Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I'm Guessing the Atlanta Crackers Team Name is Available

From ThinkProgress, a story that will have at least one of Team G:TB's staff members lacing up his shoes, putting on the Rocky soundtrack, and running through the streets of Philadelphia. Or his hometown, whichever.

A new professional basketball league called the All-American Basketball Alliance (AABA) sent out a press release on Sunday saying that it intends to start its inaugural season in June, with teams in 12 U.S. cities. However, the AABA is different from other sports leagues because only players who are “natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.” AABA commissioner Don “Moose” Lewis insists that he’s not racist, but he just wants to get away from the “street-ball” played by “people of color” and back to “fundamental basketball.” Lewis cited the recent incidents of bad behavior by NBA players, implying that such actions would never happen with white players:

“There’s nothing hatred about what we’re doing,” he said. “I don’t hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here’s a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like.” [...]

He pointed out recent incidents in the NBA, including Gilbert Arenas’ indefinite suspension after bringing guns into the Washington Wizards locker room, as examples of fans’ dissatisfaction with the way current professional
sports are run.

“Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?” he said. “That’s the culture today, and in a free country we should have the right to move ourselves in a better direction.”

Setting aside the obvious, oblivious, asinine side of this endeavor for just a moment, let's play this out a bit. What about the Asians? They like fundamental basketball even more than white people do. And who is more fundamentalist than radical Muslims? Why can't they get a run? I don't know, but I'm starting think that ol' Moose Lewis might be a little bit racist.

41 comments:

zoltan said...

This is doomed for many, many reasons.

TJ said...

Really? I think this will be a rousing success. I see nothing wrong with this idea at all.
-David Duke

TR said...

Eric Devendorf would probably be interested.

TJ said...

As would Derek Vinyard.

Dennis said...

Ed Norton's basketball scenes in American History X rivaled that of The Fat Guy From Teen Wolf.

The climactic dunk sequence was, for me, some good comedy in an otherwise extremely sober movie...

Dennis said...

And I'm too uncomfortable to even post a comment on the actual subject of this post...

Dennis said...

Teddy Dupay might be an interesting experiment....

TR said...

...as long as they don't drug test.

TJ said...

What can I say about Fletch? He's been fantastic. He boxes out for us, gets the tough rebounds and does what we need to win.

Marlin said...

Strap. . . God wants you and the rest of the white guys on the floor.

zoltan said...

I assume most offenses in this league will be built around the picket fence.

Mark said...

Hey Moose. I'm in...call me when you're looking for point guards.

Geoff said...

I'm working on something similar that involves Asians and NASCAR.

TJ said...

Good luck toppling my open wheel Samoan racing league...

TJ said...

Hmmmm, that sentence, she seems bad.

rob said...

tying a few threads together, the tribe would be highly competitive in that league.

Mark said...

That took faaar longer than I expected. Way to go, Rob.

rob said...

really was a layup. kinda disappointed in the rest of you guys. i've been in a meeting for two hours.

zoltan said...

W&M has a basketball team?

Marlin said...

Rob, I think the Tribe has some catholics on the team and maybe even a jewish guy. I am not sure that Don “Moose” Lewis would consider them caucasian enough.

Dave said...

that health plan sounds great whit-- i may need to get involved with the negotiating committee someday. someday. although i'd rather make greasetruck songs and complain.

when do i get to watch the tribe on TV?

rob said...

fair point. and stephen hess sounds like he might be german. which, now that i think about it, might make moose a little bit happy in places he doesn't like to talk about at cocktail parties. and klan meetings.

zoltan said...

W&M has Catholics? AND basketball?

Mark said...

Catholics don't count as white people?

TJ said...

Well then, fuck, I have some serious soul searching to do...

Marlin said...

Mark,
I think Mr. Lewis would tell you that many Catholics are just dirty Eye-Talians and not up to his standards. He might then quote the Dennis Hopper scene in True Romance.

Tribe getting run out of the gym. Not good times.

Mark said...

Who's completely fucking sick of Vince Carter (just like he knew he would be)?

>this guy<

Whitney said...

W&M down 31-26 at half.

Wake up 13 on UNC with 10+ to play. I don't think I need to tell you whom this would help if it holds...

rob said...

meh, the tribe was due for one of these. hadn't lost by double digits all season.

Mark said...

Podcast jinx...

rob said...

totally. and odu on saturday ain't no walk in the park.

Whitney said...

I guess the guy who said he wasn't fully sold on this team looks pretty smart . . . at least until the Tribe rebounds with a vengeance against ODU. (Figuratively / literally.)

An American Girl in London said...

is this real life? even the south african in my office thinks its crazy. and they LOVE racism

Dan said...

rob - in response to your 9:52 post yesterday a.m., you are way off base. i didn't know who he (scotty b) was 6 days ago.

TJ said...

The South Africans love two things: racism...and diplomatic immunity.
http://bit.ly/7xWqFM

TR said...

Has anybody else read this rumor:

"Pro Football Talk recently published a story speculating that the NFL owners have agreed to allow Tim Tebow to slide all the way down to Jacksonville in the 2010 NFL Draft."

Dave said...

the asians that play basketball at the park by my house every saturday morning do NOT play fundamental basketball. the spread out over the entire court more like soccer and wing half court and lob passes to each other all game, and shoot funny two handed set shots and lay-ups.

Jerry said...

I'd watch this. I'd also watch the Asian league.

Marlin said...

I love the idea that on Saturday mornings Dave goes down to the park to scout the local asian basketball talent. This image is better if he drunkenly wanders onto the court like Shooter.

Dan said...

tr - interesting...have not heard that but have been out of the loop for a week or so.
weaver (owner) needs to sell some tix...that would do it.

rob said...

danny sumner scored 20, tribe got hammered. i'm a genius.

and tr, does that imply tebow goes to jax in the first round, because that's not really much of a deal. who would take him before the jags? if the deal is a 2nd or 3rd round pick for jax, that's a different story.