cousins to marry. It's a proven fact that the offspring of first cousins are fast, and can fly to the football. No state that allows same sex marriage is worth anything in college football. Coincidence? Hardly.
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173 comments:
A guy I grew up with who is in no way somebody you would call country or a redneck (Preppiest kid I knew in high school, was an ATO at UF) is married to a girl who's his first cousin. They met at a family reunion in Minnesota. His last name is Natwick. Her maiden name?
Yep, Natwick.
wow. i can't even fathom meeting a first cousin for the first time at a family reunion. but nobody in either of my parents' families has more than 2 kids.
so his in-laws are also his aunt and uncle?
and will his children be his second cousins?
How many assholes are on this ship?
I'm my own grandpa!
i have 30 1st cousins on my dad's side...(irish catholic 1 of 7) ...i have about another 12 on my mom's.
i've been to many a wedding and wake piss drunk and thinking..."yeah, she's my cousin, she is quite hawt,and i think i'd do her...who's going to find out about it?" but stronger head prevailed and incest was avoided.
As far as I know Rob, yes, his in-laws are his aunt and uncle. This all went down during the summer between our freshman and sophomore years in college. She and him began dating that summer and she moved to Gainesville by the second semester of sophomore year. Not surprisingly, this was a major scandal in the small beach community. This kid didn't even come close to fitting the cousin banging profile. One of the bigger ladies men in our class, preppy, smart, etc.
I've known him since kindergarten and played basketball with him since jr. High. Shocking is not nearly strong enough word to describe this. Their wedding invites had two sets of parents named Natwick listed on them. They live a few towns over now and have two kids (neither of which have lobster claws from what I know). Greg hung out with this guy regularly when he lived in Minneapolis for work some years back. Weird, weird shit.
I too have a shit ton of cousins as both my parents have 5 siblings. Howeva, I never thought about touching one of my cousins. If I had, hearing that they had the same last name as me would immediately kill that thought. And Hughes is a hell of a lot more common than Natwick.
I'd love to see the blurb in the paper on that one. "The bride is keeping her name."
the "lobster claws" elicited an out loud laugh, or an OLL as i call it.
yeah - i knew the thought of the act was pretty sick, but it was interesting to entertain for a brief period nonetheless.
i feel for the kids that they have or eventually have...that's f'd up on a lot of levels.
Here's their kid
There needs to be a definitive E! special on Carrot Top. Is it just roids and plastic surgery? What other weird shit is going on there? Did/Does he have any friends that know what drove him to become such a freakshow? I can see how he got fed up with being a geeky readheaded comic that never got the kind of chicks he wanted once he became famous, but to turn into that thing is a whole other level of weird.
Also weird is that he would frequently join Widespread Panic's percussionist on-stage during their extended drum solos. He would play and dance around like a fruitcake.
dear TJ:
which is more repellent, a same sex civil union between first cousins or a traditional marriage?
just wondering,
new jersey
That's more a Z-Man question...my job on the show is to drink and make poop jokes.
Didn't FDR marry his cousin? Why isn't he the special guest on this very special episode of Z-Man and the Teej?
Because the studio never built a ramp.
Since all the subject seem tailored to me this morning, I'll add this. Carrot Top is from 20 minutes north of where I grew up (Cocoa Beach). From what I've been told, he's really into blow and is a complete fucking egomaniac. I think the thought that he changed things up because his fame still didn't lead to much respect and/or ass is probably right on. Never met the guy though, just a guess based on stories from those that know him.
Thanks the Teej!
As I understand it, the ban on marriage between first cousins is to prevent creating the aforementioned lobster claw babies. So there's some public health/policy rationale. The ban on same-sex marriage is simply a religious rationale, which is to say it's homophobia.
A same-sex couple cannot conceive (ask the health teacher at your school if you don't understand why), so there's no public health/policy rationale to prevent a same-sex first-cousin marriage.
Oh... and thus a marriage between a man and woman who are first cousins is more repellant than a same-sex first-cousin marriage.
Didn't Jerry Lee Lewis also marry his cousin? His 14 year old cousin?
okay, but then what about geriatric twin brothers tongue kissing? what is your stance on that phenomenon?
but z-man, same sex marriage undermines the sanctity of heterosexual marriage.
Geriatric twin brothers can do whatever they want so long as they don't make any lobster claw babies, perhaps by splitting/budding like the amoebae in your video. We need more of those videos, by the way.
rob, you're right. I got divorced soon after moving to a state that allowed same-sex marriage; this surely explains my situation.
ipso facto, z-man. ipso fucking facto.
Res ipsa loquitor!
I'm reading these comments at Au Bon Pain while I wait for my sandwich and laughing a lot. The APB staff thinks I'm crazy and is giving me weird looks.
You guys are funny.
Shlara, tell them you're reading about babies with lobster claw hands. They'll understand. That's one joke that's a hit with every demographic.
While listening to "Rock Lobster" on your iPod.
And making out with KQ.
Who said that?! That's totally inappropriate! We don't tolerate that here at G:TB!
The Teej just put that piss-poor song in my head. Damn him.
That song's constantly running in my head, courtesy of my older sister who played the ever living fuck out of it during my early childhood.
I blame Peter Griffin.
Whenever I try to remember what "Rock Lobster" sounds like I hear "Gone Daddy Gone." But obviously that isn't right.
You may not love Stephen Jackson (I don't understand how someone couldn't love somebody who got prayer hands holding a pistol tattooed on his stomach but that's another story) but you have to admire his sense of how he's perceived by the public. Want proof? Here's his comment on Gilbert's current situation:
"Even I wouldn't bring a gun to the arena". Tell 'em Captain Jack.
awl to stephen jackson.
He also would not bring a knife to a gun fight.
remember we've got tribe @ drexel tomorrow at 4. no cousin banging, but a tough one for the tribe and the end of a 5 roadies in 6 games stretch. this might be the game they finally lose by double digits.
Regarding my "best cheap red wine on God's green earth comment" of last night: woke up with a raging headache, so I'll have to tone down that endorsement. But if you want to try it, you should join the Zagat wine club using their $69 introductory offer. You get 12 bottles of wine and a very fratty receipt.
Reports are that Pete Carroll is heading to the Seahawks. Methinks Pete can smell NCAA sanctions on the horizon.
yup. and the piles and piles of crisp new benjamins seattle's throwing at him.
Did they ever get the Reggie Bush situation resolved?
His appeal to have the court records of the upcoming mediation or trial (can't remember)sealed was recently denied. Some things figure to come out in said records.
Nice win by the Wiz tonight. Jamison, the classiest player in the League, addressed the crowd before the game and then the team went out and played hard. First win vs. the Magic in DC in years. We needed this.
It will be a nice memory of Jamison for Wiz fans when he's playing for the Cavs in next month.
In related news, somebody needs to give Jameer Nelson his game back. And I've officially seen enough of Vince Carter slumped over as he makes his way to the bench with another fucking injury. I miss Hedo.
Oh boy, we get Vitale for the noon Gtown/UConn tip...
Now that college football is over, we can all concentrate on college basketball.
FYI, the cities hosting first round tourney games are:
New Orleans
Providence
San Jose
OK City
Buffalo
Jacksonville
Milwaukee
Spokane
And when you said "cities," you meant "quote-unquote cities" right?
NO notwithstanding.
one of these is not like the others.
i just realized that i'll be at my cousin's wedding in salt lake city march 18-21 - the first weekend of the ncaa tourney. i'm torn in so very many ways. none of them good.
Mark's boy Stanley Robinson just dominated the Hoyas in the first half.
got to hear rich chvotkin's call of the hoya game. that was fun. at least 6 'hoyas win' calls.
Is your cousin marrying another cousin? You can do that in Utah apparently.
Since Kickoff there have been 3 commercial breaks. 59 seconds of game time have gone by. This is unacceptable.
And... another break. This is infuriating.
And Joe Gibbs should not be commenting on challenges, since he didn't know what they were for when he coached.
Wow. Footage of Theismann's 1-yard punt. Theismann's ego has lost some of its overinflation over the years and he accepted it rather gracefully. Between that and the replays of his broken leg during MNF this season, Joey T is taking a beating of late.
Bengals out of challenges in the 1st qtr. Very Gibbs2.0esque.
Braylon Edwards, the d-back in a WR's jersey. Terrible.
Roster spots aren't as precious in the NFL as in other sports, but doesn't it seem like at least one team would consider merging the placekicker and punter positions like this?
Songs The Who will not play at halftime of the Super Bowl: "Bargain"
43-30 Tribe with 11 min left.
wish this was on TV
Why is "Laveranues" pronounced La-ver-ne-us?
Why is Taliaferro pronounced "Tolliver"? People have been doing crap like that since the 1600's.
Awesome pick by Revis. Wow, would the Skins' CB's have done something hideously different.
Settle down, Revis.
Tribe now up by 24 with 2 mins left...
why is feely punting?
and tribe up 20 with 3 left. didn't see that coming.
73-48 Final
Go Tribe!
Some Gibbs2.0esque playcalling!
drexel beat vcu a few days ago - that's a strong win at the end of a 4 games in 7 days stretch, 3 on the road.
Punter is apparently barfing. And apparently they don't need him.
Maybe a question for MGL, but is Northeastern this good? They thumped Mason Thursday by 25 and sit atop the conference, right?
tribe, mason, odu, and northeastern are all 4-1 in the league. northeastern is definitely good, though they played some stinkers in their noncon schedule.
who does blue horseshoe like in late game?
whit - drinkin' a hot toddy w/jameson - i suggest you help yourself...iss good..
and on the subject of theeesman's 1-yd punt replay...i can't imagine him not being pissed about it. between commercial breaks, he was in a producer's face for sure.
Tom Hammond is a cock monkey. Why is the Notre Dame super shill calling this jet game.
it's an nbc thing...i always get the sense that hammond would love to be doing something other than announcing the event he's assigned to. hammond was on the post during most if not all of the phelps medals in beijing.
angie harmon...hi. i'm dan.
A nice call, Danny Boy. I might go with the Irish coffee. The heat in my place just came back on after 24 frigid hours without. Time to get doubly warm.
And nice use of Springsteen after the Benson TD, NBC. Although the theme from "Benson" woulda been better.
rob...make that "phelps' medals"
i wonder what's going through leinart's mind right now
Cock Monkey.
Bad challenges, conservative/stupid playcalling, and missed FG's. Joe Gibbs has to be wondering why his teams in the 90's never got to the playoffs with just such a formula.
a very audible "fuck" from angel cabrera...with an accent of course
Fans getting ugly in Cincy. Might need Sam Wyche on the PA soon.
kosar bankrupt...owes about 9m more than he has. seeing him on 30/30 the U...i didn't recognize him - he was wacked.
I wish my parents named me Macho.
I can't express how much I'd like to see the Cowboys need Shaun Suisham to kick a 52 yd FG with the game on the line. Please?
just got back from school skate night at the local ice rink. skating is not like riding a bike. anything noteworthy about the second half of the jets game?
Predictably, the nerdy W&M alum defensive coordinator is being too clever and overestimating the brainpower of his SEC and Big XII "grads". Could mean the end of his tenure in a lowbrow town like Philly.
. . . wow, my last comment sounded UVA snooty. My only point was that my fellow Tribesman seems to be outclevering himself.
Oh, and that Philly sucks.
Rob, all you really need to know is that Shayne Graham went all Ali Haji-Shankh and missed 2 figgies that you could kick pretty easily. Game ruiners for the Bangles.
TR will have more mustache-friendly Jets commentary once the buzz wears off.
Whom does Dallas play next week, or does it depend on tomorrow? Are they the 3 or 4 seed?
this is the 3-6 game, so dallas would go to minny
So I'm rooting for Favre next week. Sweet.
i really don't like this, but dallas looks tough as shit right now. let's hope your suisham wish comes true at some point this postseason. a sports calendar with yankee, laker, and cowboy championships is a sure sign of the end of days.
Watching GW Bush high-five Jery Jones made me throw up a little bit in my mouth.
And I suspect that Desean Jackson is a raging asshole.
I agree on Desean Jackson. McNabb strikes me as a douche too. Did anybody see his act in the tunnel on the way out to the field tonight?
Dick.
roy williams sucks a lot
I'm gonna use some Mark words and say I fucking hate the fucking Cowboys and the thought of them winning the Super Bowl after the Yanks WS is bile in my throat. But i need to bright-side it and think pleasant thoughts . . . like the thought of millions of Philly fans breaking shit, getting in fights, and furiously calling for the ends of the respective tenures of Messieurs Reid, McNabb, etc. Brings a smile.
I saw McNabb's pre-game douchebaggery. But I don't want to see Wade Phillips get off the schneid.
another in a season of firsts: the wapo bracketology guy released his first projection this morning. he has the tribe as the 10th seed in the syracuse region, facing california in the first round. apply grains of salt liberally.
How many years does replay have to be in effect before teams begin to use it properly on a consistent basis? If the Pats get back in this, it's because Bal'mer didn't challenge. Dummies.
anyone see the sanchize's postgame presser comments re: pete carroll? the kid brought some funny.
It's a good thing for the Ravens that the Patriots don't have much interest in winning the game.
Cue Simmons article where he declares the Patriots dynasty/era officially dead.
Tomorrow on WEEI:
Jawn, in the cah, from Mehfuh!
Tawm Bwady's gawt no haaaaht! And he's too busy carrying Gisel's pock-a-book to wuhk hahd at we-habbing his knee. We shooda kept Cahssel! We went 11-5 lahst ye-uh with Cahssel, we wuh only 10-6 this ye-uh with Bwady! Cahssel's bedduh!
Worst wild card weekend evah.
The Pats' bed-shitting is a tremendous turn of events for Jets fans. It will be a long trip to Cali to face a hot Chargers team, but I'll take my team's chances against Norv, instead of against Peyton, although we have lost to SD twice in the playoffs in the aughts. And I like that it will be the late game on Sunday. Give them the extra day of rest that they will need.
If Jets and Ravens make it to the championship game, the Jets will host. It's a pipe dream, but a dream nonetheless.
And one more comment: Ray Fucking Rice. He stacks up pretty favorably to the guys drafted ahead of him.
Jonathan Stewart - 13
Felix Jones - 22
Rashard Mendenhall - 23
Chris Johnson - 24
Matt Forte - 44
Ray Rice - 55
Too bad he has such terrible TD celebration dances.
Ray Rice is the tits.
I can't imagine what an unexpected extra "last" game at the Meadowlands would be like. Probably really friggin' cold.
The game would be no later than 4:30 PM, so it's likely the temp would be higher than 7, like it was for the night game.
If that does happen, a half pint of bourbon in the sock would be a moral imperative.
excellent, another one of these games
Ahman Green is alive!
Ahhhhhh, the suckitude of these games continues. I'm off to CBS to see if the game with the round ball and the hoop can live up to its billing.
someone in the nfl home office made a call to larry fitzgerald
Rex Ryan has tits.
tennessee is giving kansas a go - thanks to marlin for reminding me it was on.
This has been a hell of a game. Has a late season feel to it too.
My pleasure Bobert. Not only am I producer for Z-Man and the Teej, I am also program director and driver of the Winnebago.
Packers are trying to stick it to you by making this a game, Marls.
Cards 31, pack 24
Rodgers = good
I'll be back as soon as things are done in Knoxville.
Great win for the Vols.
Tennesse-Kansas has been terrific. Big time performance by the cousin bangers. Huge shot by the walk-on to , maybe, seal it.
And maybe Aaron Rodgers and Kurt Warner can save Wild Card Weekend after all.
Gmarls Barkley?
I feel like Aaron Rodgers will be Dan Fouts v.2.0.
Ok, back to Glendale.
Beanie says FU Jamboni.
Fitzgerald is rude.
First he cleaned Woodson's clock, then a one handed catch.
The Pack don't seem to be going anywhere.
Wow, a punt. This is new.
This game is like the reverse of Cowboys-Eagles. I can't root against any of these guys.
This is quite an entertaining football contest. And my heat's on...again. I thought I lived in Florida?
Z-man's Bills (Of the very short Frank Reich era) get mention as the biggest comeback in playoff history in 1993.
How did this get tied up? I just got back from the laundry room.
I saw it was 31 in Jacksonville last night. How low did it get where you are? And apparently there will be no oranges or strawberries for anyone...
Packers played defense one series, and got an onside kick recovery on another. Aside from that it's been a lot of 25-30 passes.
25-30 "yard" passes - the secondary of each team has seen better performances.
Jesus, that was a good pass to Breston. Kurt Warner is my favorite religious quarterback ever.
When Warner's on, his accuracy is fucking amazing.
You like his passion for the Christ more than Brunell's?
It got down to about 35. It hasn't been the extreme lows but the length of the cold snap. It hasn't gotten above 50 for 8 of the last 9 days. I realize this is nothing up north but it's a major rarity here. I hadn't used my heat in 3 years in my house. I've used it four times in the last 6 days.
Pack better march down and score here. That's what this game has been building to and that's what I want, dammit.
the strawberry famine has significant implications in my house. can't you people keep a field warm, mark? field, patch, whatever.
I know people in FL who don't actually have a heating system in their house.
If this goes to overtime they should just abruptly change the OT rules to the college format before the coin toss.
Jennings...OMG
I'm not going to express any northern snootiness when it comes to the temperature. People live where they live at least partially because of it. As I see it, the weather isn't holding up its end of the bargain and you have a right to complain. If a hurricane hit in my neighborhood I'd be a little peeved.
It seems like the league is full of really good WR right now, more so than say 10 years ago.
Was that actually a catch? That was sick.
I love the Aaron Rodgers "I got knocked 10 steps backwards and am falling down but I'm not taking my eyes off the football as it's in the air" move.
I don't feel good about the pack scoring with anything more than 40 seconds left on the clock.
Good football is fun.
I have a man-crush on Havner. He was a great waiver-wire pickup for me. He had something like 7 receptions for 6 TD.
Mayhugh was right. Too much time on the clock. (A Styx B-side.)
So much fun to watch.
Dwarf RB seem to be en vogue.
Do not leave this up to Rackers.
Sorry, Rob. All the strawberries are grown on the west side of the state. I'm strictly east coast.
Terrible tackling.
amazing!!
Norwoodesque.
Score one for Mayhugh. That was TURRIBLE.
Laces out, Dan.
Good snap by the tribe long snapper. Shitty kick.
This is great.
I hate those bags.
WOW. That's one way to end it.
That Rogers guy sucks.
Jerheme Urban is white?
Replays show that was both a blow to the head of the QB and a facemask. Glad I'm not a Packers fan, I'd be incensed. And probably much colder, ironically.
my adventures in dvr incompetence continued this evening. i paused the game while i put the kids to bed, came back and watched the first few plays of overtime, at which point the simpsons abruptly took over. i'm awash in dipshittery.
i'm enjoying this simpsons doc, but i could've done without morgan spurlock in a backwards speedo.
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